Sunday, 07 December 2008
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Bah Humbug! Why Parents Shouldn't Teach Their Kids About Santa
Guest post submitted by icicle84
Call me the Grinch. I know this is a bit of an inflammatory subject, so I’m going to say up front – I don’t intend any malice toward those of you who think differently than I do.
Christmas is coming! Jingle bells, nativity sets, bell choirs, carolers out in the snow, Frosty the Snowman, ridiculously expensive gifts, egg nog...and oh yeah, some big jolly fat guy in a suit that goes around making kids’ wishes come true.
Now if your kids are reading this, and you think you know what’s coming, get them away from the screen! There, you’ve been warned.
We all know that said jolly fat guy doesn’t exist in any kind of material reality.
But wait, then why did I warn you to get your kids away from the screen? Oh, gee … it seems there’s plenty of people around the world who actually believe this fat, red-suited elf supervises the making of everybody’s toys, and gets to decide who fits the definition of “good” and “bad,” and by that standards, decides those to whom he’ll deliver his goodies.
I strongly disagree with those parents who stuff such a fable in the heads of their innocent, credulous children. Your children (at least, if they’re young enough to believe in Santa Claus) take what you tell them as gospel truth. What a responsibility, right? You have the power to get them to believe what you want them to believe.
Now, before I go any further, I’ve had input on previous comments where a blogger says something to the effect of “you’re anti-Santa Claus,” or “Santa Claus does exist. He exists in the spirit of Christmas, in the memories of adults who still like to pretend.” That’s false. For the purpose of this post “believe in Santa Clause” will be defined as “belief that a little guy in a red suit actually goes around delivering presents from a sleigh pulled by reindeer.”
That’s what I take issue with. But before I ramble too long, let me list the reasons why I don’t believe children should be told that the Santa Claus of popular mythology actually exists:
1) It’s a lie. Plain and simple. If that’s the only reason I get to state, it stands by itself. Everything else is secondary to this point. All the other reasons why I am “anti-Santa” are outgrowths of this point. You are feeding your children something which you know is completely false. To me, that’s bad.
2) That said, your child has such a high opinion of your truthfulness, that, unless allowed to just “naturally” outgrow the belief in Santa Claus, at some point there will be a serious let-down. Regardless of how long those effects last, there will be a point in time where a child realizes that his parents can’t always be trusted. It’s a bit heartbreaking.
3) It destroys a perfect opportunity to give your children the best kind of example – the unconditional love of a parent. If your child is completely convinced that Santa Claus, based on how good you’ve been, will dole out presents at his own discretion, there’s an alternative motivation for acting right. Instead, consider yourself saying this: “It doesn’t matter what Santa Claus says on his list. I love you for who you are, and I give you gifts I think you’ll like because I love you. I know you have bad days – trust me, so do I. But I don’t love you any less if you’ve ‘been bad.’ That’s why your (dad/mom) and I get you presents.”
4) It turns parents who tell their kids the truth straight off into the bad guys. This is one of the most hurtful things for me – I’ve experienced some of this personally, not as a parent, but as a Sunday School teacher. I’ve been helping with 4-year-olds at my church for a few years now. And it never fails – at Christmas time, one child will mention something about Santa Claus (cue the ominous music). Another child will then say “no. Santa Claus doesn’t exist.” Then comes the inevitable “teacher, Johnny said Santa Claus doesn’t exist,” accompanied sometimes by tears, sometimes by an expectation that the teacher must set Johnny straight. So the teacher has to play peacemaker, and say “Okay, guys, let’s not talk about Santa Claus right now,” and break up the cacophony that’s risen, sending more kids into tears, just from the noise and heated voices. Oh, then the parent comes and picks up the kid who still looks a bit morose because of Johnny’s inconsiderate remarks. Teacher mentions to parent that Johnny denigrated her object of childhood belief. Parent rolls eyes, obviously irritated at the parents who “can’t just let their children have fun,” and tries to do damage control. Does this not bug anyone else? The parents who took their child’s trust as a huge responsibility are villainized. I can’t say that I haven’t thought the same things as the parent earlier. Shame on me. There’s nothing wrong with a parent making it a point to always tell his/her children the truth. Shame on you if you think there is.
5) Belief in Santa Claus does nothing to “enhance” a child’s Christmas experience. As a child, I never believed in Santa Claus, and I have no regrets about that. But I still enjoyed just as much, the light-gazing, thinking about toyshops at the North Pole, even singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” A child can enjoy the experience without having to believe it’s real. In older times, children used to “play make believe.” That’s wonderful! They knew it was make believe, and it was just as fun … in fact, that was what made it fun. You get to “escape” from the real world, and just pretend. But if Santa Claus is just another part of the “real world,” then it’s not as special. I don’t mind if kids want to play Santa Claus … just as I don’t mind if they want to play Cowboys and Indians, or cops and robbers (as long as the robbers are the bad guys). To take away a child’s imagination is a horrible thing. But Santa Claus isn’t in their imagination. Even though they’re wrong, children KNOW Santa Claus is real … because their parents told them so.
6) I know I could have ended above, and had a good, solid argument (at least, I think so), but I have to bring this one up – from a Christian perspective. Talk all you want about “winter solstice” or whatever just being a secular holiday. Don’t care. Why do we call this holiday “Christmas?” Because (regardless of whether it was actually in the spring), it’s the time that we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ – the savior of the world. And this goes hand-in-hand with my observation about showing the unconditional love of a parent. Use the unconditional love of God (in coming down to us just so He could be killed for crimes He didn’t commit) as the ultimate example. Show your love to your child in that context – God loves you no matter what you do. I’m expressing a tiny part of that love to you in my giving you gifts regardless of how good or bad you’ve been. You don’t need Santa Claus to make your wishes come true. You have a father and/or mother who care enough about you to do everything we can to make your life the best that it can be. On top of that, you have a Father in Heaven who cares enough about you that He sent a part of Himself – to die for the bad things you did.
So who needs Santa Claus?
I know the hate mail will start coming – hopefully. If not, my blog isn’t as well-read as I thought. :)
But seriously, I hope this gives you some food for thought, if nothing else.
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Comments (146)
My feelings are as follows: Christmas pretty much sucks. We paint a facade of, "Oh, look little baby Jesus is born," to hide the materialistic idol worship and economic irresponsibility. Don't get me wrong we should celebrate Jesus' birth, it's good news, but how about we put it into perspective of Easter, with His death and resurrection. How about we talk about Adventing for the 2nd Coming?
Santa Claus is stupid too. :) See, I'm kind of relating my comments to the post.
Have a nice day.
I agree (and many people will probably drop me from their subscription list) with your points. We have taught our son the truth from the beginning. We have emphasized St. Nicholas, the real man from whom America has turned in the secular Santa. We have told him that many many years ago there was a real man going around doing good, and from that story, people have made up stories, etc and secularized Christmas. Note...European countries have celebrated St. Nicholas day in some form, yesterday Dec. 6 and kept the religious celebration to Dec 25 and purely a day of celebrating Jesus birth. I have personally talked to and done research about European countries emphasizing the toys and children gift giving on Dec 6 and then kept Dec 25 as a holy day. I totally agree. I was very devasted as a youth to realize it was a lie, and my mom was the major proponet of it in our family. I would rather teach my child the truth. By the way.....he knows the truth of the Easter bunny, too. We do different celebrations highlighting the holy days, not the secularization of the days. (quietly leaving the room admist the tomato throwing)
I agree--parents should not tell their kids that Santa is REAL, when he's not. I remember being really angry when I found out that they were lying to me about it as a kid--I didn't think it was funny or cute, I was really very upset about it.
I love celebrating Christmas with my friends, where we actually celebrate Jesus instead of "Christmas spirit" which is really silly. It's supposed to celebrate a certain "spirit" of the holiday, but I rarely see that spirit in people, instead it's mostly a selfish holiday, wondering what you'll be getting instead of what you could be giving.
You can have a child believe in Santa without worshipping and Santa does enhance a child's experience of Christmas although my parents did always teach us about Christ and we alway had a nativity scene under our tree and as a table centerpiece and on the mantle.
1) You can teach your child that an invisible man lives in the sky and came as a spirit to impregnate a virgin who then gave birth to Jesus Christ but not that a fat man with reindeer brings them presents for being good? Both are bribery and for a good reason.
I believe in God, but to take away a child's belief in anything is cruel.
2) I'd rather a child find out their parents can't be trusted because of Santa than, say, a drug problem.
3) I always had presents from my parents and Santa. But, my parents never told me about the 'naughty' and 'nice' list or said anything like 'maybe if you're good Santa will bring it for you.' And for every present that we were given, we chose 1 to give away for the less fortunate and we served dinner on Christmas Eve and Christmas day to the homeless. Not because we 'believed' in Santa but because SOME parents teach their children both of the fairytales behind Christmas.
4) Shame on your for doing the same and villainizing (sp) parents who are trying to give their child something. I bet you'd feel differently if someone said God didn't exist.
5)Santa does enhance a child's Christmas experience and how can you say you enjoyed it just as much if you didn't experience it both ways? The same way I can't say that you didn't.
6)" You don’t need Santa Claus to make your wishes come true." You don't need Christ to do it either. And just because someone does believe in God doesn't mean they all view it the same why you do. The bible IS open to interpretation and some people interpret it all as a metaphor, such as myself. But, my belief in 'God' is just as strong as yours, I'm sure. My Christmas is not about the birth of Christ but we talk about what Christ 'did' and what it means to love people, and the importance of family. Christmas should be more of an extension of Thanksgiving and be gracious.
I only agree with you that you should teach your child that it is not about presents and you love them unconditionally but that doesn't mean people who teach their child are not as good as people who teach them only about Christ. And for anyone who says "Then don't celebrate Christmas!" why should a parent make their child 'miss out' and subject that child to ridicule for not celebrating. You can celebrate secular holidays and not be religious. Christians can celebrate Christ and everyone else can celebrate whatever they want.
Sorry for the rant I just don't want people to confuse my intentions or take words out of context. I'm not against Christmas or Christians just people who say not to teach children about Santa or the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny, not because they're manufactured to make more money, but because you're right and their wrong?
Maybe God dresses up as Santa so that he can keep tabs on us without the whole apocalypse thing getting in the way...
I agree. I was never taught that Santa Claus was real and I feel that I am better for it.
It seems that a lot of Christmas spirit that Christians experience and get excited about has little to do with Jesus and a lot to do with everything else. It gets a little depressing after a while.
A possible way to circumvent the use of Santa Claus, or St. Nicolas (Santa Claus's origin), is to tell your kid(s) the story of the original St. Nicolas, and then to say something to the effect of "And because I love you so much, I will do the same for you as St. Nicolas did for the sisters, as the Wise Men did for Christ, and give you presents as tokens of my love for you. Merry Christmas."
Mind you, I probably won't have kids for a while, but I think this might work.
@vashts6583@xanga - I agree with your suggestion, this was a lot like what my parents did without the references. We had to make all of our presents to a degree. If we bought the present we had to give one away and etc.
@hickman_22@xanga - how are you 'better' for it? Stronger in your belief in God or better than everyone else who was told about Santa?
@scarletchord@xanga - "Christmas spirit" is not silly, even a christian could celebrate with "Christmas spirit." You want to believe in only one kind of spirit that impregnated a virgin but deny anyone who thinks differently and label them as silly? I agree most people are selfish about it, but if you open your eyes more and radiate the Christmas spirit and joy, it's contagious, even the Grinch would smile...
A link with more info.
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=23
@vashts6583@xanga - I like your idea. From dh's background, we actually had the gifts out before Christmas and therefore avoided the sudden appearance of them mystery. It actually was better that way. As I said, we focused on the Christmas as Christ's birth not the red figured man who was made up in the 1800's in our country more as a secular marketing ploy then a reminder of a man doing good and the true St. Nicholas.
@praisegalall4Him@xanga - Saving the poor, helping children, protecting the innocent? Sounds a lot like Jesus. Why is it not the actions people celebrate instead of all the technical stuff... Not you specifically, but in general
We are not going to do the Santa thing with my 4-year-old. we are simply going to tell her that mom and dad correlates to what others term "Santa, " but I am not sure how we are going to get around the "letters to santa" thing they do in school each year. I don't want her to not have fun, but I have to answer to God on the whole "lying" aspect of Santa. We will just have to find a way to make up the "letters to santa" issue, :)
My mom never told us that Santa existed and I don't feel that we missed out on anything. Sure, the whole fairytale that a man gives out presents is nice, but very unrealistic...and yes, you're basically lying to your children! I think it's more important to teach about God and his word.
@IHearTheOcean@xanga - "I believe in God, but to take away a child's belief in anything is cruel."
That belief will be taken away from anyway once they grow older and realize that there isn't a man who gives away free presents. That, instead, it's really just the parents.
More emphasis should be put on God, rather than a fairytale that everyone knows is not true. It's kind of like false idolizing a figure, AKA: Santa.
oh and uh...just a question...are you going to tell your kids about the tooth fairy too???
@IHearTheOcean@xanga - I say it's silly because it virtually doesn't exist. I find that the people that are selfish usually, are STILL selfish during the Christmas season and the same can be said for the opposite.
And you say taking away a child's belief in anything is cruel. But the point here is not to take away a child's belief, but instead never mislead them in the first place. Parents that lie about Santa are setting their children up to be disappointed. That's cruel.
You also said that a parent teaching their child about God is bribery. Maybe if the parent didn't believe in God and taught their children this in order to scare them into good behavior, that would be case. But teaching your children about God is not bribery if you believe that it's true! Any good parent knows that you need to teach your children what is right and wrong, what is true and what is false.
Also, I had many a Christmas believing in Santa, and it didn't make Christmas any more exciting than if it would've just been family getting together to celebrate without Santa. I have no problem with parents telling their children the REAL story of St. Nick but to mislead them into believing in some magical man just to make the season more "exciting" is wrong, IMO. You don't have to agree with that, but I'm a firm believer in not lying to people for the fun of it.
My parents always told me the truth that Santa doesn't exist and saved me from the shock of finding out later on. I think it's important for children to know that their parents won't lie or put up a charade. This is especially true for Christian parents. Children will start thinking that if their parents lied about Santa Claus and the tooth fairy then maybe the invisible God is not real either.
@happylily2@xanga - totally agree. We should keep Christmas as Christ's birthday celebration, and let our gift giving be done in such a way not to deter our thoughts/traditions away from that fact.
I disagree. If you want to get all technical about it, yes, Santa Claus is a "lie." That to me is just so unnecessarily technical. Being a kid is about cultivating imagination and being in awe of things that a lot of adults in this world are too cynical to think about now. Don't take that away from the kid. You can have fun with your kids and still be a Christian. What I don't like is when people take the "fun" away from being a Christian and make Christianity into a somber thing. That, to me, borders on legalism. If you're going to crack down on lying, crack down on lying about things that really matter, not on little things like this that would only add happy memories to a kid's childhood.
I just don't think you need to be so serious about it. I'm really thankful that my dad taught me about Santa Claus, because now that I look back, I realize that's just another way my dad showed me love. He was affectionate and fun enough to tell me stories about Santa Claus and play along with my questions, and I'm proud to tell my friends that my dad did that for me. If your parent never told you about Santa Claus, yeah, you're not going to turn out all messed up, but it's the same the other way. No one's going to get messed up for having once believed in Santa. I would say lighten up a little bit. There are a lot of things in this world other than Santa that we could use our energy towards correcting.
I was never taugh about Santa when I was younger and I don't think I missed out on anything. We still go to watch the Santa Claus movies and read the books, but we knew it wasn't real. I think that we need to remember what the true meaning of Christmas it isn't about Santa Claus, it is about Jesus. I think the story of a baby born in a manger has just as much wonder and excitement as the story of Santa. Christmas gifts were a way of reflecting God's gift to us and not Santa giving us gifts because we were good.
Our children get love gifts from us two days a year.... their birthdays and Christmas.
They have ALWAYS known it is mum and dad who buy their gifts and that it is dad who works hard all year round to be able to afford them.
They do not get things throughout the year unless;
a. The save for them.
b. They are on a needs basis.
These gifts... like our love for them is unearned and unmerited favour... grace. Gifts they don't deserve (in terms of goodness- because we have all fallen short of the glory of God), but get because we love them JUST as they are!
We don't do Santa either......
For all the reasons you mentioned.
Great post.
x
I was bothered when I couldn't get my father to tell me if Santa was real or not, cause I knew he ALWAYS could be trusted. Finally, he admitted the truth when I was 7 and had to confirm that information after a convincing friend was telling me differently. It was the beginning of my mistrust of information from adults, to be sure.
I already gave a lengthy comment in an earlier post, so I will be brief here. I didn't teach my kids the Santa lie, but we did allow the pretend game as this poster mentioned, for their friend's sakes if nothing else.
We had the tooth fairy game where they had to catch someone taking their tooth for a double prize (both sons got to catch Dad just once), or the next day they could guess who did it and what goofy thing we wore when we did it. It was fun for all of us!
No Easter bunny, but lots of devotions talking about new life, and what it costs, and meant.
@IHearTheOcean@xanga - you only come off confused about who God really is in your comment (I run ducking from the tomatoes she tosses at me for not liking her rant).
American's spend 450 BILLION on Christmas every year......
It would take 10 BILLION to deal with the world's water crisis.
The Advent Conspiracy
Let's see Santa fix that one.
@IHearTheOcean@xanga - wow...well put.
I'm sorry but I just don't understand the Christians that say that it is okay to lie to your children about Santa, :( This is part of the problem..We want to fit God into our lifestyles, not us into God's lifestyle. A lie is a lie. God does NOT say, "You can lie ONLY if (insert the particular situation here). God said if we love Him, we would take up our cross and follow Him, not He would take up His cross and follow us!
And besides, someone said it best on a post the other day regarding the Santa Claus issue. If you lie to your children and they find out there is no Santa Claus, which it's a given they will, how on earth do you expect them to believe you when you tell them there is a God?
To me, there is never a good time to lie to your children. I have found out that you NEVER do WRONG by doing the RIGHT thing. God has proved that to me time and time again, :)
When I was little, I lived in an apartment that lacked anything remotely resembling a chimney. My parents decided not to even try fending off the questions of "how can Santa get in without a chimney" - they jokingly said "well he puts them at grandpa and grandma's house for you", but it was always from the very beginning a make-believe game, and my brother and I knew it.