Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of the Children's Department in my church, called King's Kids. I started to volunteer in King's Kids in February 2008, to be a helper for teachers that are in charge of three- to four-year-old kids. But since yesterday was celebration day, all the children gathered in a hotel ballroom.
I was sitting at the registration counter, feeling rather flustered at the amount of things to do because there was a sudden influx of little adults, when I saw a boy of about seven to eight years of age. He had that look of a child with Down's Syndrome, and my heart immediately went out to him.
His behaviours, however, were not very out of the ordinary, though he could not converse very well with another lady who was sitting at the counter with me. With him was a church member I knew, Ms. R, and she guided him to do what needed to be done. Later, his mom came, and I was unexplainably glad that her love for her son was obvious - through her gentle look when she smiled at him, her hand on his shoulder, her soft voice, though she had a rather serious countenance. I later found out that they are visitors to the church.
About 15 minutes later, I saw a dark-skinned boy of about 10 to 11 years of age, who looked perfectly normal, until he started to move around and talk. He was brought in by Ms. R too, and I saw that he had trouble focusing - when Ms. R and his mom, a Chinese lady, asked him to look straight ahead, his head would swivel left and right, as if his point of focus was out-of-whack. Then when Ms. R asked him to go to the hall where the party is being held, he refused, and then ran directly to his mom who was sitting at the counter and writing something. He sat next to her, making rather queer noises. Ms. R told us teachers and helpers that he is autistic. My heart also went out to him, breaking a little to see a precious boy like him suffering like that.
Coming home after the celebrations, exhausted after taking care of rowdy but adorable little ones, I couldn't help but think about the abortion issue that is being debated on Xanga these days. I am not going to start a debate because there are too many already, but I wanted to write this post because the two things are connected.
I cannot even begin to imagine, correctly, the difficulties and stress that the parents of both those boys must have gone through, and must be going through. I will not be doing them justice by passing off a simplistic "judgment", saying that "oh, it must be hard for them", because even though it IS, how would I know for sure? How would I know how truly difficult it is to bring up an autistic child or a child with Down's Syndrome, unless I myself (God forbid) go through it in the future?
And then I thought, but what if those parents had aborted the two boys? What if they had known earlier that those kids will be with Down's Syndrome, or be autistic? Wouldn't it be easier for them if they had gone through abortions? They would not be saddled by kids who need all their care and attention, for without them, the kids would suffer. They would not have to go through the agonies and frustrations that I know they must endure (though to what extent, I do not know).
This is such a tough issue, I think. But for the parents, and God bless them, they did NOT go through with the abortions, but chose to bring up and raise up those boys. As far as I could see, both the kids were not suffering from malnutrition, abuse, or neglect. Even though one had Down's Syndrome and the other, autism, they did not behave badly. I am willing to bet that many times they ARE naughty and mischievous, stubborn and overly playful. But the thing is, their parents still love them. They still had chosen to go through the worse hardships of a parent with kids like that - worse because I doubt it's easier than the hardships of a parent with normal children.
All I can say is, may God bring abundant blessings to the parents of the two boys I mentioned earlier, as well as to the kids themselves. And please, excuse me while I shed a few tears, thinking about them.
Comments (29)
i love your blog. i work with autistic children, and it is SUCH a blessing to be with them! they're so amazing! i love my clients because they're so silly, and have so many things going on in their heads! haha, they love to have fun, and love to try new things. man, God has never given me such a meaningful job. im totally and completely inspired by these kids. we dont need to feel sorry for any of these kids, or their parents bc they're seriously just like us. they just need a little more guidance than other children their age. ive seen such growth through the programs we teach them.. and im so proud of their efforts and willingness to work with us annoying adults! hahaha. these two kids are blessed with their unique characteristics.. and no one could ask for better. i love them so much! i just hope that people dont look at them differently..but like you said, perhaps they're just a tad bit more mischevious.. haha. ^_^ thanks for sharing your thoughts. ^_^
The school I worked at had a number of autistic children. I can't believe how many different types of autism there are!
You are a kind soul. (That's what the smile meant.)
This is a really touchy subject with me but I do really feel like this blog is really good and lots of people should take the time to read it. I myself have a brother with autism and he's also blind. My mother was 18 when she had him and being so young I think if she had known that he would be that way she might not have kept him at all also considering that my "biological father" was never around and couldn't keep a job for any longer than a week if that. But even after my brother was born and she found out she could have put him up for adoption or left him somewhere that someone would find him. I'm glad she didn't because my brother gives a lot of purpose to my life even though he will never understand that.
Never in my life have I ever experienced the wonderful love that I knew working in a sheltered workshop as a supervisor. Parents, brother and sisters and our workers all were one big family with us. Thank you for such a warm memory on such a cold night.
This is a very sensitive subject and you handled it beautifully. It makes you view things differently when you look at this way.
I think the first step is to overcome the thought, "God forbid I have autistic or mentally retarded children", because God didn't forbid it for someone else.
I say this because I've gone through similar struggles myself in working with autistics and Down's Syndrome children; it's hard to not condescend them and truly treat them as equals, if not betters. At the end of the day, our true biases are revealed when we say we don't want children who are like this or like that, rather than to say that any child has a special and unique role to play in the kingdom of God.
The post is great, but whoever picked that horrible picture should be fired...lol. It's an awful Photoshop job.
I have worked with autistic kids before they are amazing, also worked with down sydrome kid too their so special, I could imagine aborting an autistic or downs children just because they are developmentally delayed doesn't mean they aren't amazing people and special. It's sad that people would even consider it. what's next like that what scares me about all genetic developement we start knowing about disease before children are born and they can be aborted and then what's next we got Hitler's ayran race all over again. Those who don't fit a perfect ideal get aborted before birth I'm not saying that will happen but I think that's where it could go if genetic screening gets in the wrong hands.
@WasaiWarrior@xanga - I could not have said that better myself, thank you.
I am the mother of a child with Down syndrome. The "s" is not capitalized. This is something I only learned a few months ago, so I like to let others know.
I can honestly say that until you are blessed with a child with special gifts, you cannot imagine how you will feel. Our daugther is the most beautiful gift that God could have ever given us and she is no different than her brothers and sisters.
More than 85% of pregnancies where Down syndrome is suspected are terminated. I find that beyond sad. My daughter has much to offer this world as do her friends that also have designer "genes" and you will hear their names in the future.
I don't say God forbid...I say Thank you, God for my beautiful angel. I wouldn't change a single thing about her.
Thank you for the post.
@WasaiWarrior@xanga - Amen to that. God did not forbid that I be "saddled" (what a negative, burdensome word) with an autistic child, either. He is now 22, and I am still learning. I have two "typical" children, also, and I have to say, God designs EVERYONE differently. Autistic children certainly are all unique from one another, and they certainly have a different way, a unique perspective, of looking at the world. Yes, it is a challenge, often much more difficult and demanding than parenting a "typical" child, but on the other hand, things go both ways. My other two children are considered "gifted and talented" and it is also difficult to keep up with them and their "special needs" that can't be ignored. Every child is different, and every child is a unique blessing.
I have known several Down syndrome children, both at church and at school, where I am a music teacher, and have ALWAYS found these beautiful children to be among the most loving, most giving and most enthusiastic children around. One girl I know from church, Beth, has always been a Special Olympic swimmer, is now attending classes at a community college, and has her own business designing and making beautiful greeting cards, which she carts around to church and other places in a photo box. Yes, she will always live with her mom. Yes, she will always have Down syndrome. Can you imagine if her mother had aborted her? She is so joyful, and brings so much joy to everyone she meets. It's so sad that such a high percentage of suspected Down babies are being aborted. This world is losing some very, very special people who have so much to offer.
Beautiful post! All children are special - and God has a purpose for each one - whether they have Down syndrome, autism, ADHD, Trisomy 18 or 13, dyslexia, spina bifida, cerebral palsy, ..............whatever - God makes absolutely no mistakes. I agree with @edpinkgurl@xanga that there is a danger in all the genetic creations of today that we're moving to creating the perfect person devoid of all "sub-human" qualities (as Hitler called them) .........imagine all that we would (or could be in the future) be missing!
I agree. Anybody that would abort a baby because of a suspected disability is sick and has no heart. You do not kill a life because of it's disability. I have hearing, speech, learning and other disabilities, and I am grateful God gave me my life. I also think abortion is murder in any case.
You hear a lot of people say they just want a healthy child. Whatever. There are no garuntees. Each child brings joys and challenges, whether special needs or not.
@no_more_grace@xanga - I agree. What's with that kid's bowl cut? No one gets that haircut anymore.
when I first read this I thought you were going to be anti-abortion and I was getting ready for a angry rant in this comment box. But I totally agree with you, my brother was going to have severe behavioural problems however, he died through no fault of my Mother I must add.
I have 100% upmost respect for you.
You seem like a wonderful person....
I take care of my sister who has downs, (have been for the last 8 years) and my grandson is autistic, My father wanted my mom to put my sister in a place not desirable back then, she is fourty now and I can not be more prouder of her. She has won MANY medals in Special Olympics...My daughter has had her ups and downs with my grandson, but her love as with most mothers, always gives her more patience and perseverance to keep him going in the right direction. I love this post and will pass it on to my daughter I think she will like it very much.
This post is tremendous. Almost brings tears to my eyes, and only because I am 5 months pregnant with my 3rd child and my husband and I most recently received news (after an ultrasound), that our growing baby boy carrier "markers" of echogenic foci, which can be an indication of the presence of Downs Syndrome.
I wept in the elevator leaving the doc's office, back in my own office, then again on the phone with my spouse. At church we prayed for a "good report"...realizing that this could either be nothing (due to great results on our genetic screening and bloodwork), or it could be something. Then I considered what a "good report" truly meant...
Being blessed with a child is a good report, regardless of what genetic "defects" it may carry. He is still my child and God knows what I can bare. I leave it up to him. The docs may order an amnio after I get an echocardigram performed, but it doesn't matter. I will still have this child. He is very much a gift from God =)
@gwacemom@momaroo: Downs syndrome id definitely designer genes! So is Autism. Priceless ones at that.
I disagree with abortion, but I will never judge another woman for what she chooses to do. I can't. It's not my place to judge (it says so clearly in the Bible).
I grew up with an uncle that has Down syndrome. Because of him, I spent most of my childhood being exposed to all of the wonderful people in this world that have "special needs". :) I can't imagine my life without my uncle Dave or any of his friends. This was a WONDERFULLY written post and I'm glad to see it here. :)
Wonderful post. I myself have an Autistic-Spectrum Disorder: Asperger's Syndrome. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Vincent Van Gogh were all speculated to have had Autism as well. You have to take the good with the bad! By the way, I have an Autism-based Xanga blog under the name: Bman516 . Once again, wonderful post.
i just went for a walk for autism few week ago.
what you do for these kids is a wonderful thing. i recently ran a half marathon and raised money for an autism charity program. just on my charity page alone, i raised $1,050. i don't know anyone who is affected by disability, but it's just nice to help people.
@mattysong@xanga - @LAURAxLOU@xanga - @sweetandlonelyangel@xanga -
@History_Nut@xanga - @buckeyegirl31@xanga - @no_more_grace@xanga -
@edpinkgurl@xanga - @gwacemom@momaroo - @WasaiWarrior@xanga -
@musicmom60@xanga - @nicolevw@xanga - @GodsGirlCMG@xanga -
@RuthViola@xanga - @averagegirl_2009@xanga - @hardlyhandsome@xanga -
@ccdow@xanga - @mizlee23@xanga - @the_hidden_angel -
@PinkSunfireDragon@xanga - @Dr_Beck@xanga - @btric3@xanga -
@run_karatekid@xanga -
Just wanted to say thank you for responding to this post. I will be back after I wake up to respond more.
God bless you all.
It is heartening indeed to read these posts. These things have been so much in mind of late; see my last xanga entry. And truly, let he who is without sin cast the first stone; for murdering the unborn - for that is what abortion is - because they are less than perfect is a judgement and a sentence of death that we have no right to make.
Who among us is physically perfect and does not need medical care and social support at some stage?
Once in a childen's home we knew, a consultant said in front of a pretty and intelligent six year old called Tessie, who had spina bifida, that she should not have been allowed to live. His sin was great and in that position of power, he soon emptied a new purpose built school for these special children. nb Tessie had a shunt in her head and could not walk etc; she was totally accepting of the needs of her condtion.
That consultant died young, of a heart attack alone in a train compartment.
Comparisons with the nazis are valid here.
We work in India and Sri Lanka where babies are abandoned on the streets. Always girl babies; the only boy babies are the deformed ones.
Blessings from Ireland