Saturday, 11 July 2009
-
Advice Needed: Should I Leave Church Because of My Sin?
by a Revelife reader
I've been attending the church I am at for about 14 months. Last year I became a Christian, got baptized, and became a member of the church. My belief became very important to me and still is. I enjoyed Sunday worship, reading my bible, going to youth group and having Christian friends I could share my beliefs with. I found myself to be good friends with the pastor's kids, and as well as him and his wife – they are like second parents to me. And during tough times I have turned to Him to help counsel me.This was particularly helpful when I had a fall in my behavior as a Christian for a week, as I just turned 18 (legal drinking age), and my 3-month Christian boyfriend dumped me out of the blue, the day after my birthday. Fortunately I came to terms with the issue and stopped drinking excessively from then on. Eventually I came to peace with the break-up and have remained good friends with the guy.
Unfortunately I have always had trouble coming across someone my own age who is a good example as a Christian; someone who can guide me and understands the situation I am in as a young newborn Christian. Despite the fact that I have Christian friends, mostly outside of my church, I found myself disagreeing with many of them because of their behavior (excessive drinking, not enough focus on relationship with God, promiscuity, drugs, swearing and more). It was always disappointing to come across this behavior and made it difficult at times to even believe they truly had a faith in God. Also, very recently my pastor's daughters left home within the two weeks of each other to live with their boyfriends. Since then, they haven't turned up to church anymore, which makes me question if they really believed.
Not long ago I got back with my old boyfriend from two years back. He's not a Christian; however, he was someone I always had a connection with and had gone through tough times with. We had to learn to forgive each other's wrongs. To me, as much as I pushed him away, he always showed Christian love somehow, the kind of love described in Corinthians 13. Even though I knew it wasn't biblically right to be with a nonbeliever, I have a hope to bring him to Christ by example someday, in his own time. My pastor made it clear it was a dangerous choice, as well as a risky choice to make, so he does not support it. However he did like my boyfriend upon meeting him. He is a nice, easygoing person, who very genuinely cares about me and is capable of talking to me, even with my beliefs.
In the past, he and I had sexual experiences, that I stopped when becoming a Christian. Though we never had sex, we always came close. A few weeks ago, after much distress over the choice I was making internally, I decided to give him my virginity. I decided I know God doesn't like premarital sex, because of the corruption, the way people use each other, child sacrifice, the immorality (people sleeping around), and so on. I know God intended sex between one man and one woman for life, and I am not my boyfriend's first unfortunately. But, I believe me and this guy will last, we have serious plans for a future together, and he has always been a highly committed person in a relationship.
The problem is, I know I am convincing myself against God's word. I know I am wrong, yet I don't want to stop. I feel like God has now put a wall between me and Him, since I broke down that wall between me and my boyfriend. I know I couldn't be the only one, but that still doesn't make it right. It's human to make mistakes, and unfortunately it became human to sin.
I love God, and now I wish I could say with all my heart, but now it's hard since my boyfriend has a part of my heart too. Nevertheless, I love God, and believe in His sacrifice, His word and that He will return. I know I will be punished for my sin, but I can't take it back. In some of the New Testament books, it is said that the parts of the church that are sinful should be removed.
Should I leave church because of my sin? Do I deserve to be in his house, and talk to him, when I am sinful? Does God still listen to me?
-
recommend
- recs 2
-
share
-
email
- sent 1
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (128)
i don't think you should leave the church inspite of your sins.. i have thought about leaving the church
during my harsh times.. i didn't know exactly what i should have done.. knowing that i kept feeling
scare of dealing with the facts of my reality. i thought about becoming atheist, but then realized
it wasn't a smart move b/c of someone. God is more power and everlasting.. i shouldn't do
that to God.. he is the one that made me to be who i am today
You shouldn't leave your church. Everyone sins. Everybody in your church has sinned. What you should do is admit your sin and how bad you feel about it to God. But if you want to keep that spiritual bond with God, stay with the church.
By the way, when you were talking about why it was "okay" to sleep with your boyfriend, it was all rationalization. You made a conscious decision that you wanted to sleep with him, and because of that you came up with reasons why it was okay. If you're that sure you guys will make it, then there's no reason not to wait. Everyone in a serious relationship assumes they're in it for the long haul, but things come up. Things change. I hope you guys make it, but saying you think you will is not a good excuse at all.
By the way, to all you atheist/agnostic bashers, I'd like to tell you all that I'm an agnostic bordering on atheist. I also don't see anything wrong with sex before marriage. The only reason I'm saying this is I've seen plenty of people on here who think agnostics and atheists are unable to see things from the viewpoint of a practicing Christian, so I wanted to show that we are able to see things and give advice looking from your viewpoint. Obviously this girl thought premarital sex is wrong and follows scripture closely. There's no reason to say things like "premarital sex is okay" and all that stuff that is unhelpful.
@Rain_of_Mystic_Sorrow@xanga - The heart is decietful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it Jer.17:9 The bible also says He who follows his own heart is a fool.
Fornicators shall not inherit the kingdom!
Standing in judgment over Gods word is not wise!
"The heart is decietful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it Jer.17:9 The bible also says He who follows his own heart is a fool."
We follow our hearts to religion and we are asked to open our hearts, things that contradict that statement. If you follow someone else you would still be following your heart and mind in doing so. The bible also says "man know thyself" while elsewhere it advises us that the wisdom of man is limited. The bible is full of seemingly contradictory statements. Some people take them at face value or literally, others take them as metaphors. Usually we do both, picking out things that suit our own hearts and minds. Some of us use phrases in the bible as justification for killing others while others of us use phrases as justification for compassion, both of which are emotions of the heart. I believe it is our responsibility to know our hearts and our minds and in that regard I believe the kingdom of heaven is within. Some say the gospel of Thomas played an important role in the early days of christianity but was later left out of the new testament, supposedly for political reasons. According to the gospel of Thomas, Jesus said:
"...the kingdom is inside you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will come to be known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father."
"It will not come by waiting for it. It will not be a matter of saying 'here it is' or 'there it is.' Rather, the kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it."
It rings true in my heart and mind. For others it might ring false in theirs. Your seeking spirit is what is most important. The answers are there inside of you as well as all around you, including in your friends. It's never about guilt or someone outside of you telling you what you should or should not do. It's about life and realizing within yourself what is right and wrong and sometimes stumbling along the way. That doesn't mean kill someone if you feel like it. There are laws and of course the commandments to serve as guidelines.
"I Cor 6:9 badly mistranslate "porneia" as fornication. Corinth was a wide-open port city. People there could get sex any way they wanted it. Where our English translations read 'fornication', Paul's original Greek word was 'porneia' which means to sell and refers to slaves bought and sold for cultic prostitution. What was happening in the Temples of Corinth was farmers were visiting the temple priestesses who represented the fertility Gods. By having sex with these prostitutes they believed their fields would be more furtile. It didn't even have to do with going to prostitutes, but pagan cultic worship.
In Rome, the Latin prostitutes would hang out in small alley's and behind small L shaped walls. In Latin the shape is called FORNIX, hence the place association with acts of prostitution gave "fornicatio" Where Paul was condemning sex goddess, cultic, prostitution or trafficking in slaves for that purpose, the Latin fathers substituted 'fornicatio', which led readers to believe that Paul was condemning all forms of premarital sexual intercourse."
Some modern English Bible versions translate "porneia" as "sexual immorality", a term which is supposed to clarify the somewhat obscure and dated "fornication", but is really a catch-all term that allows interpreters, both professional and lay, to apply this passage to any sexual behavior at all, far beyond the specific practices to which Paul refers."
-http://www.libchrist.com/bible/fornication.html
We never get to hear from the Christian side that supports pre-marital sex, so there it is, one group's voice to counter the argument. I posted the link earlier, but I guess posting some of the information will be better. People might then actually go to the link and read the rest of the page.
@SpiritedTangent@xanga - I am glad that there are some dissenting views in regard to keep oneself sexually pure among Christians. I remember a post a while back on masturbation and just couldn't believe the lengths people will go to try deny the body's natural urges and feelings. It just can't be healthy to be so wound up over being sexual beings. Its fairly recent in human history that people have even begun to try to be abstinent into their twenties (until marriage) since people used to get married a lot younger.
@cornerstonechwk - If the heart can lie, the mind can be decieved and our own thoughts and feelings are not to be trusted, how are we ever to live honestly with sincere belief in anything?
@The OP - like I said before, if you take the time to examine what you believe and why I hope you will come to a place that make you feel stronger and happier than before. That could lead to you leaving the church, it could lead to you joining a different church, it could lead to you staying. But at least you will know why you are where you have chosen to be and hopefully be free of the guilt and uncertainty you feel right now.
God forgives everyone. Don't stress out about it. I'm 18 and I know how it feels. You're young and free so go out and be young and free. And if you love your boyfriend it shouldn't matter if he's a Christian or not. My boyfriend of 8 months is Agnostic and I've given myself to him. I still love God and I know God loves me.
Dear Friend, you know that what you did was wrong. God has convicted you because He loves you. He has not put a wall up between you and Him. Jesus died to take down the wall and He will never put it back up. Your sins are forgiven...Jesus died for them. All of them. Should we continue to sin because our sins are already forgiven anyway? How sad to do something we know offends the One who Loves us eternally and pursues us relentlessly. He loved you so much He died for you. He gives us a lifetime of chances! Yes, he may choose to discipline you because of your choice to knowingly sin. So, does a loving mother who wants to see her daughter make the best choices for her life. Walking away from God will only leave you more heartbroken and full of pain. Seek Him and He will forgive you again and again. None of us are perfect. We will make choices we know are wrong. But it's not what you do but what you do after what you do. If you know that what you did was wrong it's only because God Himself is with you and His Spirit is speaking words of guidance to your spirit. He does this because He loves us. Read your Bible and check out what I'm saying if you don't know who to believe. God will affirm the truth as you read His word. I pray that God will continue to bless you as you seek Him. - Deborah
God has asked us to confess our sins to Him and to one another, and to purify ourselves from our sins.
Whatever it takes (break up, better understanding with each other, or whatever) you have to protect your relationship with God first and fight at all costs to keep sin from coming between you and Him.
Instead of quitting and leaving, Go and seek help. Ask for Gods love. Repent and persevere.
God has paid a tremendous price for you to allow you to walk in His ways. I hope you manage to find the answers.
Keep us posted if you can.
The thing I hate about Christianity is that some leaders make you think that once you screw up, you're a SINNING EVIL DOER ARRGHHH. No. You're a human being. Life is hard and you WILL make mistakes. God will always forgive, especially as long as you are willing to submit yourself to him, and you are more than willing. You're with the church because you want guidance, right? Well, now seems like the perfect time to be guided.
And p.s., yes God is still listening to you. If he stops listening to everyone who sins, he'd be a very lonely God.
1. God didn't put up a wall; you did! He is always there...waiting...holding out his hand.
2. Jesus has atoned for all sins, so that those who repent can be clean (as if they had never sinned) and come into His presence.
3. To repent, one must change their behavior as well as their heart.
4. If you have found a person that loves you as much as you love God, they would understand your standards, your reasons for those standards, and would not selfishly cross the line to rip you from all you know to be right.
5. If you have to leave this person to repent there is another who will love you AND God.
i like to come onto xanga, and read the featured blogs and such...this one caught my attention. i seriously believe that if you love your church, then stay there, and God is always listenting, and He is always there.
God will never abandon or forsake you, you know? Talk to Him anytime you want, you know?
as for me, im not a christian. i grew up in a christian home, but as i got older, i slowly walked further and further away. you see, my mother was a divorcee, and she had five children; only two of the five have the same father. she didn't become a christian until she was in her adulthood. [in her twenties i believe.]
every church we've ever been, we've always been judged. always. after people out her testimony, they treated her like crap, and always thought they were "better" than her, because they were born and raised in christian homes, and married good christian men.
unfortunately, pastor's children all over the place, sometimes fall into the ways of the world. when i became old enough to attend youth group, a lot of them were listening to secular music, and sinning against God. The few that did follow God faithfully, had done so all their lives, and they were just so sweet, pure, and kind.
i felt that i didn't belong there...so when i turned about sixteen, i walked away from it all, because i was tired of being judged. i was tired of all the hypocrisy, and i was tired of all the lying, the gossip, and the backbiting among the women of the church.
you, however, have come here, and were completely and totally honest with strangers you don't even know. you obviously do feel remorse for your sins against God, and you seem really sincere, and genuine in your walk with God. as you are now learning, it is a lonely existence, but you won't feel so alone if you close the gap between you and God. throughout my childhood, and my early teen years, i had moments where i felt God's presence, and memories like that stay with you for a lifetime.
the Christian life is a very rewarding one, and even though ive walked away from it all, it is refreshing to see someone as dedicated as you are.
now, onto your problem. as for your sins, confess them to God, and make a conscious effort to not this fornication happen again. your boyfriend seems really cool; i mean, he even attended church with you! that is really cool of him, and i think that if you continue living by example, you very well might bring him to the same beliefs as you. i really think that you and your boyfriend should ease up though. i understand you're comitted to him, but you're also comitted to God as well. i think that once your walk with God becomes stronger, and you can really heart God inside your own heart, then you might be better equipped to handle the situation altogether, you know?
and as far as the Bible is concerned, it is of my personal opinion that while it is God's Word, it also has been in the hands of man for thousands of years. it's understandable to conclude that there are differences in the first Bible that was ever writ, and the one that thousands of people are reading every single day, you know?
Good luck with your situation, and I sincerely hope that you find what you are looking for, dear. and no matter what, God is always there. God doesn't walk away from us, We walk away from Him.
we all sin dont stress it
I'm thinking about the whole 'waiting until marriage' thing... even though I already have a kid.
In God's Word it says in 1 John 1:9- If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
i am a christian. i still sin. it happens! and i still go to church even though i sin a lot, like everyone does. why? because i know that God is a God of mercy and "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us". of course, that's for sure not an excuse for us to be like "oh well God has forgiven me already so i can do whatever i want". we should strive to be more like Him each day. It's never easy, but God can help us through ever step of the way.
Oh yeah, one thing though, I get that this guy and you have big plans for your future. And i know that you've both now already had sex so it's not like the whole waiting till marriage thing is an option for you guys. but maybe put off the sex for a little bit. It will allow both you and your bf to concentrate a little more on your relationship with God and where your relationship as a couple is headed (ex. can you see marriage in your future?) As they say, a couple that prays together stays together. :)
God loves you. And no one in that church should condemn you for sinning; they're sinners too. all sins are equal in God's eyes. But you've already been forgiven for your sin, when you became a Christian. Now, you SHOULD go to church, if anything, to sort this whole thing out with God. He's the only one who has to know, and the ONLY ONE that can help you not feel guilty and help you sort this all out.
:)
You are fine girl. It is people who say god says you've sinned, not god.
another one is led to slaughter....
First off- forget what your pastor says. you make the decision on your own. God doesn't/shouldn't/wouldn't judge you on such petty things as leaving church because you're with a nonbeliever, or because you had premarital sex or any of that. Honestly, He would most likely judge you on whether or not you are coming form the heart.
DON'T EVER MAKE THE MISTAKE OF JUDGING SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT CHRISTIAN!
its a trap that many fall into. for all you know you might find a person who might not be a christian and will treat you better than ANYONE in that church ever will! (By the way christianity is one of the most hypocritical religions but we won't get into the history of that.)
If you believe in God and believes in his word from the heart. I say make your decisions based on that. God guides and works in mysterious ways. Don't weigh your sin with the church. Its a mistake already made once you start thinking like that.
I find something ironic, in this post. Based SOLELY on what you shared (I'm fully aware there must be other contributing circumstances), I see you judging others - and being afraid of being judged (hence contemplating leaving the church.) I realize that new Christians very often see life exclusively in black and white - but let me tell you something: gray is a much more attractive color. If you are going to have sex - don't put down the PKs for living with their boyfriends. Who are you, but someone saved by God? Someone who sins daily, apparently, just like the rest of us. So before you condemn others - look at the plank in your own eye. Aside from that - perhaps you should change churches. I'm NOT saying leave the church - I have my own opinions on the "Church" as an institution, but it sounds as though this one is not helping you currently... go and seek. I felt - sad, and rather angry, after reading your blog... because you hit a nerve, probably. I have a hard time judging others, because I am so aware of my own sins. You claim to be aware of yours ... yet you're judging. Please, stop. It's not your place to judge other people... it's your place to show them God's compassion - and also to extend it to *yourself*. Realize that God loves you regardless - and you should keep seeking.
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than meis not worthy of me; anyone who loves hisson or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" -Matthew 10:37
Keep that in mind.
Do not leave church. You have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Yes, stay in church. Church is where sinners belong. WE are all SAVED SINNERS. So Church would be empty. LOL. Just keep your Relationship with God in all you do. Never give THAT UP. That is more important than any physical relationship. Stay Encouraged and Keep God first. You may be the catalyst that gets your boyfriend back to a relationship with Jesus.
@MasterShoe11@xanga - God exists in everything and in everyone. That is what i believe jesus meant when he said "Rather, the kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it."
Many believe god is up there somewhere as if on a perch looking down at us. Many painters throughout history have depicted god as being up in the clouds looking down at us but how else were they to show what they were trying to show on a canvas? It is natural for us to grow up taking these painting literally rather than metaporically. That's where it all goes awry. God is within everything including ourselves. When we are hungry all we see is food. When we walk past a bakery the aroma of fresh bread makes us hungry. A love letter makes us feel happy and a dear john letter makes us sad. Everything is both within us and within everything else. jesus also said "the kingdom is inside you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will come to be known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father." It's as if jesus pointed us in the direction of the father and that direction is within ourselves but instead we keep following jesus around pointing at him.
don't leave church no matter how greatly you have sinned, Jesus Christ is our brother, and he died on the cross so that we could commit sins and repent of them. He loved us that much, and because of the Atonement. you deserve to be in church no matter how greatly you sin, if you're willing to repent and ask for forgiveness as well as forgive yourself. don't ever let the adversary make you think that you're not good enough to be close to God just because you've made mistakes. everyone makes mistakes, it's just a matter of asking for forgiveness or letting sin control our lives.
May I suggest that leaving the church will make things worse? You know that wall you talked about? By leaving, you will reinforce it. You will make it stronger and tougher to tear down. Why? Because you are removing yourself from the very people that God has provided to help you and support you in growing closer to Him. You said God built a wall between you and Him. I don't believe God would do that. Simply because God would not block your path to him. He gives you the choice to walk TO him or AWAY FROM him. If he blocked that path, he would not be giving you a choice.
Here is the deal: God wants you to be near him, but he can't be in the presence of sin. Correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't want you to feel like I'm preaching at you. If you want to draw close to God, you have to seek him. Go to his presence (yes, this means prayer, and to answer your question, he does listen to you). Give him your sin. Ask for his guidance (and I would suggest that you be specific in your prayers).
That's all I believe I need to tell you, because if you truly want your relationship with God to grow, then God will guide you. He will tell you what you need to do. Not in so many words, but be on the lookout ;). He will ask you to do things that will be hard. You have chosen a destructive path (and I hope that doesn't offend you, because you did say you knew what you were doing is wrong), and he will ask you to turn around. To walk away from that.
You have to decide what is more important to you. And I very much hope that you know why you choose what you do.
You seriously should not be asking a question as dumb as that.
If you are truly Christian you would know that
God doesn't turn his back on a sin like that
as long as you know that you were in the wrong
then he forgives you.
And if you didn't know that
then i suggest you go back to reading the bible again.