Tuesday, 15 September 2009
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Have You Ever Been Someone's "Christian" Project?
On one of my mission trips, I was helping the director of missions at a church for the summer. While I was there, I would stay at the houses of various church members in one week blocks. Every Sunday night, I would unpack, and every Saturday night, I would repack and then move Sunday evening. I talked to various people, shared stories and hung out with some of the other college kids. It seemed like every week someone from the college group, or one of the other 3 college kids on mission with me, was inviting me to go somewhere or do something. I am not a big movie theater person, but that summer, I went to more movies than I can remember. Even after saying no to some requests, I still burned through about $500 in ten weeks, on movies, and eating out, and other outings. That is even not counting some stuff and events that were paid for by the church, or people I was staying with. It wasn't until about halfway through the summer that I found out what was going on. When I found out, I got upset with the people around me, not so much by what they were doing, but with the general attitude they had, and the way they went about their plan.
It seems that the Director of Missions at the church, and the lady who was the head of the committee that found housing for the missionaries, had evidently decided that before I came on the trip, I spent too much time on the computer and reading books, and that while I was there, they would do everything they could to "socialize" me. They even went so far as to call ahead to the families I was staying with, and tell them not to let me on the computer at all.
I was 20 years old, and had never been gone from home for as long as I was that summer. While I was there, I never did much on the internet, other than e-mail, so that I could "talk" to friend and family. Out of respect for the people I was staying with, I made sure not to spend much more than 15 minutes or so a day on the net. My two conspirators for lack of a better term, even tried to take that away from me. Luckily, I had some families tat paid no attention and let me use the computer.
One of the bigger things that they did, was literally force me to go with some of the college kids on a canoe trip. They didn't hold a gun to my head, but they still made it clear that I had no choice. I tried to tell them that since I don't know how to swim, I was not exactly fond of the water. I did end up going, and they ended up admitting that the water, canoes, and I should stay away from each other.
The whole project they took to change me, created some rather "interesting" moments at the office. I realize that some people have this pressing need, to fix everyone. But is it possible that there are better ways to make someone a pet project that does not alienate your wannabe project?
Have you ever been someone's pet project? Compared to other religous groups, are Christians more likely to make someone a pet project aginst the person's will?
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About the Author
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- From: ProudToBeAChristianFruitcake@xanga
- Name: ProudToBeAChristianFruitc
- About Me: The name for this site was taken from a conversation where someone told me that all christians were crazy and were fruitcakes. I figured if he is correct then I am proud to be a christian fruitcake.
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Comments (11)
That's just F'd up.Internet and reading? Its not like you were doing heroin.( I mean, I assume you weren't.) Let people be themselves. Some people just can't stand it when you aren't into the same things as they are, and that's just a sign that something is wrong with the people who are determined to change you.
And that $500 sure could have been better spent.
@subSacred@xanga - nope, no drugs, just internet and reading. I do still like to read. my record remains 800 pages in 24 hours
That is ridiculous! If they thought there was a problem with your internet use, they should have, as leaders confronted you on that issue. And too much reading? No one can read too much! I love to read. As a teen in the summer I would go through many, many books reading sometimes a couple a day! Anyway, on top of that, if they wanted you to stay busy doing things that cost money, they should have paid for it all! Especially, when they gave you no choice! Again, ridiculous!
That's pretty insane. I honestly can't believe that people would do that. I use the computer and read a lot...does that mean I should be someone's project? You had every right to be upset. I've never been anyone's project thankfully (at least I hope not!! lol).
I do want to explain, that they were not thinking that my reading and computer time on the trip was too much, just that from me talking to them about what I do at home when I am not on mission, they decided that I was spending too much time away from my peers.
Way I figure it's a darned if you do and darned if you don't scenario. Not being social is a huge drag on someone's life... but only the individual can change that. It has to be the individual who does something about it. And in most cases, they won't do anything at all about it. But if you interfere and try to somehow force the situation, then if (when) they find out you'll get all the backlash and it will backfire. The unfortunate thing is that there are so many people out there that are so set in their anti social ways that they will never wander out into the sun and enjoy life. But, at least that way, it's their own fault I suppose, and better than being forced into something.
No, I have found that the old Nazi who raised me from infancy in my family is ruining my life as a pet project. The latest idea that she has come through with, is to tell my church over the phone, that I am crazy, and to ignore me--that I should not be listened to at all. ...Love, Sande
If I was involved in inviting one of the summer missionaries out to do something over the years, I believed it was me or the group I was with responsibility to pay for our guest. A summer missionary gives up their college summers to serve Jesus instead of out there working lots of hours for next years classes. Yet, they are usually so busy doing things with people during the summer, there is not much time for computer or reading. It is a summer that the activities themselves keeps one quite social.
I'm sure they tried to have good intentions in helping you relate to others your own age, Yet, as a summer missionary, you had "progects" out there that you were to be encouraging others, also. None of us are perfect, only forgiven.
What did you like about your summer?
That's what happens when we try to manipulate things instead of either #1 confronting a problem directly (which it doesn't sound like there was really a problem to begin with in your case) or #2 praying for God to genuinely change the person's heart and letting the Holy Spirit work on them. I am so sorry you went through this.
Strange and messed-up: especially the money you spent entertaining the do-gooders! If I were you I would have felt a little humiliated by all of that strange attention. Even when people's intentions are "good," they can be kind of weird.
Also, there is nothing wrong with introversion. It is a genuine personality trait.
I dated a guy once who liked having "pet projects" like this with people, to help them "get out more," and stuff, and he often did convince them to do outdoorsy stuff they normally never would have done. This had a genuinely good side in that he would sometimes make a real, practical effort to reach out to people he knew were hurting. Instead of just mumbling "I'll pray for you," he'd hang out with them and actually do stuff to help them out. There was this one guy he decided to do this with who spent a lot of time on the computer playing games, whose parents had recently gotten divorced and who had had a really bad rejection from a girl very close to the same time. So the three of us hung out a few times in the month or two before boyfriend and I broke up. Long story short, that guy he befriended turned out to be really cool, and he and I got to be really good friends, eventually dated, and are now married. So I guess some very long term good did come out of it, but certainly not in the way that the project-starter probably intended..!
I don't think Christians in general are more likely than other groups to do this, but it is something that is happening because people are genuinely wanting to help. They are, however, very very misdirected.