Thursday, 06 November 2008
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Confessions of a Soon-To-Be Military Wife
Guest post submitted by angelbaby12487
For a long time I have had it on my heart to write to people about the military and military families. I have heard many military families wish that civilians understood better what military life is and what military families and personnel go through.
Before my fiancé went into the Air Force I knew nothing about the military. I didn’t know about the life, the war, the hardships and trials. I didn’t even want to think about it. It was just something I had sort of blocked out my mind. When he joined the Air Force and became a military man, it became something I had to face and think about. When coming to terms with his decision, I decided that I was going to do everything I could to learn about the Air Force and the military in general. I read books and articles, talked to mothers with sons in the military, talked to military wives, and girlfriends. I found that there was a whole different sort of life that others may not know of or even think about on a daily basis.
Do you know what is like for a mother to goodbye to her son again as he goes off into one of the most dangerous parts of Iraq? Do you know of the sleepless nights, the tears, and the many prayers? She carries her phone with her everywhere never knowing when he will call, and how long she will be able to talk with him, and not knowing when she will hear from him again.
What about the little girl who never sees her daddy because he has been gone for over a year in Iraq? She refuses to talk with him when he calls because she thinks it’s just too sad and she misses him so much. The pictures she draws for him and the little letters she writes break his heart. He has only been there for a few months of her whole life, because of his job.
Then there is the military wife. She waits for phone calls, and writes him letters twice a day. She never knows if she will hear from her husband tomorrow or maybe not for two months. The lonely nights, the saddened days, and the waiting, it all comes with the job. Learning to do everything for herself because he is not there to help her. She gets calls at 4 AM because in Iraq it is the middle of the day and it is the only time he has to call.
These people need our prayers, they need to know we support them, love them, and are always there for them. You may think it’s not your job to understand, but it is everyone’s responsibility to know and to acknowledge. People are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan for your freedom and just because you may not hear about it every day does not mean it does not happen. These people need you to understand their lives and their jobs and support them.. There are little things that people all over the world are doing to help support the military families and soldiers that need our support. What will you do to help? Harsh? No, that's reality. It’s something people don’t realize and don’t stop to think about. I never did. Will you?So my question to you is, what are you doing to help? As Christians would should we be doing to help?
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Comments (36)
This is very true. My ex-husband is in the Army. The military is a hard life for anyone with close attachments to a service member. It frustrates me to hear people bash soldiers for going to Iraq.....It's their job! I live in WA where there have been many protests due to equipment coming in and out of the ports here.
The best thing to do is to pray for these families and for the soldiers. If you know someone whose spouse, son, daughter, mother, father, etc. has been deployed to anywhere (not all deployments are to a war zone), support them in any way they are comfortable with. Don't try to avoid what's going on, but don't act like you know exactly what they're going through. Be a friend.
God bless all the military families!
I am a member (and past Senior Vice President) of our local VFW auxiliary. I have a lot of friends who have family who have enlisted to serve in our armed forces, and a lot of friends who have previously served in this nation's honor. No matter what our armed forces are dealing with, whether dealing with the results of formerly serving or serving now, we are there for their support. We pray for them, we support them and their families, and it doesn't make a difference where they are (or were) serving. They deserve our support and our prayers. These people are our family, and these troops are responsible for allowing us the freedom to live our lives and worship as we believe. They need everything we can give them, no matter what the circumstances.
What a beautiful post. This definitely needed to be written. My father was in the Navy and I remember crying myself to sleep so many nights because I missed him so much.
Soldiers everywhere always have my heartfelt prayers and thanks. I may not support war, but I do support our brave men and women.
Beautifully written, future-fellow-military-spouse!
My sister is a military wife. Her husband has missed almost the whole first year of their son's life. You might be encouraged reading her blog.
@gabrielpeter@xanga - Wow that is so funny that you gave me that link! I actually just posted on one of her entrys yesterday!
Thank you for writing this. I've been an Army wife for over 3 years and my husband is getting ready to deploy for the 3rd time to Iraq. Another year spent apart from each other. It's a tough life but I know we can get through this.
@angelbaby12487@xanga - No way! That's awesome! Praying for you guys.
I respect military families. It certainly isn't an easy life (although it is one that is chosen - at least by the adults involved) and I think it's important to attempt to understand the lives and viewpoints of everyone we come in contact with on a regular basis.
However, in the past I've felt like some lord it over us like we're in some great debt to them. People who are in Iraq (and some of my best friends recently returned or are there now) are not fighting for my freedom (as was suggested in this blog and some of the responses). I wasn't threatened before the war started, and I won't be no matter what the outcome. So whenever I'm told that they're defending my freedom in Iraq, and therefore I'm in some sort of debt to them beyond the requirement we all have to love each other, I'm a little put off. They may be doing something good for the citizens of Iraq, but that's something entirely different. As a pacifist, I would rather die at the hands of my enemy than take their life. I do not like being told that I should thank people for doing something (killing the terrorists/enemies) that I do not want them to do on my behalf.
Again, I respect the fact that military families go through a lot, and most of the soldiers I've met are great men and women who desire justice and peace, even though we may disagree on how to go about achieving that. I just think that sometimes that military families (and everyone, for that matter) in need should seek love and support out of humility, not out of a desire to be recognized and thanked for what they must endure. I'm not saying that all, or even a majority of military families do that, it's just a reminder to check our motives.
@Theophilus166@xanga - I wasn't trying to say that you should be in debt to us because we are so great. Just trying to say that military families go through a lot of things that people may not realize or think about. Maybe not thanking the military for killing people as you say but thanking them for the sacrifices they do make such as not being able to see their families, and children. There is a song that really fits perfectly for what I am trying to say here it is:
I hear people sayin'. We Don't need this war.
I say there's some things worth fightin' for.
What about our freedom, and this piece of ground?
We didn't get to keep 'em by backin' down.
They say we don't realize the mess we're gettin' in
Before you start preachin' let me ask you this my friend.
Chorus
Have you forgotten, how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten, when those towers fell
We had neighbors still inside goin through a livin hell
And you say we shouldn't worry bout Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?
You took all the footage off my T.V.
Said it's too disturbin for you and me
It'll just breed anger is what the experts say
If it was up to me I'd show it everyday
Some say this country just out lookin' for a fight
Well after 9/11 man I'd have to say right.
Chorus
Have you forgotten, how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell
We had neighbors still inside goin' through a livin' hell
And we vow to get the ones behind Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?
I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
you can bet they remember just what they're fightin' for
Have you forgotten
All the people killed
Yes some went down like heroes
In that Pennsylvania field
Have you forgotten
About our Pentagon
All the loved ones that we lost
And those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry 'bout Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?!
@gabrielpeter@xanga - Thanks so much! Your site is great by the way very interesting!
I have to second what Theophilus said above. I honor and I respect the wishes of others to do what they feel is right. But I cannot in good conscience go against what Jesus did to Peter when he was arrested. Like the saying goes, when Jesus disarmed Peter, he disarmed the Christian.
As a Christian, I mourn the sense that we have to fight, that somehow the cross is best used as a weapon. Even if evil takes me, and the darkest thing man does to me is slowly take away my corporeal body, I want to die extending the same hand of love that Jesus did until his last breath.
And as a Christian, I'll be praying for your husband's safe return and for his life to be a light wherever he is. But I can't pray for a freedom that was created and tended to by the lethal devices of fallen man. My hope lies in a heaven where these stains are washed away.
I@angelbaby12487@xanga - Well I definitely agree that we should do our best to understand and help anyone who is far from loved ones, or dealing with similar hardships.
I can't support that song, however, because I'm a pacifist. I'm not looking for a fight, I'm not looking to take the lives of anyone, even if they're trying to take mine first. I have not forgotten about 9/11, because it constantly reminds me that killing our enemies is not the way of the Cross. It wasn't for the terrorists, and it can't be for us.
I don't want to do a disservice to the blog and turn this into a conversation on pacifism. Again, I want to reiterate that I think it's important that we care for military families and support them in their difficult life circumstances.
my husband is a marine. he's leaving in march for 2 years to go to japan. two years. yes, not for war, but on the other side of the world- away from me, and his four kids. our oldest is 7, our youngest is 5 months. he will miss so much. we will have to work harder than ever to stay connected... to preserve our special relationship.
but... he's an incredible man. ready to serve his country- all of you.. and me. he's ready to say goodbye his family, knowing his only girl won't know him until she's almost 3. knowing our two yr old son might forget how he giggles at daddy chasing him down the hall.
there are major sacrifices that are made by the men/women and their families.. but the incredible thing is that they do it with willing hearts.
thanks for your post. thanks for your prayers.
Thank you for this post. My husband is career Navy, and currently serving in Afghanistan (no boats in sight there!).
There is a lot of tough times and sacrifice for every member of a military families. Since being married, my husband has been gone more than 2 years of the 4 we have been married. My 2 year old son has only spent a scant 8 months with his father. There are times when I'm not sure if I can make it another day. But the sun still rises and we still work toward the day Daddy comes home.
We may not always be willing, but we know our duty, and know God will get us through the tough times.
I am a military wife. My husband is retired Navy. We went through many trials and hardships during our time in active duty. Many people think the Navy is the "safe" branch. Not so! But that's for another blog.
Neither of us were Christians when we got married. It was during a deployment that my salvation came, and my husband's came when he got home.
As Christians, we shouldn't even have to ask what we should be doing. Prayer is the greatest tool a Christian has. We can do nothing without God - so Christians better be using Him if they want to help in any way whatsoever.
I don't believe we as military wives should be worried so much about people understanding our lives. No one can understand that unless they've been there. The main thing we should be worried about is that our family is following the Lord regardless of where any of us are on the world map. That gives a peace during trials that no amount of human understanding can.
Secondly, as a wife, our devotion after the Lord should be to our husbands. It is so difficult for wives, but we are still not the ones who are at war. We are not the ones with the dangerous and often times draining job. It's our husbands. We should be doing whatever we can to take care of and support him whereever he might be. Devoting ourselves to the Lord first will automatically fall the 2nd devotion into place.
Understanding the military, learning the branches, talking to wives and mothers and kids, that's all fine - but don't get so wrapped up in "understanding" other people that you lose focus on your own family and your own responsibility.
Above all - whether military family or not - pray.
My soon-to-be fiance is military, too.
And he's about to leave for a tour. It's something he wanted to do before we married.
My father was in the vietnam war and was imprisoned, so my mom had to raised us by herself for awhile and it's a hard life. Now, my brother joined the navy and he loves it. There's nothing we can do as a family except pray for him, support him, and wait for his calls anxiously. I am just glad that he isn't deploy to any war territories right now. Otherwise my mom will be devastated, even if she doesn't show it.
Thanks for posting this. I'm an Air Force wife - a PROUD Air Force wife! My husband is one of the very few lucky ones whose job does not deploy (yes, they do exist), so I consider myself extremely blessed in that. We have a baby girl, and while he was at BMT, I was pregnant. It was probably the hardest 3 months of my life (that's how long it was before I could finally move with him).
I think something we can do for military families is teach our children about how those brave men and women sacrifice their lives, their time as husbands and wives, and their time as mommies and daddies to protect our country. We can teach our kids to respect the flag, love our freedom and country, and thank our service men and women. We can teach our children to pray for them. And we can do that by being an example in our own lives of those very actions.
Right now with my daugher so young, I don't have much extra time to volunteer, but when she's bigger, I hope we'll get involved in something to support the troops and encourage them. Even if my husband doesn't remain enlisted, I would like to continue helping out with the USO or something.
Thanks for posting this, and good luck as a future military spouse!
@Theophilus166@xanga - Serving overseas fighting is not the only thing the military does. Thousands of reserves are sent anytime there is a natural disaster to rescue people, give out food and water, and help rebuild where devistation hits.
I have yet to meet anyone who feels that civilians owe them a big pat on the back for their heroic efforts. It's sad that I guess there are people like that, but I hope it doesn't spoil your perspective of military members and families. Each person willingly joins for their own reasons. Also, I don't feel that everyone needs to understand our lifestyle as a military family - I'm still trying to understand it myself. We have our reasons for becoming a military family, and after much prayer, we went for it. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences with other military members. It's unfortunate!
God bless!
I met my husband after he had already joined the Marines. I got to know him and I fell in love with him. He left for Iraq after we got engaged and it was the most grueling time ever. My mom tells me of the entire seven months, I was depressed and didn't do anything. I remember otherwise, maybe 'cause I want to remember otherwise. I'm not sure. I will say that I had many people criticize me and saying that military wives are too needy and that we aren't the only ones who lose loved ones. I couldn't believe how many anti-military people there were out there. I was disappointed that my husband went over there (twice) to fight for their freedom and here they were telling me to suck it up and quit whining. My husband has been out of the military for over a year now but I still have LOTS of military friends, thanks to my husband. I kind of miss the military life. I liked being able to call myself a military wife -- I felt it was a priveledge.
I have a very close friend of mine who is over in Iraq right now. He willl be home for his R&R in March and then is heading back over there. I am going to be sending him a letter over the next month or so -- he says that he has yet to receive anything 'cause he told eveyrone not to send him stuff (duh!). Wlel I am sending him something anyways. Probably like a Thanksgiving/Christmas thing.
I feel like I have rambled on! I just do everything I can to support our troops. I keep them in my thoughts! I try to send the ones I know letters to let them know there is still lots of people over here thinking of them and hoping for their safe return.
Good post. I have lots of vets in my family and in hubby's family. My son in law went to Iraq and back and my daughter who is married to him stayed stateside to serve in the National Guard here. His Dad also went to Iraq and back.
How to show support is a tricky question. I can relate to your saying that after your hubby joined the Air Force then you began to try to learn all you could about the military.
I found myself scrambling to learn when my daughter joined. It was a whole world that I had listened to stories about. I had an uncle who was killed on D-day in Europe and I grew up hearing the story and watching the struggle that resulted from his death and watching my Dad and then my father in law struggle with their memories of world war II and the Korea War but when my daughter joined it was different. It hit my heart in a different way.
Anyway one definite thing is prayer. I pray for our service men and women overseas and here at home on Sundays now when I stand for songs. I think of them standing at attention and pray for them. I mentally run down the names of the the ones I know and then hold up the ones God knows that I don't know.
I also try to thank them for serving although sometimes this doensn't feel good to service men and women. It's still a good idea. I try to thank those in the military and those who have served and I never did that before my daughter joined.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and thanks to you and your hubby for sacrificing for our country!!!
@Theophilus166@xanga - I understand! Thanks for the comments though! And God bless!
My brother just joined the Marines (actually just graduated boot camp) and I know his girlfriend is having a really hard time with him gone. They're wanting to get married in about 2 years but that's a long time to wait. Besides the girlfriend, I know my mom is having a hard time too. What they're doing is so amazing and we need to make sure we thank them in any way possible.