Wednesday, 19 August 2009
-
Disrespecting Women is the New Chivalry
by Sharon Hodde of SheWorships
Yesterday as I sat by the pool reading, I overheard the following conversation between a guy and a girl who were sitting nearby. The young man was criticizing a friend of his who treats women badly:“The guy talks down to her all the f—ing time! I’m sorry but I could never be such a d—head and f—ing talk to girls like that.”
The girl nodded in full agreement. I imagine her heart swooned to be in the presence of such a gentleman. “Who says chivalry is dead?!” she must have thought.
Can we please back up and review that conversation? Even now I sit in amazement of how ridiculous the whole thing was. While condemning another man for supposedly treating women poorly, this guy was simultaneously showering the girl’s ears with profanity. While criticizing another man for disrespecting women, he was disrespecting her.
And what’s even worse is that she ate it all up! Not once did she see the hypocrisy of his actions. It never dawned on her that he was dishonoring her by speaking so obscenely. In her eyes, his passionate distaste for another man’s sins was chivalry enough.
Sadly, this kind of “chivalry” pervades our culture. For another pertinent example, just look at popular song lyrics today–it’s now a term of endearment when a man calls a woman his “bitch.” Women feel flattered when guys ogle their bodies like pieces of meat in a butcher shop window. And it’s even gotten so bad that women will excuse their husband’s infidelity as long as he doesn’t leave them. These women proudly state, “He may go out with those other women, but he always comes home to me!”
Seriously? Is that the best we can hope for?
The ironic thing is that women have encouraged this behavior as well. In addition to dressing in ways that provoke the exact kind of attention we should be discouraging, some women actually punish men for being gentlemen.
I will never forget the time a guy friend of mine was riding on the bus when a young women got on. There weren’t any seats available, so my friend stood up and offered his seat to her. The girl’s response was surprising. Instead of gratefully taking his seat, she was indignant: “I don’t want your seat! It’s not like I’m too weak to stand!”
This isn’t the only time I’ve heard stories of this kind. I know numerous men who’ve been reprimanded by young ladies when they held the door for them. The mindset, I assume, is that men are treating women as weak, fragile, inferior beings when they condescend to offer such gestures.
This is the backwards world we live in. We have become so confused that we interpret honor as insult. Women are actually demanding disrespect as a sign of respect. Not only do we tolerate it, but we invite it.
But why?
This is a complex question that has many, many different answers, but at the heart of it all is a complete loss of our identity. Women have forgotten that they are the crowning jewel of creation, designed to glorify God with their beauty, requiring honor and respect from the men created to care for them. Women have forgotten that they were made in God’s image, so they should expect men to treat them with the appropriate respect that such an image deserves.
Ladies, we must refuse to participate in a culture that renames dishonor as valor, cowardice as courage, and dominance as strength. We may twist and rationalize every misbehavior possible, but at the end of the day it is still utterly detestable to God Himself, so we must work to view the world through this lens.
And if you have a female friend who is allowing herself to be romanced with this new form of chivalry, please tell her. Remind her that God created her for more than she realizes, so she must not stand by while her beauty, and the beauty of God, are spit upon. We are better than that. And more importantly, God is better than that.
-
recommend
- recs 8
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (75)
When the girl is cussing just as bad as the guys, I'm pretty sure that isn't much of an insult to the girl in the situation.
Chivalry can't really be applied to today because it was a standard set for knights in the medieval ages to keep them in line with the nobility and the church. I think a better term for the "correct treatment of women by men" would be a common courtesy.not every woman on earth finds profanity to be disrespectful. unless it's a man calling me names directly, i really don't care.
personally, a guy holding a door for me means next to nothing. same goes for picking up the check, carrying a heavy box, etc. respect comes from treating me as his equal, not as something breakable.
Yesterday, I was leaving a store. When I opened the door, a man on a cell phone rushed through. Not only am I a woman, but I have gray hair and was carrying a package.He didn't even say excuse me nor thanks, just rushed through.
My generation did this. I'm sorry. I didn't participate, but we are all stuck with the result!
My take on language is, one can hear it without repeating it. We can only control our own selves in this, because few abusers listen. :(
"'The guy talks down to her all the f—ing time! I’m sorry but I could never be such a d—head and f—ing talk to girls like that'". How is that disrespectful to women? "Women have forgotten that they are the crowning jewel of creation, designed to glorify God with their beauty, requiring honor and respect from the men created to care for them. Women have forgotten that they were made in God’s image, so they should expect men to treat them with the appropriate respect that such an image deserves". Almost all women are capable of squeezing out a kid, that's no reason to be treated kindly if you go around being mean to people who weren't mean to you.
Chivalry, true chivalry, is and always be chivalry.
All the terrible nonsense pervading this society now though is the result of 40 years of feminism and total disrespect for men.
I have the read a chilling summation that states that feminism means "a man must respect women, a woman has no reason to respect a man".
Genuine respect is a two-way street, and the terrible messing with Divinely willed order in recent decades can only lead to disaster. The proper balance, harmony, magic and respect between men and women needs to be reclaimed.
And if you want to hear some TRULY terrible things...though watch out, it is depressing beyond measure...then take a look at the vulgar ways that all these girls and 'women' who have gone "lesbian" in recent years treat and speak about each other. On one hand hating men and considering themselves 'better' than men, imagining they treat each other "better" than men, but continually acting like only the very WORST of men. It is horrendous, and has to stop.
Sadly, some women have received what they were asking for in recent years...by denying any value or worth in men, yet still conceitedly expecting men to be stoically chivalrous. And many other innocent women have copped some of the flak as well.
We all need to get back to true honour, modesty and respect between men and women.
The way we are meant to be with each other. God's way !
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - agreed; he's not cursing at her.
and opening doors, offering seats... that's just common courtesy. it's what humans should do for each other, and not something to only be expected of men.
My girlfriend swears more than I do...
There are indeed many, many reasons for the situation you listed.
I encourage you to continue strengthening and encouraging your sisters-in-Christ to refuse to rename dishonor as valor, and to place real value on Godly honor, courage, and humility as true strength.
It is so true that the only strength that man, or women, can have is through Godly humility. Just remember that, as you said, dominance is not strength; I'm afraid that when you said "Women have forgotten that they are the crowning jewel of creation, designed to glorify God with their beauty, requiring honor and respect from the men created to care for them. Women have forgotten that they were made in God’s image, so they should expect men to treat them with the appropriate respect that such an image deserves." it seemed that you drastically and dramatically contradicted that statement that dominance is not strength.... when exaulting women as the "crowning jewels, designed to glorify God with their beauty, and made to be cared for by men" it appears as though you are trying to set yourself up as dominant.
You have some good words to say-- just be careful not to be dragged into the opposite side of looking down on men and such.
I do understand why someone would be flattered by a man enjoying the way they're built, but it should NOT be the only thing they like. And they shouldn't ogle like it's a piece of meat, just glance and privately appreciate, I'd say.
Other than that, yes, our culture has become utterly ridiculous. Just because you're strong enough to stand or open a door doesn't mean you have to! It's a sign of respect to open a door for someone. They don't just do it for girls, anyway; don't most people open doors for whomever is behind them, regardless of the gender of either party?
all i know is I'll treat a lady however she wants to be treat... she wants to be treat equally, i'll treat like a dude cuz that's really what she wants... if she wants distinction between sexes and defines herself as a lady... I'll treat her like a lady...
i like to give ppl what they want...
Oh gosh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this post. I have noticed this myself. It's really sad. What's even worse is that it's being done into oblivion now. Just as the example you gave with the man and the obscenities..... neither noticed. I'm really quite ashamed to be a part of this generation sometimes....
@leadworshipper82 - So what about this bit, "This is the backwards world we live in. We have become so confused that we interpret honor as insult. Women are actually demanding disrespect as a sign of respect." So,If she wants to be disrespected, you'll disrespect her?
@deepestrecesses - I definitely see what you're saying. And agree. There does need to be a balance, for it isn't of dominance of either side that determines respect.
I feel like the feminist movement had a lot to do with women's negative attitude towards chivalry. Women spent time making sure they're treated as equals by men, and any "special" attention makes them look weak (i.e.- holding doors, giving up seats, etc.). I don't agree with this at all but honestly the majority of women brought it on the whole group. I do agree men and women need to be equal but I do think there needs to be a balance in respect for each sex, not just the women.
@aznspartan94@xanga - I agree. I believe it's 40% more women swear now and many swear more than men. A large majority of women I know swear more than a lot of my friends.
@ultravioletskies08@xanga - define disrespect... if by disrespect you mean she doesn't want the door opened for her (which is what a dude SHOULD do)... or pull the chair out for her (again a dude SHOULD do)... even standing when she leaves the table or other such chivalrous deeds which men SHOULD do like second nature... and in that light, I find that said woman lets me know of her disdain at such acts... then i go thru the door without waiting for her, pull my own chair out, and other such unchivarlous deeds, and that is what you define as disrespect? then yes... partly because dudes don't do such for other dudes necessarily like nature dictates we treat women with honor and respect and such actions are the overflow of such treatment... but if a feminazi doesn't want it, she wants to be treated like a dude... therefore... I really won't go out of my way to show her such... it's what she wants right?
For me, I like I to treat my boyfriend to dinner quite often. I think we should both contribute. He holds the door for me- but I like to hold the door for him too.
-I can't say if I was on a bus and a stranger offered me a seat- I don't think I would take it -man or woman.
If he was quoting someone saying those things- I don't really feel it is cussing. -It is quoting. -If he had been using those words toward her (or around little kids) -that would be different
I am glad my girlfriends are not offended by cussing.
p
I think that there's nothing wrong with swearing. And personally, I do kind of hate chivalry. I hate it when guys open doors for me (it's awkward, I don't care if you're supposed to do it), I hate it when they pull the seat out for me, and I have (polietly) refused a bench seat and a bus seat.
Of course, I told my boyfriend this all beforehand, and we're both okay with it. I know some girls like it (a lot do), but the girl should respectfully tell her guy what makes her feel awkward or not.
@leadworshipper82 - I see. I wasn't referring to the feminists though.... but I see what you mean with them.
@ultravioletskies08@xanga - if a lady wants to be treat as such... i will give her that honor... but normally, a feminist will never want that honor since she finds it more fulfilling first off to emasculate the men who will try to be kind-hearted and chivalrous and then go off and do things by themselves... frankly, i see a big double standard with this... equal treatment should also mean equal bearing of the load right? but there is no such thing... because egalitarians who think women should be dude-like deserve that right but in turn dude-like women also want to have the benefits but never the cons...
@leadworshipper82 - Haha. Indeed.
Aren't dedicated Christians suppose to be misogynistic?
I'm glad you folks don't follow EVERYTHING that's in the bible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"This is a complex question that has many, many different answers, but
at the heart of it all is a complete loss of our identity. Women have
forgotten that they are the crowning jewel of creation, designed to
glorify God with their beauty, requiring honor and respect from the men
created to care for them. Women have forgotten that they were made in
God’s image, so they should expect men to treat them with the
appropriate respect that such an image deserves."
Uh... what kind of book are you reading?
Woman was made in the image of Adam's Rib. Unless of coarse you are a descendant of Lilith, in which case you are some kind of demonic zombie succubus, because she was cursed by God because she wanted to be on top.
Hell wasn't Eve made on a whim? Adam looked around and noticed that none of the farm animals would be suitable "helpers", so he turned to God and God made Eve for him. It's in the first chapter of the book! Genesis 2:18-22
Woman is also responsible for the original sin, that kicked all of us out of the garden.
Plus Timothy 2: 11 up to 15. Talks about how woman should be submissive and shut up when men are talking, and how women should do woman jobs and not man jobs and other misogynistic drivel.
This needs to be featured on Datingish. I'm sick of all the blogs there lately that attempt to justify men's addiction to pornography, the best "defenses" being "Guys can't control their sex drives" and "It's not like he's in love with those women or anything." If posts like that must be featured, perhaps it should be on Sexish or Lustish...anyone else agree?
Also...the word "bitch" gets reinforced by women too, who use it as a term of endearment (anyone ever see Mean Girls?). Guys will only get more permission to use that word in a light-hearted way the more women use it as such. Respect goes both ways.
Really great point and post. As a female in today's society, I have been the product of a divorced/broken home where even when my dad was around, he was absent. My mom, my sisters and I had to rely on ourselves to get things done. I am not used to men doing the types of chivalrous things I only read about was the norm even 50-60 years ago. I have had men allow doors to slam in my face instead of holding it open, stand around and "admire" how impressive it is to see that I can manage carrying heavy packages, or ignore me and go about their business when I've had flat tires and such.
Interestingly enough after a lifetime of learning to depend on myself, I've had some older Christian men get offended at me because I declined (very politely and graciously of course!) when they offered to help carry a suitcase or help me out of a car, but after constantly getting the message that men don't want to be bothered with helping with those kinds of things, I can't help but feel like I'm burdening them if I actually accept their offer. Sigh. It's not always easy trying to figure out what will or will not offend.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - If guys can place the blame on women and not themselves it is another way to control them. Simple, yet effective.
Unfortunately for them most people don't buy into it these days.
Yeah, damn that women's rights movement and liberal agenda making women not like being treated like highly breakable objects. Plus we've cut off the metaphorical balls of all the men in this country how terribly disenfranchised they must feel. [end sarcasm]
But seriously, people need to get some thicker skin all around. Try on some empathy once and a while and don't take everything anyone says or does like a personal attack on your entire value system. A woman listening to someone curse is hardly an example of being disrespected. A man trying to give up his seat for a woman who doesn't want it is not an example of his testicles getting stomped all over. All this stuff just reminds me of rich white guys complaining about being disenfranchised and victims of racism. Puhleaze.... get over it already. Stuff happens we don't like, people are rude - move on with life. If the women around you don't want your help to open doors, carry bags or sit down, just let them do their thing and get over your 'manly' need to be 'helpful'. That is respectful of the person she is, which is more important than the ideal you have imagined.