Friday, 17 October 2008

• Testimony: Abused and Condemned, Now Free

   Guest post submitted by carrieteacher

  

  I grew up going to Church. For as long as I can remember, I have known and believed there is a Creator God, a Savior Jesus, and a Counselor Holy Spirit.

  However, most of what I knew about God was kept at "head" level. I knew about God, but I didn't really "know" Him. Similar to knowing George Clooney, for example. I know of him, I can recognize him in a crowd and could list some things he has done. But I don't know him personally. We've never met face-to-face and I'd never be invited to his house for an intimate dinner.

  This is how I related to God all of my childhood. I went to Church, but any interactions with Him was done at Church and left there. The distance I experienced with Jesus dramatically increased when my father began abusing me as a young teen. I had always heard God described as my "Heavenly Father" and decided if He was anything like my earthly father, I was better off keeping Him at a distance.

  So my teen years were filled with lonliness, anger, guilt, shame and self-dependence. I had decided I was the only one I could trust.

  This all began changing during my senior year of High school. The secrets of my childhood were revealed and my father went to prison for the things he had done to me and my younger brother. It was during the trial that I began sensing that I had misjudged God. Through various circumstances, times when we were spared from more pain, I began realizing that God was protecting me and I could trust Him.

  Throughout college, God placed some wonderful people in my path. A few in particular who loved me just the way I was, warts and all. I sensed that those people were extensions of Jesus and it was He who was loving me through them.

  A couple years ago, I experienced a life change. I had already learned that God loved me – I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness (Jeremiah 31:3) and my trust of Him was growing.  But I was still hung up in the past. I had forgiven my father, something that was done through the grace of God, not in my own strength. But I hadn't yet forgiven myself. I was still full of guilt and shame over things I had done in my teens; things that I thought a Christian girl shouldn't do. It had been 5-6 years since I had done those things, but I was still feeling suffocated by the guilt.

  Then I read Romans 8:1 & 2: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

  I had read those verses before, but I kept reading it, knowing that it was essential that I understood fully what it meant. I picked up a dictionary and looked up the word "condemned."  Listed were several definitions, but it was this one that set my heart soaring "To be declared unfit for use."

  Romans 8:1 essentially says "Because you are in Christ Jesus, because you have accepted His gift of salvation and are born again, you are NOT unfit for use."

  Tears filled my eyes. "Unfit for use" that's what I thought I was because of the things I had done and things that had been done to me. God couldn't possibly use me OR want to use me.  But that's rubbish. Lies from the pit of hell. And once I understood that, the chains of guilt and shame melted off of me. With those chains off, I was able to forgive myself and start living in freedom; the way Christ wants us to live.

  Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit is, there is freedom. – 2 Corinthians 3:17

  I have come so that may have life, and have it to the full. – John 10:10

  Now I am free to love my Heavenly Father with all of my mind, body, heart and soul; no longer is He regulated to only "head level."

  What kind of condemnation has God freed you from?

  • 10:42 PM
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