I was in a class with my best friend, and we had free time and the subject of love came up. The six girls I was talking with were saying how they absolutely knew they were in love at least once. I wasn't the oldest in the group or youngest, but I seemed to be the most mature about it. I said to my best friend "Hun, I love you to death, but I think that love had a whole lot of help from your hormones."
Then all of a sudden she went off on me, telling me I had no clue and I was just jealous. I allowed how she would speculate that because she herself had just been broken up with, and I hadn't been in a relationship for a year. Then the oldest girl backed me up.
"Listen to Lorna, she's been through a lot more than you have. She understands what love means. She hardly ever has hormones bursts, and she has been in the truest love."
I admired that she thought I was more emotionally mature than her and how she thought I had been in the truest love than any other. One of the freshmen around me asked, "What was it like when you had sex with him? you did have sex with him right?"
I was truly shocked how every single one of these girls except my best friend had thought I had lost my virginity. It really offended me that they automatically thought since I was more mature, I was not a virgin. I then asked the freshmen, "Why do you think I did? what makes you so sure?"
She replied, "Well, you were in love weren't you and your so much more emotionally mature than us so why wouldn't you have?"
I said with a little bit of sadness, "I was in the truest love because I told him all about it and he didn't ask me for it."
"Oh," she said. "So you weren't in love?"
"Okay chick, you don't have to be in love and have sex, you can be a virgin and stay in love. My ex said to me he wouldn't force anything on me and that he wanted to wait till his wedding night too and hoped I would be the one he gave it to."
There was this huge discussion about it and I almost left. Then they brought up the point about how they didn't think I was a slut, but how they thought because I was so much more mature than them that I would have lost it and not regretted it. I was amazed how much faith they had in my body and heart. How would I not have regretted it?
What does virginity mean to you?
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Comments (257)
Wow, interesting. Kudo's to you
Ugh, it IS possible to be in love without having sex! I wish people would get that. Yeah, yeah, sex is supposedly the ultimate expression of love and stuff. But that doesn't mean you give it to the first person you think you're truely in love with.
Really interesting post. :]
I don't regret giving up my virginity to my boyfriend. I know I love him. And I know that one day, I might not anymore. That's not going to suddenly make me regret having sex with someone I truly love. And I don't have to wait until marriage to know that that person is the one (or one of them, lol)... What if we get a divorce? I think it's silly to say that you have to wait to be married until you can show your SO the ultimate expression of your love and trust.
Maybe that's just me.
When I told someone I was a virgin once they said, "But your so pretty." As if being pretty must mean that I have had sex. As if that had anything to do with it. That offended me. Ah well, I've kind of gotten used to the shock of others now.
I really liked this post. :) You an definitley be in love and not have sex.
But as for the question: what does virginity mean to me? Honestly, nothing really. What is it supposed to mean?
virginity. to me is a gift. a one-time gift. its an idea in my head, not a physical barrier in me. i can only give it out once, and who better, than to the man i plan on loving till the end of time?
1 Corinthian 6:19-20.
people become so surprised when they hear that i'm a virgin. :x especially when they hear i've never had my first kiss. but as for my kiss, that opportunity/time just has never risen up yet. as for my virginity. well, boy, he'll be waiting a while. hah. sdfj and i will too. but i'm okay with that.
I wish I would have kept mine longer on one hand, but sadly it wouldn't have stayed but a few months longer and that was out of my control.
my actions afterwards could have been a lot better too.
Ahh! This post = story of my life. You'd think that judging by the expressions on some people's faces when they find out I'm a virgin that I might as well have told them I have syphillis.
But sometimes that "shock" has less to do with the fact that people think you're a freak, and more that they actually respect you for your restraint and your religious conviction to wait. I've met some people who say they wish they hadn't lost their virginity because the relationship they were in went sour, and sometimes that guilt afects their future relationships. It's nice to be respected, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I could experience it, just to find out what it is that everyone is so crazy about!
"what is virginity to you?" wow... loaded question...
my virginity is my gift to my future spouse... the girl I marry will be the one I hand my gift of virginity to... it's a gift worth cherishing cuz you can't get it back... and the one you want to spend the rest of your natural born life with is the one who should get it...
Well, I am religious.. and so to me, your body is your temple. So I wanted to wait until marriage and then went into a relationship with a boy for a few years. He was my first, not because I wanted to have sex, not because I wanted some ultimate passion..but because I knew that after a year, I did love him and that even if things didnt work out, that what I felt for him was real. We had separated for about a year, and I rebounded on some guy..I felt "tainted". so after about 6 months, I had given in, when I knew I had real feelings... those feelings were crsuhed when I walked in on him and another girl. Then again I found myself, I was a sinner. Sin is sin, I will be ok... That same day, My first came back into my life. We fixed all of our former problems and it is great...
What do I believe? That as long as you know how you truely feel and you know it isnt lust... you shouldnt beat yourself up too bad. I dont regret who my first was with, but I feel like Ive broken something with god. Everytime I have sex, it is more than just an action.
@SerenaDante@xanga - Well, if your religious, marriage might be your ultimate expression of love and trust.
sex has turned into something thats just done....idk why. i dont think your friends meant to offend you (im glad the one stuck up for you!) they just assumed because you were in love you were having sex. its weird. things were easier when we were kids. :P
you can be in love and not have sex. and that shows true love when the guy is willing to wait for your decision!!!
Virginity, for me, is my entire life right now. Having taken a perpetual vow of chastity (and poverty and obedience) in August, I've given my entire life over to Christ and his Church. The love, fidelity and life I would have pledged to my wife (had I been called to that kind of marriage) is now poured into Christ's Church and his people. Really, I see the Church as my "bride" or, at least, my bride-to-be, since I have several years before becoming a priest.
God bless you for your virginity; what a beautiful gift to him!
Awesome! Its good to hear these stories every so often.
Too many people are certain that proof of love is sex. I run into many of the same problems when I try and explain why waiting is important.
Again, Good for you to wait. You are one of the few.
My virginity means so much to me. I often think about what I would feel like if I ever lost it too early, and I've come up with the conclusion that I wouldn't feel right marrying a man who was a virgin because he would have a gift for me and I wouldn't have anything to give him. It would be a total loss for me.
I think its really sad how so many girls think that "love" is simply letting your hormones run wild, when, in reality, its so much more than that. Love isn't all about sex. 1 Corinthians 13 gives a great definition of love.
I'm currently going to a secular college after going to a Christian school for all of my life. I was totally shocked when I realized that there are so many people my age that aren't virgins. One girl in my class was saying about how she was a virgin, and one of the guys acted shocked, like she was totally crazy! Because of this, I sometimes wonder if people think that I'm not a virgin...even though I am a conservative Brethren girl (I wear a head covering, skirts etc).
I would encourage you to keep your high standards even though people may ridicule you at times. God will reward you in the end...but you probably already know that :)
...Wow. So true. People who get to know me sometimes wonder this about myself. People who don't know me automatically assume that I'm a virgin in the purest sense. Neither side is 100 percent right, from where I stand. Anywho.
Thanks for sharing. Keep up your guard. I'm proud of you for not having sex simply because you were in real love. I wish and hope that you maintain your commitment to keep it pure until the day you wed.. Read "Lady In Waiting" if you get a chance. Okay? Let me know your thoughts on it. :)
<3,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
I'm honestly thinking that somehow or another, they all thought that to have sex with someone is THE one and only way to show someone that you love them. That's pretty bad. The fact that she assumed that if you're mature, you should be sexually active, is even worse. I didn't know that love meant you had to have sex, nor did I know that about maturity. Kudos to lack of common sense to them.
That is so horrible.. anyway.
Virginity means a whole, whole lot to me. It's pretty much the rarest thing because it can't be created once it's gone; no matter how many people like to think so. I don't know how to word it, but it's definitely important in my opinion, and it's definitely not a sign of maturity to go and give it out like it's a two dollar ice cream cone.
Wow, that is interesting. And I agree with you!
@wolvenchic@xanga - Lol. I'm not =D And I've sworn never to get married anyway.
sweet post. I kind of get the reverse- I majorly speak out against having sex before marriage and while I am a virgin, I have done *stuff.* And then people call me a hypocrite for saying all that and then i did stuff myself, and it's like really? I'm not allowed to regret decisions I made when I was 15 years old? (now 19) What I did was wrong but at least I can hope that other people learn from my mistakes...
although yeah when i was dating my bf several of my friends assumed i was having sex with him... baaah
Just thinking, if love and sex go hand in hand, how do so many people have the sex without the love? It is very possible to separate the two. And just so you know, you are like, my hero. Don't let any guy talk you out of your virginity before marriage. If they try, they are NOT the one.
Virginity definitely isn't something to be given, or taken, lightly, but I don't see how someone can automatically be considered to be "more emotionally mature" because they haven't made that decision yet. I've heard just as many tales from friends who've never regretted losing their virginity to their high school flings who they've never seen again, and who've had loving, fulfilling relationships.
I even often hear how losing one's virginty has actually helped the relationship itself because the it finally relaxed the people who lost it, and they could be themselves and stop worrying about it. I know that was the case with me, although I will admit I've been guilty of having a loose view on sex in the past.
virginity itza medikal condishun
but itz curable
Once you give it away it can never be regained. Keep it for that special somebody. What better way is there to show your love than to give them one of the most difficult things to keep.
Entries like this are responsible for the death of brain cells- I'm sure of it.