Monday, 05 January 2009

• Lost In Translation, Bible Translations That Is...

  Guest post submitted by ChrisRusso

  

  There are many, many Bible translations out there.

  First, you have style.  Do you want your Scriptures to be accurate or paraphrased?  Poetic or to the point?  Gender-inclusive language ("Our Parent, who art in heaven") or retaining the original masculine-as-the-default-gender-tense ("Bretheren" referring also to the female readership)?

  Do you want the archaic beauty of the King James or the D-R, the muted archaic beauty of the New King James, the straightforward half-paraphrase of the New International Version, the accuracy of the English Standard Version or the Revised Standard Version or the New American Standard, the  unabashed paraphrase of the New Living Translation, or the modern context of the Message?  Or just go with the Vulgate?

  Do you want Study Notes?  Topical blurbs?  A mini-concordance?  Maps?  Harmony of the Gospels?  Topical Index?  Cliff's Notes?  Tabs for easy book location?  Thompson's Chain-References?  Thompson's submachine gun references?

  What about manuscripts?  Do you like your Old Testament translated from the Septuagint?  The Masoretic?  A blended translation?  Dead Sea Scroll cross-references?  With certain selections you get a side-order of dueterocanonicals for no extra charge.  And how would you like your New Testament Greek?  We have a selection of Textus Receptus, Sianaticus, Vaticanus, Westcott-Hort...  With or without the Johannine Comma, sir?

  Would you like fries with that?

  "Hold the Westcott
  Hold the Sianaticus
  Special Orders
  Don't upset us.
  All we ask
  Is that you let us
  Read it your way..."

  
  

  So, I thought I would take it that final, inevitable step.

  That's right, fellow Xangans.  I am beginning work on the ultimate in Bible translation personalization.  I shall call it the RRV (Revised Russo Version).

  Translation is currently under way, using some of the world's foremost experts in catering Bible verses to Chris Russo's way of thinking.  They... that is, we... well, that is, I...  will synthesize a translation that will be the ultimate blend of accuracy, style, and all-around perfectness.

  The RRV will feature a full concordance, study notes, and several centerfold posters.  It will be leather-bound with celtic knotwork on the front.  When you open it, it will play music from the Final Fantasy X soundtrack.

  Here are some sample verses from the ongoing translation process.
  

  
  Genesis 5:1-32  "And everyone lived a long time and had lots of kids.
  

  Psalms 20:7    "Some trust in Sherman tanks, and some trust in F-117A stealth fighter jets: but we will trust in the name of the LORD our God."
  

  Proverbs 30:18-19    "There are three things which are too wonderful for me--no, four which I cannot comprehend.  The way of sword cleaving through the air; the way of a Slinky going down the stairs; the way of the Loch Ness Monster and how no-one's been able to clearly photograph it; and the way that a girl who knows what she's doing can totally decimate all the boys on the other team during a game of lacrosse."
  

  Song of Solomon 7:3  "  [*censored*] "
  

  Ecclesiastes 1:2  "And the Preacher said: 'All this is wack, yo.  Word.'"
  

  The RRV will come with a writing implement and a small bottle of correctional fluid.  In the event that the reader finds a word unacceptably translated, the application of these tools should rectify the translation issue.

  I don't know about you guys, but I'm really looking forward to seeing this baby come out!

  • 7:18 PM
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