Wednesday, 24 June 2009
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Jon & Kate Plus 8: What About Sacrificing for the Kids?
Just like everyone else, I got hooked on Jon & Kate Plus 8 about a year or two ago. You connect to the family and get hooked by one or more of the kids. Even tonight when they announced their "separation," I thought that maybe they were just going to distance themselves a bit for a break. I didn't really try to pay attention to the tabloids, all of them.
At the beginning, I thought it as kind of a joke. People stay together for one kid. How could you not bite your lip, cut some losses, and stay together for eight kids?They used the word peace a lot. They also talked alot about chapters.
Marriage isn't about peace. Look at any solid couple who has been married for fifty years. Their marriage hasn't always been peaceful. Marriage is suppose to be permanent. That means if you marry someone and it turns out you don't like them, or they don't make decisions as swiftly as you'd like, or you don't like their cooking, you suck it up. If you're married, you could dislike a lot of things about your spouse. But you love them, and that means worlds more.
I guess the whole thing that bothered me about the Jon and Kate episode is the sacrifice or lack of.
Jon wanted to break free? He said he was young, and he was excited to start a new chapter. Kate was humble, and I feel like she's just gotten a lot of bad press lately. But when she went off to do her book deal and fly around, it put Jon in the predicament to quit his job.
Maybe it makes me old-fashioned or just unambitious, but it seems you go to college, get a job, and find someone that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Then you get married and start your family.
Sometimes things happen out of blue, and the plan gets reworked. I get that. But having a life-lasting marriage and starting a family are big chapters, enormous chapters. I could say now, tons of years down the road that no matter how successful I am, how much money I make, my marriage and my family will be my favorite chapters and they'll be the most valuable.
Parents make sacrifices, some bigger than others and some more necessary. I'm getting this sense that what I'm saying is old-fashioned or just in the minority. But if you have kids and your ambitious dream of writing a book means you're husband is going to have to quit his job - you sacrifice. Because you're supposed to know that if the shoe was on the other foot, he would do the same. If it's between a dream of yours and your family - can't you just find a different dream? Shouldn't a family that big and cute fulfill a different dream?
I read somewhere in one of these tabloids surrounding the Jon and Kate separation that 1/2 of marriages fail. I think it's because we're all scared and that's understandable. You have to have your own money, you have keep yourself fit, you have to have a Plan B because in the back of your mind, you know there's a chance you could still end up alone. Having one kid doesn't guarantee it will work; even eight kids doesn't guarantee it.
I'm only 19, and most of my friends' parents are divorced. Jeez, most of my friends have children with fathers in and out of the picture. My parents have been married for 20 years and my grandparents 61 years, yet I still don't have faith in marriage. I want to, but it seems to be foolish. I think there's something honorable in sucking it up or a crazy thing called working through it.
I can't accept that modern unconditional love has all these conditions.
Do you think that Jon and/or Kate should sacrifice more to preserve their marriage?
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sweet_imperfectionz@xanga - Name: Ariell
- About Me: I have loved to the point of madness; That which is called madness, That which to me, Is the only sensible way to love.
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Comments (71)
wht there sepraten im not suprise to be honest the way she speaks to jon and the way she is like so i got to do this this tis but its the kids i feel sorry for
they throw them in to the spot light then they go and one leaves the house as he dont love mommy poor kids
i am a fan of the series
I think both of them need to stop and consider: Who's more important? Me, or my eight kids?
I would usually agree to this sort of thinking EXCEPT when there is cheating going on.
In all other cases, I would stay screw your head back on straight, be an adult, and live up to your responsibilities. Do whatever it takes to make your marriage work.
But when someone goes so far as to be unfaithful, you can't pretend that your kids won't find out, and teaching them that unfaithfulness is tolerable of acceptable is not in the best interest of your children. Staying together in that instance is just setting a bad example.
I have never seen the show before (this couple is obnoxious and annoying) but had seen the commercials for the "big announcement" so I tuned in for the last 15 minutes of this episode. Jon said he was "excited" about the seperation. This is not a man who takes his responsibilities as a husband seriously whatsoever.
I disagree. I feel for those kids, but "staying together for the kids" is definitely the worst idea ever, especially in this situation. I'd rather grow up between homes than with parents who should have split a long time ago. THAT would be awful.
They sold their marriage and family to the spotlight.
Are we questioning if it's ok to get a divorce?
I mean... Jesus is pretty clear about it.
I think you're right on- you just have to suck it up and stay together.
I don't know about them, but my parents stayed together for us four kids, and I think my dad eventually let himself die at age 49 because he didn't want to live in that situation anymore.
So I'm kind of on the fence on this situation.
I'm not a fan on this family -- but the publicity has reallly gotten too much for this family. I feel for those kids. So sorry, but they're both irresponsible in getting into something that will not work out from the beginning. It's sad.
they just need to get off of the air and figure themselves and their lives out... it is just a shame that they want to keep continuing with the series... I feel so bad for their kids and how jon and kate are exploiting them... but they do want to provide for their kids and I can see that... but they just need to take a break or something... this is a big decision in their lives and keeping it on air for the public to see is not a good idea.
A major part of modern media is the normalization of dysfunctional behavior. The constant onslaught of this type of propaganda tears at the fabric of civil society.
stupid greed for fame and money ruined the marriage. same for a lot of other marriages out there.
as a child of a divorce, i think the "stay together for the kids" notion is idiotic. if you realize that you do not love your spouse, you don't do any good for any party involved by keeping yourself miserable.
I never heard of this Jon and Kate stuff. I'd first like to point out that their dumbest move was having any kids at all before they knew who they were themselves.
I think its pathetic when couples get to this point, especially when they have this many kids. There is no good reason. One or both of them is being unreasonably selfish about something. Unless yours was an arranged marriage, there's just no excuse.
Our culture has the great luxury of choosing for yourself who you will marry.
The Bible tells us to love our spouses because we married them, and often that was the exact order in which things happened.
Now, most of us get to marry someone because we love them. Great... I guess?
I find it incredibly ironic that with all the scrutiny and deliberation our culture allows for(and encourages) before picking a compatible life partner, the higher the divorce rate gets. You have all this time and all these resources to pick your spouse, and then you wanna bail out.
Its like people pick their spouses the same way they pick a pair of jeans. After thoughtful evaluation, pick the comfiest, most form flattering pair. If they don't work out you can return them. If down the road the jeans just aren't doing it for you anymore... toss em and look for another.
Unfortunately I think our culture lets the convenience of that selectivity and self-serving attitude seep into post-wedding and post family starting. And I believe there is RARELY an excuse.
Marriage is NOT a pair of jeans.
I don't think two people who are completely unwilling to work out their relationship should stay together for the sake of their children.... that could put the children through more torment than having a single parent. But I DO think they should make whatever readjustments they need to make(individual/joint) in order to BE willing to work out their relationship. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. If you want to put yourself before others, even if its for valid reasons, don't get married. If you didn't think about that before you got married, too bad...you've changed your life until death, so adjust to it accordingly.
@mikenpeg@xanga - EXACTLY. They have no one to blame but themselves.
HELL YES! They just renewed their vows. I want to go and shake each of them to go see a Christian counselor to talk things out. Stop the show for good, work on the marriage and concentrate on making the house a home. 8 kids is a huge priority and they made their decisions, they need to stick with them.
I'm very surprised and disappointed at the lack of empathy from the responses so far here, and from people who have no idea of what it's like to raise such a large family. "Suck it up"? It is one thing to draw alongside someone in their struggles, to encourage and support them through difficult times through your own expense and then say, "Keep trying, keep trying." But suck it up? They have no one to blame but themselves? While I've never watched the series myself, just the thought of having 8 kids overwhelms me. Both of them stuck it through long enough to have 8 children; I would think that if the problems and difficulties had been minor and reconciliable, they'd have figured them out long ago. I'm not saying that I endorse divorce, but I doubt the conflicts are as trivial as people assume them to be.
@quotes3085@xanga - I think you are right on! It is sad to see them knowing what there little money pit is costing them yet pressing on anyway all in the name of more $$$
I think it's really really bad that parents stay in a loveless marriage for their kids
Kids can sense when their parents are not happy and that means they're going to live in a house of misery - especially if there's a lot of yelling and fighting
and the whole " suck it up " idea is ridiculous to me
If I'm not happy in my relationship, and neither is he, then we owe it to ourselves to leave and find happiness elsewhere
why would you stay with someone you don't love for the rest of your life?
that's a waste life, if you ask me!
@subSacred@xanga - I did not ever consider that before I read your comment...people are waiting longer and longer to get married yet divorce rates keep going up...I wonder if it is possible that by that point in your life you are so used to only being concerned about your own pleasure you just can't be bothered to compromise? However I doubt that would be a very popular notion these days.
@LoBornlite@xanga - Well said!
Money isn't everything but without the show they would not have the things they needed to give the lifestyle they have been able to give to those kids...they should be shot, they are spoiled...they have netted over US$20 million...certainly with all the help they have had to take care of those kids they could have had time to work out the marriage. Can't blame the fame...that is a cop out...
j
I don't think anyone should terminate their marriage. Ever.
I also think reality television hurts society.
The bible is clear that divorce rarely an option, and according to some interpretation never an option. I have only seen 1 or 2 episodes ever but I think these people are so selfish. If there was ever a chance of divorce, why bring 6 more kids into the world when you were already blessed with 2? It's not like it happened naturally either. Then to have a tv show and call it your family job? Selfish stupidity.
Oh and to the poster, you are wise for a 19 year old. Yes, marriage is hard work and it's worth the hard work.
I've never been married, or been in that situation. For me, it wouldn't make sense if they're staying together ONLY for the kids. I mean, if they still love each other just a little bit (which I'm sure they do because you can't just throw away 10 years together) then you stay. because you'l get over it, or if you truly want to work it out and truly love each other, you'll get through it
I agree with you. I don't believe in divorce. I think that if there is a chance that the marriage won't work out, then you just shouldn't get married. That is why you're supposed to make sure that you TRULY know the person and what they stand for before you get married. Thank you for posting this. If you views are old fashioned, then so are mine. God bless you :)