Recently, I read a great post about how one single girl connects Taylor Swift's song, "You Belong with Me," to how Jesus is the one singing us that song. She concludes that He is our Mr. Perfect and that we are only complete as singles when we seek after Him. I definitely have to shout an Amen to that.
This is exactly how I thought (most of the time) when I was single. I had read a great quote in a book once that said,"Being in a relationship will never complete you. Completion is Jesus' responsibility. Complementing is a woman's privilege" (my paraphrase). I recited this to all the girls at our church continuously, and tried to remember it as often as possible. Jesus definitely was my #1, and He was the one who completed me. He brought me joy and fulfillment, and being single was not a big deal. I enjoyed it!
I'm now in a relationship with someone I love very much, so I don't struggle with loneliness, completion, or happiness at all. Or do I? To all the single people out there that struggle with their singleness (and let me tell you something: as happy as you may be being single, there are going to be times that you struggle with it!), I must be honest. Not much has changed since I have been in this relationship.
Let me repeat: Not much has changed since I changed my Facebook status from "Single" to "In a Relationship."
I'm telling you this so that you don't believe in a fantasy. Yes, I am very happy, and I love having someone to share my life with. I love spending time with him, and I love knowing I can count on him. However, I am no more complete than I was before; no less desperate for Jesus and His grace; and no less lonely when I am apart from Him. I still need Jesus!
When I am not depending on Christ, whether single or taken, I am a mess. This will never change. I feel lonely, sad, frustrated, angry, annoyed, etc. I need Him to edify me and remind me of the joy that I have in Him. He needs to work in my heart, and He needs to fulfill me yet again. No one else can do that. Experiencing the love of someone that you love is so precious. Experiencing the love of your God is life-changing. Nothing can compare to it.
I actually think I need Jesus more now than I did when I was single. Loving someone is hard work. It takes a lot out of you. You constantly need the love of Jesus pouring into you, so that you may be able to continue to give. Also, you get disappointed at times, and your needs are not met. That is when you need Jesus the most! The person you love may be great, but they are still human. However, our God is one unlike any other. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Therefore, He is never going to change. If my boyfriend fails to be there for me at a certain time, I will still be alright. I know that I can count on Jesus to be there for me always.
So, being single is definitely hard, but not much will change after you get into a relationship. So, please, I am begging you, invest into your relationship with the most important Being you will ever know, now. Let Him complete you now. Let Him work in you now. Serve Him will all you are now. Be encouraged. Most of you will probably be in a relationship eventually. But don't forget, you are already in one now! And it is with someone who is unlike any other person you will ever come across. Trust me.
If you're single, do you find it hard to focus on your relationship with Christ instead of your singleness? If you're in a relationship, do you find it hard to focus as much on your relationship with Christ as you do with your significant other?
Comments (21)
I have embraced singleness in the past few months and definitely view it as a blessing right now. I am more able to focus on Him.
That doesn't mean though that I don't get those "twangs" of "hey, that'd be nice" every once in a while. :P
The best part of my relationship with my boyfriend is how he brings me closer to God. The conversations that mean the most to me are the ones where he helps me through a "faith crisis", no matter how big or little. I wouldn't love him as much if it weren't for the fact that God's involved.
[Unfortunately, it brings up awful jokes about threesomes when you mention that God's a part of your relationship...]
Thank you. I really, really needed this. *hug*
Also, you get disappointed at times, and your needs are not met.
That means you just don't have him trained yet.
If my boyfriend fails to be there for me at a certain time, I will still be alright.
Then you kick him to the curb or demand a present.
i have to say, i can't agree with you. loving my boyfriend takes no effort at all... if it did, i'd question whether i was even in love, or just trying to be. and after years of being Christian, i was happiest when i stopped pretending to love Him, too.
Fabulous post, and totally true. Real love for another person requires Christ's love pouring through us, and no human can ever meet our deepest needs. True love is hard work and sacrifice. It's beautiful, but it's not complete without Christ. He's our greatest friend and love, whether we're single or married. No other person can ever take His place.
Great post. Christ must be our all, whether we are single or married, otherwise we will keep coming up empty. Earthly blessings (including earthly relationships) are to be enjoyed as a gift from God but never above the Lord Himself. God is our strength and portion; He alone has the words of life. He alone is our life.
For who in the skies can be compared to the LORD?
Who among the heavenly beings is like the LORD...
Psalm 89:6
Excellent post that hits oh so close to home. I'm so tired of being single. But I'm also so tired of dwelling on it more than I should. Sometimes I think that all the painful feelings I've experienced from the heartache, rejection, betrayal, abandonment, etc....is something Jesus must feel towards me. Like I've been so focused on filling this void with human love that I've abandoned the Lord's. It's hard to fix, but I know I must try. Thanks for the reminder.
I've been afraid of being in a relationship because I don't want to confuse the warm, fuzzy feelings I'd get from that with the love I should be getting from Jesus. It's so much easier to think you're being filled by Christ when everything in your life is going well, especially when you receive love from a significant other every day. But I'm starting to realize that it's better to be single than be in a relationship with someone who tries to drag you away from God. Problem is, those seem to be the only guys available at my school...
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - God is ok with, and indeed created those "warm, fuzzy feelings". We need both love from God and love from other people. He created us to want sex and relationships. I think in our limited minds, it's so hard for us to comprehend this.
i was single for 7 years, so i had a loooong time to learn to love and rely on god alone :). i was used to it and at peace with it. of course at times i wished i could find someone, and went on lots of first dates (not very many second dates - i'm picky! haha) but remained unwilling to settle for less than what i deserved. now i'm in a wonderful relationship and i must agree with this post - my need for god hasn't changed and i don't feel any more "complete" than i did before. i love being in love and having him in my life and know that god has placed us in each others' lives for a reason, but god is still both my and my boyfriend's #1. :)
Thanks for this post. Definitely agree with you. As for answering your question, there are times when I find myself turning to my boyfriend before turning to God. But we're both committed to keeping God at the centre of our relationship, which means working on encouraging each other to look to our Father first. Like you said, God's the one and only true constant in our lives, whereas we don't know for how long we'll have each other.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - Wow. I completely understand your struggle. Before I got into this relationship, I was very scared, too. I had been hurt real badly before, and I was scared to be vulnerable. Also, I was scared I would not be able to handle it. However, you will meet someone someday that brings you so much closer to the Lord and makes you a better person. He will make it easy! But all you have to focus on is God, because He is all that matters :)
@maulindy@xanga - Girl, you can do it! You can definitely stay single and be happy and content! God is there always and He will heal all the brokenness you feel. There is nothing wrong in desiring to be with someone... those feelings are given to you by God. But remember, He is the only one who can complete you. Even being in a relationship apart from Him might make you happy for a while, but it will still leave you dry, empty, and broken.
This sounds strangely like the "dating Jesus" propoganda I've heard much of my life. Well-meaning Christians downplay--even mock--marriage in order to help singles feel better about their singleness. I've seen this lead to laziness in men, who won't initiate, and women who either become bitter because they fear their faith isn't strong because they desire marriage or they think a man must be "perfect" in order for him to worthy of them.
I'm not accusing you of sharing this, but every time I hear stuff like this, it strikes a wrong chord with me. Am I a bad Christ-follower because I want to want get married? Is it more "spiritual" to me remain single? I agree one should have his relationship with God in good order so he can love a spouse better, but I still think the extremes that can come of this should be avoided. Those extremes may rob people of teh most spiritual and godly thing they could ever do: get married.
Oh my goodness. What a blessing this post is. Being single really is a blessing. I get to the point sometimes when I can't even picture myself being in a relationship because Jesus is so fulfilling when you're really letting Him manifest Himself in You and really love you the way He wants to...mmmhmmm...Jesus is amazing.
Ever heard the song Beloved?? By Tenth Avenue North. Every woman should hear that song. Definitely.
@The_messenjah777@xanga - No no. No need to apologize, because I completely see the danger in that. There are people who just "leave it up to God," and never even pursue it. There is definitely nothing wrong with desiring a relationship. It is a desire I believe God has given. However, the problem arises when we seek after those things more than we seek after God, and when we are not content with Him; when we think that a relationship will satisfy us more than He. That's what the point of this post is. Hope that helps :)
thanks for the much needed reminder! after being in a relationship, it is so easy to forget that Jesus is still #1
@anidemirjian - It does, and I do agree with that.
Thank you very much.
I came across this from a retweet of a friend of mine.
Been going through some tough times, but this was definitely the encouragement I needed.
Praise God for people like you.
God bless. : )