Thursday, 05 November 2009

• Emotional Purity and Anxiety: Where Are You?

  November 2nd, 1999, right at the clock chime of 7:00pm.  Ten years ago last night.  That's when I said "I love you" to a girl for the very first time.  Strange how I remember that.  I wish I didn't, because it was such a waste.  She replied, "Are you sure?"  Uh, that's not how I wanted my first "I love you" to be.  "I love you, too" would have been a better answer.  Sure, it's pretty typical, unoriginal, traditional -- but it works.  And it's not what I got.
  
  About a month later, while I was sick, she cheated on me with a guy named Rene (pronounced "ruh-NAY").  That guy would later become my roommate.  No, we didn't become friends and then become roommates.  We just happened to get paired in the same dorm room together.  This is soap opera kind of stuff, but this is the kind of thing that always happened to me.  One friend of mine has said, "This doesn't happen to normal people."  Another friend said of my experiences, "If it happened to anyone else, I wouldn't believe it."
  
  I have been in a number of disastrous relationships.  Some have been really nice and turned into deep friendships that continue to this day.  But the majority of them have been a nightmare.  I once dated a girl who was a model, and after the relationship abruptly ended, I learned that everything she told me was a lie except her first name and her phone number.  Oh, and she also killed her roommate's rabbit.  Yeah, like something out of Fatal Attraction.
   
  Yet, as psychotic as some of these girls have been, there's been one common denominator in all of them... Me!  Not that I'm saying I'm the reason things were always so crazy.  But then again, maybe I am.  You see, the only person that could have prevented all that unnecessary heartache was me.  If I'd not been so careless with my heart, I'd not have been treated so carelessly.
  
  There is a lot of emphasis placed on sexual purity -- remaining sexually abstinent until marriage, which is very important.  Despite some stupid choices, I have managed to remain a virgin.  However, not as much emphasis is placed on emotional purity.  Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  That doesn't mean we should be walled up against emotional penetration.  It simply means the heart is a pool; be careful who you allow to wade in it.
  
  You may have heard it said that when you have sex with someone, you're also having sex with all of their previous partners.  The same can also be said of the heart.  Whoever you give your heart to, that person has to contend with everyone else you've given your heart to.  You will also be giving them all your scars and hurts, too -- parts of you that have been tainted by avoidable relationships.  Don't you want to give the one you love the best of yourself?  Then don't give it to those who have not earned it and don't deserve it.  What should be preserved of the body should first be preserved of the heart.
  
  Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything..."  Okay, let's stop there.  What does that mean?  It means do not be anxious about anything!  Don't just jump right in!  Don't throw your heart into something without checking it out first like I did with all those silly relationships!  I could have avoided so much just by waiting, being a little more discerning, getting a better idea what that person was like before I gave them a part of me they weren't going to take care of.  Don't be so careless!  Remember that "love is patient" (1 Cor 13:4).
  
  As Paul was saying, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  A peace beyond our wildest dreams.  That speaks so much into our tumultuous relationships.  How many of us get into relationships hoping they'll meet some need in our hearts?  Perhaps we're looking for peace in the wrong place.  It comes first from God. 
  
  My advice to you -- and take this from a decade of hard learning -- is to guard your heart, don't be anxious, and trust in God.  Do those things, and I promise you it will lead to the most fulfilling relationship you could possibly have.
  
  Song of Songs 2:2 "Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens."

  Where do you place emotional purity on the spectrum of Christian values to enforce?
  

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