Wednesday, 10 December 2008
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God Cares About Your Love Life
Aside from asking God to prepare my heart for whoever I'll end up marrying (and praying for that person as well, whoever/wherever he is), I don't actively pray about my love life. Compared to everything else that's going on in the world, my love life seems so trivial. It doesn't seem worth my time, or God's, to deeply involve "So-and-so who unfortunately makes me compare my life to Grey's Anatomy" in my prayers. I don't ask God which guys it's okay for me to fall for, or that the guy I like won't stick me in the friend zone, or that so-and-so will ask me out. I don't ask God to reveal whether my crush is worth it, or that the guy will call, or that I won't misinterpret the signs.
...and yet, time after time, I've fallen for the wrong guy, the guy I liked stuck me in the friend zone, so-and-so who dated me turned out to be a jerk, my crush wasn't worth it, the guy never called, and I've definitely suffered a little from my faulty love radar. I don't know that praying more about my love life will necessarily improve it, but I'm sure it'd keep me from getting too distracted by it.
I've also realized that I can't treat God like some kind of genie or fairy godmother - remember, even the genie in Disney's Aladdin couldn't make people fall in love? And okay, at the risk of opening a can of worms, not even the wizards can cast true love spells on each other in the Harry Potter universe. "Ask, and you shall receive," probably doesn't apply to, "God, please let ________ return my feelings." No, despite and through my hapless attempts at young love, God's really taught me what to ask for when praying about my love life. These include:
1) Discernment: That I can learn the difference between a nice guy and a good guy. That I'll know better how to distinguish love from like, like from attraction, and attraction from a guy just being a gentleman.
2) The ability to forgive others and myself: That I can let go of the ways guys have wronged me and that I can forgive myself for wronging the people I care about (including myself).
3) Trust in His timing.....and choice. Miss Iris' post about the iPod Touch really struck a chord. How many times have I gone for a guy because he seemed okay, he was there, and the timing seemed convenient...only to realize that I took things too quickly and should have waited? The prospect that God has better things planned for me - whether they be a more suitable guy or the fab life of career-driven singlehood - has really helped me accept my past heartache. I've also realized, via a little trial and error, that some of the criteria I use for evaluating guys isn't all that important. Basically, I needn't stick to types because my type sucks. Which leads us to #4...
4) That God would show me the qualities in a guy that not only really matter, but that are compatible with the qualities, personality, and calling that God has given me. I can't say I've learned much about guys from my past experiences - as I still make a lot of stupid lapses in judgment - but I've learned a lot about myself and the type of guy I need.
5) Joy despite the outcome of my failed relationships/unrequited feelings. I'm incredibly prone to bitterness - yeah, learned that the hard way - so I've prayed that God will guard my heart from resentment. In the face of rejection and betrayal, it's all to easy for me to go, "Screw you, jerk," and risk toppling down the slippery slope to hatred and self-deprecation.
I'm sure that there are a lot of other things I should pray for, but I trust that God will show me that in time...albeit through a few more romantic endeavors, perhaps
The thought of God actually caring about all this stuff still feels a little corny, but hey, I could always use a little help - and a lot of divine intervention - in this area.
Do you pray about your love life?
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Comments (49)
where to begin... lol
it shouldn't be an obsession but a desire is valid... unless you're religious... then it's a sin... lol...
Voddie Baucham said that the desire for marriage is OF God and should be channeled into redemptive thinking apart from the cultural cues... which from what he said was Yes, desire to get married and then get married by a guy who is passionately in love with Jesus... which Mark Driscoll would add, "Who has a job and is out of mom and dad's house..."
my 2 cents...
these are good thoughts, marigold. i think it's important to remember that God sweats the small stuff with us (or the stuff we pretend is small - like dating - but really is huge and consumes us and drives us crazy in secret). and yeah, you're right that He doesn't just MAKE people fall in love, but he asks us to trust him, walk with him, and be transformed more into his likeness so we can make wiser, more godly decisions - even in our love life.
at least, that's what i've been learning. anyway, good stuff :)
I pray about it ALL the time! In fact, if I were him (praise God I'm not, lol), I would be pretty annoyed at my constant prayers about it by now. haha
God is the center of my love life, as he should be. I'm waiting for the right one to come along and trusting that God will let me know when I should start a romantic relationship with him.
I thank God especially for giving me the strength to turn the other cheek instead of holding grudges. I think things like that come easier with age and experience, but the one thing people give me credit for is fair chances no matter how much harm and hurt I've felt from their doing...I still can wake up and forgive. This strength of mine has helped to maintain friendships long after failed romantic relationships, and at the same time I take it as a lesson on what I did wrong and why the relationship ended badly. I have yet to repeat the same mistakes in my love life, and I secretly believe God's taken the time to make sure I overflow with love rather than reserve it and harbor spite, jealousy, or insensitivity. Your post was very thought provoking, thank you :)
interesting, good post! =)
Yes, yes, I pray about my love life. I don't think anything is too trivial to pray about. Plus, even if God doesn't answer or act on something that is silly, sometimes it is just nice to get it off my chest and realize that he really is in control.
I think that if he cares about the path that my life takes--occupation-wise, etc., then, he probably cares about the path that my life takes love-wise. On the other hand, I don't exactly always listen...
I do believe god cares about your love life, because one time my boyfriend lost his braclet i give and the whole time we where looking for it he was praying we will find it, and we did. its a sign we ment to be together!:)
I've been praying for my future spouse for many years. At least since I was 17 so yeah, it's been 5 years. I've had failed relationships, failed crushes, been heartbroken, turned down many times. I'm not the best at the whole relationship thing. However, all this time we are praying for God to send us that perfect special someone. That's fine and dandy, but what about us being that special someone. We shouldn't expect our spouse to be something that we can't do ourselves. For example, don't expect your spouse to be perfect with his finances, when you're a horrible spender.
I believe that's one of the reasons I still haven't found my mate. I'm in debt out the wazoo and I haven't finished my schooling yet. I want to have a stable job. Also, God has other work to do in me in other areas. I know my mate could come at any moment but it's not wise for me to bring baggage into a serious relationship. I have a lot more maturing to do.
Sometimes, we need to focus on what we need to do to improve at being the perfect spouse, and one of these days, God will bring us the right one. We just need to submit and trust in His will, and He'll take care of us.
God bless.
thank you for this reminder. i think i need to pray more for my love life, too. :)
i'm still waiting for the right one to be sent by God. we shall not rush into a relationship. get involve in more church activities and don't think about love life too much. it'll come when it comes =)
nice post, very agreeable, :) haha
i would pray for God to bring my husband into my life when the time was right and make it very clear to me who he is. then once i was pretty sure i found him it became praying for us to be led towards each other if and when the time is right. and now that we are together it is show us what you want for our lives together
If it's on your heart, definitely pray about it and give it to God.
but also remember that God doesn't promise us ANYTHING when it comes to a love life. He doesn't promise us a spouse. Most people will get married at some point, but I think we have to recognize that it's not guaranteed.
i think my love has been sent by HIM,so m sure he would guide it as well
I love your points, Miss Marigold. Great post.
Mmm... it's something which I don't do enough of... thnx for the reminder and also your valueable insight!
Yes! He does care. He cares for the sparrows in the book of Matthew. God does care about our love life. He cares that I'm still single and He'll also care when I'm getting to know a young man. He loves His children and cares about every detail of our life.
I've been burned by one guy and the other turned out to be some chauvinist pig. (not that I am a feminist, I just don't like being told what I should do, the only one who is allowed that is God) I need to pray I don't fall too hard, I am a hopless romantic, so that means I need a lot of prayer.
Yes, I pray about my love life. In the general sense of asking God to bring someone into my life, in the painful sense of surrendering my singleness and being willing to be single as long as God desires, even if it's my whole life. I also pray in the specific sense for this particular person I'm with now. I pray that God will guide our relationship and that what we do would be pleasing to Him.
There is nothing too small to bring to God, because when we pray we put our heart in tune with His.
thank you for this
thank you for posting this entry. i've been having a lot of struggles lately since I did fall for the wrong guy & our timing was never in sync (our paths crossed, but never met in focus). yes, I agree that must wait according to God's timing..... and being patient that mr./ms. right will come along our path. praying consistently, fervently and patiently....
That was not at all what I expected it to be - it was way better!
It is much easier for me to pray for my love life - its my husband! But I will definitely be sending a friend to read this - she struggles with much the same things!
Before being married, I believe in God but that was about it. I didn't pray, didn't read the bible or watch ministries but I do now. It's actually because of my husband that I decided that I want to change who I am for a more loving, giving person. I think in a way the Lord connected my husband and I so I would connect more with him.
I honestly can't wait till the day I can say, "God has answered my prayers" although I am only going to be 17, It's never to early to pray about your future husband.
Sometimes I think we don't have to.
God will give it to us when we diserve it.
The hardest part about being a teen in this generation, is all the things and actions going against God's teaching to us.
I have yet to find a nice/good looking guy who believes Chastity is a way of life and Religion. I've only met one so far.
I do not want to find a guy who thinks he can be the guy to
"WIN ME" before marriage. It's not correct. I'm not a trophy!
I'm Catholic and guys should respect my beliefs.
Good luck to you!
Being happily single, No, I don't pray about my love life. I cringe at the thought of the idea of doing so to be honest. But then, as I said, I'm happily single.