Guest post by cool dadOur old church had a few leaders resign due to various errors in judgment. The congregation was usually asked not to inquire about what happened and to "respect the privacy of the family."
I believe in respecting the privacy of the family. And I dislike gossiping, especially when it concerns believers who have fallen. However, I don't feel comfortable being told not to ask what happened. It feels like a message that it's none of my business.
If the body of Christ is a family, then the family's struggles are a little of my business. Obviously, that doesn't mean that I should be allowed to know everyone's secret shames.
However, I feel like it's a little different when it's someone in leadership. When it's a person that I and the congregation have been supporting with tithes and prayer.
When it's someone that I've entrusted the spiritual guidance of my family with. If my son's youth pastor suddenly resigned due to some impropriety, I would very much want to know
something about the situation.
I'm not saying that a leader's sins should be featured on the front page of the bulletin. But I don't see the harm in at least letting the congregation know what the struggle is, and how they can pray. Also, I think that the most effective weapon against gossip is the truth.
I'm not upset about how things were handled at the church. They were very loving in how they dealt with the situations. It just stuck with me that I felt like it was none of my business. I believe that truth and openness are greater than imposed silence.
Do churchgoers have any right to know about a church leader's scandal?
Comments (72)
is this a, Catholic church?
@heycrystal2052@xanga - Why do you ask that? For one, the sentence "respect the privacy of the family" would be a pretty good indicator that it is not a Catholic Church, since priests and bishops do not marry or have children. Not to mention the fact that Revelife rarely, if at all, has posts related to the Catholic Church. But in the end, I will assume this was some smarmy, disgusting, bigoted reference to the issues regarding some Catholic priests in the past.
How about next time I hear about a pastor turning out gay and having sex with guys, I assume it is a Protestant church because after all Ted Haggard is a Protestant.
I have had some church leaders removed from their positions, and if you were someone who was a friend to that person, or involved with the activity of that persons' office, you usually did find out what the problem was. You might even know how to keep in touch with them as they work out the problem, or even help them walk through the process that they needed the time away from their position to go through.
Anyone else doesn't need to know, because that WILL bring in gossip and potentially injure the weaker members who follow or rely on personalities more than they are able to do on their own relationship with God.
If you weren't involved with that person on your prayer list in a personal way, then there is no need for you to know more or any real reason other than curiosity.
However, if it really seems an issue to you, you can always go to an elder, and see if they want to have you come to a board meeting. There you can formally ask if they will confidentially inform you of the reasons. Then it could be noted in the meeting minutes that you had agreed to keep the information confidential and they'd know you are agreeing to be accountable for the information.
Kindness is the usual reason for the discretion, not deception or even obfuscation. Ultimately, the question is: do you trust your elders?
But I don't see the harm in at least letting the congregation
know what the struggle is, and how they can pray.
I'd like to point out that a lot of people don't give God enough credit if they think they have to know what the specific issue is in order to pray for someone. That's simply not true. You can pray for someone without knowing a single thing about them and have it be just as effective as if you knew everything about them. So as such, if the family doesn't want what is going on to be shared, it should be respected - even if they are in positions of leadership. If the issue is something that actually has anything to do with what they lead, then it is up to them to address that to their following. If they've resigned, there is no right of the followers to know what it is. If they are still in leadership, then yes, I'd say the followers have a right to know if a leader has messed up, but ONLY if it actually affects the follower's walk somehow. This is why we should be very careful who we choose as our leaders.
Let me tell a story to illustrate this point. I had to leave my husband for my own well being. But I still very much love my husband and see him as my husband, even though we will be divorcing. He claims he feels the same about me. We just can't live together. But unfortunately everyone assumes our divorce is the typical divorce and that we are bitter towards one another and all of that. It is nothing like that. We are very amicable and loving toward one another. So I really hate it when people assume we are one way when we aren't.
I have someone who I used to call a friend who has always been insanely jealous of my relationship with my husband for the 12 years that he and I have been together. She is the type of person that likes to be smug and gloat. So naturally, she was the one person in the world that I didn't want to find out about me and my husband splitting up, especially since she doesn't know why.
She happens to go to the same church as my brother-in-law. Apparently, my brother in law felt the need to tell the entire church me and my husband's names, along with the reason we needed prayer, that there was a divorce pending. So guess what happened? You got it. I received an email from said ex friend smug and gloating about it.
I felt that my brother-in-law violated my privacy. It was not right of him to share that information with his church, nor was it necessary! He could have simply mentioned my husband and I and left it at that, and anyone that prayed for us would have the same effectiveness as if they did know what was going on. For example, if I have a friend that is a good person but addicted to drugs, I can request prayer for my friend, plain and simple. I don't have to say that he's addicted to drugs. It is just as effective either way. Thanks to my brother in law being unable to keep his mouth shut and respect our privacy, an already very difficult time in my life was made much, much worse, at the worst possible time it could have happened. I didn't need that, not for the sake of "prayer requests".
I think churches and Christians in general today have developed a very, very sorry trend of using so-called "prayer requests" as a secret, underhanded way to gossip without being called on gossiping. Prayer and concern are being used to gain information, not just for being prayer and concern. And it needs to stop. You DON'T need to know how to pray or what to pray for, just that you are praying is enough. So no, unless your spiritual walk is in immediate danger of being led the wrong way, there is no reason whatsoever for you to know what happened. Like I said, if they hadn't resigned, there would be, but since they didn't, there isn't.
There's a difference between being concerned and just being nosy. And when you try to mask being nosy and pass it off as being concerned, it's even worse.
@scramBledmegZntoasT@xanga - calm down! lol ..assuming doesn't look pretty when worn.
@heycrystal2052@xanga - Well, then, explain why you asked. I didn't see an answer to my question, what I saw was a flippant response. Wasn't the entire basis of your question an assumption? If you were not making an assumption, why wouldn't you say "what denomination was this?" or "what kind of church". But that wasn't your intent, was it?
dear,
i don't feel the need to explain myself to you, nor will i ever. i asked a question..and that was that..
be well, and have a wonderful evening!
@heycrystal2052@xanga - OK, then I will continue to assume that you are an anti-Catholic bigot, which you obviously are because you can't justify yourself. And don't give me your condescending, little fake have a good evening. I believe in being honest with bigots...Go F yourself.
what if it involves the touching of one of the church's members?
" Do churchgoers have any right to know about a church leader's scandal ? "
I think if he's the leader of the church, yes..we as his congregation have the right to know..but, with that being said..i would be on the fence with this issue. just as with anyone, i think privacy should be respected..unfortunately, for certain position's in the church, the more private the issue....will lead to more question's being asked.
@scramBledmegZntoasT@xanga - lol..you're commenting on a Christian blog..and your response is.." Go F yourself "
wow. how intelligent you are. you are the perfect example of why i pick and choose my battles.
thank you, for being that amazing example for all to see!
again, have a great evening!
@heycrystal2052@xanga - I knew that would be your response!!!! You are so predictable. OOOOHHHHHHH *Covers Mouth* And On a CHRISTIAN Blog!!!! You couldn't come up with anything better than that tired, regurgitated, garbage?
For someone who can't write a comprehensible sentence, use grammar or punctuation--not to mention capitalization--to save her own life, you shouldn't be commenting on people's intelligence.
So again, little bigoted person, what's your point?
@heycrystal2052@xanga - You keep acting like you are above this, but you keep commenting with your little passive-aggressive, fake happiness. Not to mention the fact that you don't click reply like a coward, so you think I might not know you replied. Just admit that you're a bigot and I will leave you alone.
@scramBledmegZntoasT@xanga - dear, i will not admit to something that is not true..and, honey..there is no need for me to fake happiness. lol..and i must add, thank's for adding to my happiness, with your little comment's.
happy evening!
@heycrystal2052@xanga -
I think @scramBledmegZntoasT@xanga makes a fair point and you should stand behind why you assumed its the Catholic Church. Only reason I can see that you dont want to share your reasoning, is that it would expose you as bigoted and uninformed.
@heycrystal2052@xanga - Of course, it's true. Now you have proven you are a liar in addition to being a bigot and a coward.
wow.  we should be acting a little more loving and christ-like on this blog! okay: back to the question at hand~  the congregation has a right to know.  my former pastor is NOT a good guy and the elders only told us a little when he resigned.  this was to be merciful towards my former pastor but it ended up leading to a LOT of confusion, gossip, etc.  I think it would have been better to tell us all the gory details of the many many sins that led to his resignation so that we would have been better able to comprehend what had happened.  It would have been really icky but the months and months of recovery might have been shortened that way.
@rachel_moments@xanga -
i understand where you are coming from. i just chose to not answer her,
due to the lack of maturity when asking me to state my position.
someone read the post with me..and assumed he belonged to a Catholic
Church. they believe there are a lot of secret's in the Catholic
Church. i do not share that same opinion.
@BohemianLamb - AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!! God knows the situation, what time it is. Besides, once everyone wants to start knowing, the gossip line starts. Don't get me wrong I believe in consequences for our actions, but not everyone needs to know!
@heycrystal2052@xanga - I am right here, stupid. You replied to me. Lack of maturity? I asked you why you asked. Your explanation now is obviously an attempt to cover yourself. Too late. You have revealed yourself for who you are.
@scramBledmegZntoasT@xanga - lol..i can only guess your age.
oh well, have at it..and continue to enjoy leaving your wonderful comment's...and, as i stated before. i didn't feel the need to answer your question. you need to first learn how to speak to people..
be well, and i really wish you luck with learning how to channel your negative energy.
@heycrystal2052@xanga - OK, I will do that. As if I cared about the opinion of a bigot with an IQ of about 20.
@heycrystal2052@xanga - Crystal, I'm not trying to get into your business, but I can see where scram found that comment offensive. I am assuming that that is you in your profile pic. Just try for a moment to think if someone had said regarding this post, say it was a person involved not a church, "Is this a, black person?" Would you have not been offended?
As I said, I mean no harm, but quite frankly if you had said "Is it a, Baptist church?, that would have offended me. This is what gives Christians and denominations a bad name...people stereotyping. And I would think, if you are a black girl, you, of all people,because of the struggles you as a black young lady have had to overcome regarding racial barriers, could understand how offensive that was, :)