What this really means is that no one ever wants to admit they made major mistakes in their life, or that they wish things were different for them. That’s why the idea of a life without regrets is so appealing. It encourages us to surrender ourselves to the tide of the universe, embracing a vague theology about how everything happens for a reason. And there is something to be said for focusing on the future instead of beating yourself up about a past you cannot change. Even from a Christian perspective, God sets us free from guilt. While we should feel convicted about our sin and strive to do better, the punishment for our past mistakes has already been paid. God doesn’t ask us to continue punishing ourselves. From that angle, the mantra of “no regrets” is somewhat compatible with a Christian understanding of God’s sovereignty and His grace.
However, regret and guilt are two very different things. We don’t need to bear the guilt of a sin from which we’ve been forgiven, but we should certainly feel remorseful about it. We should be sorrowful that it happened. But our culture doesn’t make this distinction, which is why the language of sin and guilt is so unintelligible to them. When we try to articulate disobedience to a world that doesn’t believe in having regrets, or when we explain sin to a culture that “did the best they could with what they had” or “made the choice that was right for them,” the concept doesn’t take hold.
This unintelligibility becomes particular obvious in discussing topics of morality, such as divorce or premarital sex. In a world where people don’t have regrets, it doesn’t matter that a person had sex with a ton of different people or that they were married multiple times. These decisions are recounted as valuable experiences that shaped them into who they are. Now they’re stronger for it. No regrets.
Under this light, the ideology’s true colors are revealed. While it portrays itself as the ultimate live-life-to-the-fullest kind of worldview, it’s really just a cover-up for selfishness. Maybe someone has no regrets about their divorce, but what about their spouse, or their children? And while a guy or girl may have no regrets about the people they slept with, what about the partners they may have hurt? While we shouldn’t bemoan the things we had no control over, or be wrought with unending guilt about the past, we should certainly regret the times when we hurt ourselves, or others.
A life defined by regret isn’t healthy, but a life with NO regrets at all is just as unbalanced.
Knowing this about our culture, it does give us some insight on how to articulate our faith. God doesn’t warn us about sin simply because He’s a prude. He’s not a stick-in-the-mud deity in the sky who doesn’t want us to have any fun. He warns us against sin the way a parents warns a child about a hot stove. It will hurt us, and it will hurt others. We live for Christ as a means for being free of those snares, not because we’re better or holier than others.
As Christians we want to be free of regrets, but that doesn’t mean we superficially gloss over the ways in which we’ve messed up. In taking those mistakes seriously, we acknowledge the people we have hurt, including God, while embracing the forgiveness that awaits us in Jesus Christ. A life without regrets does neither.
Comments (11)
Hmm. While it's true I have no regrets about the things I have done, I regret the people I have hurt along the way. I do know the biggest thing I regret absolutely NEEDED to happen, otherwise I would not be where I am right now (which is exactly where I want to be). I'm not sure what the point of this post was.... to not have regrets, but to acknowledge them? I think non-Christians and Christians alike recognize the wrong in their past actions, but at the same time, can recognize that while it hurt, it also shaped their life into what it is now. As long as apologies are doled out, I guess I just don't understand the problem.
I wanted to hate this post as I am someone that thinks regret is stupid. But there are things I regret, people I hurt and things I did that I am not proud of. As much as I wanted to ignore this and berate it, I have to say you are absolutely right. Humanity must learn from it's mistakes, and I must learn from mine. Sometimes the only way to do that is to regret. Thank you for reminding me of a truth that I wanted to ignore. There is wisdom in your post.
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i define regret as wanting to not just apologize or atone for, but change what i have done. i may be sorry for many of the outcomes of my past decisions, but there are very few i genuinely regret.
and i hardly view such a life philosophy as "embracing a vague theology about how everything happens for a reason." for me, such an attitude has made me realize that everything i do has consequences that i alone am responsible for. things happen for a reason: my reason, whether it's known to me or not. if you live your life without regret, it is because you have changed your actions and behaviors... not because you've stopped acknowledging you've made mistakes.
you seem to be advocating that people are always going to do things they will regret, and that there's nothing they can do about it. that sounds closer to abandoning yourself to the tides of the universe, as you put it. and it's that kind of philosophy that makes one apathetic to those around him.
that is very deep and meaningful.. i do believe that i have regretted somethings in my life. parts of the past that i never wanted to withhold but everyone has something in their lives that they rather not be put in their life. i have heard many stories about ppl cheating on each other and i have to say that is the worst kind of thing to give to someone. cheating is horrible and i would never give a person a second
chance of remorse for someone whom tries to do that
I think regret and remorse are two slightly different things. I think regret lasts a lot longer and implies a lot more beating of the self than just remorse. No one should have to continually feel bad about something throughout their whole lives, because it is an opportunity to learn...but that certainly doesn't justify purposely screwing up in order to grow up.
While I would like to live without the hurt that regret causes, I think the things I don't want to regret most are having missed an opportunity
1) to grow in my walk with the Lord
2) to experience the life that He's set before me within His parameters and boundaries to the fullest, or
3) to witness with either words or my life to those around me... showing love and not hurting others.
To do what you want when you want because you want to is really nothing but selfish hedonism.
Nobody alive has not made mistakes. To posit that Christians are the only people who reflect on their mistakes is arrogance and a mistake in and of itself. We learn from mistakes. In fact there is probably nothing more important in life than a mistake. From the moment we are born we are mistakes waiting to happen. By learning from mistakes we are doing God's works and who should regret this? If someone comes to me and says he or she has made a mistake, how could I possibly understand and comfort them if I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth? Forgiving them if I had never made a mistake would be paying lip service and phony. The trouble arises when people do not learn from their mistakes and one doesn't have to look far to see this. It's rampant in our society due to erroneous beliefs. It's rampant in our world. The world is constantly at war, each side believing God is on their side while each side somehow finds a loophole around that whole "Thou shalt not kill" thing. How inconvenient to have that speed bump in the road. No problem. People seem not only to drive right over it but they hardly bother to slow down. The world has a long way to go and many mistakes to be made before we finally *get it* but once we do, we'll look back and have no regrets.
the way I look at this:
simply, without regret, there will be no success, much less greater fulfillment in life (since life will always be a checkered path of trial and error before hitting the quintessential jackpot).
However, regret and guilt are two very different things. We don’t need to bear the guilt of a sin from which we’ve been forgiven, but we should certainly feel remorseful about it. We should be sorrowful that it happened. But our culture doesn’t make this distinction, which is why the language of sin and guilt is so unintelligible to them. When we try to articulate disobedience to a world that doesn’t believe in having regrets, or when we explain sin to a culture that “did the best they could with what they had” or “made the choice that was right for them,” the concept doesn’t take hold.
You are absolutely right.
Great post.
Living without regret either means living in denial, or being perfect. In one sense, regret helps drive me away from repeating my historical mistakes. When God releases you from guilt, you are given life, but to forget the past, or worse, not be remorseful about past mistakes means that you are no longer living in repentance (as a Christian ought) and have strayed down a path that is very dangerous.
I don't believe that we are a culture without regrets! You've got it all wrong!
Yes, I've made major mistakes in my life, but do I regret making them? No, not really. I made choices and I will live with the consequences of those choices. But, God blessed my broken road. It seems that what I thought I wanted in my life, wasn't what I NEEDED in my life and God knew that better than I did.
Take responsibility for your own life. If you regret a choice that you've made, then you need to forgive yourself for those mistakes. As for me, I embrace my mistakes and those choices that I made. I feel like I am a stronger person for it and it has brought me so much closer to God.
I think you are a bit closed-minded in your opinions. What a regret may mean to you may easily mean something completely different to another person. You have to keep in mind that there are so many different definitions for a single word in the English language.
I personally believe in having no regrets, because for me, it was what I wanted at the time and I almost always think my actions through, so they are valid. Though I do not mill over an array of regrets, that does not mean I just forget about them and shut them in a box. I learn from every single action I take in life, whether it turns out for the better or worse, whether it was a good or bad decision, but I do not classify my past ideals and actions as "regrets". I think that it is unhealthy to constantly worry about something in the past and wonder what "could have been". Instead, just simply take forward what you have learned from your past actions and keep going forward.