Thursday, 09 April 2009
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Sarcasm Kills Fellowship and Poisons Ministries
by Sharon Hodde of SheWorships
This year I’ve found myself talking to my students a LOT about sarcasm. And whenever the topic comes up, I usually mention the following uncomfortable verse from Proverbs 26:18-19:Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
Upon citing this verse, I’m frequently met with a reaction of laughing disbelief, something along the lines of, “You can’t possibly be serious!” Most people can’t believe that verse is even in the Bible at all. Sounds a little extreme, right?
Well in typical Bible fashion, the author is right. And he was NOT speaking in hyperbole. This isn’t like the gym teacher in Mean Girls who told the students not to have sex or else they would die. The author isn’t exaggerating just to make a point.
On the contrary, this verse reveals the truly poisonous nature of sarcasm.
I don’t know about you, but I REALLY struggle with sarcasm. It’s one of the main conversational techniques I use to impress others and indicate that I can carry my own in witty conversations. In the past it’s been a significant aspect of my communication with others, and it continues to be.
We justify sarcasm by labeling it as a sign of comradery. We say we can be sarcastic with those to whom we feel closest. According to this logic, sarcasm isn’t a bad thing at all–it’s really an indication of intimacy.
But as the verse in Proverbs reveals, sarcasm isn’t really intimacy at all. It’s a false form of intimacy that masquerades as fellowship. Under the guise of “being comfortable enough to kid,” we replace open, honest conversation with an environment that’s inherently competitive. We encourage a spirit of one-upmanship, highlighting one another’s slip-ups and mistakes for the sake of entertainment and making ourselves look smart.
When sarcasm is allowed to dwell, our friendships are no longer safe places in which individuals can feel free to be vulnerable. That doesn’t mean that vulnerability is altogether absent, but it is less likely, especially when new people join the fold. We may think it’s harmless because all along we’re “only joking,” but in reality we’re short-circuiting any attempt at genuine Christian fellowship.
And that is what sarcasm kills. Sarcasm kills fellowship. And in a larger context, it also poisons ministries. Where sarcasm exists, you are all the more likely to find back-biting and gossip because underneath those jokes, hurt feelings reside. And where hurt feelings have been allowed to fester, they lash out at the first opportunity.
A community can sustain itself on sarcasm for years, but at the nearest sign of trouble those friendships will be tested. When hardship, miscommunication, or disagreement develop, the true mettle of a community will be revealed.
So pardon the pun, but don’t “kid” yourself into thinking that your sarcasm is innocent. The words of Proverbs 26 should dispel any notion of this sort. In reality, sarcasm kills intimacy and it destroys fellowship, so keep that in mind the next time one of your friends accidentally trips and falls on their face, or your spouse drops a glass on the floor. In that moment of vulnerability brought on by obvious imperfection, they need friendship, not an attack disguised as amicable joking.
How much do you use sarcasm?
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Comments (60)
did you ever consider the heart or motivation aspect? Whoever deceives his friend and then says I was only joking... There is sarcasm that is not deceiving. There is malicious speech that deceives and then covers up its intent by pretending to joke and there is pure, lighthearted joking that doesn't harm the hearer. I agree with you, but I feel that sarcasm is not an issue that should be blanket-statement-ed. Some sarcasm is hurtful, rude, and deceitful. But some sarcasm is not.
Oh, I never use sarcasm. 'Cause I'm so spiritual. And I'm totally not feeling convicted right now.
I just used it in front of my daughter today (not to her, but to someone else) and she wanted to know why I had told them something that wasn't true. Ouch! So, I definitely know I need to be more careful in front of my kids.
Thanks for the reminder!
I'm guilty of being facetious, but I don't really use it trying to offend someone or to make them look stupid, My friends [and co-workers] use it at work, but we all crack up about it.
You are a 100% right.
OK!
In all honesty I think whether or not sarcasm is as serious as you've made it to be in this post is subjective to the type of sarcasm that it is. I personally very much appreciate my friends' sarcasm, even at my own expense. I'd find life pretty dull without it.
Well, it has been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the same people who tell me this also make puns, so I'm not sure how much I can trust their judgment of humor.
And I'm never ever sarcastic. Of course not. I'm also doing work right now and not wasting time on Xanga.
I think someone needs to look up the definition of hyperbole. Hello, the verse starts with the word "LIKE."
Sarcasm can hurt, I'm not questioning that, but give me a break. It's not possible to stop altogether, nor should we.
@blue888@xanga - Well said!
Sarcasm is incredibly useless in the written word, and very, very few people have the ability to pull it off in writing. Effective sarcasm requires tone and body language, two things that are not, by definition, available in writing (regardless of how many people try to say writing has a tone...it doesn't, tone is a function of sound). Honestly, I have never, ever, seen someone do it well on Xanga. But that doesn't stop everyone from trying.
you are so right /s
All comedians must die!
I use it quite a bit.
Your argument may be more convincing if me thinking of friends and sarcasm conjured up memories of me being hurt instead of laughing.
Obviously it can be taken overboard, but condemning it altogether is not warranted imo. I think that saying that that observation from Proverbs is an outright condemnation of every instance of sarcasm is overstating the case.
Do you know what sarcasm means? It means to cut off the flesh.
Mhmmm This is interesting :)
I've always kinda thought this way... But, at the same time I'm really sarcastic myself. We should be able to laugh at ourselves when we do stupid stuff but your right. Being overly sarcastic does kind of create a competitive "ha, I'm better than you" kind of atmosphere. Theres not much room for admiration of your loved ones or friends in that situation.
But that verse... incredible! *sings* Its kind of a truth I've always had buried deep down in side of me but didn't know existed.
@stuartandabby@xanga - Yes... I'm thinking what you're thinking :)
@BohemianLamb@xanga - hahaha soo true.
hrmmm... this is definitely interesting... i don't know why i haven't seen this particular verse before in my past personal studies of Proverbs...
it is intersting to note that 4 translations use the work "joking" while the old school KJV uses the word "sport" and in it it's definitely something to think about...
sarcasm I say when used out of habit is rather i think a leftover part of our sinful nature.
But I would also go so far as to say, sarcasm/wit/humor/joking are powerful weapons to be used in preaching the Gospel. Jesus did, the Apostle Paul did it, and many preachers throughout the ages have done it. C. H. Spurgeon once said why is humor and wit only used by the enemy? Why can't the church use that same thing (meaning humor and wit) to be used against the enemy. that while yes humor is a dangerous tool to be sure, it would rather be a weapon where preachers who will cut their fingers also use that same weapon to cut the throat of sin and do great harm to the adversary of souls. I agree... i think sarcasm, humor, wit, and verbal joking can be great tools when confronting false teaching and bad doctrine as Jesus did when he confronted the Pharisees in Matthew... He made fun of their praying, tithing etc...
it has its place and there must be balance I say...
Wait, so christians openly hate forms of humor now? Seriously?
Sarcasm was ok until the "OH SHI" moment when someone saw that the Bible has a verse than can be fielded as "No sarcasm"?
Well Jeez, that does change everything...
Sarcasm isn't deception if everybody's in on the joke, but to some people it is a completely foriegn language. There is sarcasm that is cruel and sarcasm that is funny. I think that, if you aren't a sarcastic person, you wouldn't understand the difference. If you are, have the judgement to use your gift where it will be understood.
@efarns@xanga - Exactly!
While attending college I lived in a certain Midwestern state where most people just did not get sarcasm, and being sarcastic could easily come across as deception. I now live in an East-Coast state where sarcasm seems to be the prevalent sense of humor (and pretty much everyone "gets it") Like any form of humor it can be used cruelly or become a "who's wittier" contest, but that need not be the case. I really think that a blanket statement condemning sarcasm (especially based on a verse which is primarily about deception) is overstating the case.
That's not how I interpret that passage. Unless my definition of sarcasm is different.
i definitely agree w/ this post. although people like to think of sarcasm as "joking," if we really look at the context of sarcasm, the majority of the time it's at the expense of another person. even if it's intended to be lighthearted, sometimes people take it too personal. the safest route would be to ideally speak with love and respect for each other, but i know that most people would think that's impossible and unrealistic.
anyway, sarcasm is also a trait that i am trying to ease up on because there are definitely better ways of saying things and it's not always necessary to be the "witty" one in the group. God does call us to humble ourselves and we need not be the center of attention all the time.