Thursday, 02 July 2009
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Single People Deserve Props, Too
It was a family rule for my brothers and me. We were not allowed to date until we turned sixteen years old. Going from that rule, I have been a bachelor for 7 years now, and I have had plenty of time to watch my friends go through relationships and breakups. It is interesting to see that whenever someone gets into a relationship, people go out of their way to congratulate them. I don’t find this wrong, but the more I have thought about it, the more annoying it gets. Why do people have this mindset that couples deserve extra attention? Why not give single people some attention? We can all acknowledge the fact that relationships take work. I can’t deny that, but I also can’t ignore the fact that staying single takes as much work if not more. Living single in your early twenties is hard. There are many emotions that those in bachelorhood have to experience like depression, loneliness, and countless others. One thing that bugs me is the pressure that is placed on the single person to get into a relationship.
I come from a family of four boys. I have two older brothers and one younger brother. My oldest brother is five years older than me and got married when I was fourteen. My next older brother is four years older than me and he got married when I was sixteen. They both have wonderful families. My younger brother is four years younger than me, and he is currently dating someone. And then there is me: the single brother.
I love my brothers, but sometimes I want to just punch them for comments that they say. Almost every time that I visited home from college one of the first things they ask me is if I had a girlfriend yet. The answer I gave was usually the same, “No, but there is someone I’m interested in.” The thing is every time they ask me about my love life it gets me to think more about my lack of a significant other.
When people do this to the single person, it starts their mind on a cycle of self-pity. My thoughts usual go in a cycle like this: why am I still single?, why haven’t I asked that person out yet?, I haven’t because she probably isn’t interested, why can’t I get anyone interested in me?, I don’t want to be single anymore, is there something wrong with me?, what is wrong with me?, and what do I have to change to be liked?.
This cycle is deadly and for a few years I let it get to me. The more I thought about it the more depressed I became. I figured that there had to be something wrong with me. I had to realize that there is nothing wrong with me. My problem isn’t me. It’s just that I haven’t found the right person for me yet.
Another comment that I have heard that upsets me is when my older brothers or people say “Well, you are next in line.” What am I supposed to be next in line for? I figured it meant a relationship until I realized that they were talking about marriage. They are crazy to think that I needed to get married just because they are. Of course, I do want to get married someday, but there is no rush for me.
I joke on occasion that my younger brother will get married before I do. With his luck, he just might, but that doesn’t bother me. Every single person has to come to terms with their bachelorhood. I have come to accept my bachelorhood as something more than just a bleak time in my life. There is enjoyment to be found in being single and I have discovered for
I think more people need to celebrate the single life while they are living it. Being in a relationship is cause for celebration, but singleness is just as important. You are trying to figure out life alone. You are trying (sometimes as hard as you can) to find your soul mate. You have to deal with junk from couples, and family all of the time. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, “Hey I’m single.”
Yes, you may be single, but that doesn’t make you weird or different. It doesn’t scream that there is something wrong with you. You are you a unique individual that sees life like some may never see it. Try to find a friend that is single and congratulate them on being single. You might get looked at strange, but that single person will get a sense of gratitude and bachelorhood is a good experience to have. Don’t let someone else’s opinion about singleness rule your life. Couples still deserve to get props for their relationship status, but its time for something else too. It’s time for single people to get props. We deserve it.
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- From: mr_twenty_something
- Name: Tim
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Comments (20)
Oh, just wait till you realize all the girls you were interested in are getting married while you're still single. I'll be twenty in a few months and I swear all my friends are married... including one girl.... Face it man, you either marry young, or no one will even be left....
Your props are in the mail.
I've never heard anyone say "congrats" on getting a boy/girlfriend. There might be some questionable "yey?"s but for the most part people are just curious and ask questions.
And, no, I won't say CONGRATS YOU'RE SINGLE unless you just got out of an abusive relationship. Then, you might deserve it. Might not.
My dad dealt with the "Why is he still a bachelor" thing for a number of years. He married my mother at 28, which isn't that old, unless you live in a small farming town, I guess. And both your siblings were married between the ages of 20 and 22. He didn't have us girls until he was in his 30s... and he turned out okay. No biggie
Plus, I think the apostle Paul said some good stuff about those in single-dom
It's all good - way to be single! I am always appreciative of singles and of the single life, and a little bit jealous as well! :) My dad was single til he was 36, I just had good friends find their soulmate at age 30 and I have good friends who are excited (and I mean EXCITED) to never get married. To each their own - God is a God of variety and it's a good thing too.
The only part I hope isn't really true for you is that you "HAVE to struggle with depression, etc." I know it may be true that is a struggle, but you don't HAVE to. God is bigger! :)
We are incredible beings made in the image of God himself. Our identity and being have absolutely nothing to do with whether we are single or married.
Singleness and marriedness are vocations. A vocation is a calling. And it is God who calls us. It is our duty and pleasure to rejoice in the fact that in every moment God is calling us.
some people congratulated me when i got my first boyfriend. my response was, "uhh...thaanks..?" i think its because they assume we will probably get married. and probably cuz i was 25 and he was 27, and we are "of marriageable age."
but congratulating someone for being single? if i did that to any of my single peers at church, i think that would sting really badly. i can just sense a feeling of "frustration" and "hopelessness" amongst the young adult singles at my church. so much that, i never really bring up the topic of my relationship with others. and the singles usually never ask me about it.
Your brothers married young :)
Do enjoy being single. You need to know yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.
It's all about timing, I suppose. When you meet someone, it will hit you and it'll be great. Just don't sweat it. Take care! :)
@Lynnjynh9315@xanga -
Really? You're not even 20. Expand your horizons.
I got married when I was 26. I did watch all the girls I was interested
in(mostly from high school and first year college) get married, but unless you stay home and stare at yearbooks all the time there is actually a much larger world than you realize with more people to meet. Aside from meeting potential mates, exploring that world as a single will simply make you a fuller person- and you will improve you own "mate potential".
And if you never find a mate, you will still be a complete person.
A lot of my friends were married by the time they were 20-22. I am very glad I'm not one of them. Marriage is great, but it wouldn't have been great for me then. Six years ago I didn't know who I was at all, and most people I knew back then have changed as well. I didn't exactly plan to wait until I was 26 so that I could find myself or explore the world, it just worked out that way. I don't think there is one correct age for everyone, but I've noticed many 18-early twentysomethings don't even realize how much they are forcibly rushing themselves into serious relationships...and how much of their lives are being skipped in the process.
I do look back and see ways I took my singleness for granted, so all I can do now is encourage singles like you to milk the heck out of your single life; don't stop being single just because you think you are running out of time, don't waste all of your single life wishing you weren't single or trying to find a way to get out of your singleness, think of all the things your married buddies can't do, and do them every chance you get.
And if you meet an amazing girl and she can't stand your blatant acts of singleness, she isn't that amazing.
"My problem isn’t me. It’s just that I haven’t found the right person for me yet."
THANK YOU! i've been saying that about myself for ages, glad to find someone who gets it. :D
yes, and it's very important for you to know yourself more before you get in to a relationship=]
It's funny cause I was recently thinking a lot of these same things about being single. Usually, I don't mind being single as much as the people around me do. Being single definitely has its advantages. And I agree with what you said about waiting for the right one. I always say to myself--"I'd rather be single and happy; than married to the wrong person and miserable."
@k_stin@xanga - agreed. I imagine there are A LOT of men who would make me miserable (and I them).
When you are single you wish you were married, when you are married you wish you were single. Human nature. Lots of benefits in being single. Never have to get yelled at for leaving the seat up. You can fold the laundry however you damn well please. You have learned to vacuum and dust, cook and do laundry as well as mow the lawn and change oil in your car, unplug the stool and fix the light switch. You are now multi-talented.
Find a nice female friend you can take to dinner occasionally as "just a friend" with no expectations beyond that. No romance, no kisses, nothing beyond simple courtesy of opening doors, you know, old fashioned chivalry stuff. That way there are no expectations, no hidden agendas, etc. You will find your confidence will soar.
Excel in whatever it is you do. College student, athlete, janitor, bank president, whatever. Nothing screams desireability in a man like self-confidence. You can look like Goober, as long as you are positive, have a big smile, and exude self-confidence, you are on the right track. And the right woman will be drawn to you. A girl who is self confident also, an optimist, a goal-setter, energetic. You don't want a doormat to stand beneath you, or a wet mop to hang all over you, or some dominatrix to pound on you, you want a mate to stand beside you. You become who you hang with. Surround yourself with successful people doing good things and be like them. Soon you will find a like-minded girl who thinks the same way....
props to you! :] if there were a "like" button on this..i'd click it.
Hey, I'm 22 and perpetually single...and there isn't a thing wrong with that! Glad to see this post-i think its important for people to recognize the validity of someone as in individual!
An unfortunate fate is that if you want someone, you can not find anyone/attract them/not religious/etc.
And that if you are not looking, naturally happy being single, and minding your own bussiness, a mass of suitors show up and aggravate the piss out of you. Up until now, I "no, no, and no" them until they buggar off..