Thursday, 06 November 2008
-
Praise God For Singlehood (and Ex-Boyfriends!)
Guest post submitted by chix0rgirlI just realized that I haven't been emotionally single since I was 16. I say "emotionally single" because while I technically wasn't in official relationships for about 2 years of that time, there were guys I liked. It's trippy being emotionally single now, and I really like it.
I don't mean "I really like being single" like how some people say they "love their freedom" because it lets them date whomever they want and escape when they're done, or that I'm in flat-out denial of loneliness or that I'm trying to play mind-games with God to try to persuade him that I'm OK with being single so he'll throw someone in my way pronto, or that I'm a masochist who likes being alone or that I hate men. I honestly, genuinely, simply like ME and feel pretty complete even without arm candy. Before I met my first boyfriend, I had plenty of heartwhole years (but put boys on a pedestal, I guess). Since liking him, there hasn't really been a period of time in the past seven years where there wasn't someone in my life whom I liked - whether or not I'd admit it.
Having been raised to believe that dating was "irrevocably giving away parts of my heart," (i.e. sin, because it all belongs to God, right?!) I'm almost giddy to realize firsthand that that's NOT TRUE. It's pretty ironic, but I'm only "heartwhole" now because I've shared my heart with some very significant guys. I've been blessed to experience God through my relationships in ways that Christianity, my former "self-righteousness," my super-conservative religious upbringing and all those other "churchy" things never, ever, ever made me feel.
Since when did God ever want us to be stingy with our hearts, anyway? I see the point behind the analogy, but it's terrible. I'm so much happier to actually know what it's like to love someone out of something other than obligation (like with family). I'm a self-centered person, and my relationships were what it took for me to break out of myself-protective bubble and be vulnerable to hurt. And learning to suffer was what brought me to thinking about God.
I cried a lot while dating, but I also cried a lot when NOT dating... and it was a good, REAL dose of life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe I'd redo some tweaks on timing and details, but all in all, dating was an amazing, intense experience for me. I don't regret the wrongs I have done because that's what it took for me to realize they were wrong. I deeply appreciate the things that have taken place, because I would never have thought to have sought them out.
So yeah, thank you, ex-boyfriends, for unknowingly helping me see God, on top of all the other reasons why I loved you all. You mean so much to me.And thanks for being a crucial part of who I am. You'll never be "competition" for my future husband, but he will have to love and appreciate what you have done for me, just like I will for his ex-girlfriends.
What's the most important thing you learned from a relationship that didn't work out?
-
recommend
- recs 3
-
share
-
email
- sent 2
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (32)
I love this :)
:) I really enjoyed this post!!
Well the one thing that I've learned in all my experience (not much let me assure you) is love isn't about expectations being met, but rather its about the simple things. Its about giving more than you take, so theres plenty left to pass around :p
-Sam
Thank you for sharing this! I'm 25 and just starting my first relationship. We're in the beginning stages of getting to know each other and opening up more, and its been rough for me! Because, like you, I was raised to believe dating was (as you put it) "irrevocably giving away parts of my heart." So for 25 years, I've closed up my heart and guarded it so fiercely. Couldn't risk giving any parts of it to just anybody, ONLY for my husband. That was my mentality. Now, to have this godly man pursue me, you can imagine how hard it is for me to open up and let this person in. I felt like I can't love him or let him love me unless I know he's the one. But, what I'm learning through this relationship is that God has His sovereign hand on my life, and I need to keep walking with Christ in freedom and in faith. Freedom to make my own choices and faith to believe that God will guide me, either toward marriage with this man, or back to singleness (or to another godly man). I'm taking a chance on this relationship while constantly looking to God. I believe He is the ultimate protector, and restorer, of our hearts, and I can rest in that.
chix0rgirl, Praise God for what He is doing in your heart! Its so beautiful.
I loved this post :) After having gotten through some major heartache recently, this is just what I needed.
I'm super glad that you were able to fully mature into yourself as a single woman and I thank you for sharing it with us.
To answer your question, I have learned to love myself and realize that men (or anyone else - gender aside) can never complete you the way only God and you yourself can. You need to love yourself first before any other. It sounds simple... but it's so hard to fully accomplish.
Peace&love,
Brooke
I learned to value myself.. and that even though he thought I was easily disposable, there are ppl out there who thinks im pretty awesome. I learned to lean on my friends and on God.
It really blesses me to read that you are happy with just being you and walking in who christ has created you to be.
i think that the most important thing that i have learned from my past relationships is just that.. i am not ever going to be happy or fullfilled unless i first put christ first as well as learn to love who he has created me to be.. its a very hard lesson to learn but inch by inch step by step He is taking me there :)
What a beautiful way to look at your past relationships :) It's always good to thank God for everything!
It is a beautiful way of looking at your past relationships, i'll do what you do from here on. (:
nice post aswell and thanks for the post. ive been wondering about how you would see your past girlfriends/boyfriends, becasue we're still friends but just dont know what to think of them as, i gues.
cheers. (:
thats very encouraging. me and my bf are going through a very tough patch and well...break up is on the cards.
but the past week, even though things have been bad, all my friends, my parents, my brother and his gf have been super supportive. i just feel i'll be ok as long as i stick to God.
even if it means we're gonna go our separate ways, i know God will help me grow and take care of me :)
oh! how much i could say about this - but --time... ( think you may enjoy some of the links in my left margin) and hey - someone up there in the comments sparked some memory - i think there was an Amy in our shared past..
This post is quite encouraging.... after past relationships that didn't work out, I value what went well.... and needs improvement for myself. Thanks for this reminder to enjoy singlehood until the right person comes to your path.... :) kudos!
yeah, that I don't truly understand or know myself.
This was such an encouraging and refreshing post... wow. I completely agree... my ex-girlfriends have really shaped the person I am today... had I not dated them I don't know what I'd be like... GREAT post.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye? Is that where you read about the giving away of the heart? I remember reading that and what you said made so much sense! Our heart belongs to God....nobody is gonna take it away unless we give it...! Great post!
Wow. Thank you so much for posting this!!! I had no idea that I grew up with the same mentality about "giving my heart away" until about 30 seconds ago. :) Thankfully, without even realizing it, I have already gotten over that and realized that trusting God with my heart is so much more rewarding than guarding it myself. He asks us to take risks in order that we might get to know Him more deeply. Sometimes it hurts like nobody's business, but it's always worth it.
I love this. I just got out of a long term relationship and have been doing a lot of doubting and crying. I think that relationships are something to be learned from. They could be getting us ready for our future spouse. I've learned to not put so much pressure on myself and others and to just let things happen instead.
wonderful post. :]
Great post. I pray that one particular Christian friend of mine can be as content and happy as you are, single. What a huge acheivement to be able to not rely on a man, but on God.
I don't even know if I can enumerate the things I've learned from past failed relationships; everything. I learned you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. I've learned you can't rely and/or be dependent solely on one other person - that's dangerous. I've learned to compromise, to give and take out of the considerations of someone else you care about. Now that I am married to the man God gave me, I realize you don't have to always have the same thoughts/opinions on everything or have the same likes/dislikes to get along and have a strong marriage. Most importantly, from my past relationships, I've realized how blessed I am to have the husband I have now.
hmm.. what about "Above all else,
guardyourheart, for it is the wellspring of life." proverbs4:23
:) I really enjoyed this, too!
very good post.
@kangaroo5383@xanga - But what is a well if you leave it covered? We see another wellspring in scripture from Ezekiel 47:1-12.
@Joplar@xanga -
Heartfirst: well proverbs doesn't say cover, it says guard.
in Proverbs regularly refers to the center of one's inner
life and orientation to God, from which a person does all thinking,
feeling, and choosing.
another translation says:
"Keep your heart with all vigilance,for from it flow the springs of life."
second: Ezekiel 47:1-12 - when the scripture talk about water coming from temple (especially inner court) it is about God as the source of life sustaining power because inner court is where in the OT priest goes to meet God.
so Ezekiel verses you cited doesn't refute the statement from proverbs to guard your heart?
@kangaroo5383@xanga - I mentioned Ezekiel because your message implied that guarding the inner soul meant you were not allowed to share your God given love.
The temple can also be seen as the human temple. Jesus makes that analogy for us in John 2:19. And the temple can still be guarded while the waters come flowing out. That the waters may flow down to the sea doesn't mean the source, the well-spring, has been tainted.
@Joplar@xanga - John 2:19 explicitly talking about Jesus Christ himself and not us, as evidence by verse 22 that follows. So that's an invalid argument. The Ezekiel also invalid because it is flowing from "inner court" which again denote it is from God as the source not human.
still.... up to now the issue remains we are called to guard our hearts, not that we don't love others (because we are called to love God and love our neighbors with God's love) but we don't give it away lightly in non-covenant / Christ-depicting relationships