Wednesday, 05 November 2008
Guest post by Brandon_thewriter
I wanted to share some thoughts on living the single life. This post is not written as a formula for the single life, but rather as an attempt to talk about the pain of being single.I don't know about you, but I feel very short-changed when my eyes scan the Christian book section. Most of these books simply tell you to re-examine your perspective on dating or courting. But what I've noticed is that none of the books that I've read seem to get at the heart of the human experience. For me, it tends to get lonely when the seasons begin changing. It's hard to sit back and watch couples enjoy each others' company while holding hands. Now I know this may seem a bit lame for the average person that doesn't express these emotions outwardly, but as a Christian, I feel that we have to stop stuffing the little things and we must learn to talk about what hurts, like being rejected by someone you've had feelings for. The holidays are coming and it can be a very heavy-hearted time for some.
I've been single most my life. I only really ever dated one girl, which lasted a year or so. Then it ended, but all the members of the opposite sex that I've been involved with, regardless of how "nice" they're always seem to leave me on the short end of the stick. And this hurts, it really does. More than anything I want so badly just to break away from all the Christiantalk and cliche statements that really, even if they are meant well, they do nothing for someone who just longs for a good ear. Anne Lamott once said, "The best sermons I've ever heard arethe words, 'Me too.'" This quote always seems to comfort me, because the quote is about relating with one another.I don't have all the answers to relationships, or how to attract the mate of you've always wanted. I'm just as screwed up as the next person who reads this. But what I do know is that life is hard.A question that always lurks in the back of my mind is, "What's wrong with me?" It seems as though I ask this question yearly. I've heard people say that I need to be okay with being alone and that God needs to be my first love.Not that this is not true, but its gets old and cliche when their is a lack of empathy when feelings are shared. You go through the Bible looking for a passage that talks openly about living the single life, trying to find something to ease the frantic thoughts in your mind. The truth is I haven't found anything that gets at the issue.That doesn't mean that God isn't present in the pain. I am slowly learning that there is nothing wrong with me. As years progress and I grow older I'm also learning that its okay to bleed your heartout to God, because he does care. And in the times you feel alone, you don't have to act tough. The only way the pain will leave is if you stop holding on so tightly.In closing, yes, I still have the desire to meet a girl that loves me for me. It's still hard, but being single is not the end of the world. That's the hardest truth to wrap our heads around.I am a good guy! That's what every girl has told me, but has been unable to follow through with anything else. And for once, I believe that it's not my fault. There is nothing wrong with you because you've been single for so long. We are not as messedup as we think. We are sons and daughters of the most high love and we feel an unseen love.
So my question for you all is: Who is (or has) gone through the same struggle I'm experiencing now?