This Tuesday will mark one year since my grandpa died, and I've been thinking about him a lot lately, so it's been kind of hard. This is something that's to be expected; I mean, everyone knows somebody who's passed on, and it's never easy. Still, the fact that my grandpa died so close to Thanksgiving makes the season, one that's supposed to be a joyous time of food and festivities, sort of depressing. Like I said though, we all go through this, and if you haven't, one day, you will have to. It's one of those depressing facts of life.
There are a lot of those depressing facts of life. There's an old adage that says, "There's nothing certain in this world but death and taxes," but I would add that we can also be certain that we will go through pain, heartache, heartbreak, depression, and plain old bad times. Don't let that get you down though -- we are guaranteed great times too, and some days are much better than others, but you never feel more alone then the times you struggle. That's been the case in my life, anyway.
It's easy to blame God during hard times, especially when you feel alone. I think it's because we are taught that God is always there for us whenever we need Him, and that's absolutely true, but sometimes it's hard for us to tell that He's there. I'll be the first to admit it: there have been times when things just weren't going how I'd planned them to go, and I did nothing more than fall my knees and start pointing my finger at God, telling Him that He made a mistake.
I'll never forget the time my girlfriend of almost five years broke up with me for another guy. I've never felt a pain like that in my life, and I let that affect every area in my life. I ended up quitting my job because I just couldn't deal with more pressure. I started doing poorly in school because I would stay up all night on my knees pointing my finger at God.
"How can you do this to me, God!?"
"Have you forgotten me?"
"You made a mistake and I want answers!"
"... I tried so hard for you, God... and this is what I get in return?"
I just wanted to give up on God. I wanted to get out, but for some reason, I knew I had to do something.
I started reading Job. It's a book about a man who went through terrible terrible things -- more than I can bear -- and through it all, he praised God's name. It got difficult for him; I mean, Job was a rich man. He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants, and he lost them all. Yet when his seven sons and three daughters were all killed, he said in mourning and in worship, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away! Blessed be the name of the LORD!"
To me, this was remarkable. How could God let these horrible things happen to a person? And still this man praises God? It just doesn't make sense...
But it was then that I heard God speak.
"Jimmy, "He said "You asked why you are going through this hard time... Now, I will answer you..."
I didn't get a verbal answer. Nothing was explained to me, but everything made sense. Instead of explaining why He had me go through my hard time, He gave me wisdom, a great heart and a better understanding of what it meant to serve him. For the first time in my life, I realized that life isn't about me. I'm here simply to worship God.
And nothing else matters.
Sometimes, God doesn't give us clear answers for why we go through our times of trial. Like Job: He left Job with more questions than answers, but the questions themselves were good enough answers for Job. At the end of the story, we see Job asking God why He let all of those things happen. God did not answer; instead, He asked Job a series of questions, causing Job to see how small he really is in reality. Because of that, Job saw how BIG God is.
Really, that's what happened with me. God showed me that the things I deal with may seem important to me, but, really, God's plan is so much bigger than all of my problems. In order for me to see that, He had to remove the things that stood in my way, even if it caused me heartache for that moment, because He knew that, eventually, I would understand the greater good.
Now, I am marrying that girl who broke up with me. Sometimes, things don't work out like that; sometimes hearts remain broken. Sometimes parents stay divorced. Sometimes people die. One thing we can be sure of though is this: through it all, good and bad, God has a plan for you. We may not live comfortably all the time, but with God's help, you can overcome anything, and one day, your story of how God helped you get over your hump could help another person get over theirs'.
What's your story? When have you had to overcome being angry with God because of a painful circumstance? What did you learn?
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Comments (7)
Yeah, like the time a mongrel broke into my apartment, pointed a gun in my face and shoved his dick up my ass (after the obligatory blow job of course).
I did pray to God. I said as the sonofabitch pounded away, "God if these are my last moments, at least I was thinking of you."
All you dummies who shake your fist at God when something goes wrong really need an attitude adjustment.
Good post. Job is a great book. The bible says - "His ways are past finding out." Glad to hear that things worked out with you and your girlfriend.
@musterion99@xanga - Thank you :)
I hope I don't sound horribly insensitive here, but sometimes I find it odd how we doubt God whenever we face a personal crisis, knowing full well that other people in the world (and throughout history!) have suffered much worse, and did not deserve what they suffered. We doubt God if a relative dies, but we believed in God long before that, despite knowing about the Holocaust, the evils of child abuse, hate crimes, and rape. Sometimes all it takes for us to doubt God is for something bad to happen in our own lives, but not when tragedy strikes in someone else's. I find that very strange.
Great post ---- I'm going through a loss right now as well -- and it's heartwrenching to watch our bestfriends mourn the tragic passing of their 2 year old son. They will be laying his body to rest on Thursday and the question is "how will they do it?". We saw them this past weekend, and people would say things like "wow, it's amazing how strong they are (even in their grief)" or "how can they bear this so well?" or "we admire their strength". The dad ended up writing on his blog "it's not our strength. don't admire us. It's God's strength, and only His strength that carries us through times like this." As believers, we would do well to remember that no matter the trial, God WILL give us the strength to carry on. We can ask questions, and we can wonder why, but always remember that God is sovereign, and His ways are not our ways, even if we don't understand or reason out why something has happened to us or to our loved ones. He has promised never to forsake us. Job was right to praise God .....we are supposed to give thanks IN all circumstances (although not necessarily FOR all circumstances).
Grief is a great teacher. It's a friend that reveals what lives in our hearts and Job knew that. That's one of the many reasons he could still honor and worship God. When bad things happen like rape... or a death or... it is a chance for God to show how huge is love is for us. That love leads to a reality of God's sovereignty. The reality is that we can't base God's goodness on the negative circumstances that affect our lives. he is way bigger than that but it takes time to get to that point. So I say blame God, say whatever is in your heart because God can take it. Be honest, speak your truth and let him do the healing work he has to transform your life to help others.
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@Pashe@xanga - "So I say blame God, say whatever is in your
heart because God can take it. Be honest, speak your truth and let him
do the healing work he has to transform your life to help others."
That was so well said! God can take it....sometimes we just need to be honest with him because we need to talk to him. We don't talk to him enough...
God bless you this thanksgiving!