Thursday, 03 December 2009
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Sympathy for the Single Girls
I’ve been doing a study of the Bible’s book of Proverbs the last few weeks, and today I finished it by reading chapter 31. This is the famous “wife of noble character” passage. A verse that popped out at me was, “A wife of noble character, who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies” (v. 10).
The author of this passage seems to lament that such a woman is impossible to find. This doesn’t stop him from writing about what she is like, though. Regardless, he seems to doubt the characters of the women he knew. I’ve talked to friends who would make the same statement about the women they know now.
For me, while I’ve had bouts of similar thoughts, I have spent far more time astounded at how my gal pals and many other worthwhile girls go unnoticed—even ignored--by the men around them. Call me a sentimental sap, but this has always broken my heart. These girls were beautiful, kind, smart, and fun, among other desirable traits, yet guys never pursued them. I was only one man, so I could only truly court one of those girls. Encouragement and prayer were the best things I could offer the rest of them.
The causes of this negligence are many and multifaceted, but I think a huge part of it is men being unwilling to pursue. Talk to any single Christian girl and she will probably tell you that. Guys may lack the courage (I did for a long time), the desire, or know-how to do so (even that is a simplified list of reasons why).
Yet in Proverbs alone there are several verses encouraging men to seek wives: “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown” (12:4a); “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD” (19:14); “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the LORD” (18:22).
“Find” is a verb. (I stole that phrase from this article). That means it is an action; it requires effort. It also involves risk, which many men are unwilling to take. I can tell you from experience as a 20-something single guy who’s had more broken hearts than he cares to remember that it can end badly. But I’ve also seen the glory of the payoff in my friends’ lives.
Yet many potential “wives of noble character” remain undiscovered, unloved.
Do you find that this is true for both men and women? What can we do to remedy the situation?
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About the Author
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- From: The_messenjah777@xanga
- Name: Nate
- Location: Warsaw, Indiana, United States
- About Me: Scribe. Warrior. Nerd. All of the above. Scribe - I am a writer. Story is my life. I graduated from TUFW with degree in professional writing so I could spend my life telling stories with my pen, my mouth, and my life. I believe in the power of story and that each of our lives are an epic that God is helping us write. Like C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien before me, I believe God speaks to humans through story. I hope my own stories can do the same. Warrior - Life is a battle, and I intend to keep fighting the good fight, as the Apostle Paul said. I will fight for my God, my friends and family, and my beliefs. I can be a loyal friend or a worst enemy. Thankfully, it takes a lot to get on my bad side. Nerd - I enjoy all things science fiction, fantasy, video games, comic books, etc. My mind is always entertaining "what if's" and other strange ideas. I've always known I wasn't normal (but then again, "normal" is a relative term).
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Comments (12)
i dun think the author lamented the scarcity of such kind of ladies in the world, and i dun see a clue of it.
instead, this part is at the end of the book of proverbs, with full of wisdom listed. putting this part about wives of noble character basically tells ppl that the kind of wife you pursue tells people how wise you are.
Men often take for granted that they can find a good woman anywhere, anytime.
Sex and marriage are so trivialized nowadays, what is the point? people have downplayed how amazing love can be so really men dont see a point in it.
You'll find women complaining that all men are corrupt. Some men will say the same of women. I think it's because they're paying attention to the people that everyone pays attention too. Billy Badass over Average Joe because Average Joe doesn't stand out as much. He's harder to get to know, so not everyone takes the effort to do so. This is true with Betty Boobs and Average Jane.
i say that the author was saying that there are so few of them in the world that its next to impossible to find. just like it says... call me a literalist... but have you read the charachteristics of one? i seldom see any girl come even close...
not that men are any better.
You can talk to any single girl, Christian or otherwise and they'd probably agree. Oddly enough I realized that pursuing a girl, even approaching one, always seemed rude and invasive to me. I always felt that just because I feel attracted to a girl this doesn't mean she's going to enjoy my advances. She might already have a boyfriend. She might not be interested in having a boyfriend. She might be interested in having a boyfriend but it's not me. What I personally found is that initial eye contact is the most important conversation you have with a girl. You know right then and there without ever stepping into her space if she is ready and willing to get to know you better and often times if the eye contact is positive you won't have to think of an introductory line, the famous one liners that are so lacking in spontaneity in the first place. She'll come over to you and all a girl has to say is "hi". Girls aren't expected to introduce themselves with words like "What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this." A girl can say anything she wants and it's fine. If the eye contact is mutually enjoyable the conversation has already begun and when words kick in they are relaxed and spontaneous because you've both already given each other your approvals. At least that's my take on it.
this passage, like many others in the book of proverbs, was advice given from parent(s) to child. it's a mama taking her son aside and telling him she wants him to bring home a nice girl to thanksgiving dinner. it's not a man's criteria for a potential mate, it's a you're-my-baby-you-deserve-the-best-woman thing. it's not meant to be a standard that we hold women up against and measure ourselves and each other.
Maybe not all of those women want to be pursued. Maybe they are perfectly happy being single. It is possible...
Of course there are many people of "noble character", but it takes trust, hope, and a willingness to open up the heart, which tends to be nonexistent when one has been burned by a past significant other. We can all start by being loyal and sticking to our word...that would create the basis of trust that every relationship needs in order to last.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - My post was about those girls I knew and saw who did want to be pursued. They were teh ones I saw heartbroken over this. But thanks for your reminder.
@cRyStaL_rAiNe@xanga - This is very true.
@The_messenjah777@xanga - ok, thanks for the clarification.