Wednesday, 10 December 2008
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Wanting to Hold Off on Kids Because of Money Issues: Realistic or a Lack of Faith?
Guest blog submitted by AshleyKnows
Have you seen or surfed pass TLC’s Jon & Kate Plus 8 or 17 Kids and Counting? Oftentimes when I think about having children, I think of numbers, lots of numbers, numbers that add up from pampers to grad school, and beyond…and I haven’t even fallen in love!
But nonetheless, those numbers, those many numbers, figure prominently in the child consideration department of my mind, and they seem to signify to me a form of spiritual grace, of love and abundance, the kind I would want my child to be born within. I don’t want a spoiled child, but I wouldn’t want one to grow up with the fear of scarcity. Is this realistic, or is planning really a lack of faith?
Does God provide as we live, love, and believe? Or is it ultimately up to us? If you had dollar in your savings account, a marriage, and an urge to have a child, would you go ahead and do so, and leave the rest in God’s hands? Or would you hold off until you felt that your bank account were full enough?
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Comments (36)
I grew up in a family of eight kids whose family income was most times at least ten thousand a year below poverty level. I wouldn't change a thing - in fact, i treasure that "scarce" upbringing. God always provided for us, but never more than we absolutely needed and it was never bad. A child growing up with a fear of scarcity has way more to do with the attitudes of the parents than it does with reality. My parents never let a lack bother them, so it didn't bother us.
I just brought a child into scarcity as well - we're going into the ministry and we know our pocketbooks will never be as full as they have been in these past two years. I had decided that I wanted a certain amount in our savings before we had kids - but I never really tried to get that amount, in fact I forgot about it. Turns out that God gave us that and more by the time I became pregnant and He has provided ever since. :) It's an adventure, and I understand it's not what He calls everyone to. Also, if He wants to give you kids against your "better judgment" He will. ;) Then you won't have to worry about making the decision! :)I would go ahead if I had 0 Dollars. Money will always come and go. Noone is ever "ready" for a child. If you wait too long, it might not happen.
No...simply because you never know if God is going to bless you with a child that doesn't have extra needs (and doesn't have to stay in the hospital for a month and a half), or a child that plump and ready to go at 5+ pounds.
Is it God who is blessing those who have children with 0$ in the bank, yet somehow manage to get by, or is it other people who happen to help out? Yes, you can say that God drew them to you, and perhaps He did, but I know of far too many of those who God and other Godly helpers have seemed to forget.
Where's the money for the Pampers coming from? What if the child needs to stay in the hospital and you have no insurance? Yep, they will kick you out, sad to say, even if your child needs extra help. There has to be a feeling of common sense here--God provides for those who help themselves, not those who were "dumb" enough to have children without any money. You can't feed a child on love or give it love medicine when it's ill.
I'd also like to add that I'd loooove to see a special on a large family that did just that: "let God take care of things." Not like the Duggars, but a real family that feels that way. The Duggars "God" has "blessed" them with a whole bunch of stuff, and Jim Bob has not yet told us the secret of how he does what he does--how's that debt-free lving program working? Why doesn't he at least give us a hint? That would help those who are thinking of having children but are a bit low on funds.
As someone who had a surprise baby (my husband and I were not trying to conceive) I can assure anyone who asks this question that God provides!! His will is greater than ours!
To answer your question- I think it's a combination of both. We live by His grace and mercy, but work hard to use the abilities, opportunities He's given us to provide for ourselves.
I understand your concerns and totally wonder the same things- when is the right time to have a kid? I guess I def gotta keep praying about it.
Although, I guess if you have a whole troop of kids you could always land a tv show and live off that? ;)
As with anything, use the wisdom God gives you to make a decision. If you cannot provide for a child, it's probably best not to have one. However, sometimes God may lead us in a direction that may go against our own wisdom, and we need to follow, and trust that He will provide.
I think its time that people stop looking to God for every little thing. Of course you look to God when you're having problems or you need guidance in tough situations, but it seems like more and more he's being called way too much.
You as a human have to realize that this God character created you to be intelligent enough to think and fend for yourself in all things worldly and that he is there for guidance in morality.
He's not going to pay your bills for you. >_______>;
Stop being selfish.
We don't have lots of money - and never have, yet God provides us with what we NEED from month to month to provide for our four children. Children are blessings from God. They shouldn't be seen as a burden, right? I also think that if you wait until the bank account has just enough money - you may never have enough money. Things happen all the time that we can't predict ......the roof leaks, the stove dies, the car is totalled, we lose a job, etc etc. Where's our faith???
God is the one who opens and closes the womb. I do feel that many people do take quite a selfish attitude. "No thanks God, we'll wait awhile until we feel secure, then maybe we'll ask you for a blessing or two .......but only when we're ready." I think that selfishness pervades our society -- gotta have that successful career, and two cars, and a boat, and a house, and had that European dream vacation before having kids. I'm glad my parents didn't think that way .........
I don't think God ever asked his followers to go off of blind faith. Being fiscally responsible, and well prepared seemed to be a focus in the bible.
If you wait until you think you have enough money, you will never have children. I know many people who have much more money than us and they are constantly talking about how they don't have enough. It really is a matter of perspective. People can really get by on much less than most think they can anyway. Most people confuse needs with wants. If you have a roof over your head, food on your table and clothes on your back (even if they are old and out of style), then your needs are being met. A new car, a bigger house, new clothes every season, a dog, an expensive habit (like skiing or golf) that you have to do every weekend, going out to eat 5 times a week, movies every weekend, and buying expensive gifts so you can impress those around you....those are not needs. Those are wants. If your needs are being met, have faith, take that next step....and as someone else said, when God wants you to have a baby, you will anyway....so in some ways it is out of your hands. Then again, He may just let you continue in your state of faithlessness and remain childless until it is too late. You'll have all the money you need socked away in the bank and you won't be able to get pregnant. That would be sad.
Obviously, god doesn't provide for all children. There wouldn't be so many starving ones around the world if he did.
It's realistic (and responsible) to hold off if you don't have the money to support children. If scarcity is already an issue stressing your relationship, do you really think adding another mouth to feed is going to help?
@sugartomyhoney@xanga -
What you wrote reminds me of this fake watch dealer I know in Chinatown. She stored up all of her hard-earned cash in socks kept in draws, working the city streets day and night, and when she wanted a child, she couldn't have one. In the end, she spent all that sock money on a fertility doctor. Now, she has a child!
But I agree, we can all live on less. I just happen to live in a place where property taxes are really high, so is the standard of living...for me, it's forget about the golfing, exotic vacations, new car, bigger house, etc...it would be (I'm not there yet, not even married) more about maintaining that standard of living while providing adequately, without having to resort to government aid, not that there is anything wrong with that.
God only helps those who help themselves. how is having children when you cannot provide financially considered helping yourself?
keep in mind, this decision affects the lives of your children as well, not just you. it's incredibly selfish to let them suffer because you feel like proving your faith.
Trust me on this, lol. You can NEVER have a bank account big enough for kids, lol! I have a 19-year-old that thinks his father and I are a mobile ATM machine. My father used to have a theory...If you want until you can afford a house, kids, etc., the time will never come, lol. I'm thinking he may have just had something! :)
It really is a temptation to think that we can get all our ducks in a row and secure our future. Having children and raising them is something you can never know how it will go beforehand. I've raised quite a few children and honestly I would have more if I were younger. But there was never enough money ahead of time. Your children are always your children and you will (hopefully) live a long time. There is no way to predict the future or plan for every contingency for a lifetime. It is far better to live your life in faith ( go ahead and save money and do your best to provide ) knowing that your heavenly Father is the one who supplies all your need. I think that it is a fool who thinks otherwise
Pets are not always wants. Sometimes they are needs.
Yes, we need to trust the Lord to provide. BUT, we also need to be wise. If you have no money and couldn't possibly provide for a child, it would be foolish to try and conceive one. God gives us common sense for a reason.
plan and save sure...
BUT... I really honestly know... well... First, God instituted marriage so it was His idea which means He put that responsibily upon Himself to care for those who get married because He started... second, the first command in Scripture to mankind wasn't "Don't eat from the tree..." but it was "be fruitful and multiply..." which is again, His call which makes it His responsibility to provide and care for...
having kids is definitely an act of faith because you wonder how you'll make it.... but that just makes the grace of God all the more beautiful because such grace is given to those who are on the brink of meltdown only to have God by His grace provide all the loose ends to allow for the parents to care...
BUT... let's also keep in mind... a lazy husband who doesn't provide for his wife and kids as Paul states has abandoned the faith and is worse than a non-believer....
i think there's a balance between both faith and responsibility which God has made happen....
I totally have to agree with an earlier poster. You need to have some common sense here, least you be another parent with no check on reality. You can't leave everything up to fate, yes God loves you, but if you're choosing to bring another human into this world without the means to care for it, then you're living in a fairy tale. You don't need to be rich, but you do need to take care of anyone you might bring into this world. Can you honestly do that when you're broke?
@eugenia@xanga -
I like the balance in your comment, and the humor...but I guess the only way I"d land a tv show is if I have 20 kids and counting, that would up the wow factor! ;)
@BohemianLamb -
I agree. My dear friend Ashley the poodle is a need, and not a luxury item/a want that I could simply do away with to make ends meet...absolutely not.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga -
"God only helps those who help themselves"...reminds me of one of Frederick Douglas' famous quotes- "I prayed for twenty years and received no answer until I prayed with my legs."
@Theophilus166@xanga - You said, what I wanted to on this discussion...thank you
I'm a mom of a grown daughter, but didn't intentionally get pregnant. When this happened, we were homeless. I'm glad I had our daughter when I did. Poverty is not a crime. We did get a place to live when I was pregnant, I made a home and made the most of my resources. My belief was and is that if you wait for financial security to have a child, you may be waiting indefinitely. There are other considerations than money, as well. While I had my daughter when I was 19, my best friend had her first child in her late 20s, and then a "surprise" child in her 30s. Her idea was that she wanted to live some before having a child. My idea was that I wanted to have some life left when my daughter was grown. We're both happy with our choices.
God calls debt a curse and children a blessing. Christians spend way too much time accumulating curses than blessings. Whether you believe it or not, birth control is not in the Bible. Christians use the same excuses for avoiding children as the abortion crowd uses to abort. Until Christians change their view on children, abortion will never be overcome. Birth control is wrong because God gives children as gifts not curses. When we play God, WE are to blame for the consequences. Schools could be full of properly raised children instead of the the hellish mess we have now. As Christians we could outnumber the heathen in just a few generations. But alas, children have become burdens instead of blessings to most. I personally have had 9 kids (2 in heaven now) and hope for many more. I will not allow something crazy like my income to limit the number of Godly kids I have and raise. Be married and enjoy the marriage bed as you should without all the obstacles of hormones and latex.