holding hands causes sexual feelings? you can't avoid sexual feelings... even the dugger dude held hands with his girl and you could tell that if they weren't surrounded by old people that they would totally have... gulp... kissed!

i like the freedom i have over my life when it comes to MY future wife and MY life. my girlfriend and i are both God fearing southern kids (i was born in wisconsin but moved to north carolina when i was 4 so it doesn't count!) and we are both seeking marriage, but we are doing it according to our rules. God is heavily involved in our relationship (i often thank God for sending me an angel when i only asked for a girl) and so is her family, but i have no doubt in my mind that God supports our relationship 100%.

i wrote a blog a while back about how we met... about how i was on the prowl for women, but it was only when i put that aside and put aside my preconceptions of what i thought i wanted in a girl that God put the girl i was meant for literally right under my nose. she had been there the whole time, but it was only when i stepped out of my egocentric, self-pitying wild goose chase for this "perfect girl" that God lead me right to her.

i don't think there is any set way to date, court, whatever a girl. i could say we're courting because we're been dating for almost 2 and a half years and we're already planning the engagement and getting married. i will, of course, go to her father before i ask her to be my bride, but not out of some fruitless search for righteousness. i know i am not righteous, and abstaining from the most basic of touches (holding hands, come on!) will not push my sexual urges to some unseen place in my mind. i have a hypersexual drive so it's hard enough just to keep my heart rate down when i see my girlfriend in the plainest of clothes.

My son and his "girlfriend" are going through this very process. They (and I) have read two excellent books on the subject, by Joshua Harris: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl". I think it's all a wonderful thing.

personally, i don't date with the intent to marry.  i just do whatever comes naturally.  and there's no way i'd marry someone without having any kind of physical intimacy first... i've seen marriages dissolve because they waited and realized they weren't sexually compatible.  

@The_Virtuous_Woman_In_Training@xanga -  I do not want to hold hands until marriage
because I am a very physical person and although I may not do anything
before marriage it will cause me to sin by just thinking on it

I'm not telling you what to do or what you're doing is wrong, but if you're worried about holding hands, then you better not look in each other's eyes when you're talking because that can cause you to have sinful thoughts.

Your definition of courtship is pretty.....strict. However my health teacher five years ago said he had a friend like this so....good luck? I'm not here to judge because I've already done basically everything, and you have different values than me.

@subSacred@xanga - I agree with everything you just said.

I think it's dangerous to count so much on your family's opinion, primarily because YOU are the one marrying the guy, not your dad. If I decided to rely on my father's opinion of my fiance, I would not be getting married. This is not because my fiance is a poor example of a man, but because my father is rather close minded, and is more interested in procedure and protocol rather than matters of the heart.

Also, while I understand this goes against what Christianity teaches (although not necessarily the Bible), physical contact is actually REALLY REALLY good for you and your future partner. Sex is a huge part of any marriage relationship (or it should be) and to not know if there's any chemistry at all, is putting yourself at a serious disadvantage. I have had Christians tell me I shouldn't have a relationship rooted in sex and things of physical nature, and while I agree with that to a point, I think Christians far too often dismiss the importance of sex. Not everyone will be great together in bed. It's just the way it is. And to not allow your self any sort of 'test run' in this manner, (as you SHOULD be doing as far as emotional bonding and problem solving goes) is dangerous.

Finally, as I was raised as you seem to have been, I know that a lot of Christians like to rush into marriage, supposedly to 'avoid temptation'. When you only give yourself two months of courtship, you're not allowing yourselves to discover the real things you'll be dealing with in life. Can you solve problems together? When your car breaks down on the highway, do you yell and scream while he starts making calls? When a personal trauma occurs, does he leave you alone to deal with it yourself when all you wanted from him was for him to draw closer? These are all things you should be finding out about each other before you marry, but if you're not giving yourself any time, things will be hard for you later on.

Just something to think about.

I am a courtship girl too!!!! I am soooooooooo glad you did this post. I have so few friends who are around my age and when I do, they date, and don't believe in courtship. So no one quite understands where I'm coming from. I am 19 and have never had a BF and I want a real man who wants to pursue me for marriage to come to my parents. After all I'm worth it!

good post

@Shy___Away@xanga -  @ashay24w@xanga - @thekingofnonomia@xanga - My best friends are my family, I trust them, especially my dad (we are very close) I have dated before so I have experienced hand holding I know wha it's like and I want to wait for marriage to do it again. I know that this is not for some people, but, this is what I want and I know very handsome Godly gentlemen who will comply with this.

 Yes God sent his only son to set us free from religous traditions and laws, by asking Christ to save us and forgive us from our sins we should have a desire to obey those laws being "set free" doesn't mean that you go out into the world and act like the world, we are different, we are Christians, how are we supposed to be a witness if we are acting just like the world.

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. John 2:15

If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. John 15:19

I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. John 17:14

Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. James 4:4

BTW: I actually wouldn't mind being amish besides the fact that they believe that goods works will get them to heaven (excepting the new order amish) and the fact that the parents have nothing to do with their courtships, they can hold hands and kiss, and I do not believe in that, like I said I believe that the family should be a big part of the courtship process...just because someone calls something a courtship doesn't mean it is, in my above comment I said that everyone should read Joshia Harris' books I Kissed Dating Goodbye  and Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship.

I am not condemming anyone, but showing a new way of doing things in teaching the old way, the old ways are not always bad and not all new ways are good, I believe that we should look at everything as Jesus would, would you do something if Jesus was sitting there? Thats the way I try to live my life, Now grant it, I do not always suceed. But would you do certain things in your dating life if Jesus was sitting there? Remember HE IS!!!

 Think of dating this way every girl/guy you date takes a part of your heart and on your wedding day they are all standing there at the front with the guy/girl you are going to marry, would this not be imbarassing? Would you not rather give your WHOLE heart than only part of it?

Sexual feelings are good, they are a gift from God, and they are part of what causes our desire to get married.  I'm all for being careful, but avoiding your urges like the plague I don't think is quite the right path. 

Now don't get me wrong courtships do not always turn into marriages,
but since there has been no romancing, kissing, touching,
etc. involved, this man has not hurt this girl which means that she is
still pure in heart,

"Pure in heart" does not mean you've never been hurt.  It means you are submitted to Christ. 

And just so you know...a man WILL hurt you, eventually.  Just because he isn't "touching you or romancing you" doesn't mean that he hasn't hurt you.  Being hurt and being forgiven are part of grown up relationships.

I think this model of "courtship" might work for 16-20 year olds who live in cute little homeschool families where everyone knows everyone else in their subgroup.  But for those of us with divorced parents, who are in our mid to late twenties and up, who are out there with jobs and getting along as best we can...who don't have fathers who we'd trust to pick us a a guy to "court" any further than we could physically throw them...I think it's a bit unrealistic.  That's not to say that Godly dating isn't to be done...it is.  Absolutely.  We must honor God in our relationships.

wow those rules are very strict. lol i never knew courtship to be that strict before.. i remember hearing about this at the convent. we also talked about marriage life, single life, and religious life.. i think
religious life has to be the hardest life though

*falls off chair laughing*

i think courting works best like someone else said in the homeschooled world or while in high school. its a little hard when you're in college and your parents are hundreds of miles away to come to chaperon outings. some people i've seen turn to their pastor to facilitate in this process. my relationship neither of these happened. what did happen was that God dropped someone out of the sky for me and we've been going out every since. what i will say is that when there is accountability involved then you are probably less likely to fall sexually. we lacked accountability and we fell. but we found this great place called: www.settingcaptivesfree.com where we are learning more about Christ and thus getting closer to each other. i think the most important thing is to be equally yoked and not to go out with an unbeliever. another important point is to let Christ be the focal point and not each other. when the couple becomes the focal point that's usually when sin starts. also when both parties feel that the relationship is meant for marriage then pray about it. do remember that nothing that God has put together humans can break up.