by miss iris
Song of Solomon 8:4 – Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.An article I read about male/female relationships said:
I've recently observed several non-dating relationships that seem to fall into the "intimate friends" category. In every case, it is the woman who is paying the price emotionally. Why? When a guy starts investing his heart, he can do something about it by making a move. And if the girl rejects him, the friendship ends or changes significantly. A woman, however, can hang on in this kind of relationship indefinitely, hoping the guy will eventually share her feelings. She makes herself available to him as a "friend," all the while hoping the friendship will blossom into something more.
While I believe there are guys who can be friends (I've seen this in quite a few of my male friends to me), I also am aware that there are times when emotions get in the way. I don't know how to fix this other than to completely stop the friendship until things settle. How can we be friends and still guard our hearts?
As a female, I think one thing I can do would be to stop analyzing the actions of my male friends. Stop thinking that he thinks I'm more special than his other female friends and to not be put out when he treats them the same way as me.
What do the ladies you think? How about guys – what do you do?
Comments (117)
To avoid future heartache, I think that it would be best for women to not have intimate friendships with men. Women get far more emotionally involved sooner than men do. It seems VERY RARE for a man and woman to have an intimate friendship that is STRICTLY platonic, unless one of them is gay.
I think close friendships with members of the opposite sex are not a great idea
*covers his eyes* Oh, not this again...
Personally, I get along with men better than women. I tend to form closer friendships with them, because of less "drama." But I'm not looking for romance either. Just really not on my mind right now. That thought never enters my brain.
But I could be an exception.
you can be friends... but i also think that each individual should realistically understand and come to a mutual agreement with each other because potentially what could happen is either person could come to like each other...
but also... more or less i also think that since guys normally play the offense (initiating, starting, asking) girls shouldn't be so standoffish and give the dood playing the offense a chance and receive...
give him a chance, communicate clearly, accommodate emotions, and if nothing happens be adults, be honest, tell each other the truth, and stay friends, don't disconnect on bad terms but if one must, be clear the reasons
oh... and NEVER NEVER NEVER play the God card... i know many a girl in my church who has played the God card dishonestly abdicating herself of personal responsibility hurting well off guys and leaving a trail of betrayal along the way... in fact, leave God out of it, more or less He's been telling you not to go ahead and if You do, and you play the God card... He'll laugh at you and allow people to do the same... i've seen it and it's not pretty... and it makes the person who played the God card even more of a fool... i've seen it firsthand...
realistically... if you're friends with a guy, either you like him or he likes you...
@Papillon_Mom@xanga - My concern as a married woman would be the look of impropriety if I spent time "hanging out" with a guy :)
@Kristenmomof3@xanga - That's totally true!! The rules change a bit when you're married. I don't hang out with married guys either... unless, of course, the wife is there too. LOL!
And I think in the guy/girl friendship situation, us single ladies have to be careful not to put ourselves in a "comprimising" position. Not that anything would enter my mind to happen, mind you... but you how people "talk." Hanging out in public or talking on the phone is the best way to go about it.
i have a lot of good female friends. i think things fall apart when there's lack of communication. sex usually destroys relationships too. the thing is, i think it's safe to say that 90% of guy friends that a girl can have has an attraction to her at some way or another. my homeboy thinks that number's too low, because to be honest, we just don't see a lot of motivation to be friends with a girl unless we're interested in her romantically. there are situations where you meet through mutual friends and hit it off, but if he comes up to you, best believe there's one thing he wants.
then again, motives can be misinterpreted and unless you can read minds, the best way to approach things is to talk it out. some guys can be dense, myself included, when it comes to picking up signals you ladies might be sending. so for the sake of sleepless nights over-analyzing things to an epic degree, just verbalize how you feel. for girls, you don't even have to say much. trust me, "i think you're cute" will go a long way. feeling vulnerable sucks but it sure beats uncertainty.
My best friend is a guy and has been for 10 years. I have never had any feelings beyond friendship either. I think the key is for women to stop being so desperate and stop looking at men as just another potential date and vice versa. If I went into every friendship expecting to get something out of it then I don't think I would deserve to have guy friends...in my opinion that is a very selfish approach. I think its sad because some women are really missing out on some great friends by being so narrow minded in their approach to the opposite sex.
friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them.
@Papillon_Mom@xanga - I totally agree
I have had some wonderful men friends, very close, and not emotionally attached, other than the "dear friend attachment." I can't speak for them and their side, but it seems about the same. It's just too bad I didn't marry a good friend. Those marriages seem to weather much better.
I am not so sure there is a concrete YES or NO. I think it varies from person to person, honestly. It all boils down to that guy and that girl, and how they are able to carry themselves around each other.
Wait. Isn't he wearing a ring?
@ChrisRusso@xanga - Just what I was thinking. Is it just me, or are people running out of stuff to rant about?
Ever saw the movie When Harry Met Sally? Harry best explains it in the movie. I don't remember quite what it was and don't wanna risk rephrasing it wrong. Hahahah.
- You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright-Why not?
Harry Burns- What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright- That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns- No you don't.
Sally Albright- Yes I do.
Harry Burns- No you don't.
Sally Albright- Yes I do.
Harry Burns- You only think you do.
Sally Albright- You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns- No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright- They do not.
Harry Burns- Do too.
Sally Albright- They do not.
Harry Burns- Do too.
Sally Albright- How do you know?
Harry Burns- Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright- So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns- No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright- What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns- Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright- Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns- I guess not.
...............................
Sally Albright- I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns- When did I say that?
Sally Albright- On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns- No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted...That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.
@leadworshipper82 - 'play the God card'.
What is that?
sure they can...
@leadworshipper82 - I'm so sorry for being dense, but could you spell out the "God-card" for me?
Just in case....
OF COURSE guys and girls can just be friends...they're called "siblings."
@Cygnus33@xanga - You're not being dense; he simply never explained what the crap he was talking about.
I think guys and girls can be friends, but they both must be careful to make sure their friendship honors God.
@no_more_grace@xanga - @Cygnus33@xanga - I guess I don't KNOW what leadworshipper82 meant, but I think the "God card" is using God as the excuse for your actions "God told me to go out with you." or "God told me to break up with you." It's been used on me and it's not pleasant. It's like saying you have special access to God. Why would He tell my boyfriend and not me? Just tell the truth.
yes and pretty easily i think. i'm the 'non-gay' gay friend; i think it goes with the territory of being the Christian guy in a circle of secular friends. But I've always been careful of my physical actions and words as to not make for confusion.
Very interesting discussion going on here. I think it is possible, but for college age guys and girls it's extremely difficult for that to happen. I do have a few close friends that are girls and are completely platonic. I think it may be more likely later on that such friendships can arise (lower levels of hormones flowing through the body), but then again....it could be different. But in the end, does this really matter? As long as we pursue and seek God's Kingdom, does it matter whether or not in the end we can have friendships with the opposite sex? It may affect some things along the way, but in the end God's will is done.