Not to trivialize the apostle Paul’s suffering for the gospel, but I too have a “thorn in my flesh.” It also comes as a messenger, but not one from Satan. It’s from Facebook.
The evil envoy is a tiny pink heart that periodically pops out on my Facebook homepage, its pixelated cuteness searing a digital dagger into my single-girl side.
As Facebook users know, this heart symbol shows up on the website’s “News Feed” to announce that a friend has changed her relationship status. When you’re in your mid-twenties like me, this usually means that someone has scaled the next rung on the commitment ladder. Fresh relationships, engagements, marriages—all these are documented and dispatched to one’s Facebook community, heralded by a small fuchsia heart sitting smugly on the computer screen.
This particular Saturday night I had just arrived home from dinner with some friends. Stumbling through the darkness of my apartment, I switched on my computer, and there it was: the electronic emblem of romance gone right. Masochistically, yet dutifully, I clicked. In this case, the salmon-hued harbinger trumpeted the engagement of a college friend who, after multiple failed relationships, had met The One at work. Alone, against the glow of the moonlight, I clicked through her series of digital pictures with zombie-like automation, my monitor swelling up with traumatically-close-up snapshots of the new fiancee’s 2-carat diamond stunner.
In all truthfulness, I should really be happy for my blissfully yoked friends. We all know that we should be, even when we receive our fourth bridal shower invitation in two months while the only thing we get from Williams-Sonoma is the credit card bill. But in my egocentric world, I’m usually too busy wallowing in my self-pitying cyber-voyeurism. My dating life does not brim with exciting news. I never get to send out the little pink heart. Heck, the most scintillating update I provide to my Facebook friends is to let them know that I have now included The Kills among my “Favorite Music.” Momentous.
But that should be fine. After all, I have a master's degree, a great job, fun friends, a church I enjoy--and in real life, I'm actually pretty secure with my singleness. So why was I lusting after an electronic status symbol? Did I really want to be one of "those girls," the ones who post photo after saccharine photo of them kissing their fiances at sunset? Who clog myriad inboxes with wedding details and update their statuses to let everyone in the Western Hemisphere know that they are "GETTING MARRIED IN 64 DAYS!!!!!!"?
Maybe, secretly, I do. But maybe that’s because I put too much stock in what other people think of me. Through Facebook I can scrutinize my friends’ lives in complete anonymity, free to pass judgment on their mates, their careers and their life choices—and I know well that they are doing the same to me. And in this online spectacle, I pridefully want my little show to be the one to inspire jealous squints and pangs of inadequacy. I want everyone clicking through my profile to be boundlessly impressed with my magnificent life.
But of course, here is the rub and the checks-and-balances system to my cornucopian ego. I’m a Christian who believes in the reality of God’s will. And accordingly, I’m supposed to let God, if you will, be the one who updates my Facebook profile. God’s supposed to furnish me with that slick, high-powered job; that boyfriend so dazzlingly attractive he’ll inspire swoons all over cyberspace; all those ecstatic memories that I can cram into a digital photo album, overflowing with online evidence of my success and popularity. Or, more realistically, God should at least help me be at with peace with my lack of all these things.
Returning to our apostle, I think Paul would have been a fan of Facebook. He could have emailed out passionate pleas for donations to his collection; kept a watchful eye on his churches by checking their blogs; posted photos of his bedraggled self to really drive home his boasts of his suffering. But I can’t picture Paul spending untold hours hunched over his Macbook, scouring for new friends to boost his virtual popularity and self-censoring his list of favorite bands to appear hipper (Soul Asylum gets nixed for Santogold).
I don’t think Paul gave too much thought to the loftiness of his self-presentation. And neither should Christians today. We should bear the same transparency and humility online that we ought to exhibit in our churches and our workplaces. Instead of spending time preening my online overcoat, I need to switch off the computer, go outside and make a difference in peoples’ lives without regard for how they’re evaluating my job and my hobbies. We as Christians should lose track of ourselves in sight of our sublimely important divine mission.
So, vaya con Dios, little pink heart. I’ll try not to shoot the messenger.
Comments (50)
Great post.
I get those complexes too, great post.
Even though I am one of those people who is currently engaged, it kills me when I see people with the status about when they are actually getting married, because my fiance has canceled our original wedding plans and decided he wants to remain unmarried until a as yet unspecified date.
It kills me, I was supposed to be one of the excited ones too, and now the thought of talking about tying the knot with him just brings so much stress and pain =/
Very good post, although I got sidetracked envisioning the Apostle Paul's Facebook profile.....
Saul is going to Damascus, anyone want to see me kick some Xians? (I'll post vids if you want)
Saul xant seeto ty[e, ive gon blind hrlp!!1
Saul changed his NAME and his RELIGIOUS VIEWS.
Paul is writing letters to his friends. Man those Corinthians are messed up.
Paul just got stoned. Not what you're thinking though--actual stones. Ouch.
Paul woe unto me if I preach not the gospel.
.... it writes itself, doesn't it! (I should quit while I'm ahead.)
This is a great post!!
Sorry to sound harsh, but enough with the pity party. It sounds like you are sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, instead of doing something about it.
EVERY ONE goes through this. Its how you decide to handle it that counts. You can sit at home in the dark throwing your pity party for 1, or you can chose JOY, accept it, and LOVE it. A guy is not going to want to date you if all you do is mope about your friend's FB relationship statuses. COME ON! If its making you that depressed, don't look. Computers do turn off.. and can stay off for weeks.
I never thought I was going to get married, I accepted and embraced singleness (after all, Paul said its better to be single).. Then God led me to my hubby.
Maybe you should do more yearning after God then after other people's relationship statuses.
@Pass_the_Aura@xanga - That's great!
@Pass_the_Aura@xanga - he he he he he please keep going.. i want to see where you take this!
Better to be single than in a miserable marriage that isn't meant to be, anyway.
@Pass_the_Aura@xanga - Hahaa!
I thought you said it wasn't from Satan?
@JJPrint3rd@xanga - Isn't that pretty much the conclusion the author comes to at the end?
@ChrisRusso@xanga - um yea.. thought i mentioned that..
but the whole thing still stinks of self-pity to me.
@JJPrint3rd@xanga - Meh. I just don't see it. Especially with passages like--
"I’m supposed to let God, if you will, be the one who updates my
Facebook profile... Or, more realistically, God should at least
help me be at with peace with my lack of all these things... We should bear the same
transparency and humility online that we ought to exhibit in our
churches and our workplaces. Instead of spending time preening my
online overcoat, I need to switch off the computer, go outside and make
a difference in peoples’ lives without regard for how they’re
evaluating my job and my hobbies. We as Christians should lose track of
ourselves in sight of our sublimely important divine mission."
--which seems to be an explicit rejection of self-pity.
@ChrisRusso@xanga - "But in my egocentric world, I’m usually too busy wallowing in my
self-pitying cyber-voyeurism. My dating life does not brim with
exciting news. I never get to send out the little pink heart. Heck, the
most scintillating update I provide to my Facebook friends is to let
them know that I have now included The Kills among my “Favorite Music.”
Momentous."
.. and she is still letting self-pity rule by going back to this over and over and taking it to the point of writing a rather extensive blog about it.
@JJPrint3rd@xanga - The tone of that passage indicates disapproval of the emotions being described. One who is approving of one's own emotions in this case would not use negatively-charged words such as "wallowing" "egocentric" or "cyber-voyeurism." Her word choice provides a clear indication that, though this is what she does, she is unsatisfied with it and is coming to see it for what it is. The paragraph you cite does not amount to tactic approval of her own actions/thoughts, but rather a descriptive rejection of them.
Blogging about something such as this does not indicate that the author is "letting self-pity rule" either. If that's the case, we should all shut our blogs down now. If I blog about my struggles with lust, am I letting my lust rule through it? Not necessarily. Especially not if I (as this author did) finish by talking about the solutions to whatever my problem is.
What you are saying is the equivalent of saying that Paul was letting the flesh rule by writing a rather extensive chapter 7 of Romans about it.
Awesome post!
since when does letting God dictate your life mean you cannot act yourself? when's the last time you even tried to ask someone out? as my boyfriend says... if you're not acting to change your situation, you sound like an idiot when you complain.
My girlfriends and I were just talking about this last week! While I'm already married I can relate to how you're feeling and appreciate your honesty and sense of humor. =)
@ChrisRusso@xanga - well then we see things differently. I had a very similar conversation with a friend of mine this morning (similar to what the OP wrote) and I knew by the tone of her voice that she was still indulging in the self-pity. Thus, in my mind, I read the blog the same way. I have re-read it, and still feel the same.
Could be a girl thing.. could just be me. But also having come from this same situation before I changed my way of thinking, I stick by my opinion.
Whatever. People's lives progress and others judge.
I doubt that Paul would ever condone Facebook. It is impersonal and Paul went and 'pressed the flesh'. Today's people seem to avoid human contact in favor of creating their own personna via the 'social networks.' Of course, this comes from someone using Xanga ----- so, I am a sinner, and I repent!
great post!
I admit that I am in a similar position as yourself, especially since I had that sad (and yet very silly) moment of "cancelling" a 3.5 year relationship and then having to deal with the humiliation of finding out that my previous love's status changed to "in a relationship with miss-someone-else" much too soon.
It's hard to not feel disdain for these engaged friends when in actuality, you kind of wish it were you. And then, you berate yourself for being so envious and selfish. So you tell yourself, "well God meant me for something more. Look at how much good I can do as a single person!" And then, you berate yourself again for being so condescending.
---At least, that's what happens to me. =X
Thanks for being honest. The tried and true relationship with our savior is what keeps me going and reminds me that an engagement and a marriage, while huge blessings to be celebrated, are not thing I will ever need. Oh yeah, and Romans 12. =)
My dear...take a deep breath...all will happen in the needed time.. sounds like you have some wonderful things going on in your life with friends and career, enjoy the moments you have been given. As one on both facebook and xanga each serves a different purpose and facebook is the much less serious so don;t dwell there. Take care.
You commenters who over analyze, accuse, ridicule and belittle are ridiculous.
The poster was just exploring normal feelings, waxing philosophic, reflecting on their human-ness, and the complex spiral of emotions we all have, whilst filtering them through the teachings of the Bible.
Is that not what we are supposed to do as Christians? You think every one of the Bible characters were as pure as the wind driven snow? The beauty of the human creation is the complexity of emotion God has given us. We are supposed to repress it? Not explore it? Not ponder, self-argue, reflect? Not explore the heights and depths of love, passion, excitement, despair, and all the myriad of other emotions? Just what are we to do with this gift, then?
This post was inspired, and obviously written on a level much deeper than reflected by the shallow responses posted.
Great post.