I am a twenty one year old girl who was raised by Catholic relatives in the Philippines until I was seven years old. My mother was a Catholic who converted to Islam prior to marrying my Egyptian father. My father is a conservative Muslim. I got to know him when I was eight years old; the time when I moved back in with my parents in our home in Saudi Arabia. Up until now, my father has never insisted his religion to me but my mother told me prior to meeting him not to show him my religious views as it would be disrespectful to my dad. I didn't have a problem with that. I honored both my parents and while I didn't share their religious views, I respect it.
I have been a devout Catholic for the last six years of my life. I began to have a close personal relationship with God when I was a junior in high school (or in my third year) in Saudi Arabia. When I moved back to the Philippines, I've become closer to God through my Christian college group which I met with every Saturday. During college, I have read the Bible from cover to cover twice and tried my best to attend mass every Sunday. I have graduated from college and passed my licensure exam since then. I have attributed all these successes to God and am very thankful to Him for all of it.
I'm now back in Saudi Arabia, now with my whole family. It's the holy month of Ramadan for Muslims. My father has asked me to pray with them (my mom and my siblings) during times of prayer to set a good example for my younger brother and sister, who aren't very devout Muslims. To clarify things, I fast during Ramadan for the same reason (to set a good example). I just offer my fasting to God.
My mother told me to just pray with them... even if I didn't know the words. I did the motions of pray during the first time and I ran to my room, crying immediately afterward. Then I drank lots of water to invalidate the fast. I didn't expect to feel what I experienced. It felt like spiritual rape. I called my friend in the Philippines and cried a lot about it. Up to now, it hurts to think about it. A lot more than I'd like to write about. EVER.
Like a physical abuse victim, I've learned to turn a blind eye every time it happens. I pray with my family the dawn prayer Fajr everyday now. But I turn my focus to anything else but the act of praying in this fashion. I have nothing against Islam and actually believe that we're all worshiping the same God in our own culturally exclusive ways. It's just that I really feel bad having to pray in this manner AGAINST MY WILL EVERY SINGLE DAY.
My mom is trying her best to be very understanding. Although my sister and brother pray the other prayers (Duhr, Asr, Maghreb, and Asia), she doesn't insist on me praying along. She knows I'm Catholic and just asks that I bear this cross a little bit longer. My father on the other hand, wistfully sighs wishing that we would pray together as a family all the time. I'm still not clear if he knows I'm Christian or if he just thinks my faith is lax. I don't know which news would be harder for him to take. And I'm afraid to hurt him and his views so I hold my peace.
But honestly, even though I know I'm doing it for the sake of my younger siblings, all this is killing me slowly inside. I'm just hoping that soon, this month long nightmare would end.
I just want to know, if anyone else were in my place, would you take it all lying down? Or would you stand up for yourself and destroy your family? Are my actions understandable? Or liable to be held in contempt?
Comments (49)
I am praying for you. I do not know what to say, but I know God loves you and is not upset with you.
That's extremely tough! I'm not sure what to tell you, but I do understand your fears. All I can say is that I hope things look up for you, and that I hope one day, your father/family will accept you as you are and respect your beliefs.
Like you said before, just take it as you're praying to the God you believe in and fasting for him and yadda, yadda, yadda. It'll appease your family, set an example for your siblings, and you'll be praying to who you want. I'm sure God understands.
There isn't an easy answer to the question. Read the bible, and pray.
The answer that I come up with is to stand up for your faith and don't comply with the Muslim rituals and prayer that they expect you to. It may tear you away from your family, but, at least you would be honoring Christ. See Luke 14:25 - 33
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.' Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.
(Luk 14:26-33)
I would be prepared to be kicked out of the house, but, it is part of the cost of following Jesus.
I'll be praying for you, that you will have discernment as to what to do and how to do it, and that your joy and strength would be found in conviction to serve Christ.
Edit: The book of Daniel came to mind just after I originally posted this. Daniel's example seems very fitting in your situation. Daniel did what was acceptable to God in the pagan culture he was in. Even excelling in the Babylonian kingdom becoming at times one of the highest authorities in the kingdom. However, he wouldn't bow to false idols, even when it nearly cost him his life.
Edit 2: Sorry, one other thing came to mind. When the opportunity presents itself get yourself a copy of "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Now you know how I used to feel when my family forced me to join them in prayer when I don't even believe in a deity in the first place. I now stand my ground. I won't be forced to pray to a deity I don't believe in. You should not be forced to or feel forced to either.
Whatever your beliefs are, even if they are unpopular with your family, I feel you should hold true to your conscience and stand your ground. It's what I have to do.
Well, from what I was taught growing up, we're supposed to honor our families and God, whoever you believe him to be. Though that's unfortunately tough for you to do in your situation.
Though I don't believe in Christianity itself so much anymore, I still believe that God knows and honors our intentions. He knows you're not saying these prayers because you believe in them, it's because you are staying true to your family, and there is nothing dishonorable about that. He knows that you still are a follower and believer and aren't trying to deliberately betray him. So IMO, unless your parents start outright forcing you to say these prayers, stay strong and set the good example, because God is probably a lot more understanding than your family might be if you flat out refuse to have any part in their religion. And your family important to have in your life too.
I know it's hard, and I hope things work out for you in the end.
Your actions are understandable and it is plain to see you are in a very difficult place. I'm sure telling your father that you will not practice his religions activities will be hurtful for him. Placing a wedge between family is never fun. I'm not sure how to present my advice in a comforting manner so this prelude will have to suffice.
Jesus talks to his followers about what it means to truly be a disciple and what it will cost those who desire to sincerely and fully follow him. Luke 14:26-27 records Jesus saying "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Jesus also changes the family dynamic (Matthew 12:46-50). For those who follow Jesus, those who do the will of the Father are family. Blood is less than faith when it comes to family.
These are incredibly difficult words to hear, especially for close-knit families or those living in a culture where family is everything (as you seem to be a part of). Of course we know Jesus is not actually telling his followers to hate their families or self but they have to be willing to surrender everything, even life, if they desire to follow him. I know this means less because I live on the west coast of the United States and have rarely faced situations like this (the worst I've had from my family is that they think I'm crazy when I fast) but I hope you can take it for what it is worth.
You should stand up for yourself and for your faith. Don't feel like you can't accompany them to worship but let them know you won't worship the way they do and that you belong to Christ as a member of his bride. Tell them you won't commit adultery to the churches groom and that you won't allow yourself to be "raped" either. And if you are afraid or worried let me give you words from the scriptures and not my own.
1Peter 3:13-22
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at God's right hand—with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him.
Remember how the children of G-D are protecting when they won't bow or praise anyone but YHWH. Read Daniel 3 to be reminded of G-D's faithfulness to those who courageously stay by his side.
I pray that you will find strength and that fear will be swept out of you by the perfect love of Christ Jesus who empowers you to do all he asks of you. There are promises for the faithful and if it costs you a family just know that you will recieve 100x what you lost. Do not be afraid. Christ is with you and the Church is behind you in powerful prayer. Peace be with you sister.
I would just silently say my own prayers the way I felt comfortable. Who cares how you are sitting or moving God see what is truly on your heart. I think this is a way you could honour both your family and God.
A good person will understand a good person. I think you should not lie about your religion, and tell your father. Lying is not good. That's all there is to it. It's worse than admitting the truth, and the truth is that you've done nothing wrong by being Catholic.
This is the point where everyone falters and you are not alone with such a dilemma. If your faith in GOD is absolute you will never ever be required to seek help from anyone else in this universe! You seem to have your own preference for the manner of praying and perhaps believe it to be the best & appropriate method. But you are being compelled to adopt a method that is not entirely to your liking. You are finding it difficult to accept it. Don't you know that trillions of people in this world pray in trillions of ways. The question is: would GOD be displeased by any one of these methods. Only sincerity of prayer alone counts. So why not prove to the world and thereby to yourself that GOD can be reached irrespective of manner of prayer.
My comment starts at the point where you said you believe you are all worshiping the same God. That is not true and I think your spirit knows that. I think that is why you got sick. Allah is not God. So when you pray to him and bow down to him you are not praying to or bowing down to God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. If you truly believed that Allah is the same as God then you would have been angry yes, felt uncomfortable yes, but I don't think you would have felt like you were spiritually raped. So, what to do? Well, you are a grown woman, graduated from college correct? Can you leave you families home? Can you move out? Do you even have to stay in that country if you don't want to? I personally, would look for a way to leave. And I would not participate in their worship of a false god.
Wow....even though I TRULY DO UNDERSTAND your situation....at the same time, I don't (if that makes sense). I am sorry you have to go through this, sister. I will pray for you daily!!
I was the first Christian in my family for 2 years. My parents followed me 2 years later. But the 2 years that I was the only Christian, MAN IT WAS SO HARD.....my parents fought with verbal violence so much growing up...when I became a Christian, it was SO MUCH MORE heavy & hard to bear! Coming home from a peaceful Christian environment to one of utter evil chaos was so hard on me. I would cry on my bed & pray the Lord's prayer until they stopped fighting...They would tell me, "You think you are better than us now that you are a Christian" because I chose not to interfere like I used to when they would argue with each other, or I used to get bitter & put in my "two cents" & argue them both from my anger at what they had done to me in my childhood....or what I had been put through. But after I became a Christian, that all changed. God gave me the ability to forgive almost immediately, though He this year has worked through more than I thought Ihad in my heart ....
So all I can say is this: HANG IN THERE. It may seem like there is NO WAY YOUR FAMILY will be saved & know Jesus right now....But in I believe it's either Acts 16 or Acts22, Jesus says, "Believe in the Lord, & you & your household will be saved." (I prayed that scripture for 2 years; I believe in the power of God's word; God is faithful to His word, so pray it every day over your family!) God WILL bring your family to Him, because He is faithful (Romans 3), & I have a personal testimony of His work in my family!! Hang in there.....God will WIN in your family's life, Sister.
Love you!
Much of being a Christian is standing up for your faith. I know your family means much to you, but if they do not accept who your faith belongs to, then it is they who have already destroyed their family. I do not condemn your actions necessarily however, because you know that your heart isn't into it, you know that that is not where your faith is uplifted. In that sense, you're hurting your own faith. Much of being a Christian is standing up for your faith. Jesus did just that, for us. Of course, He forgives you for this.... but it's almost as though you have begun to idol your parents' love before His, simply because it is the simplest route. I'm sorry if what I say deems toughlove-ish, but know it is in love and hope for you.
If I were you, I would not hold my faith down for the sake of my family..... remember to not accept the Him in you, is to not accept you at all. Talk with them, please. See if they may be more willing to understand you, see if they will be willing to compromise something now that you've gathered the courage to go and speak with them about this. It's a difficult thing to talk about, I know.... but it's important if you don't want to feel what you feel. I think how you've described it, as a spiritual rape, is absolutely correct..... that is what it is. I just hate that you were put into this situation. And sadly, many Christians are in this situation more often than you think. Please take care of yourself, and I hope God helps you find the way to save yourself, and your family =)
[Just as a sidenote, Muslims do not believe in the same God that Christians do. Some may claim to, but if you ask one if they believe that Jesus is God, they will tell you 'no'. Such makes a large, large difference, and thus believe in a separate God 'Allah' than Christians do.]
Since you are asking for opinions, here is mine.
In your heart you believe in God. That is all that matters. How you pray doesn't matter. Why cause separation? You are not condemned. God is a loving God. We are all one family in the essence of life. Be at peace.
Wars are fought over religion which is the epitome of misunderstanding....don't war within yourself. All will be well. We are all God's children.
@ultravioletskies08@xanga - Amen on that last part. I was going to say essentially the same thing.
Still praying for you, dear sister, and remembering you at Mass. Hang on to the Eucharistic Communion of which you are a part, and stay close to Him always! You are sharing in the trials of many saints of the Early Church, young women with pagan parents from whom their greatest joy, Jesus Christ, was kept secret. They are praying for you; you have some excellent sisters in heaven. Here is a brief account of two of them that you may have heard of, Sts. Perpetua and Felicity. http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=48
One part reminds me particularly of you. After her father tried to talk her out of being a Christian:
"Pointing to a water jug, she asked her father, "See that pot lying there? Can you call it by any other name than what it is?"
Her father answered, "Of course not." Perpetua responded, "Neither can I call myself by any other name than what I am -- a Christian."
You may believe you are all worshiping the same God but the God of the Muslims if pointedly different than the God of Catholicism. There is a son of God, Jesus who is the focus but Muslims do not acknowledge him as the Son of God and Messiah. They don't honor the fact that Jesus was the last God would send in that fashion. You need to face the truth and deal with your faith. Look at the story of Daniel. He was taken into Babylon and they put a law saying you couldn't pray, but he did it in his room every day still. Countless times in OT stories people were told to bow down and pray to another God, leader, etc and they didn't because they were faithful to God. You feel spiritually raped because though your mind tells you it's okay it's all the same God, your spirit knows the truth and God is trying to show you through this that it's truly not the same. You are worshiping an idol of family and their feelings, being more important than God and what he clearly states in the Holy Bible as his standards. It's a harsh word to accept but it is very clear to me it is a situation where you have to make a choice.
You can choose to secretly maintain your faith and just bear the burden of these prayers, as to your relationship with God I cannot judge you or tell you what you are doing is wrong but I can tell you what the Bible says about it. I also can tell you that in Witch craft as a kid, I just followed along with a girl who did it and I didn't really believe in it or anything, I just did it with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. To me they were mindless words and actions. My life changed and I have dealt with major spiritual strongholds, and warfare since then because of willingly participating in things that weren't from God, regardless of whether I believed in what I was doing or not.
Hands down it's unhealthy to your faith, it's a snub to God by saying you will hide your faith for the "sake of your family." I think truthfully, with honor killings and the like in that country, your mother is trying to protect you by telling you not to say anything. Not because she thinks he will be hurt, but because she knows that the punishment for conversion to any form of Christianity is death. Your life could be in danger because of your decision and she may be trying to keep you from being in harms way. That would be the ultimate test of your faith. To cling to God even unto death. Scary. I am praying for you.
I know how you must be feeling. I have non-devout muslim cousins who are feeling the pressures of keeping their faith. I am a Protestant myself and most of my relatives are Roman Catholics.
You just keeping praying to God and read the Bible in your own time. Just because you recite other prayers, doesn't mean that you are praying with your heart and soul. Practice what you truly believe in.
i went through the same thing. when i converted to Wicca as a teen, my very Christian family freaked out and threatened to have me committed. even as an agnostic, i still feel the pressure to practice a religion i am staunchly against.
in the end, you have to make the choice... does your family or faith matter more? and accept the consequences for whatever you choose. frankly, my family will always come before an invisible being any day of the week.
I can relate to your situation, but I grew up Jewish, and Christianity and Judaism have a relationship that is much more intertwined than Christianity and Islam. Even though I am now a Christian I still consider myself a Jew, but I just don't believe in the rituals anymore, and that's devastating to my parents. It was difficult having to tell them at first that I am a Christian, but with a lot of prayer they are starting to come around. They don't want to be Christians themselves, but they are slowlty starting to respect my new beliefs, and that is a miracle in itself.
I advise you, for now, to be Jesus to your family. Actions alone are not a substitute for words, but I think if you keep praying then God will give you an opportunity to talk with your family. Just please know that you are not alone in this, and God loves you no matter what.
Also, for those who say that Muslims and Christians have different gods...Christianity, Judaism, and Islam all originated from Abraham, so they all worship God the Father, but only Christians worship the Son.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - True with Christian faith and Jewish faith, not true with the Muslim faith.
@LivelyWoodsprite@xanga - Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are in no way the same. They may have all started from the same source, the Old Testament. But, they are in no way the same! Please don't spout out things that you know nothing about. Instead pick up a bible and read it. All of the religions you mentioned all claim exclusivity. They can not all be the same.
suck it up. I would go to a Christian concert if I had too. Ugh, audio rape!!
What does your heart tell u to do?
p