Friday, 24 October 2008
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Let's Talk about Sex...in Church
I could probably count in one hand all the times I've heard of a sermon about sex. Also noticed that, it's often a hard subject to bring up and something, when mentioned causes some shifting in chairs and eyes looking away.
But - the Bible celebrates it - to the point where it dedicates a whole book to it (Song of Songs/Solomon) - it also allows for conversation about one of the most intimate things between two people...strong enough that it warrants marriage. Remember that story of the pastor that challenged his congregation to have sex for 30 days?
So why do you think it's generally taboo to talk about sex in church and what do you wish churches did to address it?
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Comments (52)
Because sex is viewed as sinful & wrong. No one really recognizes it was the first law of the earth to "multiply and replenish the earth" (Gen. 1:28) So, since it is so Bastardized in our communities today, it is not celebrated as a God-given, sanctified Sacrifice to Bring Up HIs Children ;)
(And if kids "know about it" they'll do it & break the Lord's Law of Chastity) Thanks
I like our church's position, where we feel the need to offer a Christian perspective on the matter to middle school and high school groups. They're going to learn about it anyway, so why not give them a God-filled view of things? We teach that sex is great in the context of a married relationship and that it's something to be respected.
Sex is an important part of spirituality, imo. I think that the sexlessness is an indication of Christianity in general being spiritless. I don't think that you can have complete love in the intended way without there being a physical aspect to it, and without love, where is god?
separation of church and culture...
the church i guess do not want to overemphasize sex like the culture does... which is understandable...
but... Christians are to value sex as the gift it is... and because God is God and God is good... married Christians (because that is where sex belongs in) should have sex and often... 1 Corinthians 7 states that a husband and wife should come together often unless a time is set aside for fasting and prayer but then come together again so they can defeat satan and temptation....
MARRIED Christians should be the most sexually active...
i highly suggest everyone go to mars hill church and listen Pastor Mark Driscoll talk about it in his latest series The Peasant Princess -- an exegesis on the Song of Solomon...
@leadworshipper82 - now that is one of the best explainations I have ever heard thank yo
YES!
Let's!
@jlKauffman@xanga - i mean it's all in the Bible really... plus there's a statistical ideal that 4 out of 7 days is the average amount that a married couple comes together sexually... yet 2-3 out of those days they live separate sexual lives either through pornography or masturbation... so each person 1 day out of that average amount of time comes together 1 day out of 7 and 2 to 3 days sexually active apart from each other...
Christian couples are grouped in that stat... and that is scary...
frankly God gave us sex for fun (which means in marriage, there is quite literally no holds barred in WHAT to do sexually, "The Celebration of Sex" is a book to read about it) God gave us sex for our protection and He gave us sex for our ability to pro-create so...
Sex is meant for marriage and its okay... why churches are so scaried to talk about it? cuz they are not confident enough and some are babying christians.
nope it's not taboo, i think it's something that is being talked about more prominently than in the past which is good that the church is becoming more open about sex... it's a subject where people can find happiness as well as much pain in so it should not be ignored especially in a society starving for healing and acceptance and understanding...
Mark Driscoll at Mars Hill is currently doing a series on the Song of Solomon that's pretty good. You can get the podcast on itunes for free! He's pretty blunt, and sometimes controversial, but it's worth checking out.
i look at it this way... ppl want to talk about things in church to keep members... all the uncomfortable subjects are not... i wonder if they read the bible becuz they would be uncomfortable to read it...
i remeber challanging high school kids to read revelations, and one of the teachers told my youth pastor, but he didint have problem with it... then he went up to education pastor and he was concern and took that to main pastor and brought it up during meeting... main pastor didint have problem and he even asked the youth pastor for feed back... next sunday, that teacher was going around telling kids revelation is not importain... the educational pastor said pretty much the same thing... i guess, Jesus coming back to earth to pick up his people is not importain... geesss i guess i will be going and they would be staying
I think you have to be careful when speaking about subjects like sex in church. Yes, God invented sex, and it's a good thing, but in today's society, we've sexualized everything and made it seem like a "naughty"thing, which is why you have to be careful that you present it in the right way, especially if children are in the congregation. I do believe it should be discussed, but not everyone is comfortable with it being discussed over a pulpit.
I've noticed that sex is more freely discussed in teen/adult groups. Understandably, people are really careful about what they say around children.
Sex itself need to be taught properly and with respect.
While it's not often discussed in the Christian circle, I think it's because even sex/sex relation in the modern society is such a complex topic that religious leaders/members are simply not prepared to take that dive.
Sure, because of the homosexual as sinful/sinless controversy, the religious circles have discuss about sex/sexuality much more than before. However, I think it's also because there is such a diversity in opinions that people in general (Christians or not) would rather not touch "sex" with a 10 foot pole.
After all, young people in general... all they talk about sex is "having it" or "wanting to have it" or "shouldn't/wouldn't have it".
When was the last time anyone's taken a dive into the role of sex, the act of sex...etc. Or even MORE controversial, when was the last time the church even ADDRESSED the issue of sexual health? Since abstinence is an individual's choice, and not everyone hold strong to that at one point in life or another.
I haven't found it so much that it is taboo. Sex is talked about. It's just that maybe we are more concerned about our sex lives than we are about our spiritual lives.
If we want to be so debased that we say sex is a spiritual thing, we error. Sex is purely a physical thing. To be concerned more about the flesh than about the spirit is exactly what carnality is all about.
For those who disagree I say do an experiment. Take away all the hormons involved in the human body and you will find you will nix any sexual activity. Which proves sex is a flesh thing, not a spiritual thing. It is just the most intimate thing a man and woman can do together on a physical level. This is why it is easier for a man and woman to have sex together than to pray together.
My wife and I have been married twenty seven years. Sex is great but it doesn't keep a marriage sweet. Love does. Love is the spiritual aspect in a relationship. Sex is the physical.
Having said all that, there are many great books written by christians on sex. Every christian book store will have them. I recomend them for anyone interested in understanding sex, understanding the opposite sex, and fine tuning the act of sex.
Maybe a good book on sex would do more good for a person than an open discusion in a church setting with all the various ages to contend with.
it's entirely relevant to talk about sex in church. it seems our culture has so much to say about it, yet the church's response is either, "NO" or "..." for the sake of the generations, we have to address it in some form. I'm not sure if a sermon is the best or most effective way to accomplish this. perhaps a working through a book in youth group or using mentorship/discipleship relationships would be more appropriate in addressing the topic.Â
There are a lot of ways I could answer the "why" of this post. I'm not entirely sure, but I definitely think it is silly. I'm going to be getting married next year, and I'll be the first to admit that I (and my fiance) are both REALLY looking forward to having sex... a lot. It's not just the physical part of it, either. We're excited (haha) about the feeling of intimacy it nurtures, as well as the personal freedom we, as a married couple, would feel with each other. The bond of marriage should be exciting, and giving yourself to each other in a level of physical intimacy that is appropriate for the level of commitment should also be exciting.
Matt Chandler of the Village Church (in Dallas, I think?) did an awesome three-part sermon series on sex. Here's the link:
http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons.html
It's under "2005 Sermon Archive" and near the bottom. Be prepared- it might make you cry! It is very touching, very convicting, and VERY much worth a listen.
As a guy who helps run a church, I have always thought this is interesting. I think we do a fair job of talking about sex, but we do have two things that make it hard.
1. People bringing children in the service.
Despite our repeated pre-warnings of mature content (signs and announcements), at least one person ends up leaving their kids in the auditorium and then getting upset.
2. Many people are disappointed when we approach the subject of sex and many other controversial topics (abortion, homosexuality, etc).
We've had multiple pastors (both from our staff and from other churches) speak on sex and other topics. We are not a fundamentalist church, so it's not that we just find "the Biblical side" and hammer it. We actually try to approach the subject(s) with empathy and an open mind. But usually, the Bible either gives a direct answer to the question, or it at least gives some strong principles to live by.
I find people are usually disappointed once we give either the answer or the principles surrounding the subject. This usually goes a long way to removing the controversy, and makes the topic much less "sexy". With the excitement removed, people get bored and disappointed. On our feedback surveys, these sermons typically score the lowest- by far.
That being said, we still preach on such issues. It's necessary in our world to try and insert a Biblical worldview. And, while we use the feedback as a tool, we never let it derail the Holy Spirit's plan for our preaching.
I hope maybe it helpful to see one person's opinion from the other side of the pulpit.
-nestlenoone
@leadworshipper82 - Very good!
As a youth leader in my church, I know that we do a series with our youth once a year about Sex, Love and Dating. I have trouble with the fact that parents will not allow their kids to come during this series. Their kids are already hearing it in Sex Ed and from friends. We just want to teach them the Biblical perspective on these things. It's nothing racey, just biblical thruths and some challenges.
I wonder if it might be a good thing for us to do a series for adults as well. Then maybe they could be more comfortable talking to their kids. By everyone not talking about sex, it's becoming gravely misunderstood.
@sdj777@xanga - This is a classic example. I have seen it in Church time and time again. It can get so discouraging.
My roommate went to a church that did a whole series on sex. It was done in a tasteful but honest way. I thought that was really cool. I actually went to church with her when they talked about sex, and she'd say, "we're talking about sex in church today, wanna come?"
I went to a christian school and I hated how sex was made into something taboo, something you don't even think about until you get married (as if that's realistic). Personally, I don't want to marry someone who has never even thought about sex, or has thought that if he did, he was a terrible person. It's not like those feelings go away the minute the ring is on the finger. And how is the fear some Christians have of sex any different from mainstream culture's over-obsession with it? (someone once said Americans have a very 9-year-old view of sex. I tend to agree.) Same thing, just different reaction.
The only time sex was talked about in my church was when the pastor was telling the teens not to do it.
Maybe I'm just lucky, but the pastors in our church preach positively about sex rather often (sermons on Song of Sol. or certain portions of Proverbs seem to demand it). Of course, it may help that our particular congregation has a lot of young married couples.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - Excellent observation.