Saturday, 31 January 2009
-
Labeling Myself: Ex-Gay, Struggles with Same Sex Attraction, or New Creation?
Guest post by carleton1958
I've been talking with a couple guys about how we categorize or label ourselves in regard to struggles in our life. When I was 24 and first faced the reality that I may have become alcoholic, I started to label myself as an alcoholic, or what I came to prefer "recovering alcoholic" because it reminded me and clarified to others that I was in recovery. Most people in AA just call themselves an alcoholic, but I find that confusing and potentially misleading if others think of them as an active alcoholic.It also dominates some people's thinking of themselves, where their identity is completely wrapped up in being "alcoholic".
When I was 19 and 20 and first grappling with my attraction towards men, I struggled with how to think of myself. Was I "gay", "homosexual" or just confused? And when I was 24 and just starting to seek freedom from homosexual attractions if that was possible, I started to hear the term "ex-gay," but I found that inaccurate or misleading as well. I had never really labeled myself as gay, nor had I really entered into a gay lifestyle. It also implies that one has no attraction towards men anymore either. The reality is that it is a process of change or else little change in feelings but a matter of overcoming temptation and behaviors that I came to believe was contrary to God's will for my life.
So what to call ourselves when we struggle with an unwanted homosexual orientation? Or as I have more recently been calling it, "same sex attraction", which is the term Celebrate Recovery has also adopted? If I were in a Celebrate Recovery small group dealing with this, I might introduce myself at meetings by saying "Hi. I'm Jeff, a Christian believer who struggles with same sex attraction." But that makes it sound like I struggle with it day after day after day, which I really don't. In our addiction small group, most guys say "I struggle with alcohol (or drugs)" or "I'm an alcoholic" or "I'm a drug addict." If they are still early in recovery that may be entirely accurate, but as times goes on and somebody builds up extended sobriety, what is the right way to identify oneself?
My Xanga friend Lonnie has written a new blog post in which he talks about labeling oneself, and he recommends using the term “new creation in Christ” because it is scriptural and it places our identity in Christ rather than in an area of struggle. I like that, and I am starting to rethink the whole label issue since it is easy to get hung up on when addressing change in our lives as Christians. This phrase “new creation in Christ” comes from 2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! And Lonnie also reminded me in his post that we are transformed individuals, as we are called to be in Romans 12:2: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
And so rather than go back and forth on which label to use for myself or when talking about others, particularly in regard to overcoming same sex attraction, I am going to start thinking about myself more as Lonnie has recommended.
“Hi, I’m Jeff, a new creation in Christ.”
If I want to identify myself further in the context of a specific group like Celebrate Recovery or sharing with some individual seeking support, I can add to that by saying that “I have struggled with same sex attraction (or alcohol or codependency or whatever)”, but in general I don’t need to make this label thing a focal point of my identity. I am transformed by Christ. My identity is in Christ. I am a new creation in Christ; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Have you ever identified yourself by your struggles?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: carleton1958@xanga
- About Me: I am a work in progress. I am a gay guy who fell in love with a woman twenty years ago and is committed to loving her and cherishing her for my lifetime, and though same-sex temptations and feelings have stayed a part of my life, she and my kids are who I devote my life to. I have also been a recovering alcoholic since I was 24. 'He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.' Phil 1:6
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2157 Comments: 0 28 View all posts by carleton1958@xanga
Comments (220)
No, I haven't.
awesome! I have a very good friend who is a minister who struggles with such things. I love him very dearly and pray God delivers him from his sins. He feels pretty much how you do. It is an undenyable issue, but it's not one that eats his life. It just presents itself on occasion just enough to remind him he's not straight. I think this post was great! I will be praying he loses his label of "gay."
God bless,
Angie
Excellent post. We all have various issues, and those of us who know Christ are all new creations. You can choose when and where and with whom to disclose particular struggles, but I like the idea of identifying yourself as a new creation a whole lot.
This made me cry. I had a phone conversation with my (ex) husband today about this. He is in a same-sex relationship, and it tore our marriage apart and is still tearing me apart. I don't understand it. I'm trying to, but I don't get it. It seems like he is greatly being deceived, and I'm not sure how to talk to him about it. I think I'll look into this group you're referring to.
I am glad that God does not label us anything besides his children. Great post!
heck yes and hang in there, brother. Some days it is hard to see myself beyond my past, but there's more out there than what has been. I wrote a list one time of all the stupid ugly things I had done (that I could recall :) ), signed my name at the bottom, and then burned it. Whatever I used to know myself as before Christ is dead, and by trying to hold on to it, I was putting distance between me and God, as if I didn't really believe that he could change me. I agree with @strype53@xanga - "child" or "son/daughter" works pretty well for me.
@casmarie@xanga - I'd recommend http://www.loveinaction.org/ as well. I had the opportunity to hear the president of the organization speak, he made a lot of sense and prior to being president he was a patient.
@thirdinline_88@xanga - I love that idea!
Fail.
@sarah_withanH@xanga - so constructive.
I like the way you are thinking. I think anything that takes the focus off "self" and puts it back on Christ is a good thing. A Christian does not attempt to live a sinless life, but a Christ-centered life. That removes sin from the focus and in the process, removes it from our lives as much as humanly possible. I think you are on the right track, just keep going.
I like your new label. Kudos on your new "life", too!
I think "new creation in Christ" is a wonderful way to think of yourself. It inspires me that you can be open about your past sins and struggles. I think it is unfair that people who struggle with same sex attraction have to label themselves when I don't have to introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Savannah; I'm a gossip and a liar." Glory to God for saving us from these things. I label myself as a sinner saved by grace.
WooHoo! Congrats on being featured! You know I agree with you! The label, "new creation in Christ" sure looks a lot better on you than "ex-gay" or "struggling with SSA". That last one always sounded like a lung disease to me.
@casmarie@xanga - I am so sorry to hear that. I've seen lots of that. Let me suggest a couple of resources I think may help you understand better for yourself. The first is The Broken Image by Leanne Payne. Her diagnosis of the roots underlying homosexuality is the best. Whatever you do don't buy into some of the methods she suggests as treatment. I don't know how she some things so right and others so completely wrong. It's still a very informative read.
The next one is Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth by Dr. Jeffrey Satinover. This is the best overall book on homosexuality I've ever read.
All the best,
BP
I would hope that I'm more than just a collection of labels, dysfunctions, and struggles.
@The_Strugglers_Place@xanga - Thank you.
No I never have, and can see no reason why anyone else should.
I don't identify myself by my struggles. I never actually have. There's no point in it. Identifying yourself by your struggles is basically saying that they have control of you, rather than the other way around.
I think that in the midst of my toughest struggles, I can end up finding myself defined by them. But eventually God finds his way back in, and I'm His again. :)
Thanks for such an insightful and honest entry. I felt blessed by reading it. =)
Very awesome post. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Is calling yourself a "sinner" identifying yourself by your struggles? If so, then yes. If you call yourself "a work in progress" or "incomplete" then that also indicates a sense of your personal flaws. As for specific struggles, I don't think I have. If I've given them over to Christ, there's no need to identify myself as such :)
You've GOT to be joking, right?
Sorry, I'm completely stuck on comparing homosexuality to alcoholism or a drug addiction.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. This post is SO disheartening.
@sarah_withanH@xanga - your post is the only one I agree with.
Labels are only things humans came up with to make themselves feel more organized and provide greater understanding to one's "struggles."
I'm not exactly a fan of "categorization" seeing as it may cloud the true light on the subject.
@godofthelost@xanga - You have to remember that these people consider "homosexuality" to be a sin, whether we have proven its not a choice or not. They don't distinguish between homosexuality and murder, its disgusting I know but unfortunately that's all overzealous Christians care about; making people feel like shit no matter what they do.
I feel sad for the people who aren't intelligent enough to see that murder, alcoholism, and other such things are far worse than homosexuality, and that homosexuality is only "bad" according to their religion, and not to others.
@misswonderj@xanga - @godofthelost@xanga - I appreciate your taking the time to read my blog post, and I am realizing how difficult it is to convey one's thoughts and beliefs through this medium. My blog posts about same sex attraction or homosexual orientation are generally directed towards Christians who struggle with having this orientation and either decide to live their lives celibate or some who have the belief, like I do, that God created us heterosexually and biologically to be joined sexually as man and woman and that it might be possible to join in marriage in spite of struggling with same sex attraction. I'm not equating homosexuality with murder. I only use my own personal reference to alcoholism in terms of how one self-identifies. To Christians who struggle with an unwanted homosexual orientation, things like gay porn, masturbation, phone sex, etc., can also become addictive, and it is perfectly legitimate to seek ways to overcome these behaviors which only serve to build up lust and possibly lead one into seeking out sexual encounters.
I am not advocating that everyone can become totally free of attraction to the same sex, although I believe in God anything is possible. But if one believes that God made man and woman heterosexually, and a Christian who is attracted to the same gender desires to remain celibate or consider the possibility of heterosexual marriage, they should be free to do so.