Tuesday, 20 October 2009
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Covenant Marriage: An Upgrade on 'Regular' Marriage
When a man and a woman are ready to make a commitment to one another they take the final step, marriage.
Or at least that used to be the only option. Now they can choose to have a marriage (including civil and religious), or a covenant marriage.
Most people know what a marriage entails, a man and a woman of age are joined in a legal contract that can be broken by either party. There are benefits to taking such a step, including tax benefits, government benefits and employment benefits.
What additional benefits are there for a covenant marriage? More tax breaks? Additional government/employment benefits? Not quite.
What then is the reason for covenant marriages? It is intended to fight divorce, renew commitment, and "strengthen families." A covenant marriage is more difficult to dissolve than a "regular" marriage. An existing marriage can be "upgraded" to a Covenant Marriage.
There are 8 reasons a court can grant a divorce to a couple in a covenant marriage.1. A spouse commits adultery.
2. A spouse commits a felony committed and sentenced to death or imprisonment.
3. A spouse abandoned by the other for at least 1 year before filing for divorce and refuses to return
4. Physical or sexual abuse of spouse, child, a relative of either spouse permanently living with them, or domestic violence/emotional abuse.
5. The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for at least two years before the filing for divorce.
6. The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for at least one year from the date of a legal separation.
7. A spouse has habitually abused drugs or alcohol.
8. The husband and wife both agree to a dissolution of marriage.
The reasons for a legal separation are a little different, but also limited.
In addition to the normal regulations for marriage, a couple wishing to enter a covenant marriage must receive pre-marital counseling from a member of the clergy or a marriage counselor, and sign a "declaration" indicating their intent.The declaration reads as follows:
We solemnly declare that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman who agree to live together as husband and wife for as long as they both live. We have chosen each other carefully and have received premarital counseling on the nature, purposes and responsibilities of marriage. We understand that a covenant marriage is for life. If we experience marital difficulties,we commit ourselves to take all reasonable efforts to preserve our marriage, including marital counseling.
Covenant marriages (in the U.S.) started in Louisiana in 1987, and have since spread to Arizona and Arkansas.
What do you think of covenant marriages? If you get married, would you choose a marriage or a covenant marriage? If you are married, would you "upgrade" your marriage?
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 850 Comments: 0 41 View all posts by LaidbackPhilosopher@xanga
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Comments (41)
The pre-marriage counseling doesn't work. I did it and my wife cheated on me 4 months after we got married. And we had a long engagement 2 years and were together 2 1/2 years before getting engaged. Meaning we were together 4 1/2 years before getting married.
I would never get a covenant marriage because the declaration states that "marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman." I believe that marriage should be between all consensual couples. Until that change is made, I would never consider it.
Kind of a "double pinky swear" thing. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Either you are committed or you are not. Papers mean absolutely nothing.
When my wife and I got married we made a covenant; in fact marriages used to be referred to as "the marriage covenant". I do not see how this legal form of the covenant listed above, however, is any better than a regular marriage. The Covenant does not work because a state backs it-- a covenant works because those bound in the covenant are abiding within the terms of the covenant and want the covenant to work.
So.... am I gonna go get a state affirmation of my existing covenant? No. Was my marriage a covenant marriage? Yes.
@Andrealana@xanga - i'm agreeing with you. my plan is to not get into marriage of any kind until it is available to any consensual adults who want it.
"8. The husband and wife both agree to a dissolution of marriage."
That sounds like the majority of divorces.
when my hubby and I got married we made a covenant with God. To us, that is what marriage is. It is so much more then a piece of paper or a nice ceremony.. its a life long covenant.
Why is this necessary? It's kind of redundant; if you both feel so strongly that way you can make a commitment to yourselves. Not bashing this but there is no "better" marriage way you can go.
So, is a "covenant marriage" a 'real marriage' while a normal, run-of-the-mill marriage not a real one? BTW, one thing that gets lost is many teens (and even young adults) who use terms 'husband' and 'wife' for their boyfriend or girlfriend; hence the disposable relationships. Yet, what can we expect when everything, even unborn babies, are disposable?
honestly, I assumed when my husband and I got married in the church in front of God our family and friends that we were entering into a covenant. I guess thats not true anymore? I wouldnt "upgrade". I dont need a piece of paper to tell me that marriage is a covenant between my husband and I. We already had to go through the pre-marital (pre-cana) classes and really I thought the "decleration" was already a given...
@fugita@xanga - I really am sorry about your wife, but I do believe that premarital counciling can work. It is just like any other counciling though in that it will only work as much as you work it. Most premarital classes are really disigned as convesation starters to bring up topics that you may or may not have discussed so that you know what your getting yourself into to prevent divorce.
@enyas_mom@xanga - well thanks my x and pre-cana I can't get married in the Catholic Church after a 4 month marriage! So the girl I am in love with now will have to be happy with a JP marriage.
So the "covenant" marriage is the legal system using something of a Biblical term to apply further restrictions on the divorce? I mean if it makes some couples more comfortable to use the legalese, but is seems like the couple can still get divorced just because they agree to. So it doesn't really change anything. A marriage is a covenant no matter what. What did G-d put in your heart to do for your marriage? Kind of makes me want to throw out: What do you think of Bill Clinton's decision to define marriage as a contract between one man and one woman? What about the Mormons and so forth? Are they not allowed, or should they not be allowed to consensually marry more than one wife? If so, can they call it "marriage" or should they be able to in terms of the government considering how that might affect our tax laws? And civil unions? Many gays feel that the term takes away from the seriousness with which their unions are viewed by the community. Personally, I'm glad marriage has been defined as one man and one woman, but I also ponder if the government should have anything to do with marriage. Perhaps, all unions which are state or federally recognized should simply be called unions. Or perhaps we should all be taxed individually. Or perhaps we should be taxed with roommates who we could file jointly with. Marriage, in my mind, is one man and one woman, a covenant made by the couple between themselves and G-d in good Faith and with all hope and LOVE. I don't think you need a piece of paper to say you are married. I think you need an agreement with each other before G-d and Friends. More than that, I think you are married the moment G-d has conceptualized your Soul, before you are concieved, and before you are born in most cases. I believe that that's why fornication is a sin. It's actually adultery. I still want a Jewish wedding, a government piece of paper, a reception with Friends, and a double ring ceremony.
People may disagree with this doctrine, but it is a witness of the Holy Spirit to my spirit that it is true and that the sealing power has been restored to the earth and is found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Not sure how I feel about #4 -Physical or sexual abuse of spouse, child, a relative of either
spouse permanently living with them, or domestic violence/emotional
abuse.
So what if your spouse sexually abuses a relative that only temporarily lives with you or just visits a lot...
Otherwise, I like the idea. But I believe, at least for a Christian, it is most important for a marriage to do all it can to persevere because the couple wants to honor their commitment before God- regardless of what legal allowances they may have to divorce.
@fugita@xanga - That really does stink, and I wanted to clarify that I was not trying to be a snot... I just reread my post and I hope you didnt take it that way. I just think if she cheated on you within 4 months then she obviously wasent ready, and I dont think you should be blamed for that. I just know that pre cana has worked for a lot of people... obviously nothing is ever a one size fits all. I dont know your whole story but were there no grounds for an anullment so that you and your love can be married in the church? Just a thought. Hope things work out!
@enyas_mom@xanga - oh I didn't think that and as for annulment do you know the process? I thought since we were only married 4 months it would be easy. I was wrong. I have to fill out like a 40 page form with lots of details I can't even remember and I would have to find my x-wife, which I have no contact with at all now. I got married to her at 23 and am now 36. A long time since I have had any real contact with her, not that I care. I have a lovely 20 year old girl who loves me very much. Luckily she is not Christian she is Jewish so we would not get married in the Catholic Church, not that I really consider myself Catholic or even Christian anymore. I am a Spiritual Agnostic. She doesn't want a church wedding but she does want a big wedding. I just hate that even after doing everything right *and I was not a perfect husband I admit to my mistakes but I wanted to make things work, she didn't*. The day after our divorce was final she got married to the guy she cheated with. I wish her nothing but happiness but and i still love her in a way but I honestly don't really want anything to do with her. Almost 5 years together and getting married and she left for a guy who eventually beat her and let her work to support him, even after she had her lovely daughter *whom I have seen once*. No not my kid not even close. But still she is with him even after he has beat her. I don't understand some woman. Sorry... getting off my soap box.
Marriage is a commitment to hopes and dreams regardless of what the paper does or doesn't say. However (and unfortunately) when I think of marriage I think of the many marital abuses committed primarily by men in last century that forced women to finally become independent. Maybe that's a good thing, like annoying your kid enough that he finally moves out on gets on his own feet. When I think of the "independence" of todays' women I wonder what is in last week's Time Magazine article (that I have yet to read but will), the byline of which claims that women today are more powerful but less happy. Should be an interesting read. The initial determination between two people to get married is wonderful but people grow and can't always stay together no matter what the contract says. If your husband starts beating or your wife starts cheating that piece of paper shouldn't bind you into an abusive and possibly deadly relationship.
Forgive me if I'm mistaken...but I am pretty sure "covenant marriage" comes from the Bible...not from Louisiana in 1987.
@Andrealana@xanga - I'm totally with you!
We didn't write it out or anything, but my husband and I both do not believe in divorce. We believe that the ONLY scriptural reason for divorce is infidelity and even in that case, we have agreed to try to work things out rather than automatically jump into a divorce. We entered into marriage believing it was a oath between us and God.
I do like the wording of the covenant marriage though! :)
I think it's kind of stupid to have to sign a "special" contract in order to help stay with your spouse. I think people should actively try to save their marriage, not have a piece of paper that more or less makes them try and save it.
no thanks. i wouldn't base my marriage on a statement written by someone else, certainly not a statement i don't even agree with. i believe in marriage equality. and what's more: to me, this all means nothing. signing an extra paper isn't going to improve your marriage.
@TheSutraDude@xanga - and that's no biased piece of investigative writing, is it? nooooo. [/winks]
@TrumvilleOrbison@xanga -
"and that's no biased piece of investigative writing, is it? nooooo."lol. If you're talking about the blog, yes it is biased. If you're talking about my comment, it's also biased. I've been married twice, almost 3 times, actually almost a lot of times. I'm still friends with both of ex wives. I also think women are awesome in spite of all of the turmoil I went through in my first marriage especially. I hold myself accountable. Shoot me.
oh lol you're talking about the article in Time Magazine. Sorry. I still haven't read it but having worked on Wall Street around a lot of high powered women there is no doubt in my mind that there is a lot of unhappiness and anger in their lives. The workplace is not all it's cracked up to be. On the other hand I've known a lot of stay at home mothers who seemed to be happy, leading wonderful lives in spite of the challenges. There are tons of men who are total idiots both in the workplace and at home. I've always been saddened when the word *sshole leaps to mind when dealing with some women in the workplace. I had hopes that word would be reserved for men. It was a female executive who gloated in front of a conference full of wall street executives in the summer of 2001 saying that finally government is staying out of business and "allowing business people to do what business people do." When I heard that I thought "uh oh". It didn't take them long to destroy the economy. That woman was as indoctrinated as any member of the old boy's club. I don't want to think this was the ultimate purpose of feminism but maybe I'm wrong. That female executive was certainly wrong. And I always thought girls were good in school.