Guest post submitted by a Revelife readerThere I was standing with windshield scraper in my hand, rage filled and ready to hit him with it. I didn’t even think about the consequences. I just wanted to connect with his head repeatedly.
How could a religious man do such a thing? How could he inappropriately touch an eight-year-old boy when he was supposed to teach him about God? I didn’t think he deserved to live.
My sister and her husband had hired a religious teacher to teach my three nephews about religion around their school schedule. Every weekend he would come and teach them about religion and how to practice it the correct way.
At first there were no problems, everything was going as planned. They were learning and he seemed like a very good teacher.
Two months in, my nephew called me early in the morning and told me what happened. He didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, so he stayed quiet about it.
I was devastated, he was my nephew and this man was supposed to be his teacher. I couldn’t sleep all night. In the morning I drove back home from school and went into their apartment and saw the man teaching my nephews.
I pulled him aside, with the windshield scrapper in the other hand and demanded to know why he did such a thing. Why he took advantage of an innocent eight year old?
Of course, like most pedophiles he denied any wrongdoing but I wasn’t going to let him go. He didn’t deserve to live for doing such a thing. I was pissed and cocked back to hit with the snow scraper when my brother in law came and snatched it out of my hand.
He tried explaining to me that it was a misunderstanding. His son had made up the accusation to get the teacher in trouble. My nephew never lied to me about anything and eight year olds don’t make up stories when they call someone at 3 a.m. crying.
I didn’t hit the teacher but all respect I had for my sister and brother in law went out the window. The man did touch my nephew as they later found out and they let him hurt their child because they were in denial. They didn’t think a religious figure could do such a thing, even after my nephew had told them. A few hours later, I was driving home angry with God, questioning his existence for allowing such a thing.
I’m not Christian but I am a person of faith and so I'm asking the Christian community, who've had problems with pedophile priests in past years, how do you deal with such a thing? How can I continue to look to God for help, when he couldn’t help my eight-year-old nephew?
Comments (101)
We can't blame God for other peoples' evils... but I understand it's hard. It's an effed up world we live in.
above all, he was a human. and like all humans, we do stupid, and what the religious christians will say "sinful" acts.
people may seem to be with GOD, but that said, it doesn't mean that they won't stray away.
we cannot blame GOD for choices clearly determined by the individual. he may have chosen GOD, but he also chose to be a sexual predator.
to be angry at this man and blame it on GOD it would be like seeing this man AS GOD and not just another human like you and i.
Until Judgement Day, God is allowing us to live in a world in which we experience the results of the sins that we have all committed. You may not have molested a child, but you have still sinned against God yourself and your sins also deserve the punishment of hell which Jesus paid the price for on the cross so that we can be forgiven.
He DID help your nephew!! He put YOU there! When no one else was listening, you insisted that they should!
And the timing on keeping you from being arrested on charges that you beat the man up - I am sure God made sure the bil kept you from being a fallen hero with his stopping you from hitting the bad creature who was lying his butt off.
Better question: who helped that nephew to know who to call? Who gave you the words to say to your nephew to give him comfort?
God had a rescue, and he especially is great at including people who wonder if He is even real or whether He cares - people like you.
God isn't responsible for this man's actions. And while God can protect us in certain ways, maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe it was meant for him to be caught doing this to further save other children from the same fate.
I know it's hard to understand sometimes, but we're living in a sin-filled world. People do each other wrong, and it's not right. This is a result of a thing called "free will".
My grandfather is a child molester. He's molested nearly all of the girls in our family. He began with his own daughters. No one ever turned him in, because he was a "believer" in God, and our Grandmother believed that he could change.
Years went by, and his daughter began having children...Us. Then he began molesting his own granddaughters. My grandmother never left him, because she thinks that she'll go to heaven by staying at his side. She more or less doesn't believe in divorce, I guess. But the point is...None of us go around them anymore.
He should have went to prison! And I don't know why he never did. What I do know is that he is not of God. I can't blame God for him touching me, because it was his choice.
And God isn't going to strike him with lightening everytime he choices to molest someone, unfortunately. But God knows how he will handle it in the end. My grandfather might have repented in his mind, but he didn't mean it in his heart, otherwise he would've stopped.
Give your anger to God, let him have the vengeance and judgement. Don't allow a man, who's obviously overtaken with evil lusts, further you from God. That's what Satan wants; he wants human beings to associate other's actions and blame God for all of the wrong doings. Pray and have these conversations with your nephew. As he grows up... he will need to understand these things and why they happen.
God said there would be wolves in sheeps clothing. Remember that.
After all, we can't blame God for the bad things that happen, only praise him for the good things.
People do bad things. Why would you question God just because the bad thing happened to your family, but not at other times? This sort of thing really isn't new. I guess the only thing one could think is maybe there's some reason to it, in the end-- ends justify the means, or something like that.
i know the feeling. it is hard to understand that God, who is allegedly all-knowing and all-powerful can allow such things to happen. and the answer is not easy, nor is the road to forgiveness.
but as was said...it was a man, not God...even though maybe he could throw a helping hand every once in a while.
WHAT?!
SO IS THIS GUY STILL TEACHING YOUR NEPHEW'S?!
I am so sorry this has happened to you.sin is in this world.and things like this will happen.it is not in God's hands, he only heals.the world has gone off on it's own wicked tangent. all you can do is pray and let Him do the work. He has a plan for everyone remember that. and this incident is just as much an obstacle for you as it is for everyone else. it is what you do to get through it, that makes you stronger. remember, God's strength increases in times of our weakness.He's there. just let Him know how you feel.for your nephews, just be there for them. because clearly the young one trusts you enough to come to you. be open and don't show anger, just love.i'll pray for you.
@kazzya@xanga - I think they found out at a later point and stopped with the teaching. At least, that was my take on it.
@IMChurchmouse@xanga -
"He DID help your nephew!! He put YOU there! When no one else was listening, you insisted that they should!"
I was waiting for someone to see God's "help" in that situation. Thank YOU for pointing it out!!! God NOT helping would have been it never coming out, never coming to the truth, her nephew not tellingh her, no justice.
Writer, I am SO sorry that happened to your nephew, but I hope as churchmouse stated that you can see God's help in that situation. As for those situations along these sorts that end in much worse, molestation, rape, and death, I have not the right words to say or wisdom to figure out why they happen, but in your case, I clearly see the "help," and I hope by churchmouse pointing it out, you can too now as well, :)
It's very easy to question God when a hardship comes along, especially something as enraging and disgusting as this (done by a supposed man of God!).
But sin is disgusting, and that's why God hates it. God has a will and a plan for our lives, but his will doesn't include sin.
It is apparent that the teacher at this Sunday school wasn't a man of God to begin with; just a perverted creep.
Like the people said above, we cant blame God for other's sins. We all have daily choices to make. we can choose to sin or to follow after God and avoid sin or temptation. I know that it is a horrible thing that has happened, but is just shows that we have to really pray and guard our lives and our childrens lives with those we allow into it. Even christians sin. we are all human. God is still in control no matter what happens but he cant control our actions, what we do with our lives is up to us. make the best of your life with Gods help!!!
God never promised to prevent all evil, even though he hates it. People do have free will. However, he does always deal with it, eventually - and it looks like he used you to stop this man in his tracks before it was too late.
God did help your nephew...he gave him the courage to tell somebody...and he gave him somebody that loved him enough (you!) that would drive all the way to his home and personally confront the culprit. and, although it didn't stop right away, it eventually did...and now that man has been stopped from hurting other children.
So sorry this happened. I've been thru similar things w/ my uncles who are all "christians" & a little with my dad who is a pastor. I've come to realize that they do not represent God, & their actions only represented satan. I'm so glad your nephew told you abou this. That is an act of God, otherwise, he could've carried this shame & anger for years, going to addictions, suicidal, etc. I hope he is getting the help he needs right now. Also, God uses works of the devil for his glory & for your nephew's best interest. It's ironic how the devil makes these things happen to separate us from God, but then God can still take these things & turn it around so we can have a deep intimate relationship w/ Him.
How do you know God didn't help your nephew? Something made him decide to call you at 3 in the morning. Just because God didn't strike the pervert down with a thunderbolt doesn't mean there wasn't some sort of divine intervention.
Your nephews are safe now, aren't they?
i struggle with this often... not this specific issue, but other acts which make me question how "Christian" many Christians are. and i've been nearly driven from the faith, as well. some of the worst horrors of human history have been committed by Christians as acts of faith. i often struggle with this paradox: if an individual can do unspeakable acts and still proclaim themselves a follower, what does that tell you about God? how does one determine which Christians are accurately representing the deity they supposedly honor?
what you have to understand is this: God is bigger than anything conceived by man. just because a man gets hired as a pastor and claims to preach on behalf of Him, does not mean he actually is. it's not as though we can call up God's secretary and do a background check. you misplaced your trust... not in God, but in a human being.
I believe the reason why this happened, and why events like this happen so many times (and please, I am not trying to blame anyone, just trying to make a point) is that it is not the responsibility of the church, a pastor, or a hired teacher, or anyone else for that matter to teach our children about God. It is the responsibility of the parents. (Train up YOUR child in the way that they should go...) In our culture, however, it is common for certain aspects of raising a child to be hired out to others. We need to learn to teach our own children, to grow with our children spiritually, not only so things like this horrible act don't happen, but also so that our children will feel secure enough to come to us if/when bad things happen.
I'm not trying to cast any blame or judgement on anyone in this story, but, to point out a couple of things, the father obviously didn't know his son enough to tell if something was wrong. The son was too afraid to go to either parent, and denied it to them when questioned.
We need to know our children. We need to be able to read through their masks and see their pain. The only way to do that is to spend time with them daily. Teaching them about God, the bible and life. They need to know that they can come to us first and that we will fight on their side no matter what.
You call the police. Even in doubt, you call the police. Slightest hint, you call the police.
Then you smack him...
THAT'S NOT GOD! (Sorry for the all caps, but reading your post made me angry.) I WOULD have wailed on the teacher, cussed out my sister and brother-in-law (yes, sorry, but it IS that serious), and probably gotten so angry that I would've ended up in jail, thus doing no good for anyone--the teacher's still molesting, your sister and brother-in-law are still sending him, and your poor nephew is getting the raw end of the deal. Is there any way to report him to "real" authorities, because religious authorities tend to say, "Well, uh, he said he was sorry, we moved him to another place, and everything's hunky dory."
This is serious business. Poo on your relationship with your sister and brother-in-law, this requires something other than what they're doing now (which is nothing). Your nephew trusts you...please don't let him down. Good luck.
I am so, so, so sorry that your family has been placed in such an awful position. I am sorry for you, and for your sister and brother in law. But more than all of you I am sorry for your nephew. How incredibly difficult it must be for him, I can barely even express how sick it makes me feel to see someone else go through what I went through. You are a sweet and amazing person to be there for your nephew.
THANK YOU for being the person who SAVED your nephew. You saved him, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Don't give up---you need to call the police! It won't stop, and either way your nephew....he's gone through something incredibly difficult. I can't begin to even tell you how hard it is to tell someone what is happening to you. I would strongly recommend convincing his parents to find a child psychologist for him. Don't let them ignore it, please. My parents try to, and it just makes things harder.
It isn't uncommon for the parents to be in denial. Over the course of two years or so, I told my Mom at least 3 times that my brother was sexually abusing me. Each time she told me that she would talk to him about it, that he would stop. When I cried to her about it, she once even told me to stop crying and control myself like I was throwing a tantrum. She couldn't imagine that, despite his being 6 years older than me, he was capable of hurting me. I didn't have anyone to turn to, and I ended up reporting him myself--I would have killed to have someone rescue me like you rescued your nephew.
I was abused for years. I used to hate God and blame God. Then I thought that God just might hate me, just might not care. Now we're in a limbo, God and I. I believe in Him, and I'm learning to trust Him again. I can only imagine what it feels to be on the other end of this--to be the one who hears about the abuse and has to intervene--as I only really know what it's like to experience it. But I think that it's okay to be mad, and it's okay for Him to lose our trust. I hope that one day soon you'll learn to trust Him again. I'm starting to..
If you ever need to talk, feel free to come over to my blog. I really hope that your nephew is okay. I've found that it never really goes away, but I live in an unsupportive environment, which doesn't help. Just please support him, be there for him.
So many good responses here. God used you to save your nephew being one of the best. Your nephew will never forget that you believed him and loved him enough to go to battle for him. I hope this questioning also leads you to see your need for Christ, for a Savior. We all need Him. We are all sinners. Then, you can also live out faith in Christ in your life for your nephews to see. That would be a wonderful witness for them, and the kind of "religious teaching" that can actually do them some good.
honestly, i wouldn't wanna live in a world where god controls everything. freedom is both a blessing and a curse. but i would hate to live without it. there's nothing more disgusting than what this man did, but if god popped in and stopped anything he didn't like then he would be a tyrant.
This answer, frankly, isn't that satisfying, but it's the best I have.
God gives people free will. That means they have the option of doing evil things and God isn't going to stop them (to do so would contradict his promise to trust us by giving us free will.) Free will isn't really free (or a will) if we don't have the option of doing evil. If we lacked free will...then well, we wouldn't have souls. The man used his free will to do something evil...extremely evil. God allowed it because he made a promise to us.
That doesn't detract from the horror that is pedophilia, nor does it make it any easier for you or your nephew, but that's my response to your question. Knowing that was how I was able to focus enough to comfort my girlfriend after she got raped without being overwhelmed with rage...but if I ever meet the guy I'd probably have a very similar reaction to you.
for some reason.... and some days I don't know why.... but God gave us free will.... He gave everyone free will... to do good and to do wrong...
and sometimes... a lot of time... our sin effects other people... and people make bad choices that hurt other people...
and sometimes God does step in and save and sometimes He doesn't... I don't know why God does what He does... or allows things and doesn't allow things... but I do know
God is Just
God is Love
God is Perfect
and really we all have to become like Jacob and have our wrestling match with God... and the free will thing is a hard one to fight out with God... but pray to God...
challenge him
tell God EXACTLY how you feel... how this shitty thing happened and how could He let such a thing happen to an innocent child...
and God will speak to you I promise... and maybe it won't exactly be what you want to hear... but God WILL speak... if you wait and listen...
and God will bring for your nephew healing, peace, love and whatever He needs and maybe He will use you to bring those things to him... God will bring him justice... and God will bring justice to that religious leader... even if its when He comes before the throne of God and is brought to his knees in his sin... God will hold him account for all that he's done to hurt other people...
and in Revelations it talks about how in the end God will throw satan and his demons in the pit and the next people he throws in are the awful religious leader and false prophets... the people who have lead God's people astray....
there will be justice...