I saw a post in the vote section on Revelife the other day. I don't think it is there anymore. Anyway, a man was asking for advice on whether or not he should divorce his wife. They are both Christians, though slightly unequally yoked, he said. They didn't make each other happy but they loved each other very deeply (this is what the post said) and they were growing and becoming stronger in their love since they were going to Christian couple's counseling. They read the Bible together everyday and prayed together often. They do not have any problems with abuse or marital unfaithfulness.
Still, both this man and his wife felt that God wanted them to get a divorce. His post asked for advice from readers on whether they should get a divorce and why would God want them to do this when the Bible is clear that couples should not divorce. I mean, this is a very good question. Especially given the situation. I understand why Revelife wouldn't put up that post- it is very personal- but he submitted it so I felt like writing a less personal reaction.
Jesus clearly says that divorce is not good, that if you divorce someone for reasons other than unfaithfulness then you are forcing your spouse to commit adultery (when they find someone new). I am way too far away from having to think about divorce to discuss how this works in my life (I'm 20...and not getting married soon). I mean, Lord willing that I get married, I don't think He'll will me to get a divorce. It doesn't make sense for me to talk about this subject- but I think that divorce in a broader sense is something that we as Christians should think about and should consider our approach to.
So yes, the Bible says that divorce is wrong. Let's also face the facts, the divorce rate in America is over 50%. Sad, but true. We all either love someone who has or have ourselves been affected personally by divorce. We the Church need to be Christ to people who are suffering from divorce (Yes, I know that divorce is seen by many as the "best thing" for all involved, but it still hurts). While we follow Christ's teachings and uphold them in our lives (and also promote them in others') we should
not condemn people for divorce.
Our best example of this is of Christ when the adulteress is brought before Him. The penalty for adultery is being stoned to death. He asks the Pharisees, if they have been without sin, to cast the first stone. We all mess up and hurt each other. Let's have grace with each other and love like Christ did. He was the only one who could have condemned that woman, but instead of doing so, He let her go and told her to leave her life of sin (John 8 1-11). I've got to be humble, I've sinned a lot and still struggle with sin. Knowing our sin in light of Christ's righteousness, we Christians should be the most humble people on this planet. And also the most loving.
So, back to the post I saw on the vote tab a couple of days ago-- I don't know what this man should do. I don't understand why God would tell you to get a divorce when the Word says not to. I will say this, though. In speaking to some of my older friends (and my mom) I've heard a good analogy between our relationship with God and the relationship we have with a spouse. As a Christian I know that I don't always "feel it" in my relationship with God. Its true, I don't always feel fuzzy, in love and amazed by God. I love God, very very much but the emotion comes and goes. Emotion is fickle. I also struggle with God. There are times when I get frustrated. But I know that after that struggle has been worked out and after I have endured despite my changing emotions that my relationship with Him will be all the deeper.
Now, I don't know from first hand experience, but it seems that a marriage is similar. I hope that if I get married, I will have the patience to endure through the hard times. And yes, God is perfect, so that does make the relationship easier than a relationship between two imperfect people. Cheating, abuse, indiference-- these aren't issues that I have coming from God. Marriage is much messier. But, I think and hope that in a relationship where you know that you love the other person deep down and aren't dealing with abuse or unfaithfulness, that divorce should really be the last option. In the case of this man and his wife- I hope that they stay together, but I'm not going to advise them to. It sounds like they are doing really well together now, even though they have had bumps in the past. If God is actually telling them to divorce, though, I have no place saying that.
Note: I know that I have no place talking about marriage or divorce. Forgive me if I've said something wrong, I don't have any actual experience with marriage other than observation. These are just my thoughts and hopes. God bless.
What do you think about divorce? Should Christians divorce?
Comments (33)
Yeah, anyone can.
The Bible is clear that God hates divorce. So, no, Christians should not divorce. However, in circumstances such as abuse, I'm sure God would not want the other person to stay - because of their own safety. There are few exceptions like that.
WHOA!!!! they felt God WANTED them to divorce!!!!???
seriously??? Did I read that right? God WANTED THEM???!!!!
ok... let's get things perfectly clear... separation is fine... in order to work things out, repent heavily, let the atmosphere simmer down and work through issues the way a marriage is supposed to... the only grounds for divorce legally is when one or the other commits infidelity and even then, there are more references to Scripture calling for forgivness and reconciliation over divorce in the midst of a cheating husband or wife especially when we look at the book of Hosea for that light...
Divorce is a cop out response to a hardship... a weak response in rather than working through issues... you turn tail and run... not the best example of Christ-likeness...
Separation may in turn be easier because first off, God did separate Himself from His adultery-committing people and suffered heartbreak over and over again... don't we do that to God now? Yet Scripture clearly says that while we are unfaithful, God is truly ever Faithful... and marriage is supposed to illustrate Christ's affections/desires/passions/love for the Church He calls His Bride... so how can a Christian married couple feel like God wants them to divorce????
that's my question and totally cannot understand that they felt God wants them to when there's more in Scripture that calls for them NOT to divorce and more than anything besides extenuating circumstances... divorce is never the option...
when you have 2 sinners coming together to do life... you don't get perfection... there's work involved... and heavy repentance needed on both parties because both are sinners... that's not any grounds for divorce at all...
I completely think this married couple on the verge of disobedience truly needs to work things out if they call themselves a God-fearing, Christ-loving Christian couple...
I don't believe God wants anyone to get a divorce, but because of the fallen nature of mankind it sometimes has to happen.
I think divorce should be only an absolute last resort in extreme situations. That's why marriage should be carefully approached. Too many people just dive into it and then whine that they want out because things get too real.
Still, as fallen humans, there are times when it has to happen, and I am in no place to judge anyone.
If it doesn't line up with the Word of God then it is not of God. Simple eh? I think so. Not too hard to get. Right?
I can understand divorce if there is abuse or unfaithfulness involved, but I can't stand it when couples say "we're just not in love anymore." This is why you NEVER take marriage lightly, get to know the person BEFORE you walk down the aisle, and discuss your values, how you want to raise children, etc. So much goes into a marriage other than the preparations for a ceremony. Maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high if more people took the time to communicate and think about what marriage actually means to them.
But I have wondered this...maybe something in the Bible talks about this and I just haven't found it yet, but what if you marry a Christian, and later on in life your spouse decides they no longer want to be Christian anymore? Is that grounds for divorce, since the Bible says "do not be unequally yoked"?
No... absolutely, 100% not... no...
Jesus only one excuse for divorce... but even then, it is better to work things out.
Well I know that none of the couples I've married have divorced yet. (Fingers crossing)
God never contradicts His own Word. 'Nuff said.
@slashbuckler@xanga - Good comment! Said little, but said enough!
A couple I have known since I was two is in the process of separating.
He has been severely abusive to her for 30 years. She has left him twice, gone back each time for the sake of the children, and the abuse got worse. Now all of their children are gone from home, and she finally felt released (by God) from the situation and left.
I love her like family, and this is the first time in 26 years I have seen her happy.
I cannot see how a God who's first commandment is to Love Him, then love your neighbor, would want her to go back to that. Or a God who commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, that He died for her, would ask this woman (who's faith is stronger now that she is free) to go back to mental/emotional/verbal/other abuse.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - If the husband is abusive, then she should definitely get away from him. In fact don't walk, run. However, separation doesn't mean getting a divorce. The hope is that being separated from his wife will cause him to come to repentance and seek to get right with first God and then with her. If at any time the husband does foolishly decide to be unfaithful to his wife while they are separated, then that is Biblical grounds for divorce. She needs to stay away, pray for her husband, seek counseling, and watch over what he does next.
The point of the original post was asking why God would be telling them to get a divorce even though everything is going OK except that they perhaps don't feel in love anymore. Simple answer is that isn't God telling them to get a divorce but another voice altogether. God never contradicts His Word. "God just wants me to be happy" is not a good reason for disobedience, because it's not in the Word. God desires that we obey Him and trust Him. If anything at all it is God's responsibility to remain faithful to His Word, and if there's one thing I'm sure of is that God always vindicates Himself.
I've always felt like the Bible is decently clear on God's opinion of it.
@slashbuckler@xanga - yup, i agree.
The only reasons for Christians to get divorced is abuse and unfaithfulness.
Now anyone who tells a woman to stay in an abusive marriage is completely insane even if both husband and wife are Christians. That seriously makes me angry that there are Christians out there who believe staying in such a marriage ... Any Christian man who hits his wife is a coward and should totally re-evaluate his faith in Christ.
There are many things that God does not want us to do for good reasons. I am one of the fortunate ones--married 54 years this month to the same woman. I am glad that we did not divorce.
Should Christians divorce? No. But do Christians divorce? Yes. God hates divorce, but He loves the divorced that are repentent.
If it is against their religion, then no, they shouldn't divorce.
@leadworshipper82 - Gen. 3:14-23
Then the LORD God said to the serpent: "Because you have done this, you shall be banned from all the animals and from all the wild creatures; On your belly shall you crawl, and dirt shall you eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; He will strike at your head, while you strike at his heel." To the woman he said: "I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master." To the man he said: "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat, "Cursed be the ground because of you! In toil shall you eat its yield all the days of your life. Thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to you, as you eat of the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face shall you get bread to eat, Until you return to the ground, from which you were taken; For you are dirt, and to dirt you shall return."
The man called his wife Eve, because she became the mother of all the living. For the man and his wife the LORD God made leather garments, with which he clothed them. Then the LORD God said: "See! The man has become like one of us, knowing what is good and what is bad! Therefore, he must not be allowed to put out his hand to take fruit from the tree of life also, and thus eat of it and live forever." The LORD God therefore banished him from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he had been taken.
It is right for G-d to choose to seperate Himself from mankind because He is worthy of Eating from the Tree of Life. He is complete and no part of His nature, desiring evil, must find its end-death. He desires only Life from my understanding. It is important that he put enimity between the woman and her offspring and the serpent. He put no seperation between man and wife. Instead, He set them out on this journey for Truth and Life together, creating only a division in their labor. Therefore, it is not right for a man to seperate himself from his wife, nor a woman to seperate herself from her husband. The time period to cool down can easily be a breeding ground for misconceptions to arise.
@slashbuckler@xanga - There was a case of a woman who was so inclined to follow G-d's law she could not divorce her husband. He did not commit "adultery", but he was sexually abusive to children. Her sense of the law was so intrinsic, that despite taking on her husband's Christian faith, she could not violate the exactness of the code without dividing herself. So she stayed in the marriage. So in cases of abuse, I am glad for Christ's mercy that He will honor any repentance- even for the sin of divorce, a tragedy. She could not seperate her husband nor was it in her nature to deny him sexually, despite his perversion and grievious sin because it is unlawful for a woman to deny her husband sexually. She stands outside of the favor of G-d if she denys him the right to her body as she is forcing him to sin- putting a stumbling block in front of him. This woman was born a Jew and her husband was her introduction to Christ. So when she decided to divorce, she was excommunicated from his church after already being thrown out of her family's favor for the sin of intermarriage. When they heard of the sin of the father, than it is spoken behind their hands that this is the cost of intermarriage. This woman in now barely in her sixties. For thirty years she hated G-d and more than He, religion. Because she could not understand the harshness of the Law. It took a long road to understand Christ would forgive her for staying in the marriage. She can forgive nothing. And for leaving the marriage. Still, she does not know what is a greater sin. NO one but Christ does. But certainly, her husband committed an adultery?
@slashbuckler@xanga - where I am a couple has to be separated for an amount of time before they can get divorced. And I know she is going to go through with it.
I think in each case we have to look at the situation carefully. Just as no two people or relationships are alike, niether are any two marriages.
Ideally, we marry for life, ask God's blessing, and try to honor Him with our lives and behaviors. We love each other, and are often blessed with a child(ren) to perpetuate the species.
Wordly life is not ideal. People sin. And when they do, it affects others, especially the spouse. After all, they are the one you are around the most, they are the first target.
Working together through counseling, etc., can resolve many challenges in a marriage. But that is a two way street. Both parties have to want to make it work, be willing to sacrifice and make adjustments in their expectations. Easier said than done. We can be simplistic, look at the Bible, and read that any reason, except sexual unfaithfulness, is not acceptable. That was a compromise given by God at the time, many were divorcing and leaving their wifes to fend for themselves, and pursuing younger women from neighboring tribes.
Sexual unfaithfulness can be described many ways. It isn't just limited to having intercourse with another person not your spouse. Withdrawal of participation by one person. (Ice Queen syndrome) Enduring sex becuase it is your duty, thereby taking all the pleasure out of it and making it miserable for your spouse. (it happens all the time, esp. when she is over 35 and has had kids. Hormones are very powerful critters.) Him getting so focused on sports or work he has no time for her, and gives here the occasional "wham, bam, thank-you-ma'am". Getting twisted into perversions like porn, kiddie or animal sex, etc.
Seperation may be a temporary solution, in fact there is some Biblical basis for it. But if the situation cannot be resolved, it is better to divorce, heal, and resume life. You are of no use to God if you are being abused, being abusive, hating life because you are trapped in a marriage with someone you hate, etc. God hates the sin, and desires us to have one spouse and marry for life. That is the ideal. But we often fall short of that. And when we do, we repent, ask forgiveness, heal and move on. God is able to forgive the sin of divorce as easily as He does the sin of swiping the ink pen from the drive-thru at the bank. It is us humans that try to rationalize sin, categorize it, etc. With God, sin is sin. You missed the mark. It is imperfection.
So for those of you who have loved and lost, there is hope. For those of you who divorced or have been divorced, there is hope. God forgives through the sacrifice made by Jesus on the cross. We are able to again be loved and cherished by someone, even if we have experienced the pain of divorce. And short of watching one of your children die, there is not much that is worse to experience in this life than the pain of a divorce, especially if you didn't want it.
@BunnyHu@xanga - you're right in that man never should separate... but at the same time, as the Scripture tells us that the collective people of God commits adultery, God sometimes would abandon His people and through the punishment of other conquerers such as the Assyrians or the Babylonians... He would leave them to the hands of the rulers they wanted to follow the gods of... BUT, He always came back for them in love... so to in the same way, I have no problem with a husband and wife being apart to work through issues, repent, then coming back together and working through issues with each other and repenting with each other....
No. Period.
The Bible says Divorce, for anything other then adultery, is wrong. It's quite clear. No were does God tell us that marriage is for our happiness. Not that we aren't suppose to or not allowed to be happy, but that God's goal for marriage isn't our personal happiness, rather, our holiness. For a more detailed explanation of this, read The Sacred Marraige by Gary L. Thomas. This thought has saved me many hours of grief in my marriage. ~ L