Friday, 12 December 2008
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There's Nothing Wrong with Going to Movies by Myself
Guest post by Megeletto
There is a definitely stigma in society about aloneness. Going shopping, going to a movie, or even going out to eat by yourself is a definite no-no. People judge and pity those who deign to do things alone. Why?
I love to go to movies by myself. I've had conversations with people who think I'm nuts because of it. I even had one person tell me that they would rather go to a sporting event alone than to a movie alone. You can't even talk during a movie... Why do you need another person there with you? I personally think that everyone should go to a movie in the theaters alone at least once. Fear of being alone is a lame reason to not do something. Are we really just so afraid to be alone that we push that fear (and the direct relief of not being the one alone) onto others?
Despite the fact that I am confident doing many things alone people still stare and make comments to me/about me. I got to thinking about it today as I enjoyed lunch at a restaurant – alone. Why should I feel judged just because I'm not with another person?
What is it about being alone that bothers people so much?
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Comments (25)
I love being alone, probably too much. I also do things like eat out and go to movies alone. I enjoy observing things around me and also spending time with just God and nobody else. I've never been very social, though I like my friends. I'm not naturally a terribly social person.
I like being alone. However, if it is possible to be with other people, I do not object to it. There have been numerous occasions however where I want to see a movie or I'm hungry and no is available to come with, so I go by myself. I don't even think anything of it and I never notice anyone talking about me or anything. Perhaps I am just not noticing and perhaps it is simply me not caring in the slightest.
I've done that too a few times! But most of the time I rather rent dvds and watch them at home, coz its cheaper. I also eat lunch on my most of the time when I don't have a lunch appointment with anyone.
Anyway, you're right in pointing out there's this stigma about being alone. I think people misunderstand the difference between "alone" and "lonely". There is a big difference. A person can be alone and not be lonely. A person can be in a big group but still feel lonely.
I think it comes down to personality temperament. Often, the concepts of extrovertedness / introvertedness is associated with how loud or quiet a person is, but I don't think that's the case.
An extroverted person is one who "draws strength" from being with other people, and finds it "draining" when they're on their own. An introverted person is one who "draws strength" from being alone, and finds ti "draining" when they're with other people.
The extrovert spends most of the time with others, but to be "healthy" needs to also have some private time. The introvert too needs to devote time with tohers to be "healthy" too. The difference between the two is the proportion of quantity and quality of time devoted to being alone and being with others.
The social norm unfortunately labels extrovertedness as something "good" and introvertedness as something "bad". Not everything in the world is dualistic. Extreme cases of either of them of course is unhealthy, but I don't think there's anything wrong with being alone or introvert.
@Red_Apocalypse_Horse@xanga - interesting thoughts on the introvert/extravert thing. I have taken a few tests and usually test out more introverted. But I really get energized by being around people rather than being alone...so go figure.
You're right about alone-ness and loneliness. I do a lot of stuff by myself. It used to feel really weird but it's something that I got used to because I lived/worked on the road. In spite of that, I Iearned to meet/talk to new people wherever I went. That is something most people will not do if they are with other people they know. We are an insecure society about our appearances. Going out alone is not easy but it opens up some interesting opportunities to be socially adventurous.
I love being alone. I mean, I like being with my hubby and having *some* time with family and friends too, but I like the peace of being alone. Now that I'm a mommy to a 4 month old, that alone time is even more golden, even if it's just a few minutes.
I've found that some people need that interaction with other people. I had roommates like that in college. We didn't mesh well because I was perfectly OK if we didn't sit at the table and talk for hours on end. I think that enjoying time alone makes others think that you're a recluse or an introvert, but that's not always the case. For me, it's absolutely necessary to get away alone for a few minutes to clear my head, pray, think, plan, whatever.
Even Jesus liked being alone every now and then!
Good for you. I'm glad you posted this, because I quite often find myself asking a couple of my friends, "So you don't mind watching movies by yourself?" and/or "You can actually ENJOY going out to eat by yourself?" and, more often, "Don't you get lonely?"
Maybe it's not so weird for them to do that? I mean, it seems depressing to me, but I think that's just because I'd rather have fun WITH people, and have a hard time fathoming that it's possible to have a good time by yourself.
God's working with me on that though, because recently I've started living on my own for most of the week, and if there's no one available in the evenings to do anything with, it's easy for me to become EXTREMELY depressed. I hate being lonely. But time by myself is a precious thing God meant for each of us to have, and I'm realizing that.
Good post. Thanks :)
I really enjoy alone time! Movies are not something I bother with much, unless someone is there to watch it with me and so we can discuss it. Otherwise, it's not worth the price of the ticket.
Now, having said that, I will happily go to any concert or theatrical presentation alone, just so I can enjoy the experience! I would like to have someone along to share the memory with; but I won't pass it up just cause no one else wanted to.
Restaurants alone seem to require me to do something since I am not visiting with anyone. So, I might bring a list or notebook along with me when I go, while I wait for the meal to be served to me.
I love being alone, it means I dont' have to pretend to laugh at unfunny jokes. It means I can go into every single store and look at whatever I want, and try whatever I please without judgement. And I can talk to god at the same time. Sweet deal!
Do something unpredictable. Jesus was the most unpredictable guy and he did some "out of the norm" stuff. But it made him stand out in the best way.
I think it's a fear people have. Most of the time, when people point out something that seems "wrong" to them, they are actually saying something about themselves. In this case, I would say it's people's fear of being alone. I think they are secretly astounded at your "bravery", maybe something that they can't bring themselves to do. I put quotes around bravery because some people see it as being brave. Bravery to me is taking action in situation of possible harm. So like you, I don't think it's a big deal and this is my theory of why people react so strongly to you going to places alone.
I agree about people looking down on those who are alone. I have went to many events alone, and actually had more fun without someone else there. I'm not saying i do everything alone, recently I had went to a concert, and I started off alone but about an hour and a half before the concert started I invited my two younger sisters, not because I was alone and lonely, i was having a blast but I knew that it was gonna eb a family thing I thought they'd really enjoy it. But if I say I'm goign out tonight or soemthing, peoepl will ask well who are you going with? and I'll say no on, and they try an give me alecture on it. It's so funny because those people will never have fun doing anyhting alone...And I believe that the key to making Any relationship (love, friends, family) work is truelybeing happy yourself, and your not really happy untill you can learn to enjoy yourself...and have fun with yourself..
I'm married and I still go to the movie every once in a while all by myself. I have very different tastes in movies and sometimes that is the only way I'll get to see a particular film that my husband just has no desire to see. Doesn't bother me at all!
Same with eating out. We are both self-employed and there are days I'm out and about. We usually touch base around lunch time and see if it is possible to meet somewhere for lunch, but it's not always possible, so there are days when I eat lunch out alone. I actually find when I'm trying to get a lot accomplished, eating alone can be more "efficient" because I am in and out of there much quicker when I have no one to talk to, ha ha!
I do think sometimes it takes a more confident person to do things alone. You have to be comfortable with yourself.
I think it bothers people to see people alone because the assumption is that that person can't find anybody to hang out with, so they must really be a loser.
Not that I'm saying that. I LOVE doing things by myself--everything. In some ways it's kind of selfish, but when I go by myself, I can do whatever I want--including see whichever movie I want to see (get as much popcorn as I want, arrive at the time that I want, and do what I want afterwords at my own leisure). If nobody wants to go with me, why should I let that stop me? I'm planning to go see Twilight by myself this weekend, since nobody will go with me to see it.
I think maybe other people have a problem with it sometimes because they can't stand to be alone.
i love to be alone--i'm a quirkyalone, and i love my friends and my family, but some things are just better by yourself. if you like to be alone, don't let people's comments bother you.
Going into college last year,
I've found that I grown the most being alone, being away from my family and high school friends.
It was in this isolation that I strengthened my love and relationship with God.
it's kinda nice to thinking about it
ha
Interesting that this post surfaced during the holiday season, and even more interesting were the responses to it. *High Fives* for all of you, I'm glad this phenomena has a mature side. While I enjoy moments of solitude (avid hiker/backpacker), I cannot imagine that solitude as the product of being a 'gamer' or a video-game-induced coma. I <3 trees!
Any rec's for movies? I want to try this movie-by-yourself
I didn't even know that you weren't "supposed" to go to the movies or whatever by yourself! I personally haven't....I think going anywhere is more fun with friends (that's a good excuse to get together with my friends!) but I don't think I'd mind going to the movies by myself sometime. Not that my brothers and sisters would let me do that!
I go shopping by myself all the time!
I don't see anything wrong with going somewhere alone. (Although typically when I am alone, I'm too lazy to go somewhere. :P).
That said, I also usually enjoy the company of friends and family, and so obviously enjoy going places with others too.
I don't "prefer" to go alone, but I don't mind it either.
What I hate is that, as an overweight woman, people feel sorry for me if they see me at a movie by myself. I have more friends than I can possibly keep up with and more than enough friends to go to movies with, but sometimes I just randomly decide to go see a movie after work or something and I don't want to rush a friend into going, so I just go by myself.
I have no idea why people are go weird about it, but it's truly unfortunate.
I think people don't like being alone because of insecurities. They're afraid of being singled out or someone thinking that they're a loser with no friends.
thats what I thought when I was a teenager, but now I have no qualms going somewhere by myself. the only things I take into account now are safety, gas and convenience.
oh, I saw Tropic Thunder by myself.
I love doing things alone. The movies, shopping, going for walks etc. It's not that I don't like socialising, I love my friends, but sometimes I just like me time, in fact a lot of time I like me time. I'm happy with my own company, I've always been a bit of a loner and I'm fine with that.
I've had many people turn around and shake their heads in mock shock as if wondering how I dare go anything alone. But I assure them I'm comfortable with who I am. If your happy doing things alone and in groups then I wouldn't let it trouble you.
Interesting, I think that this case seems to be more extreme in the US [where possibly most of xanga bloggers are from?] than here in Czech Republic, where people generally tend to be more detached and like to have some level of their own privacy and peace alone. And it doesn't seem so "weird" when someone goes shopping or to eat or something alone.
I am still a lot more introverted than almost anyone I know, and I have always been. It took me years to learn that there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, that I can be myself and am not obligated to be or try to be like other people, and that there's no reason to be ashamed for who I am and what I like.
Reading that you are confident enough to go to the movies alone gives me confidence. I do MANY things by myself and I enjoy them better that way.
@Red_Apocalypse_Horse@xanga - well said. :D
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