Monday, 06 April 2009
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Being Told to Have a "Quiet and Gentle Spirit" Always Made Me Squirm
by Sharon Hodde of SheWorships
If you’ve ever met me, even once, you probably know one thing about my personality–I am not shy. Although an introvert by nature, I tend to be fairly outgoing and outspoken when the occasion calls (or when it doesn’t). I’m the daughter of a go-getting entrepreneur, so I’ve tried to study and learn my dad’s leadership strengths, and I definitely have his personality.I’m not a wall flower. At all.
With that in mind, I have deliberately avoided the following verses, which have made me feel squeamish and uncomfortable every time I’ve read them:
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. –1 Peter 3:3-4
Now I’m totally tracking with the first verse. That’s a topic I discuss with young women all the time–the importance of not founding your confidence on fleeting, superficial physical attributes.
But the second verse–that’s the one that always makes me squirm. Adorn yourself with a “gentle and quiet spirit?” I don’t like the sound of that! It sounds like a prescription for a cookie cutter personality. In order to be a good Christian woman you have to be quiet and shy and not talk too much. You have to be compliant and meek and easy to dominate.
And that’s how some Christians have interpreted these verses. Because of this passage, strong Christian women have been made to feel less feminine or ungodly because they had outgoing personalities. They were a perceived threat to male leadership.
But that’s by no means the best interpretation of those verses. Notice that it says a quiet and gentle “spirit,” not “personality.” This verse is describing the spirit and motive that drives your personality, not the personality itself. You can still be outgoing and strong and passionate, while also possessing a quiet and gentle spirit underneath.
That said, it’s also important to note that a woman can be painfully shy and quiet, while also possessing a rebellious and bitter spirit. It’s not the personality that this passage is addressing, but the guiding compass behind it. God cares about your heart.
With all of this in mind, I thought I’d draw up a little list of diagnostics, highlighting the distinctions between an outgoing woman with a quiet and gentle spirit, versus an outgoing woman without such a spirit. Look over it and then search your heart to see which category you fall into:
With a Quiet and Gentle Spirit:
- Confident but not forceful
- Demonstrates leadership without being overly controlling
- Is driven by a trust in Christ, not a fear of failure
- Outspoken but humble
- Slow to speak, communicating Scriptural truth and wisdom
Without a Quiet and Gentle Spirit:
- Will push and push until she gets her way
- A control freak
- Driven by fear
- Always has to be heard
- Brash, quick to speak, and quick to become angry
At their cores, the difference between these two spirits is peace versus fear. You are being driven by either one or the other, and it’s up to you to determine which one it is.
So if you’re like me, go ahead and be outgoing! Be passionate and outspoken and be a leader! But do it for the right reasons. Not because you want attention or because you have something to prove or because you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t. Do it because God gave you that personality and He should be glorified through it.
A quiet and gentle spirit does not equal a bland personality–it’s simply an anchor that enhances your God-given uniqueness, so embrace it!
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Comments (40)
I can relate. Kicking ass and taking names is my usual MO. A definite turd in the punch bowl especially at Christian gatherings.
I like this post a lot! Thanks!
VERY well said!
Honestly - love the bullets, love the summary. I can't add a thing. I guess I'll just say "Amen" and rec the post.
I've always known personality-wise, Spirit-wise or what have you, I simply don't have the meek and quiet spirit, but God knows my heart desires it. Good for you that you are able to discern between both, :). Even with separating between spirit and personality, I still come up short, falling under the "without" one, but that's okay because I know I'm simply a work in progress. But am tickled for you that you can separate the two and adhere, :)! You go!!
Great post. I agree!
Indeed.
@Made2sing4Jesus@xanga - i know. this one is pretty good =) <3
@bella_esperanza@xanga @Made2sing4Jesus@xanga - @JUSTAVAPORHERE@xanga - @Pickwick12@xanga -
how lovely meeting you all here <3
Love your post and I totally agree!
Well said.
Jesus was meek and humble in heart. We are to be like Him. That doesn't mean we're to be push overs or that we aren't bold. We know there were times when Jesus spoke up and did not remain silent. He wasn't a wimp. But the key is that all Jesus did was done out of a loving and humble heart of obedience to His Father, to see His Father glorified. He never acted selfishly or for His own self-interest.
To have a gentle and quiet spirit means we are not focused on self, concerned about defending self, glorifying self or building our own kingdoms. We ought to be concerned first and foremost about the glory of God the Father and the Kingdom of God like the Son of God was. Jesus did all things to bring glory to His Father in heaven and entrusted Himself to His Father and we are to do the same. And, by the way, this goes for both men and women.
Psa 45:13 The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.
Psa 51:6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
You shared : 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as
braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. –1 Peter 3:3-4
Thanks for the great post!
I also see real beauty in a woman to be, that women desire truth, and grow in wisdom, and share this wisdom with others. The gentle wisdom that comes from above is just that, it is gentle and comes forth from a spirit quiet before our Heavenly Father, one in tune with HIM, being able to reach out and bring love, comfort and truth! A woman with those qualities, is all glorious within :)
-Hope
ah, very good points!
Great post. I am one of those, too; and have always known that being quiet is not my strong point. However, I married a godly man who is somewhat quiet and laidback. Here's what he says:
Women who are confident and secure within themselves are attractive. Women who speak the truth, who are genuine, honest, and not afraid to stand up for what's right are godly women.
There are women who are ever so quiet and meek in public, and like to have people presume that they are righteous because they hover in the shadows and always seem gloriously serene. However, these women are often hovering in the background to scrutinize and criticize others, and beneath that meek exterior is a conniving, manipulative spirit that capitalizes on the cover of being "quiet".
My husband said he noticed that I had little use for gossip and back-stabbing, and was genuine and forthright. To him, being honest was a stronger asset of godliness than pretending to be 'meek". I am NOT saying that quiet women are manipulative, and I know there are outgoing women who are equally manipulative. I am saying that if you are a strong, confident, forthright woman, do not change into a "quiet" woman by pretense. Be yourself. Being confident does not mean that we cannot be gentle, feminine, and yes- meek!
There are negative tendencies that come with being outgoing that we should try to overcome; every personality type has its weakness. The key to being a Spirit-filled woman is simply letting Christ live in us. That will work for both quiet and outgoing women. When we look in the Bible, we see women like Deborah and Abigail, who stepped out of their social boundaries. We see women like Mary, who displayed timidity. God has purposes for all of us.
I applaud you for being the strong woman God created you to be.
You nailed it!
great post, thanks for making this verse clearer :) i've always wondered about the "gentle and quiet spirit" part too.
Excellent post. At first, I was like, "Oh no... You are so off base," but then I was like, "Oh yes... You hit a home run."
Go Cubs go.
How cool. Someone just asked me yesterday what goes through my mind when I hear, "A meek and quiet spirit". And now this. So timely. God is such a Master Orchestrator! Excellent Post!
Thanks for clarifying this verse for me! Well Done! =)
What I find really interesting about this post is that it can be applied to everyone, not just women. A lot of men could benefit from learning one or two (or all) of these traits. Humbleness and gentleness especially.
Maybe it would help to dispel that horrible myth that men are always domineering....
lovelovelove!!
it's also helpful to note that this book was written to real people in a specific church. i believe the "modesty" bit is interpreted wrongly too, most often, to mean that instead of dressing to seduce men, we should dress to protect men. a more correct interpretation of the verse, in the context of the verses you're talking about here, and lining up with historical explanations i've read, is that the women in this church were treating church like a runway, constantly comparing and trying to outdo each other. there was a wide economic gap in the people attending this church, which in some ways was good, since it encouraged equal treatment, but it also backfired in another way and the wealthier women began dressing up to "subtly" show off their higher status. which, to quote jane austen, would hardly encourage sisterly affection. the modesty verse makes much more sense in every respect when interpreted to mean that the women should respect each other and take care not to exalt themselves above the others.Ten points and a gold star! Some of my best female friends are absurdly over-the-top outgoing and passionate, with unmistakably gentle and quiet spirits.
This is very thought provoking and I'm really going to have to study it. I love it when people challenge my preconceptions and make me re-think things. Here's something about the words used in this passage from a commentary on 1 Peter by Dr. Bob Utley, former professor at East Texas Baptist U. I enjoy reading Dr. Utley's commentaries as they don't skirt the hard issues in the gospels, and they acknowledge the tension between different passages and doctrines. These commentaries are available free on-line.
[From Dr. Utley]
“gentle and quiet spirit” The first term praus (meek, gentle) describes Jesus in Matt. 21:5 and is part of the beatitudes (cf. Matt. 5:5). It is also used in 3:15 to characterize a believer’s witness. [Can also be used to mean strength under control, such as a tamed colt.- my note.]
The second term, h‘suchios or h‘suchia, is used several times in Paul’s writings to describe believers as quiet, tranquil, peaceful, or restful (cf. I Thess. 4:11; II Thess. 3:12; I Tim. 2:2,11,12).
There is an implied contrast between the changing styles of the world (cf. v. 3) and the settled character of a redeemed life (cf. v. 4).
I 'love' being a woman;
I, too, used to be very 'shy' growing up,
but now I do speak out; but, I do it in a very nice and peaceful way; or, at least, I try to.
I've been very out-spoken in the last several yrs. of my life; I'm now 53, but feel not much different than 23!
(except that "now" I'm much more confident because I KNOW who I am in Christ!)
However, I do believe women should speak out, but do it in a very peaceful and confident manner; but to make points clear of how we feel about our Precious and Loving SAVIOR, I believe that the Lord loves that quality; that is, for speaking out and standing up for HIM!
In Christ's Love,
Sharon
Holy smokes, a post on revelife from an intelligent woman looking to truly discern Scripture!
Props all day and night...