Thursday, 19 February 2009
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Do Christian Teens Get Married Young Just to Have Sex?
We all know them: Christian teens who get engaged and married at young ages. But is it really because they're simply just "ready" to get married?
I'm from the South, and this is rampant. Recently, three girls I know from my old high school (I graduated in 2007) got engaged. They all haven't graduated from college yet; one will graduate this year, one is a sophomore like I am, and one just began her freshman year last fall.
I am a firm believer that one should get engaged/married when both have had a couple of years to get to know one another and see how the other person really is. I don't believe that one has to be a certain age that society deems appropriate or what have you. If they were all ready to get engaged at this age, then I'm all for it. What makes me skeptical is that since this is a common occurrence down here (and possibly other areas of the US), is it really possible that ALL the young people who have gotten engaged/married really that ready? Is that a coincidence or is it something beyond that?
If this wasn't a normal incident and there was only a few couples who got engaged/married when they were around my age (regardless of religious affiliation, etc.), I wouldn't think anything of it. I would think they're just ready and that would be it. With it being so common, I don't want to say that it's because of sex, but honestly, I just don't know. I know two of the girls have been with their significant other for less than two years. For me, I think two people should be together for AT LEAST two years before thinking about any type of serious relationship move, regardless if they're a Christian or an Atheist, 18 years old or 28 years old.
Despite what these couples' intentions were, I am in NO WAY trying to pry. I wish all three couples and any other young and engaged/married couples all the best. Also, I have no problem with purity vows. I support anyone's decision to make it and follow through with it.
Do Christian teens (or any teens that have taken a vow of celibacy until marriage) get engaged/married so soon just to have sex? Or are they all just that ready?
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- From: BLOOMnLUNAtic@xanga
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Comments (122)
Well, I can tell you if it were me, it wouldn't be because I was ready to be married! I'm 24 and still quite happy not being tied down.
@trebleclef402@xanga - Haha! I reread that and it made me laugh. Maybe being tied down would be fun.
Some of them are ready, some just want sex, and some probably see marriage as an expectation. I attended a Christian college, and the running joke was that you had to try hard to get out of college without a ring on your finger (I didn't get the coveted finger-wear).
Many are likely lonely, they meet someone who changes that feeling, and feel like marriage is the way to go. Some have probably been "dating" their intended since they were 13 or 14 ... so by the age of 18 or 19, they know the other quite well, and can survive reasonably well in a young marriage.
And for some families, marrying young and fast is just hardwired into the culture. For example, it's not uncommon to hear of Mormon couples marrying 1) after less than a year of dating, 2) before they can legally purchase alcohol, or 3) all of the above.
I think that some young Christians do get married for the wrong reasons, but then a lot of non-Christians do, too. I'm 22 and engaged, but I'm not getting married just to have sex. Granted, it's definitely a perk we're both looking forward to with great excitement. However, we're not so short-sighted that we would get married just to have sex. Both of us are aware of the fact that marriage is a blessing as well a bit of a burden at times. Come to think of it, we've been considering downsizing our wedding quite a lot (as in, 20 guests or fewer as opposed to the originally planned 100) because it's more representative of where our priorities are. We don't want to have to plan a big wedding because the wedding isn't what we're worried about- we're worried about our marriage!
So, in conclusion, I think that some young Christian couples do get married because they are blind sided by the prospect of having sex, but plenty of others get married for very wrong reasons, too, and face the consequences of that when they end up being very unprepared for what married life has in store.
I guess I'm a little confused. There really is no set 'time' someone needs to get to know each other. I know couples that have known each other for 7+ years, got together, and they weren't ready for it. I also know couples that knew each other for just over a year and they were completely ready. I think it depends largely on the couples morality and the condition in which they knew each other.
Here's what I've seen. Couples that have spent a large amount of time apart from each other (long distance relationship) but stuck through it typically know each other really well cause they have to communicate. Couples that have spent a lot of time doing ministry together are also typically better aquainted, matured, and ready for a commitment.
I get what you're saying (I think). All to often couples spend all their time 'being physical' and they don't know each other well and get 'sold' on the idea of 'romance' but what they wanted was sex- not the commitment.
I am married and it has it's challenges. Neither one of us are finished with college (though we're like, right there! lol), but we knew each other well. We did wait 2 years before we got engaged, and another year till we got married- that was primarily due to circumstances though. We would have been ready earlier if we had the opportunity.
Anyway, interesting post.
I don't know, I think it depends on the people....like someone else said, some people know each other from a young age already so when they get to their early 20's, they've been together for a long time.
it totally depends on the people, their background, their upbringing, their families, their maturity level, and thousands of other factors...
i have a friend whose parents had one date when they were young and were engaged on their second date. they just "knew"! and they've been happily married for almost 30 years, if not more. Carmen says they're like love birds still.
and we all know people who dated for longer than a week before getting engaged and their marriages didn't last...soo....i think your criteria for judging Christian young ppl getting married is a tad skewed. :)
um...also...if there's a Christian young person out there who's THAT eager for sex, why would you get MARRIED to get that? an awful lot of commitment and responsibility for the fun of sex, and i can't believe that would be anyone's sole reason for marriage...
Do Christian teens (or any teens that have taken a vow of celibacy
until marriage) get engaged/married so soon just to have sex? Or are
they all just that ready?
I think it's more than just the sex; it's being over-optimistic.
I've noticed that a lot of Christians who are strong in their faith seem to get engaged and married very young. Honestly, that's me. I think the same requirements exist whether you are young or old. Love as a choice, Christ as the center, commitment, communication, etc. If they're young but have been together for five years already, what difference does it make. As long as they, like everyone else, make the decision for the right reasons.
I've been pondering this a lot as of late because I'm a young Christian in a relationship pursuing marriage. :)
@beezu283@xanga - //um...also...if there's a Christian young person out there who's THAT eager for sex, why would you get MARRIED to get that? //
Because it's a way to get sex without dirtying the conscience, duh
the sex aspect could be part of it (paul does tell us to get married asap if were burning with desire).
i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that christians dont need to finish "living" and "experiencing" before they settle down. they are more willing to experience things as a couple and feel that their future spouse wont be a hindrance, but someone who they can share with. they dont need to seek all the world has to offer. thats the bottom line. thats why so many unsaved people are single past 25. they are focused on themselves and a career and all. im 22 and when i was 17 i wanted to get married very young. i still wish i could get married soon. sometimes God has other plans though. im sure even more young christians would get married sooner if the opportunity arose.
there's reason to agree and disagree with you. i agree with the fact that yes.. some people do get married for the wrong reasons.. whether it be for sex, to get out of a sticky situation (which i have seen happen plenty of times before), were forced, etc. but i do disagree with the time. people always say that love has no limit. so i agree with you that regardless of a person's age or beliefs, you can still get married. but we should always be open to the fact that marriage is different and works differently for everyone. some will date for years on end, have children, and still cant commit to marriage.
im 22, married my husband at 21, and were only dating since we were 20. it has nothing to do with religion, nothing to do with culture, nothing to do with age, nothing to do with sex, NOTHING. we got married because that's just how it worked for the both of us. im still in college, havent even finished my undergrad's degree yet.. but i dont allow what people think constrict what i want in my life.
i admit im still young, i still have so much to learn, but i know this was right for me. it might not be right for some people, but it was for me. and it worked.
all we can do is pray and continue to support our young friends who have chosen this road to an early life. it can turn out good or bad, but they need to at least know we're still here for them. and im so glad for your support.
trust me.. any sign of help and support is necessary (whether or not you like it haha!!). i hope this gives you another aspect to your curiosity. ^_^
hah i think you're right, that does seem to be the trend...
@mattysong@xanga - You're exactly right! I started dating my husband when I was 19, got married when I was 20 and now am 21 almost 22... and I know we didn't marry because we were dying to have sex... although it is a nice aspect of being married :) We felt that, that's what was right and where things were leading too... Some people are just meant to get married young and some people are not...
I'd bet 90% of the young marriages are out of horniness. This is why virginity is bad because it can cloud your mind and lead you to do things prematurely, like get shackled into a marriage.
@sweet_sianara@xanga - I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of Christian "teens" are more mature and ready to settle down I think, because they see their spouse as a help instead of a hindrance. :D
My brother and his wife got married at 19 and 18. She got pregnant a couple of months later. They've been married for three years now, they own their own house, two cars, she's almost completed her degree (lacks one year) and he is starting his and besides their house payment, they are debt free. That's a lot of maturity and responsibility for a 22 and 21 year old. I don't know many people who have that kind of maturity. My brother and his wife are both very spiritually minded and always have been....so I think that is where a good part of their maturity comes from.
I'm not entirely sure how much sex played into it....although I'm sure it was a big part but they had been together all of high school and hadn't slept together so, it wasn't AS big as some couples I would think.
My husband and I were "older", but not much by today's standards. He was 22 and I was 24. Being able to have sex was an added bonus to our lives but it wasn't the deciding factor.
sex is just an extra gift you get from marriage, it shouldn't be the primary reason for getting married. I'd like to get married not because I want to have sex but because I want to grow with that person, enjoy his company and grow old with him
well, people used to marry at early ages. maybe they're going back to how things were.
another question I wanted to raise is>>>
how does a person get ready to go into a marriage? How does a person prepare mentally, psychologically and spiritually?
if I were to get marry in two year, what are some of the advice you want to give me?
It just boggled me. Since it's so common around here, it's like they've found a loophole or something to satiate any urges they would get with their significant other. Possibly another reason why the engagements are really short?
I don't want to say all Christian teens or young & engaged couples did it for the wrong reasons. I completely understand it's love & they're ready. But it's probable there are those who did it for the wrong reasons.
And yes, I agree with those who have said it's not just limited to the "young" and/or "Christian" categories. There are many people who make the mistake of getting married for the wrong reasons.
@crys_lam@xanga - Ironically enough, my boyfriend & I have been talking about this. We are in no way ready for marriage yet nor are we ready for an engagement. For the both of us, we've both decided that we first need to address & fix any issues that are constantly tearing us down. We only really have one [thankfully] main issue: communication. We are horrible at it & miscommunication breeds other bad aspects. When we have a disagreement, we fight so harshly. That's the only thing we need to fix, relationship-wise. If we are communicating well, we're usually on Cloud 9.
Aside from that, we've both decided that we need to start focusing more on our career paths & get a good foundation on it. He wants to be a pharmacist & I plan on working for a wedding magazine one day. We've both agreed that even if we're not EXACTLY what we want to be yet, we should at least be in the right direction & will eventually be what we want to be when we get engaged.
We both agreed that this was a good plan & that before any major relationship move, these things should happen & be happening. Then, when we both feel like it is established & we're following through, then we'll thoroughly discuss it.
You don't have to follow this plan, but overall, you should be in a mature mindset when getting engaged or married. Neither should be taken lightly. Yes, they are amazing, but it is not easy & you or your significant other should ever think that. A relationship [no matter the stage] takes work & both people in it should work at it every day. I would take a few heart-to-hearts about moving forward & see how the both of you fare. [This topic NEVER takes one or two or even three talks.] If one is ready & one isn't, then you shouldn't move forward at all. It wouldn't be fair to either of you in the end. If both of you truly are ready, then go for it. (=
I am 22 and have been married for almost 2 years. There were several things that eventually went into why my husband and I got married. For starters, my husband and I came to a realization that we could not imagine our lives apart from each other. With this in mind, and through careful prayer, we chose to persue and long term relationship which ultimately meant marriage. We are not really people to waste time, though we got engaged about a year and a half after we met, were married more than 2 after we met. Second, my husband is five years older than I am, so he was more ready to move on to the next stage in his life than most. And finally, we simply sensed that God was leading us in the direction of marriage, and it is difficult (and often unwise) to ignore God's leading.
I think it ultimately comes down to the couple. My parents knew and dated each other for seven years before they were ready, but I have friends who needed less than seven months. The main thing that needs to be clear between the couple is the desire to remain together through whatever may come, and to really mean the wedding vows they take. Sex is great, but that is not (and should not be) the only reason to get married.
Krissy
I think that if they can't keep themselves from havin sex & they know that they want to be married that they should get marrried becasue the word says that its better to be married than to burn with passion....
that being said i do not think that teens should get married just to have sex !!! at a young age a most don't know what they want they might think they know but it still can change (which is a good thing) and they may not have all the money that they need to start a life together.. that being said not everone will start out with a millon $$ but how many 19-22 yr olds have tons of money set aside to pay bills, and collage ....
if its God's will for them to get married young then it will happen
i do beleive that they should know the person for a while before they get married i wold like to believe that it would be some one i grew up with that i've know for a long time .. but that does not seem to be happening for me not yet any way....
Gpd must be 1st in both persons lives even before their spose then their love and then their family(mom,dad,kids,cuz) & church & friends.. all others come after that
So what if they're getting married to have sex? It's downright biblical! (I Cor. 7:9). Is it ideal? Maybe, maybe not...but who can decide that but the couple themselves? Keep in mind that our current culture typically keeps "kids" from getting married much later than is prudent, which is one reason why there's so much premarital sex going on. Think about the timing of the way the body develops in relation to the time when many "deem" the time correct for getting married (after college, etc.). There are a LOT of years there to remain celibate!
I wouldn't encourage my 13YO to get married right now, but if God brings the right guy into her life and shows her it's His will for them to be together for life when she is 18, why would we bar the door? [I say that while smiling inwardly because her dad and four brothers have a longstanding vow that she isn't marrying at all, but we'll see how that turns out for them LOL.]
Anyway, just another angle on the topic. I was married at 16. We're coming up on 29 years, and he still makes my heart beat faster. Young marriage doesn't have to be a death sentence.