If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. --
Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV)We all play the One-Up Game. Often we do it unintentionally but unfortunately we don't always do it unintentionally. What's the One-Up Game? It's when we are interacting with other people and we tell a story to top theirs. Sometimes we compare good things like we got front row tickets to the concert when the other person was in the nosebleed section. Sometimes we one up a person by comparing something bad like how we got a more expensive traffic ticket than they did. Sadly, we do this in the most seemingly innocent of ways.
Samuel: I was listening to the new Fun album I bought today and was really impressed by it. Daniel: Oh yeah. They're great. The lead singer use to be in band called The Format and they sound really similar. I started listening to them a few years ago. You're right though, Fun is really good. There's nothing wrong with good discussion and sharing losses, passions, and victories but we should watch how we communicate those things. It's easy for us to desire to have power over others or to look better than them (keeping up with the Joneses), even if in trivial ways such as how long we've enjoyed a band, been familiar with an author, or had to pay a more expensive fine. Of course we do this in far more malicious ways as well.
What is it in us that drives us to be on top of the pile? Not only do we often want to plant our flag on the peak of the mountain but we want to have flags on the surrounding hills What's worse is that at times we know we'll be looked down on for claiming the mountain so we stick to the hills and mounds with a deceptive humility (sometimes deceiving even ourselves). We want to be the greatest and forget that Jesus said "
...he who is least among you all—he is the greatest." Jimmy Eat World echoes this truth when they sang "
There's no higher ground to stand than bottom of the pile."
Humility is needed in our communities friends. I'm not the best at it. I find myself playing the One-Up Game far too often. I try to make sure I don't beat myself up for relating to others or sharing a similar story but I try to remind myself to do it in a way that enriches their story as opposed to simply setting up a comparison. We're to be united, and to share the same story. Good practice for this is to find ways to combine our smaller stories. Let us try and make one another look good. Let us push up others and enjoy our stories without indulging in the temptation to climb to the top of our social hills. Eventually we'll be able to put the banner of Christ on the mountain together because we will know humility, unity, and the Way. So with different words, let me share the wisdom of St. Paul with you once more.
If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. --
Philippians 2:1-4 (The Message)Do you find yourself playing the One-Up Game? If so, what practical steps do you take to seek humility? Can you think of other scriptures or traditional Church teachings that teach us about humility and putting others before ourselves?
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Comments (17)
omg! I just got out of jail and I am SOOOO sick of hearing the "my **** is bigger then your **** BS. Or as you say it "the one up game". Everyone is a "genius" in that place.
I have written posts that are far better than this.
@scrambledmegsntoast@xanga - I could have said it better.
I've got a post on this subject that is far better.
@scrambledmegsntoast@xanga - Yeah, but mine far surpass yours.
We all play the One-Up Game
Nope. I totally stopped doing that in 5th grade.
@MagisterTom@xanga - Noooo you were supposed to one up @gabrielpeter@xanga -
I bet if I had edited this post, I could totally have made it ten times better than it is right now.
@MagisterTom@xanga - @gabrielpeter@xanga - @scrambledmegsntoast@xanga - My comment is way better than yours.
@scrambledmegsntoast@xanga - I'm so much better than @gabrielpeter@xangait wasn't worth replying to him.
@scrambledmegsntoast@xanga - I noticed you didn't rec this post. That's because you know that my rec would have drawn more hits than yours.
@MagisterTom@xanga - *lol*
Poor Travis. *haha*
This made me so happy lol
We all play the One-Up Game.
I don't think so. This sounds like something very insecure and immature people do.
I've noticed a lot of people really do play this game. I don't know about ALL people, since I don't know all people in the world. :p But, I do think its fairly common.
I think its just simply important to be conscience of ourselves and what we're doing. And the motives for which we're doing it. If we find that they are completely out of line with how we believe we really should be acting (whether you're basing your opinion of how you ought to act on being a good Christian or simply just a good person, or both), then we should definitely stop and correct that behavior.
To me, that's common sense. If someone finds themselves acting in a way that is out of line with how they think they ought to be acting and take absolutely no steps to correct their behavior, then that is when the problems really occur, if you ask me. :/
Tell me the example you gave about the kid listening to the music group wasn't your idea of a "one-up"...sure didn't sound like it from my perspective. I find it fascinating when people have tidbits of information on a story or issue we are discussing. That is simple communication, not "my story is better than yours".
The flip side is to be a doormat. To be so passive that we wind up getting verbally kicked by any and everyone. That is not God's plan for us either. Humility is one thing; what you are describing falls more along the lines of submission.
Human Relations 101 teaches something called active listening. Read up on it. Practice it. It is a good way to communicate, especially when dealing with someone intellectually far apart from yourself. You can relate better to all age groups as well. This doesn't have to be a "Christian" thing, it is common sense and common courtesy (which, by the way, Jesus did a lot of)
All any of us want is to be heard, to have our ideas, feelings and opinions validated. That is what gives our communications worth. Not all of us feel like we have to "win" all the time.
I'm not sure I like the verbage in that "The Message" paraphrase, I think I'd stick with NAS, NKJV, or something along that line that is at least a diligent translation.
Jesus taught us about humility and putting others in front of ourselves, but He taught us to do it in a way that was not damaging to ourselves, that does not put ourselves down or make us doormats. Servitude and putting others first is very rewarding, actually, but we also need to remember we are made in the image of God, indeed, our human bodies are Temples of God on earth. We are to love one another as we love ourselves. That sounds a bit narcisstic, but it isn't. It does take some thought, tho, it is not an easy concept. Frankly, I'd like to see you post something on that topic, loving each other as we love ourselves....
lol
it makes for a boring story if its worse than the last one. it can be taken too far but some of the one up is necessary to keep the conversation going.
@Ork58@xanga - I'm not saying we cease interacting and sharing related stories in order to avoid "the 1 up game". The point of this blog is that we do well to watch our words and motives. Sometimes we do unkind or unloving things unintentionally and we should try to pay attention to that. Of course we shouldn't be paranoid about it or interact with fear driving those interactions but we should be humble and make sure we're always doing what we can in word and deed to hold others up as higher than ourselves. Please know I'm not advocating people being doormats.
I don't write posts based on requests but perhaps it'd be good if you wrote that post since you presently have a desire to see it written. Peace.