Sunday, 07 June 2009
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What is Your View on Dating or Marrying a Non-Christian?
Would you date a non-Christian, being a Christian yourself? If you have, what are your experiences with it? Would you try talking to your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife about your views on religion? What draws the line of how much they respect your views from a religious point of view (keeping in mind they aren't religious and probably have no clue of your perspective on things)? Although this post should go more with Datingish, I believe it relates more with this blog because it deals with Christians and their struggle with dating people in today's world. I personally have found it difficult because as a girl, it feels like a part of me is missing; that I am unable to express a large part of myself with that person I care so much about. If I ever did bring up topics related to Christianity or my views on things from a religious point of view, most likely he will not understand what I am talking about, or possibly even disagree with me.
Is it worth it? Is there anything in the Bible that talks about this?
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- From: LittleWhite18@xanga
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Comments (471)
The bible is against Dating and Marrying an unbeliever
2 Corinthians 6:14-17 Do not yoke yourselves together in a team with unbelievers. For how can righteousness and lawlessness be partners? What fellowship does light have with darkness? (15) What harmony can there be between the Messiah and B'liya'al? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (16) What agreement can there be between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God - as God said, "I will house myself in them, . . . and I will walk among you. I will be their God, and they will be my people." (17) Therefore ADONAI says, "'Go out from their midst; separate yourselves; don't even touch what is unclean. Then I myself will receive you. In fact, I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters.' says ADONAI-Tzva'ot."
does this seriously need to be asked? If we adhere to the Scriptures... then when it states a believer cannot be yoked together unbelievers... i think it's QUITE clear...
unless The Bible is the authoritative Word of God which Christians are to govern their lives by...
and it's not up for a matter of personal interpretation... no matter what one tends to think...
now I will say that the temptation is sometimes there... but Scripture is clear and obedience is definitely required in this matter...
I don't even consider a guy who isn't a Christian. I have met some really great guys over the years, but if they weren't Christian I pretty much wrote them off and move them to the friend category. I want someone who shares my beliefs and passion for God, not someone who puts up with it. How could we ever be in accord if I believe in missions and he thinks that missions is shoving religion onto people? It won't work and it is stupid to think it will.
@leadworshipper82 - I agree 100%.
seen ...
How can you date, let alone marry, a person that you believe, by denying Christ as savior, to be destined for Hell and all that comes with that? There's such a huge conflict with that where I don't believe the relationship has any chance of survival. Not that it doesn't happen but religion or lack thereof is such a huge part of a relationship and parenting. And pushing religious views onto them in order to "save" them will most likely just cause resentment and anger which are relationship killers on their own.
(FYI I'm not Christian but my husband while he doesn't define himself as Christian, he holds onto some teaching from his childhood from his very religious parents. We clash enough as it is, if he was a true Christian our marriage would not work because of our differences.)
I don't date people based on their religious affiliation, I date them based on their heart.
I'm not stupid enough to think people outside my religion are horrible choices on that basis alone.
@SWAurora@xanga - Really? Because my mom is Muslim and my dad is Atheist. And it seems to have worked out pretty well.
I guess these things only work out for people who respect their partners.
Since the main reason I date is to find someone to marry and start a family with....no, I would not date a non-believer. Not only does the Bible explicitly teach against such a thing, I don't see any conceivable way of it working out without compromising my faith.
If the beliefs stated here (except for @lovechartreuse@xanga) are the beliefs of the majority of Christians, then that is a big problem. I thought Christianity taught first and foremost to "love thy neighbour." How is that possible if Christians ignore the existence of all non-Christians, except when they want to shoot down for the fact that they aren't Christian? Seems like a very small bubble of containment, judgement and hatred to me.
Hmmm...interesting.
Well here is the way I look at it, given the fact that I am not that religious and dont care for organized religion in general nor do I believe in marriage. I date people based on their heart and I take them for who they are. I respect their beliefs as long as they respect mine and we generally get along in that sense. In fact, I feel that purposely excluding people or refusing to get to know certain people based on their religious beliefs only adds fuel to the fire of misunderstanding and prevents us from ever trying to get along and coexist.
I was raised as a Muslim and I can honestly say that half of you people on this site would never even give me the light of day because you've already formed judgements against me in your minds. It's kind of sad but I guess that is the way it is.
@englishpearl@xanga - Another grand example of Christians being hypocritical and arrogant.
Its disgusting.
I'm a Christian, and my boyfriend of 8 months is an atheist.
Religion shouldn't even be an ISSUE. If you meet someone really great and get along well, and then find out on your second or third outing that he/she isn't a Christian you just can't be with them? That doesn't make any sense to me. Who a person IS should come before their religious beliefs.
My boyfriend is a better person than all of the Christian men I dated. He is down-to-earth and very loving. I would be with him if he was a Buddhist, Muslim, or Jewish, or whatever.
He respects my beliefs, and I respect his choice not choose a religion.
The Bible says to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. That means to me that a Christian can marry a nonChristian but in their relationship they must live as equals. I don't have a problem with it but I would try to get her to accept Jesus. My priest told me he would marry two Christians and a Christian with a nonChristian but not two nonChristians. You just can't help who you fall in love with.
The Bible is pretty clear on this one. A true follower of Christ is NOT to marry (be yoked) with an unbeliever.
Here is another question... What do you call someone who calls themselves a Christian but doesn't follow Christ and obey His authority on life issues such as this?
Answer - You call them an unbeliever.
Matthew 7.21-23
@SWAurora@xanga - I definitely agree.
I will NOT date someone who is not striving to be more in the Lord than he already is. No one has arrived yet, but I will not lower my standards for someone. I haven't dated many guys, but the ones that I have, they all proclaimed that they were a Christian or that they at least believed in God. Their lives didn't show that. I wasn't only lying to myself by saying that they will change, but I lied to God. For one, I lied to God by not keeping what He said to heart. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14. I learned the hard way.
If you want a more personal response, it didn't do me any good. We didn't agree on a single thing. I wanted to talk about what God was doing for me and he wanted to talk about why he didn't see the point in going to church. I didn't want to do certain things and he said that I was being too childish. Why would not wanting to compromise what I believe be childish? Just to sum it up, it's not a good idea. It might work for some people, but if you are really trying to serve the Lord, it will be hard. I know a lot of people, my mom included, who are married to a backslider or someone along those lines and are miserable. Yes, they do have the Lord, but their spouses do not agree with what they believe.
Don't get me wrong. I know marriages and relationships have their own problems, but why try to stir something up when it doesn't have to be that way? Before you date someone, it should ALWAYS be concern to pray and to seek God's will. Follow His plan and don't step out of His boundaries. His hedge is there for a reason. Don't abuse it.
Not impossible, by any means. Any two people can make a marriage work, if both seek that as a common goal. I've seen a number of couples do so.
However - if you want to really connect on a deeper level than couple & emotion. If you really want to connect on a spiritual level, marriages should also be spiritually aligned. If one person takes their faith live very seriously and the other does not - that connection will never be made, and the effort required to make a "good" marriage will be increased.
I've seen more couples than I can count with spiritually mixed marriages. Most fail.
Is it worth it?
Is it worth it to walk in defiant disobedience and rebellion to God?
@englishpearl@xanga - First, the foremost command is to love God (then to love people). So if God says it's not a wise decision to marry someone who's not a believer, if we love God, we should listen to Him.
How exactly does not dating someone = ignoring them? I won't date/marry anyone who smokes either. I'm concerned for my health, the health of my partner, and the health of our children. Same goes for spiritual health. It doesn't mean I don't have friends or family who smoke. Doesn't mean I don't love people who smoke. I just won't date/marry anyone who does. How is that judgemental, (@lovechartreuse@xanga) arrogant, or hypocritical?
The whole challenge of Christianity is to love people you don't agree with, to love people you don't even like. It doesn't mean you have to date them or marry them, otherwise you'd hate to date/marry everyone and that's just a ridiculous proposition.
@desertrose2890@xanga - Hi Desert Rose...I think you are right
Living abroad with Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Taoists, Jews and such I find it impossible to believe that you can only date partners of your own faith...they all have a profound belief in their own faith and are more open to Christians than we are to them. Many have kind hearts and are wonderful.
Even in Christianity there are those whose religious organizations don't mix...Some Christian faiths will not mix with Catholics...I find it all un-Christian.
I think the passage in the bible that many are quoting did not mean religion I think it meant "christian" as in heart, soul and spirit. When that was written the believers were just literally a handful of folks...I am sure they married and mingled with non- believers often.
For those of you who feel they are missing something in their life...go with that.For those who do not believe there is a "hedge" I am not sure they should be condemned by those who see the hedge.
@lovechartreuse@xanga - I want more than respect. I really do want my partner to share my beliefs. That is important to me. If it works for your parents then good for them, but I want my husband to go to church with me, worship with me, share in devotions with me, go on missions trips with me. I don't think that is too much to ask nor do I think it is wrong to want that.
@Gentemann@xanga - Thanks. I think that when people travel and live among other populations and see that there is an entire world outside of their own, maybe they will not be so rigid in their own beliefs. Its funny to me that other religions are more accepting of Christians than Christians are of other people's beliefs. These people need to learn to have an open mind.
@englishpearl@xanga - Saying you will not marry someone is not ignoring their existence. That is a statement of absolutely staggering ignorance and bigotry in fact it is probably one of the most ignorant things I have ever seen written and this is Revelife so you are in some pretty fertile territory.
@SWAurora@xanga - Ditto. I don't understand why it is wrong to want that and yet not wrong to want "a vegan who loves classical music and taking hikes in the winter, wants two kids and owns a cat." *bewildered look*
"What draws the line of how much they respect your views from a
religious point of view (keeping in mind they aren't religious and
probably have no clue of your perspective on things)?"
Well, that's pretty presumptuous (and a little arrogant). I know you think that non-Christians couldn't possibly understand your glorious thought processes, but just because someone doesn't share your views now doesn't mean they haven't at some point. There are a lot of people who have turned away from the church who would be able to see things from your perspective, simply because they've been where you are now.
Not to worry, though. Most non-Christians probably wouldn't want to date the Revelife brand of Christian, either. It would get awfully tiresome being told you're bound for hell every day.