Wow...I agree so so much! I think my mom started talking about the importance of marriage with me when I was around 13 or 14 and how important it was to "prepare my heart" for having the attitude of a Godly wife, whether I got married or not.

I attended lots of "young women's retreats" growing up and when I did get engaged, I felt a lot more confident about the decision to marry. So, it wasn't really "formal" counseling but, it was counseling none the less.

I think about Titus 2:3-4: "Older
women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious
gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

I learned a lot from the older women at church, and I still am. I would consider that a form of counseling --- though not "formal".

PS --- not sure what's up with the formatting in this comment...lol.

I like your idea; it makes great sense.  Rarely does anyone cancel a wedding after actual plans have been made; we're told that jitters are normal, plus a lot of money has been spent and people have been told about it.  Backing out or postponing it would not only feel like a waste of money, but the couple will feel like their family and friends will judge them and see them as unable to make up their minds.  They will just go through with it, hope/pray for the best, try to make it work, and end up divorced anyway after a few miserable years.

Those who try to avoid counseling - especially if the counseling is free or inexpensive - seem to me like they're trying to hide from something.  Would you rather not face yourself to hang onto your illusion, trying to tell yourself and the world that everything is perfect?  Wouldn't you rather face the problems so you can make your real life better?

There should always be some form of wise counsel speaking into our relationships, no matter what level they are at. If we have wise men and women walking with us on our journey they will help us make healthy decisions at each step; from asking someone out, to when to kiss, to proposing, to counseling, to marriage, to children, to whatever.

Official counseling won't always be needed if we have these sorts of mentors and/or wise persons involved in our lives. Though, I think premarital counseling is a MUST for any couple who wishes to succeed in faithfully loving one another for the remainder of their lives. Preengagement counseling seems like it could be more much low key.

You know, I always thought the idea of pre-engagement counseling - which I first heard of a couple of years ago - was weird. But I do find that SO many engaged couples lose track of EVERYTHING including God (very often) and even each other while planning a wedding. It does make sense that you might just push aside some warning signs or red flags!

I don't know if I woulddo it, but i can understand why you would make the argument for some people to need it.  maybe it would help make marriages last more often?

I had friends who sought out "pre-engagement counseling" and I would agree that it sounds like a great idea. My husband and I both found the same thing that you are suggesting about the wedding planning process. By the time you hit the engagement, unless something is horribly wrong, it really is almost too hard to stop things. Incidentally, even though we went through premarital counseling, we both discovered that we had already talked through most of the issues on our own. The "marriage books" we read (there were about 3 of them) weren't terribly helpful. Basically, it all boiled down to the issues of money, sex, and in-laws. If you can figure out a game plan for those 3, you're set!

I wish it was mandatory for all couples.  I strongly believe that most marriages end because couples are not compatible on the big issues: money, kids, stress management, etc.  Pre-martial counseling, secular and religious, helps put those items into perspective and removes the blinders that love sometimes creates.

I think pre-rngagement counseling is such a great idea! My wife and I did this before we got engaged, actually working through a book called "Before You Get Engaged". The pre-engagement process helped so much! Even to the point of helping us decide to wait to get engaged at that point because it was too early. Months later we knew we were ready and haven't looked back since.

Great idea, I like your post

Pre-engagement counseling is a VERY important means to talk about problems and solve them pro-actively, and to make sure that everything that needs to be addressed is in the open before you commit yourself. 
Unfortunately it doesn't mean that the relationship will definitely end in marriage, but it is a very good preparation for marriage. 

@XxFireXboltxX@xanga -

How wonderful it was to read your response!  Your parents were very wise to talk to you about preparing your heart early on.

This is a GREAT idea! I have a divorced friend who knew the engagement (and eventual marriage) was a bad idea, but she said it was like trying to stop a tsunami. Everyone was excited about the wedding and she just didn't think about the marriage itself. A great book for helping couples understand each other, and themselves, is "The Missing Link," by Drs. Arno. It doesn't mean the people person shouldn't marry the hermit -- it means each needs to understand the other, understand he/she was created in the way God intended, and how each should be happy and fulfilled, alone and with each other. It sets people free. A few earlier posters had some other great book suggestions too, I saw. Those sound like good resources as well.