Guest blog by Amy
WrightToday was one of those days when
God says:
"THIS is why you have kids. You have kids because
they're more effective than a mirror."
I opted not to be my
daughter's piano teacher for a few reasons. Mainly because I didn't want to be
her piano teacher. I desperately want her to learn, to embrace the gift that is
music, to be able to connect with her soul and communicate the beauty inside of
her to the world outside. I just didn't want to be the one
fighting with her. I didn't feel like "because I said so" would motivate her as
well as "because Dr. G said so." And that part was right. Those words, like they
did with me 20 years ago, hold some serious weight.
But the
fighting? Oh, it's epic. I don't have to be her teacher. I have to be her
practice buddy. Turns out, that's harder than being the teacher.
Daily, I sit with her on the bench, patiently
pointing out mistakes, counting along, singing the words. We talk about louds
and softs and tone quality and rhythm. It's pretty heady stuff for a 5-year-old.
And she can handle it. She plays beautifully. Until she
doesn't.
At some point during every practice session, there
is an explosion. Usually she blows first, and I am not far behind. She gets
frustrated or bored, and flips her lid.
I try to put my
finger on what it is that gets at me, and what I usually land on is "unmet
potential." Now I know there are a whole host of factors to consider here -
mainly, that she is FIVE YEARS OLD. But I am here to tell you that fighting with
a 5-year-old is brutally exhausting. The part that is the
most exhausting is restraining myself. You know... being the
parent.
The easy thing to do would be to decide that this is
not for us, and that we are going to "head in another direction" to keep the
peace. But I know that I would be doing my daughter - and the world - a terrible
disservice. Learning to play the piano is hard, that's all there is to it.
Harder, still, to learn correctly. Near impossible to learn beautifully. Her
teacher and I have the opportunity to mold this little child into an incredible
musician. But it would be easier to give up.
As I was
thinking about how to blog this today, God hit me with that thing above, about
kids being little living mirrors. I thought about how Philip Yancey pointed out
that Jesus's frustration with the disciples wasn't because they kept saying dumb
things, but because he saw what they could be, and wanted so desperately for
them to become that. And I think about how that's probably how God feels about
me. About us.
And yet, in his infinite patience, He never
gives up. He never "heads another direction," or finds the easier path for me.
He doesn't sign me up for ballet because that's what all the other little girls
are doing. If He wants to mold me into a pianist because that's where my gifts
are, He's going to mold me into a pianist. And wouldn't it be easier if I just
went with it?
What has God been preparing you for? How stubborn have you been?
Recommend
Comments (17)
hahahaha...sounds like you are being the teacher...a practice buddy sez 'let's ditch this and go get ice cream' when practice starts to go south....
i wish i knew
but not really
I am full of untapped potential...among other things...
you know... many times... we know the answers... it all rounds out to the fact that it is God... and His purposes....
potential isn't my issue... trust me... lately it isn't the answer cuz we all know it... either in the cliches or platitudes we all spew to each other...
my thing is what is the question...
I've been dealing with that issue for quite some time... God, it's all for You and that's fine, I'll be a part of it... that's the answer, but Lord what's the question!!!???
cliches not needed...
This post has tapped something uncomfortable within me. I started with another teacher, but then my dad taught me piano starting when I was four. When I was little, I liked it, but then I hated it. I felt like I couldn't do well. I was so relieved (even though I felt guilty) when my parents told me to stop taking and I agreed. I'm just not that musical. I'm glad my parents made me start, but I'm also glad they realized that after I was older they didn't need to make me do something that wasn't for me. It freaks me out a little bit to read a sentence like "Her teacher and I have the opportunity to mold this little child into an incredible musician." What if that's not what she's meant to be? Does she have to excel in this area? I think it's great to start her, but does it have to become something that is really pressurized and harsh? Shouldn't it be pretty fun for a five-year-old, even though there needs to be practice? I ended up hating piano because I felt pressure that I didn't think I could live up to, even though I don't think my parents meant it that way. Does your daughter have to be a great pianist to please you? What if her talents are more in the ballet direction or in sports or in writing? Does she have any opportunities to explore other avenues? I'm a writer; my dad is a musician. He's totally fine with the fact that I'm not a great pianist; he knows it's not for me.
I'm glad that God doesn't give up on me; I'm also glad He doesn't force me to be something I'm not meant to be.
Interesting post ......your reasons are exactly why I'm not teaching my own daughters either. It's stress! My 7 year old daughter is just starting and I'm her practice buddy too - but I try not to push it. For me it's not a matter of getting her farther and farther, it's creating a love for making music. My 12 year old daughter no longer needs me helping her, but if I hadn't done so when she was 7 I wonder where she'd be now?
@Pickwick12@xanga - I hear what you are saying. And yet, what IF your potential was for piano?
I started piano at age 7 and my mom had to push me and push me to practice. I hated practicing, although I liked to play. Today, as a 30-something adult, I am an "accomplished" pianist (by no means gifted ...just accomplished) and I thank my parents for persevering in keeping me at it ....if they hadn't, I probably wouldn't be where I am today - which is a church pianist, and a teacher to my nieces. I love it, but would I have loved it if I hadn't been pressured to keep going?
As parents, we CAN mold our children into something - that is our job. Our job is to mold them - their charachter, their talents, their gifts and such. We start with things WE think they may be good at - and work with it. Time will definitely tell if a child isn't interested or whatever. But a year or two of something isn't long enough (IMHO) to make that judgment call. Children are pretty fickle creatures and don't want to do anything that requires work and dedication when it becomes difficult!
But I stray from the purpose of the blogger's reasons for posting ....
I think I'm always struggling with going with where the Lord wants me to go. By nature we're all stubborn and self-serving, and doing the Lord's will is something that is worked within us to do. It's that old "old" nature versus the "new" nature.
Was Philip Yancey, when speaking of the potential of the disciples - speaking of their ultimate potential as messengers for Christ or something else? What book was that in? (just curious)
Amy Wright - this is definitely a thought provoking post! Thanks!
@nicolevw@xanga - I took for much longer than a couple of years. About eight or ten, I think.
I'm not saying people shouldn't place their children in things; I just think they should try a lot of different things. For instance, I also took tennis and baton lessons, as well as gymnastics, at various times. Later on, it became clear that my talents were in communication, and on my own I became active in yearbook for three years of school and in debate. I also participated in Bible Quiz for several years because I was good at memorization.
What makes me uncomfortable is not the part about placing your children in things. It's the idea that someone would insist on their daughter becoming a great musician if that doesn't turn out to be her area in a few years. I think every kid should learn an instrument, but that it should not be a high-pressure situation. I also think children have natural abilities, and if they really hate something or show absolutely no ability after a while (I don't mean a short time) then it's cruel to make them continue and feel like a failure. That's why I think at a young age it's important to try a lot of new things and then encourage the child to continue in the ones that he or she seems most fitted for. Once you're in, I definitely believe in forcing the child to practice and live up to her commitment. However, I am uncomfortable with the idea that the parent decides what the child will stick with for a really long time and insists that he or she become great at it, if the child keeps hating it and is clearly more talented and inclined in other areas.
What if it's not God's plan for the child to be molded into a great musician? What if His plan is something else? (I'm not saying you can tell that at five years old.) Should a parent insist on what they want the child to be, even if the child is obviously happier and more talented doing something else?
God is the perfect parent, and He molds us according to the way he made us, not the way He made someone else. He refines our gifts and abilities, but He does not dominate us into trying and failing to use gifts He did not create us to have. I realize earthly parents cannot see their children's gifts perfectly, but I think they should be flexible and not necessarily insist that the child excel at something just because the parent does or wants the child to. I believe the parent should prayerfully work with the child's own God-given temperament and gifts. I am not a parent, so I can only come at this from a child's perspective. I'm open to the idea that I'm wrong on this and that God and others can show me. This is my very imperfect perspective as a non-parent. At this point I want to have children less than I want a root canal (not because I hate children; I like them), so no worries that I'm going to ruin any any time soon
I LOVE what you said about not pushing your daughter but instead creating in her a love of music. That's exactly what I mean, and I think you're right on.
@Pickwick12@xanga - you're absolutely right. I - mistakenly- assumed that you only had a year or maybe two of piano before giving itup. My apologies for assuming that. I do agree that we need to be flexible and look at their gifts as they grow older. You make some very valid points here. Thanks!
@nicolevw@xanga - No problem. I liked piano a lot for the first couple of years, actually, just like I enjoyed other things that didn't turn out to be areas of talent, like art and tennis and baton (I'm NOT athletically gifted!) But the things I ended up sticking with forever had to do with communication, which is my strongest area of ability, with memorization, another strong area, and with handcrafts, which I have a special knack for.
You seem like a cool mom. Your kids are lucky!
I didn't mean to rag on my parents, by the way. They're great!
@Pickwick12@xanga - thanks! I'd like to think I'm a cool mom, however, my kids may beg to differ.
I didn't think you ragged on your parents either .....I thought it was an honest thoughtprovoking reply from you.....keep up the great responses! I enjoy reading your replies ......
@nicolevw@xanga - Thank you. I enjoy yours as well. I'm afraid that if I do have kids, I'm going to end up being one of those "hippie parents." I believe in respect and discipline and obedience. Those are completely non-negotiable, but beyond that I most want my children to be secure and well-adjusted and to feel safe, the things that were missing from my childhood (though by no one's purposeful fault). I'd like to become more balanced before I start foisting my ideas onto another generation.
I appreciate the perspectives of parents like yourself who have experience.
@pickwick12@xanga - I appreciate your comments. First, I will say that this post was originally written for my personal blog, which is mostly frequented be people who know me well, and are familiar with my family's musical background. I think you are making quite a few assumptions that I will not address one by one, because I am not on trial here. :)
I understand the argument of not pushing your kids to become something they're not, which is why we did not insist that our daughter do a second season of soccer. She spent last season wandering around the field, running away from the ball, plopping down and crying when she got tired.
I'm not sure what in the post could have given you the idea that my daughter needs to be a great pianist in order to please me. And I'm very sorry that your experience was one of high pressure and negativity. I'm glad you've found a way to use your gifts, and may you always be aware that those experiences in your past are part of God making you into the writer that you are.
<a href=
@Amy Wright - Thank you for responding. I'm sorry I made incorrect assumptions. Here's the sentence that made me think your daughter might need to excel to please you: "Her teacher and I have the opportunity to mold this little child into an incredible musician." I just wondered how you would feel if this didn't happen and whether your daughter is allowed to have fun with her playing.
Your decision about soccer sounds great and like what I was talking about. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Basically, my reaction to your post had very little to do with you and a lot to do with painful issues from my past. I suddenly imagined your daughter feeling the way I did, and I freaked out a little bit. I've had a lot of issues with feeling like I didn't measure up, and music was one of the things that was a part of that. My sister is very vocally talented and generally more musical than I am, and I used to feel very insecure because both of my parents are also more musical. I felt like the musical idiot in the family, and I still hesitate to do musical things.
Please forgive me for any incorrect assumptions or offensive statements. I hope that your musical journey with your daughter will be very happy and profitable for both of you.
"Learning to play the piano is hard, that's all there is to it.
Harder, still, to learn correctly."
You've got these right. Patience is a virtue.
Without patience, no one will really know their true potential. Please tell your daughter "Good Work!" everytime she hits the notes right. When a great pianist tells me that I get motivated. I love the craft more and the music even more.
There is all there is to it.
God really knows my talent ... the problem is ... I dont' have enough money to let it go on. Well ... God knows I can play piano, pressing some keys ... well the problem is ... I dont' have money to continue this career, the particular educational field in which I really wanna engage in ... as if, well not as if ... it's part of my life actually.
Your last line is thought-provoking, Amy - what HAVE I been stubborn about? I could rattle off a long list, but the real answer, the truth that God needs me to understand, that's going to take more thought and prayer.
The thought of unmet potential is the thing that can bring me to my knees in frustration or remorse. I blame my parents for always telling me I could do anything I wanted to! :) But seriously, this is one of those big issues I fear will color my parenting. I'm afraid that I'll push onto my daughter the things I wish I would have done more, done better, done at all.
I think that the solution is to just do MY best for God...and to help her discover what HER best for God is...remembering all the while that MY path and HERS aren't going to be the same. And that I can't live MY path through HER.
Sorry, Amy - this comment is all over the place and not necessarily what you had in mind, maybe. But it sure is what you've made me think about! :)
منتديات حوامل |
الولادة الطبيعية |
الولادة القيصرية |
الحمل والولادة |
دردشة حوامل |
اطفال الانابيب |
اعراض الحمل |
علامات الولادة |
علامات الحمل |
الاجهاض |
ملابس اطفال |
مراحل الجنين |
الوحم |
حساب موعد الولادة |
حساب الحمل |
طرق الحمل |
علامات الحمل بولد |
علامات الحمل بتوأم |
بعد الاجهاض |
اسباب الاجهاض |
الحمل بعد الاجهاض |
اعراض الاجهاض |
حكم الاجهاض |
حبوب الاجهاض |
الاجهاض المنزلي |
الاجهاض بالاعشاب |
تنظيف الرحم |
الدورة بعد الاجهاض |
الرحم بعد الاجهاض |
نمو الجنين |
مراحل نمو الجنين |
مراحل الحمل بالصور |
ولادة طبيعية يوتيوب |
الاجهاض المتكرر |
الوحم اثناء الحمل |
علاج الوحم |
اعراض الوحم |
متى يبدا الوحم |
تحديد موعد الولادة |
جدول الحمل |
طريقه الحمل |
حبوب ياسمين |
حبوب جينيرا |
حبوب مارفيلون |
ايام التبويض |
فترة التبويض |
ايام الحمل |
التبويض عند المرأة |
التبويض بالصور |
علاج تكيس المبايض |
تكيس المبايض وعلاجه |
منع الحمل |
ولادة طبيعية |
ولادة فيديو |
ولادة قيصرية فيديو |
اسماء بنات مواليد |
اسماء بنات |
اسماء مواليد جديدة |
حبوب منع الحمل |
التبويض |
تكيس المبايض |
المبايض |
فساتين حوامل |
فترة النفاس |
مراحل الحمل |
حبوب الحمل |
اللولب |
موانع الحمل |
اشهر الحمل |
سكر الحمل |
هرمون الحمل |
هرمونات الحمل |
علاج الحمل |
الجماع والحمل |
لمنع الحمل |
اضرار الحمل |
ايام الحمل |
اختبار الحمل |
اختبارات الحمل |
تحليل الحمل |
الولادة المبكرة |
صور ولادة |
فيديو ولادة |
اسماء مواليد |
ازياء اطفال |
صور حوامل |
علاج العقم |
ازياء حوامل |
نمو الجنين |
جنس الجنين |
حركة الجنين |
هدايا مواليد |
الولادة |
حبوب الحديد |
تسهيل الولادة |
مستشفى الوطني |
مستشفى العسكري |
مستشفى الدمام |
مستشفى الولادة والاطفال |
مستشفى الولادة |
الرضاعة الطبيعية |
الرضاعة الصناعية |
ملابس حوامل |
الحمل الكاذب |
الطلق الصناعي |
تأخر الدورة |
الالم الدورة |
حبوب الكلوميد |
الكلوميد |
حمض الفوليك |
حبوب الفوليك |
دخول في الشهر العاشر |
نزول المشيمة |
نزول الدم اثناء الحمل |
غذاء الحامل |
الجماع اثناء الحمل |
الجنس والحمل |
الأزياء |
علاج الغثيان |
علاج الإمساك |
الختان |
منتديات نسائية |
منتدى نسائي |
السوق النسائي |
الاكسسوارات |
المكياج |
العطور |
العناية بالشعر |
العناية بالبشرة |
الرشاقة |
الرشاقة والصحة |
العروس |
السوق التجاري |
الوظائف النسائية |
المشكلات الأسرية |
المطلقات |
الأرامل |
الدايت شوب |
ديكور المنزل |
ديكور المطبخ |
الطب البديل |
الصحة الغذائية |
الحمل الكاذب |
الحمل خارج الرحم |
حساب الوزن |
التحويل الهجري الى الميلادي |
حساب العمر |
التجارة الالكترونية |
بوابة التجارة |
منتدى التجارة |
منتديات التجارة |
منتديات تجارية |
أمازون |
بيدز |
بايز |
منتجات أبل |
آي فون |
البلاك بيري |
بنوتات |
منتديات بنوتات |
منتديات نسائية |
العلوم الطبيعية |
منتديات تعليمية |
منتدى التعليم |
منتدى التربية والتعليم |
دم الحمل |
تحليل الحمل المنزلي |
اسباب تاخر الحمل |
تنظيم الحمل |
الحمل الطبيعي |
بعد الحمل |
حساب الحمل والولادة |
صور الحمل |
المواد التعليمية |
العلوم الطبيعية |
تحاضير العلوم الطبيعية |
المواد العملية |
تحاضير المواد العملية |
اللغة الانجليزية |
تحاضير اللغة الانجليزية |
العلوم الدينية |
تحاضير العلوم الدينية |
اللغة العربية |
تحاضير اللغة العربية |
التربية الخاصة |
الاجتماعيات و التربية الوطنية |
تحاضير مواد الاجتماعيات |
المواد العملية |
تحاضير المواد العملية |
محو الأمية |
رياض الاطفال |
مجموعة اتفاق |
إتفاق |
تاخر الحمل |