Monday, 10 August 2009
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Loneliness: Part of the Christian Life?
Being/living in another country (especially alone) can sometimes be VERY hard. Even Jesus went through isolation and loneliness! I think that everyone who is in ministry has gone through/has to go through isolation and loneliness SOME TIME in their ministry, whether married or not! But I think especially being single is hard, in ministry, because in the loneliness, sometimes all you have is God there with you! If you are married, you have your husband/wife AND God to talk to...though only God can take away your loneliness completely! Sometimes, I've heard you can be married and still be lonely.
I have definitely learned through this experience my first year in Korea that people cannot always be there for you. Sometimes it will just be you and God. The hardest thing to trust, though, is that it is you and God, not just you alone! God has been trying to let me know that I can call on Him anytime I feel loneliness and He is there to help me and listen to me!
Sadly though, sometimes when I am lonely, I don't pray....I don't open up my heart to God about how I feel. I call someone on the phone, I email, I surround myself with "things" instead of calling on my Great Deliverer for help.
Things that I sometimes do when I am lonely (some spiritual, some not):
1.) Pray/talk to God honestly and from my heart
2.) Read the Bible
3.) Sing worship music to God
4.) Talk to friends...but as a missionary, sometimes you have only a handful of friends and they are SUPER busy! (that's my case)
5.) Surf the internet
6.) Even cry! (a good cry is good sometimes)
7.) Watch a movieWhy do you think humans feel lonely sometimes? Have you ever been on a mission trip somewhere, on a team or alone, and felt lonely? Are you married and felt lonely sometimes too? What do you do when you are lonely?
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Comments (24)
I think loneliness is normal. I don't know why we experience it, though. I am married and have been lonely my whole married life. I have wonderful friends now that I didn't have years ago, so I don't get lonely nearly as much as I used to. But when I do, I usually do one of the things you have listed here. It's just normal, I think. Bless you!
i'm in a lonely part of my life, it's really hard. and i know i've been called to missions also, so i'll definitely go through the same kind of loneliness as you.
the one thing that encourages me right now is knowing that God is helping me grow and change and that He was in the wilderness without food for 40 days. so He knows what it's like.
hang in there! and i do the same things when i'm lonely, some with God, some without. it's so much easier to fill that loneliness with other stuff.
God's got you right where He wants you, and this time of loneliness will end, because everything has an end.
OH my GOODNESS! I KNOW what you mean! I went through ywam for a couple years. God did AMAZING things, but feeling alone, was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I know I'm not alone, I know he's there. I respect you SO much for serving in Korea! I miss the Korean style prayer. God bless you in what you are doing. I like the way psalm 1 puts it
Blessed is the man (/woman) who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his (/her) delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he (/she) meditates day and night.
He (/she) is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he (/she) does prospers.
Whenever I feel lonely, I know that I just need to pray and remind myself of what I know, that I am never alone, even if I wanted to be. This constant companionship manifests itself in many different ways. Primarily, the Holy Spirit (by virtue of my baptism) which brings me into continual relationship with the Father and the Son. Also as a Catholic, believing what I do about the Eucharist, I remind myself also that I have a very special relationship with Christ, being united to Him through His own Body and Blood. Being too that every Catholic (over a billion) in the world, plus our Orthodox brothers and sisters, shares in the same Eucharist and is united to the same Christ in it, I am united with them also. Being, too, that Christians from the original Apostles, Mary the Mother of God, all of the saints and every Catholic over the last two thousand years who is in heaven participated in the Eucharistic Communion, and also as they are united to God in heaven, they are my companions as well. Then there is my guardian angel.
So, when I have feelings of loneliness that do not seem to fade when I go and interact with my brothers or my friends, I know that the Spirit is prompting me to step out of the world for a moment and count my blessings, remembering my place in the great web of love and communion that God has woven around me through Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Feelings will fade, but knowledge will endure so long as I am granted the grace to believe it. Without the Eucharist, though, it would be so much more difficult for me; I can't imagine my life without it.
A few cases in point: Elijah after fleeing from Jezebel after the victory over the prophets of Baal; The OT Joseph (many times-first one after his own brothers sold him, and on and on), David when he was being pursued by Saul, Daniel, Esther and a couple of others.
What do I do? More often than not, put on calm inspirational music.
Good post, friend. The sort that should be on revelife more, I think. Missionaries sacrifice so much. It's unbelievable. I don't know how I could live without the friends I have.
While your personal relationship with God should be first and foremost, relationships with people are incredibly important. We were created for community and relationships. "It's not good that man should be alone." So I think the attempt to connect with friends should be a bigger priority in quenching your loneliness than watching a movie or being busy.
loneliness is definately a partof the package...unfortunately, and sometimes there is no way out. Its so true that so many people are surrounded by people and are still lonely
I'm a single grown-up missionary kid from Germany and the times I feel most lonely are the times that IF I choose to run into the arms of my loving heavenly Father, I learn how to listen to Him better. If I'm busy and distracted by life, it's almost like I have an agenda for the time I get to spend with God.
One other thing I believe is that loneliness makes us long for heaven that much more. I have friends all over the world, but none of them live close enough for me to visit with on a regular basis. I really feel as though I have no place to truly call home here on earth, but I know that in heaven, I'll see all the people who have loved me because of God's love in their life. And likewise, I'll see all the people who I have loved because they are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Maybe I'll even see some people who I loved because God' love was in my life and not yet in theirs, but God's plan was for them to come to know Him personally. Loneliness to me is simply a deep longing for heaven, but recognizing that it is not yet God's perfect timing for that homecoming to occur or my loneliness to cease.
I just went on a trip to China. I did do it alone. I don't necessarily recommend it but that is the way it happened for me. I guess if I had stayed longer I would have been more homesick. If I had my own place I would have been able to fill it with my favorite things and I think I would have been ok. I have yet to completely return to my home. I am spending time with family in Seattle,Washington. I don't want to lose what I have learned though. One thing for sure is the mission field is great but I don't think it is for me full time. I love meeting new people and going places but I don't think that God has called me to that. There is more to missions than what meets the eyes. It is not just a vacation. I was gone two weeks and I missed my 20 high school reunion,my niece being born,and my cousin returning from second tour in Iraq. I believe that I would not be able to leave my family and go away for years at a time to do hard work. and live below American standards for the Lord. I thought I was a real missionary but not so. I love my comforts from home. I came back with a desire to support missions abroad and set up a network with different groups where I can stay in touch and maybe get support for mission groups abroad. God already told me that my mission is here in America but my heart is still in China especially Hong Kong.
Its natural to feel lonely even in a room full of people. when im lonely i usually let my mind wonder and start to think about things, about my life, family, friends, the past, present and future.
Periods of loneliness are not the property of any one religion or way of life. Just about everyone has felt lonely at some point. It's even possible to feel lonely while walking down 5th avenue in Manhattan during rush hour. Believe me, I've done that one. I imagine there are many and varied causes behind loneliness. Sometimes there is an emotional cause behind it. Sometimes loneliness keeps arising because of flaws in the way we view life and the world. Sometimes it's physical like a person who is often depressed because of a chemical imbalance in the brain, thus the relative success of drugs like prozac. I know. I'm not helping here lol. Just know that when you are lonely you're not alone. People from all walks of life feel lonely at any given moment. The good thing about feeling lonely is it makes us ask why and how we can change our lives to make the loneliness go away.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement everyone! :) God bless you all as you pursue Jesus in your daily lives!! :)
P.S. Each of you have/had really amazing, personal, deep answers! I am glad to see that this post touched your heart & lives deeply! Praise God! :) Aren't you thankful for the Body of Christ?? We need each other!!
Once I married the only time I got lonely is when we were separated. At that time I wrote love letters to her and read my books for work.
I had nearly 17 years with her which our Abba used to bring about great strides toward maturity. Its been nearly two years since she's been gone and a different kind of loneliness has set in. Its one in which I have to redefine, or let Abba redefine, who I am without her. I've learned to tell Him everytime I hurt and ache because He has rewarded me for doing so. A few months after her reprieve from this world, I complained to Abba that, though I had a lot of younger friends who I felt loved me, I didn't know anyone who had lost their spouse who could help me grieve her loss. Within seconds of registering this complaint, the father of one of the college students, who had lost his wife two years before I had lost mine, knocked at my door for the first time in his life. When I opened the door and saw him I told him he was on a mission from God and he had just accomplished it.
I'm looking for a way to let Abba satisfy all my needs for friendship and fellowship. I have been for years. It requires an intense intimacy and paying attention to His presence all the time. It also requires enough desperation to be obedient to the especially hard and scary things He asks us to do. I'm beginning to get the sense that letting Him suffice is possible. Then again, it is my only goal.
i felt very lonely when i was at the convent.. i didn't feel very at ease.. i just felt that i had to be myself
and try to conquer thru that time..i guess that is why it isnt such a great idea for me to do that again
never understood why being alone or lonely is a bad thing. Some of the lonliest places I've ever been was in a room full of people. I spent most of my days alone, I don't consider myslef lonely. There is much to do and learn in times of being alone, don't squander the time alone by trying to fill it up with despare, but rather rejoice in the fact you can finally have the time you need to hear God's voice in the quiet of your aloneness
I have been lonely most of my 76 years even though I went to school, worked and been married 53 years with children. I am a loner at heart. I like my alone time. I prefer it. lol Of course, with a great wife, children, grand and great grand children, it is hard to be alone. Also our 96 and 93 year old MIL and Auntie live with us.
I know some suffer being alone. I think those are driven to the Lord for more time with Him.
frank
THIS THAT YOU NEED IS WHAT YOU CAN GIVE TO ANOTHER PERSON.
IS THERE SOMEONE AROUND YOU WHO IS LONELY?
Rev George Moore UCC
Life is lonely Christian or not. But Christians have the opportunity to reach out to God and let the Holy Spirit fill that void. I sometimes think, when I am going through a tough time that feels lonely, that I have to walk through life single file and that only when I get to heaven will that feeling of aloneness go away. So feeling alone no matter where or why is a reminder that I'm not in heaven yet!
Very good blog!!!
Yup...I know exactly where your coming from... Mind you, my loneliness is from being an only child, then losing my Dad at 16, then marrying against my Mom's & Christ's desire, finally following God's word & after 2 ugly divorces, married the man I was meant to be with... And then, he was called home... And its truly amazing how many supposed friends abandon you because of your heartbreak, but having said that, I cherish being left alone, by those who do not understand & to ensure my walk with Christ is upheld, no matter what may come !
Yes, I miss my Dad, Mom & dear Hubby - but, I have the Lord & nothing can compare to His loving kindness & shepherding !
Christians have a special opportunity to connect with people that others do not have. So our focus is different, but we need to be reminded sometimes of that so we do not just look at ourselves.
One way to beat loneliness is to acquire an "accountability partner". A brother or sister in your case that we develop a trust in and be able to share our daily struggles with. Women seem to do this almost naturally while men hold it all in and think they can "suck it up".
The longer you stay in ministry, the more the need to acquire a faithful, trustworthy person you can connect with anywhere in the world (especially in your case). Opposite sex would develop problems so I'm only talking a woman prayer partner you can tell anything to and know it will not go further.
Our Lord is an amazing God! Ask Him for one! See who comes to mind for you in response.
Blessings to ya Maggie!
Why do humans fell lonely? I would say that it is ingrained in our being form creation. God did say that it was not good for man to be alone. God created the relationship for Adam. It would seem that we need other people. I know for me, I crave to be around other people, but have a fear at the same time. As to what I do, your list pretty well nailed it dead on. My friends are all busy. It has been hard after college moving away to a town where you start from scratch and do not know anybody. I do know that finding a good local church that is grounded in good Biblical doctrines is key.
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Amazingly .. im never ever ever lonely. I love my own company to bits .. I love being alone. Of course I love it when my son is with me too and im never lonely cause I know God, Jesus and the angels are always around me if I need someone to talk to :) .. Ya never really alone :)
Fascinating reading; thank you. As a former hermit, now a Solitary, .. people ask all the time if I am not very lonely, and i explain that solitude is a gift, a calling, a very strong and positive thing. For few it seems. Many seem to be not able to be at peace with themselves? Yet as I tell folk, I am never alone, always Jesus with me. And always the work of hands reaching out in prayer and in creative work to sell to support Sister who care for abandoned babies and the homeless. Solitude in this life is not loneliness. Loneliness is essentially self-centred, that is not meant in a critical way)whereas reaching out to Jesus in prayer and in working for others is of Christ. Not a sacrifice, but a joyful fulfilment.