Saturday, 11 July 2009
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Advice Needed: Should I Leave Church Because of My Sin?
by a Revelife reader
I've been attending the church I am at for about 14 months. Last year I became a Christian, got baptized, and became a member of the church. My belief became very important to me and still is. I enjoyed Sunday worship, reading my bible, going to youth group and having Christian friends I could share my beliefs with. I found myself to be good friends with the pastor's kids, and as well as him and his wife – they are like second parents to me. And during tough times I have turned to Him to help counsel me.This was particularly helpful when I had a fall in my behavior as a Christian for a week, as I just turned 18 (legal drinking age), and my 3-month Christian boyfriend dumped me out of the blue, the day after my birthday. Fortunately I came to terms with the issue and stopped drinking excessively from then on. Eventually I came to peace with the break-up and have remained good friends with the guy.
Unfortunately I have always had trouble coming across someone my own age who is a good example as a Christian; someone who can guide me and understands the situation I am in as a young newborn Christian. Despite the fact that I have Christian friends, mostly outside of my church, I found myself disagreeing with many of them because of their behavior (excessive drinking, not enough focus on relationship with God, promiscuity, drugs, swearing and more). It was always disappointing to come across this behavior and made it difficult at times to even believe they truly had a faith in God. Also, very recently my pastor's daughters left home within the two weeks of each other to live with their boyfriends. Since then, they haven't turned up to church anymore, which makes me question if they really believed.
Not long ago I got back with my old boyfriend from two years back. He's not a Christian; however, he was someone I always had a connection with and had gone through tough times with. We had to learn to forgive each other's wrongs. To me, as much as I pushed him away, he always showed Christian love somehow, the kind of love described in Corinthians 13. Even though I knew it wasn't biblically right to be with a nonbeliever, I have a hope to bring him to Christ by example someday, in his own time. My pastor made it clear it was a dangerous choice, as well as a risky choice to make, so he does not support it. However he did like my boyfriend upon meeting him. He is a nice, easygoing person, who very genuinely cares about me and is capable of talking to me, even with my beliefs.
In the past, he and I had sexual experiences, that I stopped when becoming a Christian. Though we never had sex, we always came close. A few weeks ago, after much distress over the choice I was making internally, I decided to give him my virginity. I decided I know God doesn't like premarital sex, because of the corruption, the way people use each other, child sacrifice, the immorality (people sleeping around), and so on. I know God intended sex between one man and one woman for life, and I am not my boyfriend's first unfortunately. But, I believe me and this guy will last, we have serious plans for a future together, and he has always been a highly committed person in a relationship.
The problem is, I know I am convincing myself against God's word. I know I am wrong, yet I don't want to stop. I feel like God has now put a wall between me and Him, since I broke down that wall between me and my boyfriend. I know I couldn't be the only one, but that still doesn't make it right. It's human to make mistakes, and unfortunately it became human to sin.
I love God, and now I wish I could say with all my heart, but now it's hard since my boyfriend has a part of my heart too. Nevertheless, I love God, and believe in His sacrifice, His word and that He will return. I know I will be punished for my sin, but I can't take it back. In some of the New Testament books, it is said that the parts of the church that are sinful should be removed.
Should I leave church because of my sin? Do I deserve to be in his house, and talk to him, when I am sinful? Does God still listen to me?
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Comments (128)
Don't leave the church.
The Bible says "all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God."
Also, read Paul's struggle in Romans 7.
We have all, even those of us who love God, and are called according to His purpose, sinned, sometimes willfully.
Rather than leaving the church, cut yourself off from your sin, or the source of it. If the sin is in your own heart, pray unceasingly for God to help you deal with it.
If you were being pressured to sin you've confessed to, then you need to seriously examine the relationship that's putting you in this position.
Forgive me for prying, but if you're willing to obey what the NT says about cutting off parts of the church that are sinful, why are you not willing to obey the NT command that says not to be unequally yoked? Why not obey other commands.
I'm not a psychologist, but I your decision as having two possible roots: shame or convenience.
Leaving because you feel inadequate will only serve to bring you down further, and possibly take you farther from the God you love. Leaving to escape the sense of guilt and condemnation would also remove you further from the presence of God. Discomfort is one of the ways that He deals with us.
I don't mean to come across as judgmental - I've gone through the same thought process.
But I'd warn you against leaving the church simply because you're just as human as 100% of the other people that attend.
of course you should stay its not the healthy that need healing but the sick thats the whole point of it all.
you completely deserve to be there. the church is all aboutt he broken, the sinners the --etc. it's for everyone even if some church old timers like to get snooty. repent for your sin, he'll forgive you, and try not to do it again at least intentionally/being aware of it.
<3
I once saw a church sign that said, "Perfect people not allowed." Church was made for "sinners." You're no different from thousands of other Christian men and women who have had sex outside of marriage. God won't abandon you if you don't abandon Him.
I'm a bit confused by your sudden reference to child-sacrifice. Do you think what you did was akin to that?
Repent and go to church, just don't continue in your sin. Get prayer and meditate on the Scriptures and ask the Lord for guidance with everything. If you got anymore questions ask. I'm praying for you.
I feel bad for you that as a new Christian, you had such bad role models, the friends from the other church and your pastor's daughters.
I know I will be punished for my sin, but I can't take it back.
You can't take it back, but you can make the choice to not commit any more fornication until you're married. God wants to forgive you. It's his will and desire.
Should I leave church because of my sin?
Absolutely not.
Do I deserve to be in his
house, and talk to him, when I am sinful? Does God still listen to me?
Nobody deserves to be in his house. We're all sinners saved by his grace. Yes God listens to you, especially if you humble yourself and repent. The blood of Jesus will cover your sins. (I John 1:7)
I John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
My concern though, with you being with a non-believer is you won't be supported spiritually, even if the other person tries.
I, too, say don't leave the church--if there are people there who can encourage you and build you up in the faith-so much the better. It doesn't sound like you're at a point where you're willfully engaging in repeated intentional sin of rebellion.
If people ought to quit church because of their sin, Church would be empty.
But if you in fact intend to continue rejecting Biblical advice and sound discipleship of the local Church community, there isn't really a point to you being in the Church.
It sounds like you want to honor God with your life, maybe you just need a different Church where you can be open and transparent about your struggles and weaknesses.
http://www.libchrist.com/bible/fornication.html
There are two issues at work here:
On the one hand, "Be ye not unequally yoked," which is to say, it's a bad idea to marry a non-believer. But on the other hand, "It is better to marry than to burn," which is to say, if you can't control yourself, you need to get married.
You've already had a problem with this guy and intimacy. I think you should either marry this guy (which is not ideal since he's not a believer) so that you're covered morally, or get rid of him and find a Christian guy to marry (again, so that things are covered). Sometimes we need to be practical about things, and since you're now contemplating leaving the Church over the situation, you need to make a decision on this.
Leaving church shouldn't be an option. Fix the problem.
Wow. I honestly don't know what to say, because you and I are in the exact same situation, except I've recently decided to return to church, after spending years away from it. The reason I'm returning is because I've come to realize that I do need that support system - a kind I'm not getting from anywhere else.
Just know you're not alone in your struggle. I'll be praying for both of us.
Don't leave the church because you think you are sinful -- repent because you think you are sinful. Repent, repent, repent. God is waiting and ready to forgive. Cling to him. He will put your sin as far away from him as the east is from the west. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He does not want you to leave him.
It seems like what you really need to ask yourself, is why do you believe that premarital sex is sinful? Because the Bible says so, correct? But are you convinced that the Bible lays down God's laws exactly as they need to be followed? Is it possible that you are engaging in consensual sex between 2 loving adults and are starting to doubt just how wrong it really is? Do you resent the church you attend because it makes you feel guilty for loving your boyfriend - maybe even more than you love God?
There were many things in the Bible that I had a hard time accepting. I too felt guilt over loving my boyfriend so much, for loving other friends and unbelievers.
My advice is for you to examine how much you really believe that you are damned in your love. I suggest you think very critically about why you think the Bible is the exact and infallible law of God. Maybe even open yourself to the idea that it isn't, that maybe all this guilt is for nothing. That maybe there is a way to live morally and free, making conscious decisions based on your own experiences and reasoning skills, not on a book written thousands of years ago. Maybe when you examine all of these things your faith will be strengthened, as these other good people so desire. But all I really care about is strengthening you as a person, to develop the reasons of your beliefs and the convictions in yourself. If the church is not doing that, if this faith is not doing that, it is time to move on.
Best of luck in your relationship and your life.
You don't deserve to be there. Nobody deserves anything from God. And the fact that we still recieve from him is the beautiful thing about it. He said he loves you no matter what. He wants you to go and see him. Does this make sense?
haha your testimony reminds me of me, when i first started out in church... i rarely consider going to church nowadays. but i try my best to give services to the church itself or the community...
i know i didn't fall into premarital sex like you have, but i was stuck in sin such as sexual immorality...
a bit different...
but i took a step of faith. it took me two years being a child of God, understanding what it means to have a faithful loving relationship with him and his children...
when i first stepped into church, i wasn't perfect, but i portrayed i was a servant, and loyal one that is...
everyone had high hopes in me. no one wanted me to fall, everyone believed i can help the youth rise up and step up...
but little did they know i was stuck in sin...
i fell to my knees and told them, once i got into church, i smoked weed with my friends, i was stuck in masturbation, drank alcohol and just acted like everything was A-OK christian dandy...
I was living in dark... and it felt heartbreaking coming to God...
but i knew if i kept in my secrets, to the people i loved and cherished it would hurt God the most...
I liked how Jaeson Ma interpreted it... most living in dark...
"Darkness is when you think you don't need God in your life anymore...
when you got it figure out and you got this Christian thing under
control..." - JMA
he means that you are capable of living that lie that you aren't a sinner to everyone around you, and be perfectly fine, losing your heart and soul to your sin...
believing God doesn't love you no more...
that he doesn't need you anymore...
i always thought in my mind, if you kept living in sin, God doesn't want you... because you set yourself to believe that you don't love him if you don't serve him...
but its not about him...
its about him loving you...
i made my decision...
staying at my church serving to do what is called for me to do...
but i say to as advice, certainly knowing i don't deserve to give you any, especially anyone else...
don't give in to that lie, you can't be God's child anymore if you keep living in sin...
Donald Miller says it better than anyone...
"God takes your mistake and starts from there..."
If you feel like you need to leave your church to follow God, Do it...
but it doesn't mean you should abandon what he has given you...
i know i don't deserve the home i'm at (church/family)
but i'm glad when the battle is rough, i know i can come to refuge there...
because there are times i'm too weak to call on God wherever i'm at outside of church....
Keep your head up, God will move you into something unimaginable you can't understand...
its just something you need to have faith in... ^_^ God Bless you in your trials.
@Jilofalltrades87@xanga - Agreed!
@Rain_of_Mystic_Sorrow@xanga - yes, what she said! I agree totally! don't give up the church, it IS for sinners. God IS listening, it's your conscience that is making you think he's not!
GOD made you and gave you a strong drive for sex so our species would survive. I say
accept yourself, accept God, and find a different Church or Congregation that is less stressful.we all sin, so does that mean we should all leave our church? no. because that is what composes churches, we are all sinners. we strive to be perfect like Jesus, but it's a daily struggle in which we need help through God, when you said that you believe that you and your boyfriend will last, we never know what the future brings, because only God knows. sorry for saying it so bluntly, because you might have been blinded by the relationship you are now in to realize that it might not last, as good as it might seem now. God listens to you when you confess your sins and wrong doings to Him, He still loves you because you are His child. and for you to know that you are doing wrong, it shows that you still love Him. it's hard to fight off our selfishness of what we want to do in oppose to what God wants us to do. but we are called to be His children, His disciples and listen to His words. Because everything that we do should be all for His glory. and i know many counselors have told us to not date people that aren't christians, and i believe this is true because emotions get the best of us that we tend to fall down with them, while having a christian partner gives motivation because you guys are both striving to be closer to God. it's a hard decision to make since you are already in the relationship, but you have to think if this is all really pleasing to God and is it going to help your spiritual path in the future. if not, then ask God to help you with your emotional baggage and help heal your heart. cause through Christ, nothing is impossible. and even though you may not find someone that is close to your age to counselor, you can always have someone that is older that will be a great counselor also. and dont judge your pastor's children, because they do are humans. they make mistakes and sin, i too have made that mistake. but my friend made me realize that just cause they are labeled as pastor's children doesn't mean that they aren't going to do wrong. but hope all goes well :]
to sin is human nature. the last thing God would want is for sin to sperate you from Him. the church dicipline that involves expelling some members was about people that did not think they were sinning and they did not see eye to eye with everyone else with God. sounds like you are the opposite, you are really serious about how God sees sin, so it those passages are not talking about you, honey
if you let shame and guilt make you feel less able to be close to God or to be involved in a church, that is too bad. like you said, you can't take it back. God knows that too, He really isn't surprised. when we knowingly do wrong, of course He is sad and hurt about it, but wouldn't He be more sad if you continued to let the shame and guilt let that affect you? He died so we could be redeemed and feel free and shameless in front of Him.
i know some believers will disagree with me, but i think that is what the New Testiment is saying. it is apparent that even after we believe, we are still not perfect, we still sin. we can learn to rely on God and stop sinning, but we should not be surprised or feel crushed when we do fail. we are still human and we still fail. we will not be perfected until we go to heaven. on earth, we will still fall short but the difference is we are forgiven. we mess up, we say sorry and He forgives, and He is the bigger person and He can take it. i mean really, He is THE Bigger one here, He is all about forgiving and wanting us to continue being in His presence, even if we mess up.
i am not talking about taking Him for granted, and clearly the author of this blog is not taking forgiveness for granted. Paul spoke against the believers that continued to sin and think it was a-okay to keep sinning, there was a "whatever, i'm forgiven, it's a free pass" mentality. that is what Paul spoke against. the same Paul reminded us to not like our guilt get in the way of being with God, that He wants to be close to us, not matter what we did.
if we still thought that we were too sinful, too low, too dirty, that would make Jesus Christ's redemption moot pointed. right? He died so we could freely come before God. He really is that gracious. He is not a petty, grudgeful God that likes to keep count of wrongs. He does notice and is hurt by them because He is just and holy. but He is also forgiving and merciful and loving. Jesus has proved that with everything He has done. He did not condone the sins of the prostitutes and tax collectors, but He approached them and invited them to come back to God, even though all the "better people" said they were not worth. Jesus said they were worthy, that God would accept them if they did repent.
lastly. about believers being dissapointed and discouraged by the sin of other believers. i used to be a member of a church that put a huge emphasis on "don't sin lest you be a stumbling block and you cause others to fall". while that is legitimately something that believers should do, pushing that too much made the church very performance/appearance oriented. it is raised self-accountability, but it is also raising the bar for judging oneself and others. people would frequently judge others and point out "hey, that is bad behavior, you will cause someone else to stumble". i think that is out of line because that is the job of the Holy Spirit--it is not our job to judge each other. we can remind and even confront each other but not with that spirit of judgement and condemnation.
if believers keep expecting each other to be perfect and saint-like, of course we will disspoint and discourage each other. let's all expect each other to be human and faulty. if we expect spiritual leaders and pastors to fail once in a while, we would be better off. clearly that is reality. why get devestated and all riled up. they are only human. they had a higher calling and they are "supposed to be better" but STILL they are not perfect. just roll with it. don't get bent out of shape. especially if the person repents. don't be condemning, but thankful and happy that they repent and turned back to God after they sinned. the worst thing to do would be to shame them and condemn them and hope they never be a part of church anymore.
Hai...
"Should I leave church because of my sin? Do I deserve to be in his
house, and talk to him, when I am sinful? Does God still listen to me?"
well i asked myself this question sometimes and U know what i understood
Have you ever thought the very reason you are trying to reach out to God is bcoz of the Holy Spirit in you.
Infact i say you should be very happy that no matter wat happened you are trying to reach out to God.
We can never be Good, Human by default is evil, its only the Holy Spirit who inspires us by putting in our hearts the things of God.
Because there are billions of people out there who have steeped down so much into sin that they could not even think of this question of coming back to God....
You should be glad that its God himself who is trying to draw you closer to him.
I know some times we mess so so so much that we think there is no way i can put all this behind in my life.But trust me, Our God is able, He understands.
If God really hated us for our inquities, just check to see if you are alive...coz he could do away with us just like that as it is written , we are just but a vapour, a mist.
AS LONG AS YOU ARE ALIVE THERE IS HOPE!!! This is a verse from the Bible somewhr in psalms i guess.
So this is wat i have done to get myself up whenever i fall.
Even i messed up in my life so much with a wrong relationship.
I thought i can never put this away in my life and that i can never have a happy relationship ever with any girl.
Holy Spirit prompted me to read the Bible, and the moment i opened it ...God said...replied exactly ...
Not to worry abt my future, infact he said these lines, part of a verse, where it is written, You Shall have a wife whom you shall love all the days of your life...
Well you know wat.....the Best thing to do to know if you are doing the right thing...
READ BIBLE EVERYDAY ....Im serious....Really Serious....
we may a lot of thingsalready but to let the truth sink daily into our hearts....we should keep reading Bible coz i have seen how messed up my life became when i stopped reading my Bible.
Thats wat the devil always does to keep you away from the word of God...coz that can save you.
You should always be keen on taking ur relationship with Christ to a new level ....
Coz its relationship with God!!!
And we dont have the slightest idea of HOWWWWWWWWWWW Great and awesome He is!!
Firstly becoz THERE IS NOTHING IN ALL CREATION OF GOD THAT WE CAN COMPREHEND COMPLETELY....starting with our own body...forget knowing about all the secrets of the earth or of space.
Billions of cells of even a small leaf are continously working....
Our God is a master Builder..
Jus look into the skies....and see the stars...what was the biggest thing you ever saw....may be some mountain or something....and just look into the sky and know that the same God who is always trying to talk to you is the who created all those stars and planets out there....
Imagine seeing all the mountains of all the planets of the universe??
Thats too huge actually...
All you have to do is Magnify God Every Single day....teach your mind to always know that He cant be put aside...seriously....its ridiculous to mess up with God...we all know that...but just keep trying...Keep reading...
I just want to end this by quoting this...
John 6:37
And Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
And let me tell you Jesus is the best thing that can ever happen to us and more our mind tries to comperhend his amazing Love it just gets bigger every time.
And if you come to him HE WILL NOT CAST YOU OUT.
You should learn to listen from God....it really helps...
church is for the spirit, what a hospital is for the body. You attend church to help you to spirit back in line with God's purpose for you. The people you worship with is important part of the church. Show up early and pray before service your spirit in line to listen to the sermon doesn't hold your heart you may be in the wrong place. But your heart does know how to listen just let it
Please don't stop going to church. I did that a long time ago for similar reasons and I wasn't even a young Christian. I'm back now, have been for a long time, and regret ever leaving. You need a mentor from your church, an accountability partner and it doesn't have to be someone your own age. If you can't find someone willing in your church, find someone not in your church. If you want to talk to someone who's been in a similar situation as yourself, and learned some valuable lessons, just hop over to my site and give me a holler. You are a precious child of God and even if you walk away, He never will. He will wait for you to return. Having said that, life will be less complicated and less pain in your life if you don't walk away from God. I know you didn't mention walking away from God, just your church, but really that is what you are talking about isn't it? In your heart, you know you can't do that.
Stop by any time.
Blessings
Karen
There are as many interpretations of the bible as there are sects and denominations of christianity. In fact there are as many interpretations of the bible as there are people who read it. You said yourself that you began to question the belief of the pastors' daughters. I wonder whether or not the pastor questioned his daughters' belief and if he did...it apparently did not matter to them. As long as you expect people to believe and do exactly as you, even within your own biological family, you'll be disappointed every time. Some might travel the same stretch of road with you for a short while but necessarily your roads will separate. True friendship and mutual respect is most important in life. You are never really on the exact same road as anyone. If your belief in the bible becomes a path to destroying friendships you will be left a lonely person, bible in hand, waiting for the end to come and that is truly wasting the purpose of your very existance. If you believe that god exists in everything, then you must consider that god is also in your boyfriend and you chose this particular guy to learn from and share with. The girl down the block didn't choose him. She chose another and the guy around the corner didn't choose you but chose a different girl with which to share. I would cherish and appreciate that. The greatest gifts in life come through those who love you enough to care about you. Continue going to church (or that particular church) if you want to but it is telling you to leave people you love then it is quite natural for your question to arise. What is it they say? God works in mysterious ways.