Sunday, 23 November 2008
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Repulsed By The State of Marriage And The Acceptance of Extramarital Affairs
I was watching a talk show and the topic was a web site that allows people to have and provides for affairs. I'm truly disgusted by it as I despise cheating in any shape, way, or form. I had to stop watching because I was so repulsed by what our society has come to. A guest on the show claimed to have slept with over 150 men in a 6 month time span. She began using the web site when she and her husband, after having a child, quit sleeping together. All that she was saying was, "Me, me, me. What I want, what I need, everything is about me."Everything she said was about her and how she was dissatisfied because the attention wasn't on her after she had her child. She said she felt that the website allowed her to feel liberated. I wonder, though, if she even took the time to think about her husband and how he could possibly have been going through something to get to that point in his marriage.
Anyway, this web site allows people like them to find others who are looking for extramarital affairs as well. The creator of the web site was on this talk show and stated that the website does not condone adultery; that if someone is coming to the website, he/she has already decided to cheat and his website was just a means to do so.
How could the creator of the website not feel at fault in some way for aiding in the dissolution of marriages across the country?
We need to wake up and hear God's call: marriage is not a means to gratify our wants and needs. It was not created to satisfy ourselves, to feel loved, or to feel close with someone. God has already provided that everlasting loving relationship with us. Marriage is a promise to us that God will never leave or forsake us. I can only hope and pray that we wake up as a nation and realize that marriage is more precious than what we've turned it into.How do you feel about the state of marriage in our society?
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Comments (68)
It seems to me that marriage, inside and outside the church, is now a total joke. Marriage is no longer a lifetime commitment. Divorce seems to be an option for everyone, regardless of the reasons. No one wants to actually 'work' on their marriage.
Marriage in the world is a total mess, but I'm far more concerned with the fact that marriage among Christians is a complete and total mess.
Good post. I agree with almost everything you said, except the idea that marriage is not meant to be a means to feel close with someone. I believe God wants to meet our deepest needs, but that He also intends marriage to help us feel close with another human being.
I agree with you that many people seem to think marriage is about gratifying their own desires, when in reality it's about loving selflessly. Thanks for the post.
Just like that website that helped people commit suicide. They made the same argument. Admittedly I don't know the name of that website and I may very well be confusing reality with an episode of CSI or Law and Order or something but still. Anyway, yes, adultery is pretty much the acceptable mortal sin, noone even cares anymore. Its like drunk driving, since the majority of adults seem to have done it they don't care so much to be too hard on it.
Actually, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Gen 1:27)"
Matrimony joins the man and woman into one flesh. There is a completeness there. The completeness is very physical, emotional and spiritual.
Matrimony is a Sacrament and so, satisfies our deepest need for grace and the Holy Spirit. If more people knew about the true nature of matrimony it would be seen in an entirely different light.
As I adjust to life in the "real world" out of a total Catholic upbringing, I'm learning more and more about how insane some of the world actually is. Someone worried because they might be pregnant with so-and-so's baby because he didn't use a condom while they were together during her break from her live-in boyfriend because after her second divorce she just wasn't ready for the commitment with someone else just yet... But we folk who save things for marriage or crazy stuff like that, geez, what world do we live in where that insanity works? Depriving ourselves of all that fun we could be having... I'm starting to come to the conclusion that, while I probably won't be able to change many (or any) minds about marriage and lifestyles, the crazy world out there can't make me join it. I'm going to stick to what I know is right, at least.
This is where I'm accepting of homosexual marriage, because marriage doesn't seem to be an institution of the church for most people anymore. Give them the legal rights, too. But maybe we should call legal "marriage" something else and keep the true meaning in the church.
Good Post. It makes me sad, these websites. It's also a bit scary on how easy it is to cheat and get away with it. Our society I believe is going downhill. The view of marriage being sacred, doesn't seem so sacred anymore. :/
God will not leave us or forsake us whether we are married or single. Marriage IS to gratify the sexual needs of men and women. It is for the comfort of those joined and in that comfort we can see God and His mercy clearly and actively. Next to child rearing, it's the the most life changing thing I've ever done.
As for the woman, someone who is so greedy and abuses the vows in search of such baser self gratification has probably always been like this. She's just found a new way to fool herself into thinking she's filling the gaping hole in her soul. If she'll do this to the father of her child, what sacrifices is she willing to make her child endure?
The guy who runs the website is vile and pathetic. His conscience is seared and he's able to make money no matter how harmful his business. One night he'll start having trouble sleeping. Maybe then he'll start considering the harm he's done. Probably not, just up the Ambian scrip.
Some parts of the Church have made marriage a joke by administering the vows to those they know are not in fellowship. It's more important to make nice with families that have been members for generations rather than refuse to marry those not serious about submitting to the authority of scriptures. considering some churches allow people living together to minister, it may be in the future that adultery is accepted. Maybe with mutual consent ...
Divorces in the church usually happen in those who are not actively practicing. The Bible isn't a rabbit's foot. It only works well when you crack it open, read it, and act on what you read.
God has made promises to His children and entered into a covenant with them. The covenants or contracts that we commit to are to be patterned after the ones that God has made... He does not change His mind about keeping His end of the bargain and neither should we.
When we are joined in marriage, it is much more than a civil ceremony. Actually, every business contract and every promise should be so important to us that we would never enter into it at all unless we were sure that we would never violate it. I know this sounds like sinless perfection because none of us can match God's faithfulness. But it does emphasize the solemnity of our promises and the fact that others should be able to count on us to fulfill them.
I totally agree with the above comments by others who are outraged by the cavalier attitude of the world today and the emphasis on me, me, me!
How could the creator of the website not feel at fault in some way for aiding in the dissolution of marriages across the country?
I ask myself that very same question about people who sell drugs, liquor, porn, etc. to people, especially to the young adults of our country (who are just beginning to learn about life and experience), like someone in a bar seeing someone has had too much to drink already and giving them more and then watching them go out the door onto the highway knowing there's a great risk for a wreck, even death. Don't get me wrong here. There are times I too was foolish and irresponsible, but with age, I've wisened up, :) BUT, in essence we are all responsible for our own actions..that is the ultimate fact of the matter. But I know what you mean...All I know is I couldn't sleep at night if I had a part in that. I try to live by "To thine own heart be true!" and I want to be able to face myself in the mirror each day.
But just like with most things, $$$ is the basis for such entities, to make a profit, and even if the lady didn't look on that site, she probably would have went elsewhere to do the same thing. IF people make up their minds to do something, nothing usually stops them.
Aren't the North American nations just in a terrible mess? If it wasn't so terrible and lamentable, it would be laughable (although I have to admit to chuckling when I read " The creator of the web site was on this talk show and stated that the website does not condone adultery; that if someone is coming to the website, he/she has already decided to cheat and his website was just a means to do so. ")
Bah! He/she is TOTALLY condoning it and is in fact promoting it. Gay marriage aside, the lack of committment in marriages amongst Christians in the church is deplorable generally speaking. The posters above who have commented on the sanctity of marriage are probably in the minority about believing what marriage is all about. And yes, we are so living in a "me-centered" generation/culture. Cripes!!! That married woman of a child was seriously thinking that way? How on earth was she brought up? That's terrible. And she's breeding a generation that will be like that too.
Some people cry and lament the state of our economic situation. I cry and lament about the sad spiritual state our nations are in. I wonder what the OT prophets like JEremiah and Hosea and Amos would say to Canadians and Americans today?????????
"Come Lord Jesus, Maranatha!"
That's pretty selfish, especially since she CHOSE to get married and have a child. I just don't understand people who live like that. I could never be that kind of wife to my husband. Irregardless of any rough patches we may go through, I would never justify that as a reason to sleep with other men. That's what communication is all about, right? If you're unable to work out your problems, then keep trying...and if you're that hellbent on leaving the marriage, then do so...No point in prolonging the inevitable. Especially if you have the mindset of someone like that woman.
Unfortunately, stupid people are allowed to get married. God didn't intend for marriage to be that way, but unfortunately unGodly people decide to get married and choose not to view it as sacred. It's just something convenient to do, I guess. Many get married for security purposes. I agree with what some of the other commentors said. Marriage isn't for the selfish- me types. That's not what God intended.
We have also become very sexualized in this day in age. Instead of trying to control the sexual desires and fantasies, many feel that they need to embrace it fully. God gave us minds and we have a knowledge of right and wrong. The problem is that it's easier for some to just not care. That's where Satan comes in and deceives the mind into thinking, "This is okay...It's pleasing you, it feels good, so it's not wrong."
It's sad.
Oh my! I work at walmart and this guy came through my line last year bragging to me about how he liked curvy women. I thought he was kinda funny so I was listening to him talk. Two hours later, he comes back to my store with his wife who's kinda cute. We start talking right as I'm about to get off work. She pulls me aside and says, "You know why he wanted to come back in here don't you?" I was thinking that he had a crush on me and she was going to beat me up. Instead she says, "I'm bisexual and we have an open relationship and have threesomes all the time." She was bragging to me about how they were at some racetrack a few days ago and he had fun with some girls and she had fun with some other girls and neither of them care. They had an infant child too. I feel sorry for the kid when she gets older and has to deal with her parents bringing in different people in the house just to fool around with. Why did they get married if being with each other was not enough?
I'm 22 years old and I know I'm young. However, I just don't get how people can be so disrespectful to each other and God by cheating on each other and being okay with it. And the guy who created that website is just a sick pig. There's way too much pornography and sexual immorality in our world today, and some people just can't get enough and feel like they have to add more to the sickness. It's so repulsive.
Ironic, there's an ad on the side of my screen that says "Married and looking" Meet married women right here. www.marrieddateclub.com
what idiots.
whoa. That's intense! It makes me sad, but it's not surprising...
@Katja88@xanga - okay, so everybody in the rest of the world who is not a Christian will have to change the word to something else. That's not going to fly with billions of people. How about the Christians just change the word. I'm sure the original Hebrew word wasn't even 'marriage'. Would it be so hard to rename the ceremony? Especially since the greater of the Christian community thinks that it's okay to make the homosexuals have to change their word for marriage. Also, it's funny how I never saw the Christian community throw their hands up and make a big deal out of athiests, agnostics, and other religions getting married... if your going to be prejeduced, be equally prejeduced.
i'm not trying to attack you or anything, just bring up my point.
@no_more_grace@xanga - i completely and totally agree. marriage has become a meaningless ritual with almost no value behind it. I really can't see what the point is to it anymore
@blogrog@xanga - good for you for sticking to your ideals. but might i add, that just as many crazy things can happen within marriage than outside of it. marriage doesn't make things perfect. in my family, if marriage wasn't such a glorified thing, and they didn't get married, the problems in my life and theirs would be so much less significant. i think a lot of the time, marriage can complicate things. but honestly, good for you for not conforming to the ideals of this world but sticking to what you were raised to believe is right.
And, in my own opinion, marriage is much more then a promise.. its a covenant between the couple and God. I also find it interesting that three commenters had three different views on what God meant/intended marriage to be.
On another note though.. who are we to say who can and cannot get married? If we judge someone harshly, are we not bringing harsher judgement on ourselves? Let them get married! We don't know where the couple's heart is, only God does. I know many couples who don't call themselves christians that have awesome marriages. Should they have not gotten married because they don't go to church?
Yeah, that is definitely disturbing. It is scary what marriage has become! I dont understand why some people ever bother to get married...
originally, the concept of marriage existed to provide a safety net for a couple's children, so that they might inherit without question. in a patriarchal society, everything is inherited father-to-son. the problem was that there was no way to prove that a child belonged to a specific man. a marriage was basically a promise for the wife to only sleep with the husband, so that the parentage of any children she might have would not be in question.
nothing is sacred in and of itself... it's sacred because we make it so.
Even taking out religion and which types of people are "allowed" to get married, etc., marriage (or civil union or whatever other term is popular at any given time) is still a vow that two people make with each other. Many people in our society don't take this vow, or *any* vow, seriously. It's a huge integrity issue in western society.
Of course, maybe the woman included the 150 other guys in her original vow to her husband, but somehow I doubt it.
My wife and I married virgins 53 years ago. I have never cheated. I doubt if my wife has.
We moved 20 times in 40 years and always attended church. We saw way too many pastors, worship song leaders, deacons, elders and teachers cheating, molesting and divorcing.
There are no standards in most churches today---There are some with standards, but they are few in number.
Marriage is now almost meaningless.
I think marriage should be the most sacred relationship of all time in a couple's life
I know that there are many lifestyles out there now. I have read about some of them in the Internet and tried to see what there thinking is.
As to the couple who had a baby then slept in separate rooms needed counseling or a divorce.
There's nothing at all wrong with open marriages. If all parties know what the other is doing and agree, and so long as everyone is safe, I see no issue.
Everyone's marriage, everyone's relationship is different; it's only cheating if you're lying about it and going behind your partners back. If everything is consensual it is no one's business but the couple's.
@sweettwistedsyndromesystem@xanga - oh i know marriage doesn't make things perfect. any couple having issues out of marriage is going to have issues times ten in marriage. it's more the lifestyle differences that i see having an effect. the approach to the whole relationship from the first day on. i've been pitied as naive or sheltered or deprived by some of my friends due to my "unrealistic" views on relationships, as they freak out because they're a day late even though they used protection, or they wonder if he's just using them because he's been checking out other girls, or they want to break up but can't because they moved in together and moved down to just one car to save money, and they thought they loved each other but he snores and she leaves the toothpaste out so it just can't work out... i think jumping in too fast without actually experiencing real, developed, unconditional love is at the root of most of the crazy problems people see. getting married isn't a magic fix, as proven by the divorce courts everywhere. but, at least in my opinion, waiting until marriage for a lot of things, putting the focus on true deep love, and all that, really does make a difference.