For Christians who have been in long term relationships and broken up, is it possible to still love one another as brothers and sisters in Christ and be friends?
I've been in a debate over this issue with a couple of people. I know that it's ideal to still be friends after a break-up, whether or not it was mutual isn't even an issue. Every long-term relationship that ends, in my opinion, still has heartache during the aftermath. It's not as easy for girls to just recover and be friends still without lingering emotions getting in the way. Quite possibly, 7-12 months after the break-up, the two people can become friends again, but I don't believe it's possible so quickly after the break-up.
Do you think that Christians can break up after a long relationship and still remain friends in Christ?
Comments (47)
Don't like the question. You may be able to still "be friends in Christ," but Christ doesn't call us to be friends with everyone. We can have mortal enemies, as long as we have a basic, unconditional love for them, via our relationship with Christ.
With the way we do relationships this day and age I would say there is a lot of heartbreak, pain, and anger to resolve before they might even think of talking to each other. Is it possible? Sure it is. It'd be even easier to if the relationship was centered on Christ in the beginning. But I don't believe friendship is required post-break up. Treating each others as brothers and sisters in Christ, however is. So maybe the latter should be more of the focus rather than a restored friendship. Just some thoughts.
I'd say that before the relationship ends that the couple in question should sit and watch "Fireproof", complete the Love Dare and then see where they are at.
Ultimately, given enough time, consideration and prayer I think that yes, two Christ-like adults should be able to stay in a friendship.
it depends on the person and their "love' for the other person. I truely loved my ex and am very happy to know he is loved well by his wife.I know I don't socialize with my exes but I don't hate them. I wish for them the best. And I see my ex has what he really wanted and I am happy for him because to me loving someone means I want the best for them. My love for him HAS changed. When I see him I can talk to them and be polite and truely my feelings have changed.
I think if both people are willing to work through the heartache and awkwardness that comes with hanging out after breaking up, then yes, anyone can stay friends after a breakup.
This becomes much harder when the breakup is the result of infidelity or abuse, and may not be the best choice.
@icicle84@xanga - How do you have unconditional love for a mortal enemy? Does this mean you don't act against them?
@TheLoveMuse@xanga - the unconditional love that realizes "hey, if not for the grace of God, I'd be there too." The kind that says "we may be diametrically opposed, but I don't have any malice toward you."
I, like icicle84, reject the premise of the question.
The basis of this seems to be that "siblings in Christ" is equivalent to "friends in Christ," which I disagree with.
There are many of my brothers and sisters in Christ who I would rather not hang out with, but they are still my siblings and if one were to come to me asking for spiritual advice, I am (for want of a better word) obligated to help them.
In the same way, my biological sister and I are siblings, we love each other and will always be there for each other, but that doesn't mean we're "friends," in any normal sense of the word.
So yes, Christian ex's will still be brother and sister in Christ, but that doesn't mean they have to be friends right away, or even ever. (Though I would agree clean breakups that end, eventually, in friendship again are certainly preferable, let's be honest, it often doesn't work out that way.)
@icicle84@xanga - Ah, gotcha. Thanks! :)
@cmdr_keen@xanga - i think that is ridiculous advice, at least in a lot of cases (i.e. not marriage). i understand the principle, but sometimes you just know a relationship isn't right or good and it doesn't have to do with 'making it work' or 'falling back into love'.
@quiet_strength - Why is it ridiculous? It's my opinion that if true Christians are in a relationship, then they must be in it for a reason, therefore all possible avenues should be explored first.
It's not saying that it's a guarantee that the relationship will work out - there are cases that it's just not going to work, for varying reasons - but to just throw in the towel at the first signs of trouble is not right, and symptomatic of today's fast-paced and consumerist society.
Advice is just that: advice. It can be listened to, thought about, considered but ultimately it will be up to the person listening to that advice as to how they will act on it. One perfectly reasonable outcome is for that piece of advice to be rejected, but not before it's been considered along with everything else that has been offered. Rejecting it out of hand is very short-sighted. Again, it's just my opinion - which is just as valid as yours or anyone else's on this site.
@cmdr_keen@xanga - no i understand what you are saying, but even true christians get in relationships they shouldn't, and sometimes you just know it is best to end it...people often do give up too easily, I agree, personally though I think a plan that worked for some doesn't always work for everyone and I thought fireproof was kind of cheesy : ) oh well. i just thought it was silly that that was your first suggestion, since you and i both don't know anything about the couple or why they broke up.
It is entirely possible.
@quiet_strength - I took the post to be a general hypothetical situation - and in talking generally about relationships it is usually seen to be ideal that the couple dont break-up and one way to help prevent that is through something like Fireproof. Sure, it can be seen as cheesy, but the message and presentation is such that it is easy to grasp.
Every couple's situation is different, so what will work for one will not work for another, but if we are not given the whole story or information that the suggestions that we make are all equally reasonable and valid.
By exhausting all avenues to keep a relationship alive it will also form a decent foundation for the parties involved to remain friends - which I see as a better alternative then remaining at each others throats, especially in a Church environment.
I am beginning to think no, not even if they are/were only in the beginning phase of dating. I have tried to be friends afterwards with females three times now and it always ends up unsuccessful (though the last time it was a few months before contact went to bascially zero). All I know is the next time I hear those words "I want to be friends" from a female I am going to answer back "We will see" and walk away or something like that... lol, maybe something less harsh. But I am usually the one rejected, so as odd as it sounds she would "have" to call or contact me cause I am not going down that road and it always makes me/the guy feel like a stalker.
I dated a guy for almost 4 years. We broke up because we both felt like God was leading us in different directions. We stayed friends until he announced his engagment, in which we said that out of respect for them, we would stop talking.
After we broke up, our boundaries had to change, but we were still able to great friends. So it is possible
anybody with a forgiving heart can do that..not just Christians.
Non-Christians can break up and still remain friends, so I don't see why Christians couldn't do the same thing... especially if there's this "friendship in Christ" thing that's supposed to hold them together.
this is hard to answer... partly because so many emotions were involved and sometimes it can be hard to distinguish and separate the emotions... but I think it's still possible and the fact that in the church... regardless of the relational status... you and your former significant other are family which means it needs to work out as friends....
while i do agree that it can be difficult, it's not impossible. Jesus (and sometimes time) can heal all wounds. do i want to be best friends with my ex-husband? not really, but with Christ, i can treat everybody the way i'd want to be treated; with kindness, forgiveness, charity, respect, etc.
If it was a 'clean break' - as in both no longer have feelings for one another and can work through differences, then yes. But that is a hard point to get to. Usually, in my experience and observation, it isn't 'clean' and one still has remaining feelings that are not worked through. THAT makes it awkward for both people.
Just my opinion.
I guess it would depend on the situation. I can see it being really hard, but, yes it's possible. I know that's not really a great answer
i am going through a breakup, it's actually been about 6 months and we still see each other like once a month at weddings, funerals, etc. i still have alot feelings and emotions...so i know for the time being, we can be friends/brother/sister but with very minimal contact... :(
@sheepthatsblack@xanga - agree
Of course it is...especially moreso if you're not a cafeteria Christian.
Romantic relationships come & go, its the norm of life. You can either grow from it and move on or let go your seperate ways.