Thursday, 05 November 2009
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Interfaith Relationships: Would You Convert for Love?
I read an interesting article yesterday which reported that Ivanka Trump, the daughter of the infamous millionaire Donald Trump, got married recently to Jared Kushner, the owner of The New York Observer. That would be the end of the story, were it not for the fact that Kushner and his family are devout orthodox Jews. In order to gain acceptance into her fiancee's family, Ivanka Trump converted to Judaism. Interfaith relationships can be very complicated, and a variety of outcomes can occur. Some seem to work out just fine for both parties, while other relationships end because the divide caused by differences in faith is too wide to be bridged by love alone. Perhaps more infrequently, one partner decides that he or she will convert to the other faith.
This isn't to say that the conversion is for love alone; after all, it is perfectly reasonable to suggest that, while falling in love with another person, one can also fall in love with his or her faith. Yet it is a slippery slope, as deep and personal as religious beliefs can be. There is always a chance that the conversion was for the wrong reasons and that later on he or she will realize the conversion was a mistake. How much more complicated a relationship gets when one realizes one has changed just to please the other person and not to please oneself!
Religious conversion is not for the faint of heart and not to be taken lightly. I don't expect anyone to come to having a relationship with Christ without first thoughtfully and carefully considering it, and I can only hope that those of other faith practices would feel the same way.
I don't pretend to know the heart and mindset of Ivanka Trump, but her example certainly makes me pause and consider what I would do in a similar situation.
Would you convert for love? If you've experienced a similar situation, what outcome or lesson came about from the relationship?
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Comments (20)
I was in a recent relationship with a Eastern Catholic and I was Buddhist. We didn't really have much discussion about it, except when she would tell me she has to go to church, or if I asked a question, she would answer. There was one time where she suggested bringing me to church with her one day. I said that it's a nice thought, but I will most likely not get into it. She knows my recent issues with Christianity and my views against placing all my faith into a deity, and not the teachings. I respectfully declined and she wasn't mad. In fact, she said that she might not practice it when she gets older. So it can work out as long as you don't trying doing a conversion war.
i would absolutely not convert to any religion unless i actually believe its tenets.
I used to refuse to date anyone who wasn't Jewish. Then I became a Christian but Judaism is still a huge part of my life, so I'd like to find a Christian who is willing to at least by open to learning about Judaism...and, should the relationship progress to the point of getting engaged, be willing to raise children with Jewish traditions. It's much more realistic to expect a Christian to be willing to learn about Judaism than vice versa. My ex boyfriend (who is still in the picture...long story) is Catholic and his family thinks I converted just so they'll like me better. *Sigh*
I don't understand why Christians more than any other religion get criticized for refusing to date non-Christians. If it's socially acceptable for a vegetarian to refuse to date a meat-eater who enjoys hunting, why is it so wild to want to stick to your own faith?
My faith is what it is. It is not changing for anyone. Similarly, I look for those who share my beliefs. My children will be raised Christian, and that is not open for debate. That's just my personal preference.
ick, no. I guess I could fake being religious. It's not that hard. But I usually just don't date the religious.
Hm, I don't know what I'd do as I've never been in that situation. That being said, I don't plan to put myself in such a situation, but who knows what kind of curve balls life may throw.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Well said!
I'm an atheist, not changing, but I would have no problem dating someone who has religious faith provided there is mutual respect for each others' beliefs.
@xoxokissme@xanga - And if they decide from an early age (like I did) that they didn't believe in your religion, or any religion at all? Are you still going to torture them by dragging them by the ear to church. Hmmm, reminds me of a blog I did awhile back.
to me, the only value of religion is to provide happiness or comfort to individuals. i'm not concerned with whether a religion's claims are right or wrong, because as an agnostic i don't believe such things can ever be fully known. if it mattered to my SO, i would convert... but they would understand that i am doing it for them, not because i actually believe. my boyfriend and i are both agnostics, but his family is hardcore Catholic. he doesn't care much whether they approve of my faith (or lack thereof), but i told him that i'd be okay with converting if necessary.
I don't get it. I don't see how anyone can truly "convert for love" without effectively lying.
Even if you convert for love, how do you force yourself into believing beliefs? (i.e. if you don't believe in God... then you simply just don't believe in God).
Okay so maybe it's just me. I don't really see what the issue is here. I mean, why should one spouse have to convert their faith just to satisfy the other spouses family? I mean if they like you they like you, not for the type of car you drive, or the faith you choose to practice. I think that if you are going to get married, its not up to the family to decide that a spouse should convert. I mean hey who are the spouses marrying, each other or the family members? I mean why can't two people be together and have different faiths, why should one have to convert? If nothing else it would make for some interesting conversation with your SO when it comes to faith. I dated a man who was Islamic once, and while I have my faith I don't claim to belong to any one of them. We got along just fine, we talked about things we both believed in and didn't believe in. Fortunatley our faith was not the reason for the demise of our relationship.Now don't get it twisted, I'm not knocking pple who choose to convert, I just don't agree with it.
@mathematicalbagpiper@xanga - Definitely not. I've had differences in religious beliefs with SOs before, and I'm not the type to try and convert someone. I respect others' opinions completely, but when it comes to the person I'm spending my life with, I would simply prefer to be with someone who shares my ideas. I would end the relationship, if we couldn't find common ground as far as our beliefs. (That doesn't necessarily mean our beliefs have to be exactly the same, but we'd have to be able to agree on enough that we wouldn't confuse our kids by giving them inconsistent information.) My fiance agrees very much on the subject of religious beliefs, and we even had similar upbringings as far as that goes, so it doesn't matter anyway. I found exactly what I was looking for.
I was married to a Jew and I never converted, it was nice to follow both faiths and their holidays - That never affected the marriage - outside things broke that up
My mother, both my grandmothers, and at least one of my great grandmothers converted.
Never. Especially not to one of the Religions of the Book. If love comes at the basis of what religion you are, I'd rather not be loved at all.
My practical advise would be:
Bible says don't be unequally yoked!
Never as a christian enter into a relationship with a person of different faith thinking he or she will change, or perhaps God will change that person...
At times God can use you as an individual to speak to a non believer, and you can almost experience a deep love for them (God's love), but that should not translate in a relationship there!
If that person is for you, meant by God, it is more than normal to allow this person to first experience their experience, or encounter with Jesus!
Let Jesus do His work in them, which depending from person to person lasts months, years or a lifetime.
And after a couple of years, if you still feel that the person is the right one, start talking about a relationship if the feelings where mutual.
Marriage with a different faith in the long run always stirs up trouble; this includes christians and atheists, or non-believers, neutral in mindset too!
Instead never let anything stop you from leading a person to the fullest,and purest experience with God!
If in the end, the person denies christianity, you have spared yourself from a heavy breakup.
Love DOES NOT come by feelings! Love is a choice where you can choose for the other,even if feelings are not there!
And the greatest bond of love is when a man and a woman are united with God, and with each other; one in unity of faith, love, purpose,and devotion!
And if that does not come automatically, it would be good to work towards that!
I'm not talking about people who got saved, while their spouse did not. That's a whole other topic.
@xXDC_luyouXx@datingish - I agree fully. Its a lie to say that you are somthing you are not mind and faith.
And i do believe its is a lie to (what ever) faith to agree to raise children in a split religiose upbringing. can you truly be glad that your children dont know(or see that you believe) one thing for sure? or to have your chidlren believe that one of their parents are wrong and "going to hell" as i have thought befor of some parents growing up.
I dont believe any parents wants their kids to have to share to religions they when it is boiled down only want their veiws passed on.
Religion has never really been an issue with me, as far as my relationships go, as well. Religion, after all, for me, is such a big element in the formation of a personality, and I feel that if I lost it, a part of my soul is gone as well. That's also why I won't ever force or expect my partner from converting into my religion as well. If I can't even do that to myself, then I'm sure he feels the same way. I'll love him for what he is, and that includes what he believes in and how his religion has formed him. I expect that he love me for the same way as well. If we can't even meet eye to eye on that--meaning, if he'd force me to convert or something--then I guess the relationship won't really work.
-The Authentic Woman
II Corinthians 6.14-16:
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols?"
Seems pretty clear here.