Recently, Revelife featured a post entitled,
What is Your View on Dating or Marrying a Non-Christian? Readers gave widely varying, thought-provoking responses to the question.
I'd like to pose another question that also concerns your marriage choices. Would you marry a Christian of another denomination?
As a Catholic, I have always told myself that should I fall in love with a Protestant man, I would marry him. We both believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. We're all one body in Christ. So what's the difference?
However, I tend to ignore the more difficult aspect of the situation: our theological differences. Of course, there are the worship differences. Catholics (though not all) tend to worship in a more traditional manner. Protestants (with exceptions) tend to worship more charismatically. It's difficult, and sometimes awkward, to worship in a manner that one isn't accustomed to.
For me, the most essential difference between Catholics and Protestants is what we believe about the Eucharist. I've always believed in transubstantiation -- the bread and the wine literally become the body and blood of Christ. I know that my Protestant friends disagree and view the Eucharist as merely bread and wine, symbols that are shared among the congregation in remembrance of Christ's sacrifice. I would not readily feel comfortable with compromising my belief in this fundamental aspect of my faith simply because my (hypothetical) husband does not believe in it. And I'm sure he wouldn't be comfortable attending my church, where he is not welcome to receive this sacrament because he doesn't believe he is receiving Christ's literal body and blood.
As much as I would want to make an inter-denominational marriage work, I'm not sure I would be able to. Which denomination would the children be brought up in? Also, I strongly dislike the idea of one partner switching their denomination simply because they want to avoid conflicts with their spouse. The only condition under which a person should change their denomination is if they truly feel God is leading them to do so.
I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with marrying someone of a different Christian denomination. However, my concern is that theological differences will cause more tension than harmony in the marriage.
Would you marry a Christian of a different denomination? Do you think such a marriage could work?
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Comments (53)
If my wife and I attended different churches on Sunday, that would be extremely problematic. I don't think I could do that. There's just too much non-concurrent growth happening there.
I tend to agree with @SirNickDon@xanga on this one.
I am a practicing Catholic and I did marry a protstant. We havent had any problems. We got married in my church but for his family I didnt have a communion mass. My family and I recived communion before the ceramony. I take our daughter to church with me and my husband comes when he can but he works a swing shift so hes not there every week. We just feel since I stay at home and I am her teacher it makes the most sence that I would teach her what I know and believe. She does go with my inlaws on occasion to their church and I go with them for special occasions. Weve just discussed that where ever God leads her to be when she is older were fine with that. As long as she has a relationship with God. My family gave me a hard time when they found out I was marrying a non-catholic... but I think its better then marrying someone who is not a christian at all. There are the theological diffrences but they have never lead to any problems. Sometimes we discuss them and pull our bibles out and it becomes a learning session for BOTH of us.... and I do feel that we growing together. Honestly I do believe that God wanted us together. I couldnt imagine spending my life without him. My advice would be if you do decide to marry someone of a diffrent denomination is that you make sure you talk about EVERYTHING before the big day. The pre--cana classes helped a lot. You need to talk about were you take the kids to church and what you will teach them especially.
My dad was raised southern Baptist and my mother Episcopal, and it was Dad's pastor that told him he was "going to hell for marrying outside of his religion". (mind you, this was in southern Georgia in the 70s...things were very different)
That judgmental remark, among other things, led my parents to abandon church altogether for 14 years.
I grew up in a somewhat charismatic Protestant denomination and was taught from fairly early on that Christ was the center of the matter, that denominational differences were to be taken with a grain of salt. Apparently, at least in my mother's eyes, this didn't apply to Catholicism. So you can imagine the criticism that I received when I chose to marry a Catholic man--and be married at his church. (it wasn't a full Mass--we compromised).
The differences don't cause any issued between my husband and I. We both acknowledge that we are different in some aspects (aren't we all?) and understand how and why we believe the way we do. We have a common cause regardless of the differences in our faiths, and we focus on that. My mother on the other hand...well, our relationship has recovered for the most part, but my husband still doesn't trust her very much...
It depends on the denomination. I grew up Lutheran and still agree with the doctrine they teach, but while at college, I've been attending a Baptist church and grown a lot, been involved with the ministry, and enjoyed it immensely. Because I'm going into missions, I'd have the extra consideration of whether our differing beliefs would affect our ability to minister together, but as long as we just agreed to disagree on some areas, I wouldn't have any trouble marrying someone from most other denominations.
I know a lot of couples that are Catholic/Protestant. As long as the parents agree on what religion to raise the kids under, it hasn't been a huge problem in that regard that I've seen. You are limiting the possible ways to complete your union when you are not of the same exact denomination, but it is not an insurmountable problem. It really is not.
luckily my girlfriend is a believer but the two sides of her family are very baptist and very catholic, so instead of being amidst family drama they just don't go to church. that makes it easy for me to bring my girl along to any church we decide to go to once we get married.
Why should a different denomination stands between your love of God and your spouse? There is only one God.
Maybe you'll meet a nice high-church Anglican boy.
I've personally been a member of churches in at least seven different denominations (depending how you count the charismatic Lutherans) and my wife comes from a Pentecostal United Methodist church (just about the one denomination I haven't been part of). So I tend to think your background is not so important as seeing that you're on the same page spiritually and are willing to worship together in whatever church you mutually decide on.
I don't see how different denominations would work really. Wouldn't that mean going to different churches? My grandma was traditional Christian, while my Grandpa was raised Catholic. Y'know what happened? Grandpa went to Grandma's church. While they divorced years later, I know that influence didn't leave. Not the best story to be telling but it is the truth! XD As for the question, no I would not marry a Catholic. It would lead to too many disputes. I'm too fundamentalist for a Catholic boy! XD
That is difficult. I am currently with someone who's agnostic and sometimes I struggle with not being able to share parts of my faith. Not that he tears me down for it but I sometimes feel we do not relate on that level. Although we do go to Mass on some Sundays together, he only goes b/c he wants to spend time with me. That's a very nice sentiment but there are times when I wish he would at least give faith a second chance.
It's difficult when dealing with someone who has strong convictions in another faith, though I agree with you that we do share a common bond with other Christians (I myself being Catholic if you haven't guessed yet.) I guess it depends on each individual relationship and how those two people want to handle it and how you set your own priorities.
Probably... but I'm not that like "intense" about my faith. I don't think I could really deal with someone who's a real radical believer either.
Since I'm working on becoming a pastor, I would find it difficult (not insurmountable, but difficult) to marry someone who would be insistent on attending a church of a different denomination (or a different church at all). Now, I'm of the United Methodist tradition, which allows for a lot of differing viewpoints even on issues on which is takes a stand, so it might be easier for a potential wife of a different tradition to accept it (unless she's a fundamentalist baptist... that wouldn't work lol). As far as the theological differences go, as long as she'd be willing to engage in discussion and agree to disagree (both things I've been working on in myself), they wouldn't pose a huge problem. But, as far as church attendance goes, as a future pastor, that would cause issues (mostly because of the perception).
I'm already married, and my wife and I come from very similar backgrounds.
Theoretically, I wouldn't rule it out. However, what type of church do you go to? What about your kids?
Personally, I'd want her to be able to defend her position reasonably well and for the two of us to be able to graciously disagree. Even then though, I think it's an unnecessary complication (though finding a mate isn't as simple as car shopping).
the bible clearly says
DO NOT BE UN-EVENLY YOLKED!!!!!!!
i think its stupid
how FAR people take on traditions
of other groups!
its really pittyful
when half of us read from the same as bible!!!!!!!!!
its a dam shame!
im juz a CHRISTIAN!
idk about all that other dumb B.S. no offense to like
methodist or baptist or this or that!
dam...... its like ...........
not once did JESUS say he was either or lol
he came to do the WORK of HIS father!
i think all this happend when folks started trying to be WISE in their own eyes....
as proverbs warns us about..............
me personaly
baptist would be the safest choice...........................
they juz believe in the PRACTICE of baptizing................. and thats about it.........
they dont condemn any1 who doesnt go through it
they jus wanna be like jHON lol
I think it depends on how different the denominations are. If you're talking Catholic and Protestants, well, that might be a big issue. But two different denominations within the Protestant church - I don't think that's a big deal. My husband and I are both from Assemblies of God churches, but we both feel more comfortable in a non-denominational or interdenominational church. I think that marriage is all about compromise, and as long as you're not compromising the BASICS of your faith, I don't see a problem. I couldn't marry outside the Christian faith, but within denominations, well, that would have been fine with me. I certainly dated a few outside of the Assemblies of God denomination.
i also like
churches
that are MIXED
with BLACKs and WHITES!
i dont like ALL white CHURCHES or ALL black CHURCHES!
i love when EVERY1 can come together and worship GOD
asian spanish white black and so on!
Fuck tradition!
juz read the DAM bible and preach it from WORD.. king james version!
and praise the lord ........
CUT all that other B.S. tradition shit up!
i mean.. wat domination was JESUS!
POINT exactly he wasnt in ONE*
he let his actions and words speak for himself!
idk i think its all B.S. and ignorant kind of
so are catholics.......... they are so lame lol
I was raised Lutheran. My husband was raised Catholic. We attend church together at a Church of the Brethren. Really, we found the Jesus is the most important part of our faith, and of our marriage. The rest is details.
As far as the Eucharist... I learned about the theological parts in college: transubstantiation (Catholic) and consubstantiation (Lutheran), as well as symbolic (lots of others). [Sidenote: As far as I remember and understand, Lutherans officially don't take the symbolic view. While they don't believe that the bread/wine actually change, they believe that Christ is "in, with, and under" the sacrament as it is imbibed.] Knowing the theological background really didn't affect how I took the sacrament, except that I knew I wasn't welcome to do so in my then-boyfriend's church.
After I graduated, I spent 5 days taking a course on monasticism at an Abbey that also housed a university. I went to the pre-supper Eucharist mass with the monks and a couple of classmates. When it came time for the sacrament, I had planned to abstain. However, one of the Brothers encouraged me to get up. I told him I was Lutheran. He asked if I loved Jesus, and I replied in the affirmative. He said "Well, then, get up there!" The same thing happened when I was visiting some Sisters that are friends of mine. The Brothers and Sisters understood the importance of taking the Eucharist as a body of believers. It is a communal experience (hence the word communion that my church used growing up).
I find it interesting that many churches get caught up about whether someone has the right theological background (head knowledge), rather than on the state of their hearts.
I think that it would be a very difficult thing for me to marry someone in a different denomination (but I guess it would depend on the weight of differences between the two). I am protestant and I dated a catholic guy for a year. It was a really difficult thing for me because we had many differences in theology (like you said) that never were resolved. I broke up with him because I knew that I would never be able to marry him with these differences. And it was really hard. I originally tried to overlook them and concentrate on "well, we both believe in Jesus, that's all that matters" but eventually I couldn't ignore them anymore because they were things both of us found important and differed on.
The way I see it is that when a man and woman are married, they need to be united and the man is the head, the woman should be submissive to her husband (in the biblical sense of the word submissive). So for me, I knew I just would not feel right in my spirit when there were so many differences and that I would not be able to spiritually be submissive and united with a husband with those beliefs. I think marriage is a kind of relationship unlike any other earthly relationship and that it's okay to realize that you can't just marry anyone, What I had with my ex-boyfriend would have probably been a really good friendship, and that's okay, just not a good choice for dating/marriage.
I'm not saying it couldn't work or doesn't work with some people, I just know that under my personal convictions, I no longer wish to date (or marry) someone unless I really understand what it is they believe. And I think that's God's will for me as far as marriage is concerned, that if He wants me to be married He will send me someone of a similar mind and heart that I could be united with.
i would have no problem marrying a Christian, provided they didn't expect me to convert just because we got hitched.
I think it's more likely to work with
Protestants marrying someone from a different Protestant denomination
than for a Catholic to marry a Protestant, for the reasons you gave and
all the other Catholic beliefs that Protestants don't agree with.
My aunt is Protestant, my uncle is Baptist. They go to different churches, have been married for maybe 30 years, and their marriage is fine (well, from what I can see). My boyfriend is Catholic, I am not, and we plan to marry. I don't judge his religious beliefs, and he doesn't judge mine. And, should we have children, we've decided to raise them Catholic because it's a lot more important to him than it is to me. I think it'd be silly to not marry the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, just because he's of a different denomination.
I really think compromise is the key.