Wednesday, 31 December 2008
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The Art of Complaining and How To Get Rid of It
Guest post submitted by Megeletto
Complaining is an area where I really struggle. Honestly though, most people I know whine and complain. I can only think of a small handful of people who strive to live positively. It is interesting though because their testimony and impact is so much better because of it. I would love to be a person who didn't complain about everything, but that is obviously easier said than done.
We live in a culture where ranting, raving, whining, complaining, and speaking your mind are normal and encouraged. If you don't you'll probably get taken advantage of or walked right over. Additionally I have even found that it is easier to bond with people (friends) while having a joint rant session about someone/something else. How sad is that?
I've recently started reading this book, a book that I knew I wanted to read last spring when I heard about it. I have only read the first chapter of it, but it was talking about a woman who refused to complain about anything, even the weather. The concept, while not foreign to me, seems so extreme. My immediate reaction was disbelief, but the more I allowed myself to soak it in, it sounded so awesome, yet so elusive.
My parents watch Survivor, religiously. I catch it with them occasionally and am always struck by how backstabbing the contestants are. Sometimes I feel like one of those contestants when I'm at work with my non-Christian co-workers. Who have I talked about and to whom? I get caught in those webs all the time. It would be so freeing not to have to worry about getting caught complaining/talking poorly about someone (or something they did) by that person; or worse yet, having another co-worker relay the mean message to that person directly.
Unfortunately, the task itself seems to daunting that I put the book down and told myself that I would come back to it when I had more time to devote to it. I think it's just fear that is holding me back though. I don't know where to start, I'm terrified to fail, and I'm afraid of losing co-worker friends because of it. Obviously those are lame reasons not to do something, I know that.
I know it's time to step up and make some changes. I just wonder if I can do it.
Have you ever tried to stop complaining? Do you have any helpful hints that worked for you?
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- From: Megeletto@xanga
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Comments (20)
First =]
Okay, this is so one of my problems too!!!
And now, to be serious...
I too suffer from Major-Complaint-Disorder and countless times have make it a priority to stop. And for the most part, I have. Except for when I'm home from university, that it. I guess it's just that I semi-expect someone to care about and listen to my complaints, even though i know that that's not likely to happen.
But when it comes to curbing MCD (lol) it def helps to remind myself of the main things I have to be thankful for (i.e. I woke up that morning, had food, clothes, and a Savior who loves me).
Hope that helped &
Happy New Year!
What book is it?
If you watch/listen to a person who complains about so many things, you begin to want to come against some of the things they say. I have a friend like that. He(she) begins by saying, " I just don't understand it. Why do people do.......?." I want to try to divert the conversation from the negative to something positive and uplifting. Usually, he(she) does not seem to notice that I am trying to change the subject and goes right on with the rant.
I have never felt comfortable confronting this behavior directly because it might cause the person to go on the defensive. Most of the complaining consists of judging the person they are finding fault with - either their intelligence, their sanity, or their morality. I feel bad for my friend because it seems that so much of his(her) world outlook is bleak and dreary. It also seems that his(her) opinion of self is that of being superior to the ones being criticized.
I am not without my own moments of complaining, but it is really out of character with me. I was born a gregarious optimist. I don't claim to love everyone as I should, but life has taught me that what I give is usually correlative to what I get. Not always. But the point is that I enjoy being happy and contented and some enjoy being unhappy and dissatisfied. I like my way better, but maybe I am just naive. ( You know the old saying: If you can be happy when all who are around you are losing their mind, you just don't understand the situation.
I am enjoying your post more than most I've read on revelife. Thank you for it.
I wouldn't classify my own problem as "complaining," but more specifically, "criticizing." I pray for my heart all the time. It's my greatest fault. When I feel my criticism aimed toward someone in particular, I start praying for them, for things they may need or want at that time and that I may see them as God sees them, with compassion and love. It's usually at least a temporary fix, but I have a big problem. I just continue to pray and search Scripture.
Reading what James says about the tongue really got me last night.
@YourJennifer@xanga - "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I've heard good things about this book, hence why I bought it, but I haven't finished it yet.
@SpeshelK@xanga - Thanks, praying for them instead is great advice. I'll have to read that part of James again. I really struggle with criticizing people (as well as complaining). It's such a ugly behavior; I'm determined to try and change that about myself.
I have the same problem! o: I need to stop complaining also. Sometimes I stop, but I really don't know how. I guess my brain tells me to just grow up. So, I guess my only advice is that every time you complain, just think to yourself " I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown person and grown people don't complain. " or something like that. I hope my advice works (: & good luck!
Our inner world creates our outer world. If we are negative we tend to pick friends and situations that support that world view.
Changing our inner world from negative to positive will most definitely mean changing friends wholesale. But it will be only natural and it will be the negative friends who take action to get rid of you (the positivity in their midst).
It's not like you will lose your friends. They will lose you, and quickly.
Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. And was it ever worth it!
I HAVE A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY, LOL, SO I'm sure it's impossible, lol. My son is a rebellious near 20-year-old still living at home, so wait, yep I KNOW it's impossible, lol, :)
There are so many times I've wondered why I whine and complain or get caught up in a gossipy atmosphere. As Christians we still have to deal with the same frustrations, irritations, annoyances, and other problems (health, financial, relationships, etc.) that everyone else faces, but we have a God who loves us, gives us hope, helps us and promises we never have to face anything alone. So why isn't my heart overflowing with thankfulness all the time?
I know a couple of people who seem to just naturally see the positive in almost every person and situation, and I know a few others who make a conscious effort to be optimistic about things. Then the other 99% of the people I know -- including me -- tend to be so negative and critical most of the time. And looking at things that way certainly doesn't make us any happier.
This was a good reminder. It's hard to break a lifetime habit, but I'm also going to focus on stepping up and making some changes. With the Lord's help, I hope to see some of those changes this year.
The one way to stop negativity and complaining.... be thankful.
And be thankful for the best of life, that God loved you enough to send His Son to die for you.
I found this to be the only thing that was more than a temporary fix.
God's love transforms any heart.
@LoBornlite@xanga - Thanks, that's a great way to look at it. Perhaps I'm better off without those people, and there are always better people out there, right?
@compelling_purpose@xanga - Thankfulness seems to be something I forget all about. Thanks for this tip. I'm certain if I am more thankful of what I do have I will have less time to complain about what I don't.
Have nothing kind to say? Say nothing.
Or so I've been told. :/
Hehe.
I also struggle with complaining, and you are not alone my friend! That sounds like an interesting book.
@Megeletto@xanga - You know Meg, when you embark on doing the right thing you never know what is going to be out there.
But I know that one of the greatest fortunes of my life has been being surrounded by the best people in world. When the bad or unhealthy ones come along the radar turns on and then it's evasive manuever time.
Great post.
I have the sweetest grandma whom I've never heard complain about a blessed thing. For 29 years. My husband's grandma, on the other hand, complains about EVERYTHING. She'd complain if there was nothing to complain about. We cared for her for 5 years until her complaining started causing major problems for our reputation...now we visit her religiously, but that's it. And the contrast between these two older ladies made a huge impression on me. No, I haven't kicked the whine yet, but I'm working on it. I do know who I want to be like when and if I get old!
If we all learned to practice not complaining we'd probably get along alot better
When I was still getting my localities' daily morning newspapaer, 8 times in 10, I made sure I had some soothing or upbeat, but not overly agitating background music on during my reading.
In one of the books of Kings (it might be 1 Kings Chapter 3 if memory serves correct), there's a reference in which Elijah asked for a ministrel to play music to calm him down, because he had to meet a wicked king and a good king at the same place and the same time!
Can't overlook Romans 12 on renewing of one's mind, either.
A sense of humor also works, if used the right way.
"I know it's time to step up and make some changes. I just wonder if I can do it."
No, you can't do it. None of us can. Not apart from the power of God in us.
@WLCALUM@xanga cited Romans 12:1-2: We can only stop complaining as the Spirit of God comes into our lives and transforms us the inside out to grow in us a thankful heart and spirit. That's the only way we will begin to complain and whine less and less, and praise, thank and bless more and more. As the mind of Christ dwells in us, we will fix our eyes and minds and hearts more and more on God and all His goodness to us and pray more and complain less. Psalm 103. Philippians 4:4-8.