Thursday, 24 September 2009

  • When the Betrayed is Also the Betrayer

    Someone very close to me is going through a very difficult time.  I’ve prayed for her, supported her, and been there for her.  I’ve listened to her and cried with her.  I have come closer to feeling her pain than I ever, ever want to, and I’m honored when she says that she trusts me; I am glad that God gives us wisdom that we can share with others on this earth.  Yet the very exact thing I keep telling her that she needs to not do—she does it, anyway.  I strongly believe that she could get through this difficult time a million times faster and a thousand times easier if she’d just do one thing consistently, but, even yesterday, she blatantly betrayed this advice.  It pains me to see her make unwise decisions—decisions that are not helping her, rubbing harsh salt and acid into her reopened wounds. She doesn’t see the pain and damage she’s inflicting on herself when she makes these decisions.  I love her.  I want the best for her, and I don’t give her advice based on my desire for her to do what I’d do, but based on my desire to see her whole again—restored, refreshed, wiser, and determined to spread God’s love to others with her story of His might and comfort.  I know that she is a “free agent” and an adult who is allowed to make her own decisions.

    Still, it hurts me when she doesn’t make the wise choice, yet continues to tell me that I’m the only one who she really trusts and who really supports her.  I feel as though I'm being told a lie over and over again.

    I do the same thing to God over and over again. When Jesus was speaking to multitudes, He said, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye" (ESV: Luke 6. 41, 42). 

    It must pain my Savior when I betray His advice.  He must ache to see me thrive and succeed at spreading His love and truth, but I ignore His many many warnings and suggestions to do things in a way that would make my life better, easier, and full of more love and peace and truth.  He longs for me to make the decision to be at total and all-the-time peace about my future.  He delights in me when I decide to choose kindness over bitterness and selfishness.  He is thrilled when He can love though my hands, feet, and words, but here I am, hurt that someone would act as though they trust me and then ignore my counsel.  Yet I do the very same thing time after time to my Savior, who I trust, admire, adore, and long to be even closer to.  I am not lying to God when I tell Him that I trust and adore Him, and I am not lying to Him when I tell Him that He is the most supportive and trustworthy One.  I mean every word, but sometimes my actions betray my heart.

    I am thankful that God chooses to see me as His, perfect and beloved.  I am thankful that God speaks to my heart when I start to become irritated with a brother or sister in Christ who is failing in ways similar to or different from the ways I fail.  Furthermore, I am thankful that He shows me the right path and reminds me which choice is the one that honors Him and blesses others.  I am no where near perfect, but I can attain a consistent habit of checking my own eye for debris before trying to help another person remove the log in their own eye.

    Lord, forgive me when I am unloving toward others.

    I pray that God would give me wisdom to help anyone who comes to me asking for advice, and that I am given an extra measure of patience, clear thought, and communion with God so that I might speak with wisdom, in kindness, and in love.  I pray also that the abundance of Love that God pours over me may be, in turn, poured out upon all who seek guidance so that they are granted Grace.  May I be able to be a safe place for them to come in order to find comfort when they make a painfully good decision or after they make an unwise decision.  

    Have you experienced a time when a friend betrayed your good guidance? How often do we disregard God's guidance in order to pursue our own, seemingly better way?

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Comments (5)

  • Theophilus166@xanga

    I think this example is illustrated in our reading of the Old Testament. Often we read the Old Testament and wonder how Israel could see God do miracle after miracle, yet still forsake him for other gods.   It gets almost ridiculous how quickly Israel turns on God - yet we're the exact same way.  Good post.
  • Mac_Libureet@xanga

    I disregard his truth all the time...It does hurt to see people disregard my advice
  • ashleyannaka@xanga

    This is fabulous. Thank you. It's something I needed to read today.
  • BohemianLamb@xanga

    More times than I'd really like to admit, I've been in the position of the friend that asks for advice but never takes it. It isn't that I am lying when I say I trust someone and stuff, but it is hard to see the advice giver's point of view and thus, hard to take it seriously. Even if I can take it seriously, it's even harder to follow through. Depending on what the situation is about, somethings can have such an emotional pull to our personal desires that they override common sense or wisdom. To use a very simple example, I can not eat pasta, because of the gluten. I really want pasta. I ask a friend if it would really be that bad to eat it. Friend says, yes, remember how sick you get? You'll just get sick again. Eat pasta made of rice instead. But then later that night, someone is making spaghetti with regular noodles and it all smells so good, in that moment I'm thinking "What the hell, why not have a few bites". I'm not really thinking about the advice because what I want overrides it. So I eat it, get sick, and the next morning crawl to my friend to complain of being ill. Rinse, repeat. This goes for the big stuff in life, and really, it has nothing to do with betraying said friend or trying to use them even though it feels that way... I'm just merely broken and don't function as I should sometimes.
  • treasureseeker

    When I read your post, amazingly I though it was written by my beloved friend with one exception that made the a unique difference.  My friend has suffered through the fire with me as if it were her very life.  We both struggled faithfully for over 3 years in search of answers.  She rarely gave strong advice apart from me, as she too has great reverence for the Lord.  On a few occassions of desparation, she carefully thought of a necessary action that I should take.  I trusted her and knew she had my best interest at heart and suffered my pain daily, so I followed to her advice.  The advice was good and shockingly all actions failed as though hitting a brick wall.  Nothing made sense or added up, it was unatural.  We learned together that we cannot control or change God's will in our lives.  Because I love her and her involment was heroric so I gladly walked with her.  I thank the Lord for her always, for loving me enough to get in the fire herself.  She is a loving friend who walks equally with me without self-seeking though we are different personalities.  We are both very strong minded women and without love and respect we would be two rams butting heads.   She realizes there is no advice for my great affliction and remains faithful without answers, simply weathering the storm with me.  After I followed her advice she is fully satisfied that there is a greater purpose then we thought. Through my trial that still continues I found treasure as my friend's faithfulness that was proven in extreme measures and priceless.  The Lord demonstrated through her that I am not alone, He abides in her, bearing precious fruit. 


    I can't help but to wonder if your friend followed your advice, would it change her?  She suffers regardless, but the journey is about friendship, even as the Lord's beloved disciple John? What advice could he have given?  And zealous Peter was rebuked as he interfered with God's will for the death of our Savior.  It is fustrating to see another suffer, but we learn obedience through suffering (Hebrew 5:8).  Patient love is key to our walk, especially with others and carrying their burdens even if it's for their learning.  All trials especially those of our friends are also for our learning and benefit.  We are servants before we are called friends.   Serve one another with longsuffering love and fullfill the law of Love.  May the Lord bless your friendship adundantly.  I hope this brings you peace.

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