Friday, 20 February 2009
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Advice: How Do You Start a Conversation About God with a Non-Believer?
by mr maple
onefate asks:How do you start a conversation about God with somebody who does not believe?
This must have come across any Catholics or Christians. This is a little difficult for someone who is not a born evangelist. While some people may find it really diplomatic and so calm in explaining the ideas about God even while the other party being hostile or so negative about the idea.
The idea behind theology is that it is a very fragile matter that you don't want to impose upon a person the belief but you want them to learn what is it good about religion and not the negative thoughts about it. Some people hate or treat religion as if some cause for war which can be in fact a little true, like World War I, World War II and it is even the cause of unending Iraq War.
Any thoughts on this?
Mr. Maple answers:
There are many things to be said about Christian evangelism that involve methods and strategies and theology and techniques and such, but at the heart of the matter is "Why? And to what end?" So much of the miscommunication involved with "speaking the gospel" comes from the force and coercion of our agendas. It is tempting to think that I, the person, am responsible for "saving" or "converting" someone else and am justified in trying to manipulate the conversation and the other person's thought process onto a path that leads towards God. That kind of approach creates a false conversation; we appear to be engaging someone in dialogue when we are really looking for a platform from which to preach.
There are times when preaching is appropriate, when our true and unadulterated opinion is asked for. In those moments we should feel free to be honest and genuine about what we believe. But in most other conversations, people are simply looking for an exchange of ideas, and for that to take place it means we need to humble ourselves and be willing to re-examine the force of our own beliefs from their perspective. People can easily sense when someone is trying to steer a conversation in a certain direction, towards certain conclusions and certain points, and most will (appropriately) balk at these sorts of subtle and deceptive ploys. I think, at least in the modern age, one of the most important elements of evangelism is true honesty, where we come forward unapologetic about our beliefs but humble enough to listen, and I mean really listen, to what the other person has to say. From my experience, unless they feel that we respect them enough to do that, they will not give us the respect to listen to what we have to say either.
I've been practicing this approach for the past few years with my own friends and have been completely amazed at how much I've learned from them about Islam, Hinduism, atheism, agnosticism, and other forms of faith... as well as how open and receptive they've been to my understanding and explanation of the gospel. I feel that, because I'm willing to be honest with them, they can ask questions about Christianity that they never quite felt comfortable with doing before for fear of a coercive spiel or a taunting of their beliefs. In this open way, I can also feel free to challenge and inquire about their beliefs; in doing so, I re-visit my own with new questions and deepen the complexity and truth of what I believe. They don't see my statements and questions as attacks on what they believe but as honest inquiries.
I am not saying that we water down the gospel or attempt to arrive at a common belief that everyone can agree on. By no means! The integrity of the gospel should be held at all costs. It is for that precise reason that I avoid the use of gimmicks to try and preach it, like t-shirts and bumper stickers and promises of health and wealth and prosperity, and simply state it plainly so that, if others choose to believe, they do so knowing exactly what it is they're getting into. There's no need to be so insecure about my faith that I feel the need to be an aggressor towards others who believe differently, or scoff at doubts about God's existence & goodness, or easily dismiss the conflicts between intellectual queries and certain elements of the faith. Instead, I just say the truth as I understand it and invite & protect the rights of others to do the same. I often find myself saying, "I don't know," because it's true.
My favorite example in Scripture of this is the man born blind. It's a very humorous account, but what touches me again and again is the man's sheer honesty and dedication to the work of Jesus in his life:
[The man born blind] replied, "Whether he is a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!" Then they asked him, "What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?" He answered, "I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples, too?" - John 9:25-27
Whew! That was a very long-winded way of saying this: You don't have to be an articulate scholar or a televangelist or a cunning salesperson to "evangelize". You only need to testify to the work of God in your life and invite others to do the same. God will take care of the rest.
What advice do you have to offer onefate?
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- From: mrmaple
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Comments (22)
I agree wholeheartedly that we should avoid contrived approaches to evangelism because what we achieve is not a true inquiry into the gospel, but is an exercise in futility. Have you ever had a salesman use leading questions in order to get you to give him the answer he is seeking ( a sale )? This is not the way to convince an unbeliever of the truth of the gospel, but an irrefutable testimony of the reality ( to you ) of the presence of Jesus Christ in your life and the changes He has wrought is hard for someone to argue against. Anyway, evangelism that becomes an argument is doomed to fail - it fails to illustrate the love of God which is inherent in the true presentation of the gospel.
I'd answer, firstly, to echo mrmaple's words. Listening, letting the communication be two-way, is vastly important to relational evangelism. Simple, honest, gimmick-free conversation.
I'd also say this. Don't worry about having to steer the conversation to God, or having to start a God-specific conversation. Don't hide who and what you are, and when you mention your church family or your Sunday service that's an opportunity for them to ask about it. If they do, they're at least marginally interested, and you can ask them if they'd like to hear more about it. If they're not interested they'll just ignore it and hope you'll drop the subject.
Don't worry about trying to start a God-conversation with someone who is absolutely unreceptive. That simply isn't our job. If they don't want to hear about it, don't force them. If they want to argue about it, answer their questions as best you can, but know that no-one (to my knowledge) has become a Christian because they were beaten in an argument. Remember also that "a soft answer turns away wrath,"--don't let yourself get emotionally caught up in the argument!
You are not responsible to "save" anyone--even if you happen to be the
one who gets to guide someone into the Kingdom, you are just one in a
long chain of people God has used to influence that person. God does
the saving. God does the guiding. And God knows who is ready to hear
and who is not ready to hear.
A ripe apple will come off in your hand when you touch it, while you'd have to yank on an unripe apple to pick it.
First of all, never presume to know anything about anyone.
After that, be a good friend. Be a listener. I've heard many people admit that they've been turned off from Christianity because of people who get in their face about it. There's the "Creepy Christians" who carry their Bible around everywhere and ask God to bless everyone, the "Psycho Christians" who loudly proclaim the Good News, the "Business Christians" who come across as religious salesmen, and the "Guerrilla Christians" who randomly start evangelizing all over unsuspecting victims.
I've been attacked by Guerrilla Christians and I AM a Christian. It freaks me out.
Different methods work for different people and in different situations. There's a time and a place for each of the above, I'm sure. I've found the best way that works for me is to not have an evangelical agenda. I just make friends with people. Usually, at some point or another, they get curious when they realize that I'm a Christian and I'm not attacking them. They may ask questions and I'll answer. I'll ask about their religion or lack thereof. I don't criticize their religion. I don't try to make them change. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I certainly don't like it when someone tells me MY beliefs are wrong and that I should change them.
This really is a hard question to answer because everyone has different gifts. Mine is definitely not in evangelizing. Mine is more in listening and being there for someone.
I don't know.
Just don't freak people out. That's the best advice I've got.
how about we don't? religion is never a good convo starter. it's a killer.
I admit I couldn't get through such a long entry but I agree with the other comments about listening. I much prefer to figure out what other people are thinking before I jump in and muddy the waters.
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - I wouldn't say never. Some people really like to talk about it.
I could go on for hours about hospitals or movies but bring up sports and I'm going to look for any excuse to bolt. However, not many people have the stomach for my hospital tales (especially since I tend to bring them up when we're eating something resembling whatever I saw in clinicals that day) and even fewer want to listen to me expound upon the many different facets of Severus Snape. But a HUGE number of people like to talk sports.
Just because it's not your thing doesn't mean there aren't people who are really excited about it. Put two of those people together and the topic of religion is anything but a killer.
Wow, this is quite encouraging to read the entry and the comments responses. Sometimes I feel bad for not being able to have conversations with my friends about God or somehow encourage them to think more about him and why they need Jesus. But at the same time, I also feel like all they really need is a friend and someone who would be there for them and not necessary try to solve all their problems. I have learn the hard way (at least I felt like it) that I cannot save them, but it's for God to do that part. And I do love the time I just spend hanging out and getting to know them without the pressure of having to do something life transforming. I think when we just be a disciple of Christ rather than telling people to become one, it'll be a good enough of an impact to them.
Of course, if opportunity arises, then we should definitely not be afraid to pray with them.
It's very easy to talk to a non-believer about your religious views. The key is that you have to consider it a general conversation rather than a chance to "convert" another person into agreeing with your own views. Act like it's a regular conversation topic, like the tea you had with breakfast or the walk you went for. Don't set out to prove them wrong or prove yourself right, set out to learn something new about what somebody else believes. Maybe ask them what influenced them to believe what they do, and tell them about what influenced you to believe what you do as well; while keeping in mind that neither way is strictly right or wrong in the conversation.
To be able to do this, both people need to be mature and open minded. If the people in the conversation aren't both, it most likely won't work so well.
I seldom "talk" to people about it. Values are caught, not taught, for the most part. I simpy live out my faith and let people observe. After while, they get curious and start asking questions. That's when I give "teaser" answers, designed to embolden them to ask more questions. You simply sneak a little religion in on 'em when they aren't looking...whatever your brand of faith.
You don't make the convo sound as if it's religion-based. Like I once was talking to someone about homemade quilts my mother-in-law made. Well, that led into a conversation about an amazing story about one of those quilts, which then led me to tell her the amazing thing God did with that quilt. She was all ears and about 3 weeks later came to know God herself. It was an amazing experience for me!
@JUSTAVAPORHERE@xanga - That is AWESOME!
i just stop whatever other conversation we were talking about and start talking about god, because really, god is more imprortant, and if the person gets saved theyll thank me and not even think about their missed conversation about sports or fashion or somehting.
Mr. Maple gave a key element that many Christians seem to miss, and that it the willingness TO LISTEN to the other person's point of view as well, and try to see things from their perspective. There are many who just want to do the "telling about God" themselves, and if the other person doesn't agree on certain points of doctrine then the person doing the "telling" will start spouting off scriptures to back up his point. The other will then back up his POV with scriptures as well, and then you've got a full-blown Bible Bash going. So what's the point? It takes two who are respectful of each other's right to believe what they want, two who are willing to listen to each other's POV, two who are both willing to learn something from the discussion, and two who are mature enough to carry the discussion in a civilized manner. Only then, will the effort be successful.
If you believe the bible is true, and if you have a personal relationship with God, then one of the most powerful things you can share with another when the opportunity arises is your personal experience. Your very personal story and what happened to you when YOU believed. No one can refute it, because it is personal. If they are interested in the change that has happened in YOU, then you can share the HOW you got there.
But.... before you share that, you must listen to them and ask "what's your story?". We all have one...
@jaette@xanga - This is what I was talking about. Just because God is the most important thing to you, you assume it SHOULD be to everybody else. Yes, it should, but it isn't. The fact is in reality, the other person could care less and shuns it because of people who have that kind of attitude because if you cut off their conversation you're not giving them the respect they deserve either. At least let them finish what they were talking about first.
Religion and politics are the touchiest of subjects. Ironically, where these two subjects are concerned, a great many people simply forsake all reason.
A person like the one mentioned above, who has such hostility that they would blame WW I & II and the Iraq War on religion, would be a definite hard case.
If one is to seek the truth then one must ask for it. If someone asks me then I will respond - carefully. Otherwise I do my best to live the Gospel. This is the very best way to build harmony among many and pursue happiness for myself.
16I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
maybe not that
"This must have come across any Catholics or Christians."
Your prejudice is showing. Separating a Church from the term Christian that was around 1500 years before any protestant denomination is not accurate. Even if you want to quibble about the exact number of years. Just pointing it out for others who read this.
To answer your question, you show them by your lifestyle; your deeds. I find that non-believers, once they see you living a life of faith, will direct the conversation to you in some way. You do have to be patient though. I've never seen it fail. Then you can snatch others from the fire.
@ChrisRusso@xanga - Amen. I really enjoy this post. "A ripe apple will come off in your hand when you touch it, while you'd have to yank on an unripe apple to pick it." I thought that I was the one responsible for getting my family and friends saved but now realize that God uses the environment and a long chain of people and events throughout a person's life to gain someone and I should stop beating myself up for not saving that person.
I praise God for the Holy Spirit, b/c God miraculously just makes a way through an everyday topic. I have a natural gift of evangelism.
Me, and a person can talk about the economy, then the person can say something about they are going through, I give a testimony when I went through either a different or similar situation, and then tell them my prayers were answered or how God came in and saved the day, week, month, or year.
The topic can be from anything-relationships, fashion, etc.
and the Holy Spirit will take over my conversation, and it always ends with something personal revealed to me from them, and that's where the Holy Spirit will prime the situation for God to ultimately be glorified through from my life, a scripture, or something else.
Everything we do is lead by the Holy Spirit, so when it is time for evangelism, it will enter in smoothly, and the spirit will give you that que, and those words to say in that moment.
God is an awesome wonder ;)
I stuttard my way through
Awesome post. You make some great points- I like how you described this comfort zone between you and them, where they can ask questions and explain things without the fear of being attacked. I certainly that is the ideal form of society.
It depends on each person and each situation. Sometimes the intention was to bring God into the conversation and other times it happens "accidently" and i just run with it... I try not to plan conversations bc then I get nervous and depend on myself. When I let God do it, it just flows. My only job is to make sure I am prepared by being in my word and communicating with god and looking for the opportunities and then taking them...