My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. We haven't been charting or temp taking or anything like that. Just hoping and praying for the best. It has been 9 months of this since being off the pill. This is just to fill you in on the background of the situation.
I went to the doctor maybe a month ago and had my hormone levels checked. The results came back a couple of weeks ago and the doctor called me in to give me the results. She says my testosterone levels are really high for a woman and that I have several other symptoms of PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). She says this means that getting pregnant will be hard and my internet research on PCOS has confirmed this may be the case.
She said in a few months we will talk about the option of Metformin, a drug that has something to do with insulin regulation and has been shown to regulate PCOS in a way that helps women get pregnant. Other than that I know nothing, but I'm not convinced. I don't think that I am willing to take drugs or any fertility treatments. This isn't to knock those who do, I just feel like maybe God wants to bless me with a family in a different way.
My youngest sister was recently adopted by my parents from China, so this is something close to my heart. My husband is very up for the option of adoption. We are going to an adoption meeting next month. Are we giving up on trying to soon?
Should I wait and see if God wants me to conceive naturally, or do I take the thought of my having PCOS as a indication that God has other plans?
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Comments (71)
I have always wondered about those who chose to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. I question the motivation behind it. The desperation to have a child with the same genetic makeup as them, seems like a selfish reason to spend so much time and money. That said, if it is possible for you to get pregnant by taking a pill, that doesn't seem like too high price a pay. (depending on the side effects. We have all seen those crazy commercials for various drugs) But I am with you on adoption. I heard a quote once that really touched my heart and made me firmly believe that I will adopt, even if I can have children. It says, "Why bring more children into this world when there are already so many out there that need homes."
Good luck with whatever decision you and your husband make. Whatever happens, you will be blessed.
Try taking the pill, but look into adoption as well. You can always do both!
wow... how can one give advice to something like this? I honestly do not know...
man... i guess keep trying by taking the pill... and honestly, the lot of us will be praying for your healing that's for sure.... but
golly... this is hard...
My parents adopted one of my siblings domestically and one internationally in addition to two biological children. Since you've had adoption in your family, you probably know about it. Make sure you do some research about Reactive Attachment Disorder is all my advice. It would have helped my family's adjustment tremendously to know about this problem that orphans so, so often face!
Adoption is a lovely way to create a family. The bonds are strong and the love is abundant. I adore my adoptive family.
I think that adoption is a wonderful way to go. While I understand the natural urges to create a person of your own flesh and blood, it will completely change the life of an already existing child if you choose to adopt.
I personally think the Spirit is moving those of us in North America to adopt more. Adoption is a great opportunity to show the story of G-d. We have the resources and with so many orphans in the world, it just makes sense.
I don't know what G-d is leading you to, but adoption is definitely a fantastic option and no less great than producing your own children. It's not a second option, it's another option.
"My husband and I are trying to get pregnant."
I foresee your husband having an even more difficult time in trying to achieve this.
[Too snarky?]
@SWAurora@xanga - "I have always wondered about those who chose
to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments in order to get
pregnant. I question the motivation behind it. The desperation to have
a child with the same genetic makeup as them, seems like a selfish
reason to spend so much time and money."
Agreed, totally.
In regards to the OP, I say why not go forward with adoption and if you get pregnant, the more the merrier? God's got your back either way.
I actually heard that there's a statistic of couples who get pregnant almost immediately after adopting a child, despite the fact that they had trouble conceiving before. There is no known medical reasoning for this, just a funny, common coincidence.
I think you should definitely look into adoption. As Christians, part of solving the problem of abortion would be to try and adopt some of those "unwanted" children that would otherwise fall through the cracks of the system. For those who believe abortion is a better choice to save the child a lifetime of never knowing what it's like to be loved, adoption is a great way to do your part in turning that around.
Adoption seems like a great choice, but maybe you might want to wait a year and save up some money for the legal fees (and to see if the economy becomes stable again).
Of course, if you feel that you must have a child, maybe there is a reason for that and you should just go forward with it.
I've often thought that God gives the desire to have children and the inability to conceive to provide parents for orphans. My personal opinion, though, I have no scripture to back it up.
I'd suggest going ahead and pursuing the route of adoption. If you guys still want to try for your own, keep trying too. You know? But def. consider adoption. I would love to do that one day!! I just have to get my significant other on the same page first.. He's seen all the troubles my family has had to go through to get my little foster sisters adopted, and he doesn't like the idea. I really feel led to adopt, though, so, we'll see. :)
May God bless you as you seek him out on this,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@whataboutbahb@xanga - mawkishly sentimental, but got a chuckle out of me.
sometimes adoption means more than what you think. there are things about the child you dont know upon adopting.
i had worked in group homes for 2 years and have been working in mental health for a total of 5 years. what most people dont realize is that an adopted child often has emotional problems caused by losing their parents--this could range from mild drepression, to relationship problems, to full blown, severe emotional disturbance and behavioral problems.
what i mean to say is, adopting can but a much bigger feat than raising a child that is not biologically yours, and i have the utmost admiration and respect in my heart for all who knowingly do this.
i have seen the heart ache of the parents who adopted an infant that they loved and cared for whole heartedly, only to find that the child is unable to bond and connect with them normally. i know that parents' love is unconditional anyway, but how would you feel if your child still doubted your love after all those years and routinely lashed out at you in anger.
do you know what a group home is? they are homes that raise/care for foster children that have repeatedly failed adoption and foster home placement. basically it is the reject bin in the foster system--the kids that even the foster parents reject. not once but many times, because social workers usually try placing them in a foster home first, where there are consistent foster parents. [i am assuming that foster parents are less picky than adopting parents, since adopting parents are raising the kids as their own kids in the legal sense while foster parents foster many kids but dont make them legally theirs]
how does a child end up being THAT "messed up" that they cannot find anyone to adopt or foster them? biological disposition for mental problems can be part of the cause, but obviously losing their parents--whether they died or they are in prison due to drug chrages, or perhaps the child is taken from extremely abusive parents--is a big part of what damaged these kids. [slightly abusive parents can get their kids back by doing court mandated parenting classes, it is a joke how easy it is for them to get the kids back after they beat the living day light out of the kids]
i feel for them. my childhood was not nearly as grisly, but even i have experiened a lot of sorrow and loss in my childhood, and i cannot imagine how much love it takes to nurture a kid like that.
i worked in 3 different group home systems (usually there are several houses that share a common pool of staff). most people work there because like you, they care for these poor kids that need parents. but countless people get burnt out. the love that is poured into the kids is sometimes not enough. it's like trying to put out a forest fire with a water gun. i burnt out twice out of the three times and quit, as i was tired of being punched and bitten and verbally assulted by the kids.
one time after watching a little girl tear her room apart, my co-worker said to me "that is the residue of damage". the girl had been neglected and abused for a few years before being taken away from her parents. her social worker was trying very hard to get her adopted, and her chances should have been good since she was pretty young and she was very cute. on the outside she was everything an adopting couple could ask for, but the amount of emotional disturbance that was inside would make her a very undesirable adoptee.
i dont know what happened to her in the end. i hope she found someone to adopt her and i hope she healed from all the damage her parents had done.
there are great group homes, foster homes, and adopting parents that actually stick it out and help these poor kids, actually giving them the love and nurturing they need and the kids actually get better and heal from their horrid pasts.
i wish i could say that i am ready to go back and work with emotionally disturbed foster kids and even adopt one. i've seen group home staff doing that, breaking down and adopting one, just like the people at animal shelters that have mercy and save the one that is going to be put down. i am not saying the kids are animals, but you do wonder who has mercy for those kids when even dogs are rescued. i can't remeber the statistic, but lots of foster kids end of becoming felons and criminals and end up in prison (not jail). if cats and dogs get rescued, who is there to help children that have been molested and abused--their bones broken and their bodies covered with multi-colored bruises. multi-colored bruises come from hitting again and again over a period of time, because bruises change color as they heal, it means the kid has been a punching bag for a while.
who wants to adopt a kid like that? who routinely throws huge tantrums that involve breaking windows, throwing chairs across the room, raising knives against their caretakers, self-mutilate, have eating disorders, lie and steal, are depressed and suicidal, etc. not all orphaned kids are like that, but you dont know when you first adopt them.
@DistantStarlight@xanga - ditto that. just wrote about how extreme things can get if a child has been emotionally hurt from losing their parents--whether if it is by death or neglect or abuse. that is way too young to be scarred by losing your only family.
here is something related to that: i have heard and witnessed situations where a mom considered to abort the baby but then ended up keeping the baby and raising them, and those babies still grow up with attachment problems. the children are not told that their mom's wanted to abort them until much later, and then it all makes sense why they have problems similar to abandoned children.
another situation i have also heard of and seen is the babies that have to stay in hospitals after birth, like premature babies, also have attachment problems.
i have heard of and met several people that fall into those categories--they were never actually abandoned by their parents at all, but were premature babies or their mom's thought of aborting them--and they all say things like "no matter how many friends i have i still feel lonely, i still feel like no one loves me"
from what i understand, a common result of an attachment disorder is the feeling of being empty inside, that there is a hole that no amount of love can fill, even if they have a loving family and very loyal, close friends. and many of them are believers that also have God in their lives who try to have faith in Him and want to feel His love, but it is hard. it is hard if the first thing you were faced with in life is your mother not being there or wanting to leave you.
how lonely would that feel? if you knew no one else in the world and you were completely helpless and dependent on your parent, but they are not there or they are actively trying to get rid of you. it would feel like they are leaving you for dead, who else would come and feed you and keep you warm? by the time a nurse or a social worker gets there, you could have been dead. like literally.
that is a huge emotional wound, not being able to attach normally and to feel depressed is just the beginning.
I am adopted, and its amazing. I have also found my birth family, not so amazing.. God defiantly put me in my family.
By being adopted you get to know that your parents hand picked you for your family.. WOW! And when you become a Christian you get adopted again into the family of God.. I love it..
My hubby and I are also foster parents, which is another amazing experience.. And we have fallen in love with a little boy and are now moving towards adoption.. We have not yet been able to conceive (its been 4.5 years) so this is how we are blessed to have a family.
If you want to know more my experiences with adoption, just send me a message,... its kindof complicated to get into in a post..
Blessings!
You have to follow the path God puts you on until it changes. Keep going to the seminars AND keep trying to conceive. Adoption isn't usually as quick and easy as some (even Christian) groups make it out to be. It may take a while for you to complete the requirements...and during that time, who knows, SURPRISE!!!!
It's not uncommon for adoption to take a year a more (as you probably know from China)....or God can send you a child tomorrow. Adoption can cost $40K or more, or only a few thousand.
We adopted our daughter from Russia in 2005 and I'm a great fan of adoption...but you have to go into it with your eyes open. It can be a long, heart-breaking journey where money and red-tape are more important than children's happiness or even their lives. There are adoption con-artists and people who out-right lie to try to get your money.
Adopted children may be completely normal (my daughter covered the bathtub last night with lime green foam soap, is that normal? Yes. She's eaten dog food. Is that normal? Yes.) or they may suffer from any of a huge array of physical and emotional problems. And, at some point, many adopted children will have to struggle with the fact that they're adopted and they may seek out their birth-family.
Adoption IS forever, though, and that needs to be your mindset if that's the option you choose. Even if you have a dozen natural children after you adopt, that adopted child is still your child, too. As you are not doubt aware, it's not solely about your need to parent, but about a child's need to be parented.
Your adoption agency may want to see that you have been to counseling or have otherwise grieved and come to terms with the fact that you may not have natural children. If you adopt privately, this may not come up.
Blessings on your journey.
If the option of adoption is right there at your fingertips, go for it! There are so many young children in this world who need a wonderful family and this is probably God's way of having you help a child in need just like that. I'm not married yet but I've even considered adoption simply because I know there is some child out there somewhere who needs a loving family to care for him/her.
Best of luck with your decision! God Bless!
PCOS is more than a fertility treatment. Whether or not you decide to conceive, taking the drug as treatment is probably a good idea.
Firstly, PCOS causes cysts to grow on the ovaries. Those cysts can grow to very large sizes and may need to be surgically removed.
PCOS hinders menstruation. If you go too long without shedding your uterine lining, say more than 3 months, your chances of having reproductive cancers increases dramatically.
PCOS throws of your hormones. It is not good to walk around with a hormone imbalance. It hinders sex drive and causes depression. Any hormone balance should be corrected for your over all health.
PCOS can cause acne, hair loss on scalp, hair in unwanted places and even high blood pressure.
PCOS can cause frequent miscarriages, so if you do get pregnant while untreated, your odds suck.
PCOS causes insulin resistance. If left untreated it can cause endometrial cancer, diabetes and heart disease.
PCOS is not a fertility problem. It is a medical condition that just happens to hinder fertility.
God probably doesn't care how you get a child, maybe both natural conception and adoption will happen. The question here is: does God want you to live past your 40s healthy and happy to take care of your family?
If you think he doesn't, stay away from Metroformin.
i don't think you're "giving up" at all by looking into adoption. there is no rule that says you can't have both biological and adopted children. i would suggest considering adoption AND remaining open to conceiving children.
my husband and i recently lost our first child (Francis) to miscarriage. my dr. ran a bunch of tests after i lost Francis - all of which came back normal except my glucose level was high. she wants to check several of my hormone levels when my cycle returns to see if i might have PCOS, too.
above all, i would suggest to focus on God's will and His plan for your lives. remain open to life and open to family.
@care@momaroo - Metformin is not necessary for women with
PCOS, it is not even approved by the FDA for PCOS, it is only
experimentally used by some doctors with patients wanting to conceive.
It is a drug used for controlling diabetes, which I do not have. Just
having PCOS does not mean you are going to have diabetes either,
especially if you maintain diet and weight. I am in good physical
shape and am well within a healthy weight range. I also never said
that it was solely a fertility problem, I have a very real idea of the
other symptoms that I am dealing with since I go through them on a
daily basis.
I've had 2 miscarriages and we are currently undergoing testing to get some answers. I have no idea what the testing will tell us, but I was promised a biological child before I ever knew it would be a struggle. Dealing with these health issues, I want to give up and adopt. I will not go through IVF, I want to conceive naturally or not at all... I am going through testing to determine how to keep a pregnancy. These are my own personal convictions and yours may be different. I hope that you find clear direction on what to do.
I know that God always gives us our the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), but first we have to lay those desires on the altar and delight ourselves in him. I honestly hope to adopt one day... my plan would be to have 2 or 3 of my own first and adopt my younger 2 or 3... but maybe God has a different plan. I will be praying for you; seek the Lord and you will be blessed by following his will.
@MrsCharlieBrown@xanga -
While Metformin is not currently FDA approved specificly for treating PCOS, it is has approval for "off-label" use. That means there is enough clinical evidence that it is successful in dealing with the cause of PCOS. Doctors aren't going around prescribing the drug willy-nilly.
Because of hormone imbalances, you are also at risk for heart disease, hardening of arteries, blood clots and stroke, not just diabetes. High cholestorol is also common as you age. As you age, diet and exercise may not be enough to stave off the damage the hormone imbalance does to your body. These are not problems far off into your senior years, but ones that may start cropping up in your late 30s and early 40s.
Birth control is another effective treatment for PCOS, btw, but is seldom perscribed because it doesn't address the insulin issue for those who have it. If your doctor has brought up Metformin, than there is an insulin issue.
You've presented your PCOS and its treatment as a fertility issue when you said:
"Other than that I know nothing, but I'm not convinced. I don't think that I am willing to take drugs or any fertility treatments."
That's why I responded the way I did. And as someone who has seen the negative, life altering effects that PCOS can cause beyond the realm of fertility, I only suggest you open yourself to the idea that there are long term problems that go far beyond fertility.
Yet, if you are going to have a medical condition to effect fertility, this is probably the simplest and most cost effective to treat, even affordable without health insurance.
My wife and I have been there and we know how hard it is.
We adopted. Best decision we ever made.
I cant give you a whole lot of advice that would really help all that much, but I will tell you a sent a prayer up.