Tuesday, 28 October 2008
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Are The Bible's Views on Sex Still Valid? I Don't Know...
This is a guest blog submitted by harmonyminusmelody.
Editor's note: This post was originally featured on Datingish.
I was brought up in the Bible belt of America, western North Carolina. So for 12 years of my life, I was taught that sex was evil and that even considering anything but abstinence and complete celibacy until your marriage night was totally out of the question.So in the past year and a half, I've been struggling with this issue. With my current girlfriend, I've experienced emotions that I was taught to restrain from. Thing is, I was never told how powerful these emotions were, and I was never taught what to do "just in case". So lately I've been pondering the question of sex more and more because, since me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. We're both virgins and talk very much in depth about getting married, and we love each other very much. So, what's the hang up?
Well, my background. I've come to be more open minded to my view of the world in the past few years when I moved away from NC and moved to VA. We're ready for sex. We both are struggling with this issue of pre-marital sex. I'm not sure anymore about what the Bible means about sex and whether or not it applies to this day and age or just to the society then.
We love each other so very much, and we're definitely planning on marriage. So my question to you all is: should we go ahead and express our love in this time-honored way, or should we stick to our old (slightly biased and terribly taught) ideals?
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Comments (188)
First off, how old are you? You said in the opening that you were taught these things for 12 years. Does that mean you are twelve years old?? If that is the case, then no, you are not ready for sex or marriage and should just stick to being a kid.
I think it is dangerous when we ask "Is the Bible view on...still valid?"
Since when is anything in the Bible no longer valid? Is the Bible view of Heaven no longer valid? I know we all say sure it is. Then why are other views or truths considered old school or out of touch with today? The Bible never changes...we do. And it is obvious that Satan never changes by what he is getting people to question. Just like he told Eve. He changed one word, added the word "not" and history tells us the rest of the story. Satan wants us to question every aspect of the Word of God so our faith is shaken and we start to indulge in sins that the Bible still clearly says is sin.
The Bible is clear on its teaching of sex before marriage. It doesn't matter what anyone says (including you or your girlfriend) - it only matters what God says.
The Bible does not change and it is never outdated. (Hebrews 13:8 says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, to day, and for ever. Jesus is God and 2 Timothy 3:16 says all scripture is given by God so that means the Bible means what it says - forever!)
God does not tempt, but provides a way out of temptation. If you have sex before you are married, you are committing a sin. Plain and simple. That is God's standards by His own words. You should never, EVER, take someone else's word for what God has to say. People teach the Bible in many different ways, and many times they are right...but sometimes they are wrong. Instead of relying on what people say - rely on what God says.
If you truly love each other as much as you say you do and you KNOW you are going to get married - why spoil the wedding night? Isn't that still supposed to be something to look forward to? The Bible also speaks of the marriage bed being undefiled - why defile yourselves before you even get to the aisle?
Follow God - not the flesh.
I will just say this. My ex and I were fully planning on getting married, and we had sex. Then we broke up...
@oeshpdog2@xanga - I think that's dangerous too. The Bible is every bit as valid today as it was when it was written.
@chiltons99@xanga - Well said.
*not sure if the guest blogger will be reading this, but I'll respond as though he could
Sex outside of marriage is sinful. For you to "express your love" before marriage would be to express it before a commitment to marriage. Just because you talk about marriage doesn't mean you're going to get married. A relationship that I got out of recently would be an example of that. Keeping this really simple: no sex til marriage.
Whatever tickles your pickle.
Well, the view that sex is evil is definitely not biblical by any stretch--sounds like you got a dose of distorted teaching. Sex was created and blessed by God (Genesis 1:28, 2:18-25), is celebrated in an entire book (Song of Solomon), and Paul even goes so far as to say that husbands and wives shouldn't "deprive" one another (1 Corinthians 7:5).
It is biblical to say that sex's proper place is within a marriage or not at all. But this isn't because sex is evil--it's because sex is sacred and delicate and beautiful and we are at our most vulnerable then.
(I think we get this image of God as this cosmic killjoy, making up arbitrary rules for no reason at all but to deprive us of fun. That isn't it at all. God's laws are set up, not to ruin our fun, but to protect us and to allow us to experience life fully. Think of the Jewish people missing out on trichinosis all those years because of the kosher laws, or missing out on the Plague because of the Levitical hygiene laws.)
It's funny: my fiancee and I are still virgins and are waiting until after our wedding. My fiancee's nonChristian coworkers, when they hear this, always tell us, "Oh, that's how it's supposed to be. It's so wonderful that you're doing that. I couldn't have done it, but it's so wonderful that you're doing that." And you know what? They're right--that's how it's supposed to be, that's how it's best. Monogamous sex, sex only within marriage, sex for the first time on the wedding night: these are the best and most fulfilling expressions of sex.
As for whether these sexual rules applied only to the Jewish culture and not to our modern-day culture... that issue came up in Acts 15. The Gentiles were first starting to become Christians, and the Jewish Christians said, "We have all these laws... do we need to make the newbies follow ALL of them? Even when they're from another culture?" In the end they settled on letting only three Jewish laws carry over to the Gentile Christians (us). The apostles wrote to the Gentiles: "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements: You
are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat
of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to
avoid these things." (Acts 15:28-29) So the sexual laws, at least, still apply, even if we're allowed to eat pork and shave our beards and wear linen/cotton blends now.
So I'd like to encourage you, as one virgin-waiting-for-sex-with-my-significant-other to another. Hang in there. Wait until after God has blessed your union. If you don't, God will still forgive you by all means, it's not the unpardonable sin... but there are blessings when we run our lives according to God's blueprint.
God bless, my friend.
I'd say..... don't do it. If you really, TRULY love each other, you will be able to respect each others' BEST long-term interests enough to wait for marriage. And I said long-term for a reason. Anything could happen.
@oeshpdog2@xanga -
"I think it is dangerous when we ask "Is the Bible view on...still valid?""
"Since when is anything in the Bible no longer valid?"
How about a multitude of Old Testament laws (levitical laws in particular)?
A humorous example of what can happen if the concept of every law written in the bible should be taken as 100% applicable in the present day- Here.
@whataboutbahb@xanga - I guess I should have made a contextual reference. But since the subject of sex before marriage is addressed in the New Testament...then yes it is still valid as all are all of the teachings within the new law. Thanks for helping me clarify.
@ChrisRusso@xanga -
Good answer from a biblical perspective.
Too bad the common christian perspective on sex is still apparently so heavily influenced by St. Augustine.
I suppose it is a touchy situation. On one hand, the bible is still valid, since you do believe in it.
On the other hand, take into consideration many things before you make your decision. Your feeling on the subject itself [YOUR FEELINGS not everyone elses], when the bible was written compared to the date today.
Ultimately its your choice, not the bible's.
If you feel you're ready for that step then discuss it with your girlfriend.
there are 3 views of sex...
Sex is god
Sex is gross
Sex is a gift
the latter should be the perspective...
the culture worships sex... it's beome a religion... which is idolatry
religious folks and traditional ideals turned sex into something gross which fundamentally unBiblical...
a balanced perspective is that sex is a gift given to us by the Creator and therefore should not be abused or neglected or taken out of the context it was originated for which is in marriage...
sex is to be and only to be in marriage... sex is like fire... keep fire in the fireplace and it warms the whole room... take the fire out of the fireplace and it consumes and destroys everything in its path...
in that light... i think that should be the thought process for all... both Christians and non-Christians alike... although the non-Christians won't really understand... and frankly many Christians don't either...
it's not about traditional thought or ideal... it's about what's Biblical and unBiblical...
...What ChrisRusso said.
Except that my girl and I are married now, and so glad we waited. It really does make it much more special.
it's a difficult question and there is no right or wrong answer.
I feel like if you feel ready then you should go for it. But make sure you are ready. I also feel like if sex goes terribly then marriage might not be the best option. (not saying that sex will be terrible, it rarely is, but you never know). of course there is value in waiting as well.
however, i do think we need to take into account that the bible was written in a different time. there were no condoms, forms of birth control, it was a lot more dangerous in many ways than sex is now.
sex should be enjoyed, whether or not you wait until marriage or take the plunge before. hope you make the best decision for the two of you
sex outside of marriage is always wrong!! and it IS possible to wait. my husband and i waited till our wedding night and i'm so glad we did. and we're by no means perfect!! there were many times that it was a struggle and we'd be tempted to cross lines that should never be crossed before marriage. but God gives grace to overcome any temptation, it's up to us to grab hold of that grace. and God's word is the same forever. if you do wait, you will find it is sooo worth it and it will be that much more of a special night. if you don't think you can wait..get married. =)
Corinthians 5 or 6 says something to the effect of having pre-marital sex is equal to denying God. You're not only sinning against God, but also the spirit of Jesus Christ that lives in you as a Christian.Â
As someone who is not a virgin, and has recommitted themselves to purity until marriage I'll say this-- don't bite that apple. You'll want as many bites as you can take. Leave the apple for the marriage bed! :) (Does that make any sense?)
(I'm 19. I'm giving you a realistic view of this. Please, save yourselves until marriage, it will be WAY BETTER!! Promise!)
@mommy2bee2009@xanga - The Bible is valid and it doesn't really matter if you don't believe in it. Truth is NOT RELATIVE, no matter what so many people believe today.
Ok... Look, where in the bible does it specifically say don't have sex before marriage? Find the verse!
Now having said that, i do think that the church should really think through sex and sexuality. Saying
To answer your question there is nothing wrong with the feelings that both of you are having.... there is nothing wrong with sex after all God created it for married couples...notice i said that God created sex to happen in the union of marriage.
How can I be self-controlled?? .....God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from ALL sexual sin. then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor- not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways ( 1 thessalonians 4:3-5)
Is the word of God still vaild??...2 timothy 3:14-17 message verson
14-17But don't let it faze you. Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers—why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk! There's nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.
Do not let Satan trick you into believing that God's word is not valid anymore. God promises, in the bible, that the world and all things in it will pass away, but His word will endure forever. His word is alive today. It was not written just for a certain time period. That would completely nullify the very sacrifice Christ paid for us. Again, do not let Satan deceive you into thinking anything else.
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow: it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12 ~ Again, it is living and active.
I know from experience what it is like to struggle with this temptation. Believe me, I know it by heart. You CAN do what is pleasing to God.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is
common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted
beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also
provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
@sugartomyhoney@xanga - On the contrary, if one does not believe in the bible, then it is not valid in their reality. The bible supports religious belief, and if one doesn't hold those beliefs, then the bible does not apply to their life.
I said the bible was valid for him. He is a Christian and holds Christian beliefs and the bible is part of that.
And to clarify, I was not encouraging him to have premarital sex, I know where it gets people. But I was encouraging him to think for himself. It doesn't make someone a bad Christian to think for themselves and make their own opinions on matters that they question.
@mommy2bee2009@xanga - That is not good advice. We should be encouraging people to seek God.
God blesses, rewards, honors, even RESPECTS us when we keep his commands.
Don't all jump on me with the legalistic thing. Yes, absolutely, we are sinners, we all fall short, and Christ came to do for us what none of us are capable of.
We still need to obey God, period. Especially when we are consciously making decisions, like whether to have premarital sex or not.