My dream wedding: my husband standing across from me (he shares my faith and understands me), Jesus standing next to me, angels EVERYWHERE. =]

This is what has happened to me: "when you kiss and hug, become emotionally, physically, mentally and essentially spiritually attached to another without the real commitment called marriage? You give away your heart to that person, little by little, bit by bit, and then that person begins to own you, to possess you because you allow them to. "

I hate that I let it happen. Boyfriend has a hard time understanding why I don't want to partake in these activities anymore. Well dear boyfriend, it's because I know it's wrong and I have God's voice of truth within me telling me not to do it! It hurts me, and it hurts Him, but boyfriend can't understand. He thinks that because I've allowed it before, that I should allow it now. I feel soo used. I hate it. I hate how he talks about me in sexual terms all of the time.

=/

*Okay, confessional is over now. Looks like I really needed to BLOG!

@music_of_the_heart08@xanga - I have that exact same problem. For the record, I don't think hugging and kissing is wrong...with limits, of course. Every couple is different, and clearly those things are not right for you at this time. The problem begins when hugging/kissing/any other kind of physical intimacy becomes the main focus of a relationship, not communication, trust, etc. You are smart to be able to realize that. Unfortunately many women -- shamefully, myself included at times -- still hold on to the idealogy that having A boyfriend, any boyfriend, is better than NO boyfriend at all.

@DistantStarlight@xanga - I like your comment. It made me feel good inside. 

In reference to this "You risk jealousy, irritation, insecurity and depression." Even in friendships, you risk that. Plus, there are both males and females who choose not to date but do participate in flirtatious behavior which can cause people to get the wrong idea. Also, if you begin to like someone and it isn't the person God has for you, your heart is still at risk. Even when you come to realize that it isn't going to work out the way you hoped, you are still going to hurt and possibly experience the emotions I quoted from your post.

I don't date nor do I plan to date, so I do agree with your post in that area, however, I have seen people experience emotional heartache w/o dating. As in any situation where we know God is in control, we can still feel pain because of the circumstances. Losing the person you had liked or had thought was the "one" will cause grief within. We shouldn't be made to feel ashamed because of that grief. I did get very hurt by a guy  who was my friend, acted very much like he liked me, and who I thought God was showing me was the one. It is a rather complex story. God revealed certain things to me about that guy and those things all proved to be true. When I expressed my pain to other Christians, some of the responded with "God will bring you a guy in His timing." Although I don't doubt that, I wasn't out looking for a guy. I developed feelings for a friend and I got very hurt. My pain was very real but people couldn't see that. Telling me that God would bring me a guy in His time didn't provide me with any comfort. It made me feel ashamed, as if the feelings I felt were my own fault and if I had just been trusting in God this wouldn't have happened. But I was trusting in God and felt frustrated when I tried to communicate the details of everything that had happened, because some people weren't really listening. They were prepared with their response ahead of time and never really heard a word that I said. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God put that guy in my life for a reason. I know that God was working in that. The end results may have been painful, but I do trust God. Still, my pain existed and I could not be placated by the notion that in time God would bring me a guy.

Basically, I am just trying to say that people are going to hurt regardless and that doesn't mean they have been impatient or haven't trusted in the Lord's leading.  We need to be able to offer comfort to those when they are hurting from a situation like this because their pain is very real.

I've noticed Christians like to talk about their heart as if it actually shaped like a real heart, and you can cut it up and give chunks of it away and then never get it back. So, what? If you have kids and love them with "all your heart" and then have another one, you have no love left for it?

Love doesn't work like that. Love is renewable- you don't only have so much of it. I don't know where people came up with this. It isn't biblical, God never said anything about not becoming close to someone because then your heart will stay with them and you won't have enough for your future husband.

I'm not sure where this is coming from- it's very dangerous to get married to someone without having ever entered an intimate relationship before. You can't know what's important to you until you've experienced it.

In theory this sounds all good....
But people tend to overthink and get emotionally attached anyway to their "good friends" who they "like" who they may or may not be dating. 

I think that the situation will be different for everyone.  Dating can be good.  It's not this horrible "giving your self away" experience that some like to portray it as.  Like any situation, you need to be smart and honest about it, and not get carried away.

All I can say, is pray about your specific situations.  If God's leading you not to date, that's wonderful.  Let God guide your decisions, no one else, no matter how persuasive they may be at trying to get you to date or not date!

i'm glad y'all enjoyed my post and that it sparked some interesting conversation.  if you like these, there are plenty more on my church's networking site, God's Corner.  www.godscorner.org

God Bless!!

I have just been struggling with this very issue! Recently, my boyfriend and I broke up. We both felt strongly that God brought us together and in the early stages of our relationship, we both felt that God was leading us to eventually get married. Granted, we didn't push the limits sexually, and quite frankly, he was the first guy I had ever dated that didn't try anything. What a blessing! After several months, due to external circumstances, we began growing apart. He is going through a really difficult period in his life right now and he needs time to get things straightened out.

I did give my heart to him. I gave my hopes and dreams to him because we were thinking of building a life together. I'm still very much in the grieving process over all this.  However, I wouldn't have changed the happiness we had for one second.  Yes, I am hurting and sad right now, but when you are in a committed relationship, there is nothing on earth that is as fulfilling or joyous. As Shy___Away@xanga put it, love never gets used up. In fact, I recently heard someone say that the more we love, the more love we have to give!  That goes against every law of nature and science, but I firmly believe it's true.

While I would really like to say that I have never dated (and I know a friend that never dated anyone - including her husband!), it isn't realistic for me. I've already dated enough "frogs" and I very much know what's important to me. I haven't been idling my time away waiting for someone, rather, I spend my alone time - especially when I feel sad about being single - studying God's word and praying. Trying to grow closer to God is a never-ending journey! Thankfully, God has been with me and guiding me the whole way.

One verse that God brought to me even before the brake up: Psalms 27:14 Wait on the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord. 

God will provide in His perfect timing.